gahzito

@Dlavjr I'll give you a more therapeutic approach here. In my experience you are dealing with what I call the engulfment wound. When we are very invaded/intruded upon in our childhood we develop this wound. In your case i'm guessing that probably your mom used to invade you a lot (criticizing you, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, trying to fix you, using you as an emotional crutch and many more things...). When this happens, we lose our ability to SET BOUNDARIES... we either have porous boundaries or rigid boundaries (and we dance between the two like it seems like you are doing). Porous and rigid boundaries come from deep fears and traumas. If we come close to someone we lose ourselves, or we create giant barriers but we feel alone. The solution is to push our edges and go for connection but when are are in connection we need to work on our wounds and move towards setting loving and caring boundaries. I'd suggest you find a good therapist and start working with mom. A good exercise can be to put a pillow in front of you representing your mom and trying to get in touch with this fear of being invaded and not being able to set boundaries. This is such a deep topic, but this is all I have time for now. Message me if you want more info and resources around this. Much love

@Bill W yes I have heard of Harville Hendrix, I would definitely recommend his work! He's actually mentioned on the recommended books list that I posted above. Here are the two books that are recommended: Harville Hendrix: Finding the Love You Want Harville Hendrix: Getting the Love You Find The Relationship School teacher that I mentioned also interviewed Hendrix twice, in case you are interested: https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/getting-the-love-you-want-harville-hendrix-helen-lakelly-hunt-smart-couple-podcast-227/ https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/they-went-to-5-different-therapists-hired-divorce-lawyers-and-somehow-stayed-together-harville-hendrix-helen-hunt-sc-199/ Lots of love, Gabriel.

Hey there, Today I was reading Ken Wilber's The Religion of Tomorrow book and I was struck with so much gratitude for you @Leo Gura... it's just a gift that I'm even able to understand almost everything that this book says. You have given me so much and I just felt like sharing some love with you. I noticed that I have never shared many precious gifts that I have found along my path with y'all, in an area that I think the actualized.org crew is needing lots of resources, which is relationships (my life's purpose is to teach people how to have conscious, authentic, healthy relationships - I'm a therapist). So here we go, the best resources I have found after years of pursuing this relationship path: Best teachers + books + seminars (stage yellow/turquoise) https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/ https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/portfolio/books-2/ OTHER HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BOOKS: https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/books-we-recommend/ (great books on sexuality and tantric practices - life-transforming) I have tears in my eyes just thinking about these two teachers: Krishnananda & Amana... this is love at its purest. I hope some of you have the opportunity of meeting these teachers, they are the most loving human beings I have ever met. Their teachings are deeply rooted in non duality (they lived with Osho for many many years - they have a very interesting life's story). Even though they call Osho their master, they are the 1st ones to say "Osho was full of shit in many situations". I recommend to start by reading their book: Face to Face with Fear – Transforming Fear Into Love or Stepping out of Fear – Breaking Free of Pain and Suffering. They try to communicate in a very simple way and give people very simple models for healing. You can solve ANY relationship problem you have in a therapy session with either of them, which costs something around $170. Another amazing thing about them is how their business doesn't revolve around money, their seminars and sessions are fairly cheap compared to most teachers. I cannot recommend this work enough. THIS IS GOLD! Best way to practice authentic relating based on meditation and find a community of people that you can feel deeply connected to https://integralcentered.com/aletheia/ + https://integralcentered.com/ken-wilber-on-authentic-relating/ (Ken Wilber's take on authentic relating) https://www.circlinginstitute.com/circling/what-is-circling/ https://www.circlingeurope.com/what-is-circling https://circleanywhere.com/ I highly recommend circling. It's an amazing way to see your relational blind spots, to feel absurdly connected to other human beings, learn communication tools and etc. It has it's some pitfalls, like not exploring trauma and how to heal wounds, but it's an amazing tool to growth. A good introductory book on circling: Circling and authentic relating - Marc Beneteau (even though the author is fairly undeveloped). Most big cities have a live circling group these days that you can attend. Other good resources Podcasts (yellowish): https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/ and https://www.neilsattin.com/relationshipalive/ (there are some false teachings in these podcasts, but many useful teachings and resources). Relationship courses + trainings: https://relationshipschool.com/dpir/ - I have been studying with this teacher for the last 2 years. I have spent $25k on his courses and I find them to be a very good base for a healthy relational life. He's mostly yellow, but he's still very stuck in some orange toxicity IMO - he can be very manipulative, greedy and etc. I have done trainings with him because the most recommended teachers - learningloveinstitute - don't offer programs as he does. I still highly recommend this material (especially if you are still in orange or green), but you should know that some of the stuff that he teaches is based on falsehood IMO. I'm leaving this teacher soon and completely focusing on the Learning Love Institute one's. Another downside is that it's very expensive. Other interesting authors and books: Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the path of liberation - Bruce Tift (yellow+turquoise) Mindsight - Daniel J Siegel Gabor Maté ... There are many more that I could list here, but I actually think it's best for all of you to focus on the ones that I have already mentioned (too much information can be distracting). All the people that these 2 podcasts interview can be good resources. @Leo Gura if you are open for feedback: I think that the relationship books in your list are pretty bad lol , which makes sense because you were mostly on stage orange when you created this list (I think). The way of the superior man: this book can be very shaming in my opinion and is male chauvinist (even though I loved it when I read it years ago and it has some beautiful insights). My perception today is that it has very poor relationship teachings. Chapters like: Don't force the feminine to make decisions, Praise her, What she wants is not what she says, Her complaint is content-free, She wants to relax in the demonstration of your direction and etc are pretty bad (very blue/orange). Real relational teachings teach you to be with your wounds and emotions, there's very little of that here. I think Deida is a case of someone that maybe has done lots of waking up (maybe not even that), but hasn't done much growing up. The 5 Love languages: IMO this is stage blue relationship garbage... the 5 love languages are actually feeding people's egos/shame in most situations. Even though it has a "positive effect" in the short-run, it feeds falsehood in the long run. Example: someone's love language is Words of Affirmation - if you go deep enough, you'll see that the person was traumatized into thinking that he/she is only worthy, lovable when receiving compliments from other people. It's like telling a model that she's beautiful, she'll feel good about it, but it's feeding her shame instead of dealing with it. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus / The 7 Principles That Make Marriage Work / He's Just Not That Into You - these books are very orange and don't give actual tools for people to heal their relational wounds and move towards healthy relationships. Let me know how this lands for you! If anyone has questions or wants more suggestions and advice, let me know! Relationships are such an incredible way to deal with our shadows, especially long term partnerships. And of course, such an important part of life that cannot be avoided. I hope this helps some of you to grow up in the relational area of your lives. Lots of love fellow seekers, Gabriel.

I have the story that Leo might be mixing some things up. @Leo Gura says that when we physically die we'll merge with the absolute, but that's assuming that when you physically die your ego dies as well... what most sages will say is that the karmic structure of your ego doesn't die when you physically die, only when your ego dies. Of course I don't have a direct experience of that, but wouldn't it be more true to say that we don't know what happens when the physical body dies? But that he knows what happens when the ego dies. Maybe when you physically die you become a spirit/ghost that hasn't merged with God? Am I missing something here?

@winterknight thanks so much for your time and answers! =] I'll definitely keep on going!!!

@winterknight I've been reading this giant thread for a couple of days now and I have 2 questions for you, I apologize in advance if they have already been answered, since I didn't read the entire thread. 1) I've been practicing self-inquiry after my Kriya Yoga practice and I just wanted some support to know if I'm getting a glimpse of the Truth yet or not, if I'm doing it right or not. I haven't done self-inquiry as you suggest yet - I'll be trying it in the following days. What I have been mostly doing is perceiving thoughts, emotions, sensations and etc, and asking myself "who's aware of this thought/emotion/sensation?", my mind usually answers "me" and I just go meta and stay aware that something is aware of the answer "me" or of the thought/emotion/sensation. What normally happens is that I try to abide in this place - and I notice that I am aware that I'm trying to abide in this place - there's always something prior to what I'm perceiving. I think I have experienced nothingness for very short periods of time, that which cannot be described, even though it's completely paradoxical to write this haha. But what always happens is that I'm quickly back being aware of another object - my breath for instance. And then I ask myself again "who's aware of this breath?"(intuitevely sometimes or in the form of a thought) and the process begins again. As is mentoned, I feel like "I" get to this point where my awareness is in this nothingness, but just for a few seconds or so. Am I delusional here or maybe I'm touching the right thing? Does this seems to be a good way of doing self-inquiry and that I should just keep on going in this path, and with time I'll be able to stay more and more in this "place" or would you suggest me to take a different route? 2)This one is just a question that poped in my mind: can you know with 100% certainty if another human being has realized the Truth by being in their presence? Hehe just out of curiosity! Thanks for your time! =]

@Leo Gura it makes sense to me that it would be too far for you! Man...it will be such a pleasure to meet you in person! I feel joy and a warmth in my heart area knowing that I'll be able to express some of my gratitude for you and your work, and to give you a big hug and a good long kiss in your head haha (brazilians are touchy)! Uhh, I'll be having my first experience with Ayuhasca today, thanks for the inspiration to do this!

Hey Leo, I want to know how to deal with sexual energy in my life. I constantly feel an urge to jerk off or to randomly fuck someone, but I know that this is not really fullfilling - it's just like eating candy. So I'm not interested in expressing my sexual energy this way, since it will never really make me happy and has plently of side effects. I don't want to repress it neither. Maybe you know some tantric techniques to move the energy when we are having these urges? More on the topic -> how negative is it to jerk off? Are we really wasting a lot of energy? I'm still not sensitive enough to really evaluate how much it affects me. Does jerking off impacts a lot the ascend of kundalini? Would you recommend never jerking off again? One more to the list with gluten haha? Any conscious way of jerking off? I have seen some stuff around this. How to have more conscious sex? Sex without coming maybe a solution? I think there's a lot to be said about this...how man in our culture don't know how to handle their sexual energy and how that creates all sorts of problems. Maybe a correlation with spiral dynamics? blue = repression orange = over expression of sexual energy green = ...

@Leo Gura can't believe there will be an opportunity to meet you in person - fuuuck yeah! Have you thought about South America? I'm from Brazil and I'm pretty sure there are lots of people here that would attend a workshop with you. I personally know at least 5 people that would travel anywhere here in Brazil to spend a day with you! Cities that could be a possibility IMO would be: Rio de Janeiro, São Paulo, Brasília, Belo Horizonte. Curious to know the size of your audience in argentina, chile and etc. Personally, I'll definitely travel to the US in 2019 to meet you if you this tour really happens! I'm super biased, because your work has completely changed my life, but I think 30 seats won't be enough anywhere you go...I'm guessing you'll be surprised by the demand. Excited for more info about this! Much love.