Dean Walker

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About Dean Walker

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  • Birthday 04/06/1991

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    Carlisle, England.
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  1. It did feel like one, but when you hear Leo or other people talking about realisations it's hard to visualise what that process looks like. Thank you.
  2. A couple nights ago I felt like I had what some would call a realisation or partial awakening but I don't really know, it personally felt like one. So I quit smoking weed on New year's Day and the other night I was sat up past 3am and was feeling strange energies or unsettled. I was conflicted on having a doobie as I had feelings it was something at the time was right with how I was feeling, but also thought it might have just been my addiction trying to worm its way back in. Anyways I decided to have one with raspberry leaf as I also quit tobacco and this is what followed.. I went to bed and was seeing some fairly apparent closed eye visuals (I take psychedelics once every couple of months so in comparison to those CEV's). Then I had an almost intuitive feeling come up that when I was younger I'd stare eyes wide open at a single point and see some wierd things, so I did. What resulted was my entire visual field changing and I just kept looking at it in awe, and at this moment I felt I had the deep understanding/realisation that we, and everyone else hallucinates their entire reality. Why I feel this was a realisation was because I've understood this logically for years, but never 'felt' it or seen/done it personally. I stayed in this state for around 2-3 minutes and had tears of joy streaming down my face as I was seeing it. Can anyone expand or have you had a similar experience?
  3. @danilofaria @danilofaria I experience the cold shivers and restlessness on psychedelics and also high doses of weed too. I usually get it on LSD, Changa(DMT with MAOI) or mushrooms within the first 30 minutes to an hour then as I relax into it it subsides, but after an experience I had with an extremely high dose of weed in the form of a concentrate dab where I was left basically normal in my mind but my body was uncontrollably shivering for almost 2 hours this led me to a realisation in that moment.. I was unable to let my body go into uncontrollable laughter which was literally dying to come out of me but I just couldn't release it! So I went home and done some research and found that being unable to genuinely laugh from the belly is an indication that we have moved into the activation of our sympathetic nervous system more as we've grown older which basically leaves us in survival mode and leaves us unable to concentrate on anything other than well, survival. On the other hand we have our parasympathetic nervous system which allows us to relax and let go including (genuine belly laughter) which we struggle activating. I still haven't been fully able to 'let go' myself and still get the shivers but one thing I've found that helps me and I can't remember if I heard this from @Leo Gura or elsewhere but it's almost like psychedelics are a female energy and you have to literally open yourself up and let them penetrate your being. One more thing I've noticed is the feeling of purging (being sick) is part of letting the ego go and it's like my body resists that too, i smoked some Changa in a joint last weekend as I couldn't get a pipe and I had the overwhelming urge to be sick but it didn't feel like food but rather negative energy inside of me but my body just fought the urge even though I was willing it, I feel if I'd had a higher dose through a pipe I would have been able to purge too.
  4. That's very relatable. @Leo Gura Most of the time im stuck in my mind constantly contemplating situations and overthinking. But every now and again i get the feeling to pull myself out the mind and focus on feeling love which i feel as warmth in the stomach similar to excitement. I then try to carry this on throughout the day and sometimes feel it gives me something similar to over confidence and I express myself too much. In a way it reminds me of how I carried myself throughout my teens and early twenties which I feel was over egotistical and feels like im backsliding. Does the same apply here in which I need to love this part of myself?
  5. @seeking_brilliance @seeking_brilliance I suppose that's a possibility but im not certain. Thank you I'll give it a go ignoring it and see how I feel during. @purerogue maybe this is why I'm seeing so many visuals but this was something I was taught. I usually use the visualisation technique for the first couple of minutes and then just concentrate on the breath alone but if I completely lose attention on the breath I go back to the visualisation for a couple of breath's and it seems to help me focus on it again. So I should be placing my attention on the moment of stillness in-between breath's?
  6. @seeking_brilliance yeh it could be. But when I come out of the meditation I feel both present and relaxed. I find the colours and shapes are almost in rhythm with my breathing as well? I'm going to continue this method of meditation until the end of January and then begin experimenting with different methods to see how this plays out.
  7. I've just found this blog going into great detail about the state: http://laghash.blogspot.com/2016/03/hypnagogia-false-awakenings-sleep.html?m=1 "You experience some elements of sleep mixed with some aspects of wakefulness, explains neurologist, Dr Milena Pavlova. Insome ways, hypnagogia is a perfect state for introspection and expansive thought processes - you get the free flow of ideas and associations that occurs during REM sleep and dreaming, when the brain reviews and processes memories, thoughts and feelings - but you’re still sufficiently awake to be somewhat conscious of what is happening. For this reason, some artists have found hypnagogia to be a rich source of ideas and inspiration. Early references to the phenomenon of hypnagogia are found in the writings of Aristotle, Iamblichus, Cardano, Simon Forman and Swedenborg. Romanticism brought a renewed interest in the subjective experience of the edges of sleep and other states of altered consciousness. In more recent centuries, many authors have referred to the state; Edgar Allan Poe, for example, wrote of the ‘fancies’ he experienced ‘only when I am on the brink of sleep, with the consciousness that I am so’." Most of the info points towards this happening on the brink of sleep but is this something that happens to a lot of people during meditation?
  8. @m0hsen yeh I can relate to your explanation, one way I would describe what I see is pulses of light that grow and i feel like im thrusting through and constant changes in shape and colour. The tingling in the forehead and cranium I also experience but the high pitch sound and vibrations aren't something I've had during mediating but thats something I've experienced at the start of most of my DMT trips. In fact I've had around 5-6 trips on DMT and after the first or second trip I remember ringing my brother and telling him something like 'when you've been involved in a bad crash that buzzing you get is similar to the come up on DMT'. @seeking_brilliance thank you that seems to be very similar to what I experience but this says this is during a transition state from wakefulness to sleep, is meditation considered a similar state? And is this something you experience?
  9. I've been meditating for 15 minutes every day since January 1st (Nothing major I know but this is the most consistent I've been with it). Something that's becoming more noticeable are kind of psychedelic patterns I can watch the more relaxed I get. The method I'm using to meditate is one I learned at a Buddhist class a couple of years ago wherein you simply concentrate on the breath and visualise a white cleansing light during the inhale and a black smoke during exhale. I do this during the whole session and when my mind wanders I return to the breath, but I've noticed the colours and patterns I'm seeing are one of the biggest distractions and I find myself that taken away by them I try and interpret what I'm seeing. I'm just trying to give a bit of background but I guess what I'm asking is are the visuals normal?
  10. There was an amazing show on Netflix called Maniac that definitely had a psychedelic feel to it.
  11. @Joel3102 if it's from amalgam fillings then it can be an expensive and hi-tech procedure (look up safe amalgam filling removal images and you'll see why). Many dentists don't understand the risks with heavy metal toxicity and remove them using normal cavity filling procedures which from cases I've read can cause even more unwanted side effects like hair loss and other problems. If it's just heavy metal toxicity from your environment then there are multiple methods of chilation I'd suggest looking up Andy Cutler chilation discussion groups.
  12. One of the most common causes of heavy metal toxicity is from amalgam fillings. This can then contribute to what's known as Candida overgrowth which is an imbalance of good/bad gut flora and causes systemic fungal infections. There are different methods of chilation which can draw heavy metals out of the body but this can inturn upset the Candida overgrowth and cause severe die-off symptoms from the fungal infection releasing ammonia which you can combat with natural anti-fungals and detoxifying products such as caprylic acid, black walnut oil, bentonite clay, diatamateous earth an so on. Do your own research on this as there are many methods that help varying symptoms.
  13. Cloud Atlas Apocalypto Prometheus
  14. I'm not exactly certain of what you mean? Are you saying I'm stuck in self-reflection and that is the armchair philosophy? Also could you expand on spending years meditating but self-reflection can always get you? I thought self-reflection was helpful but are you saying I'm creating my own doubts and limitations through self-reflecting? Because I could see how I'm doing that but I've always thought of it as a way to work through my thoughts and come to a reasonable decision that I can carry out and gain a positive outcome rather than throw myself in head first without contemplation and not make the best choice. I purchased it last night and the first exercise was to visualise having 10 million dollars then contemplating what you would really want to achieve once you got bored of living it up, isn't that going through it in your mind? ? And sorry to jump in on your question to Leo, but what is meant by someone's small self? Is that the same as the lower self esteem and higher self esteem? Just trying to get the best understanding of myself so I can pursue the work that's going to be most beneficial!
  15. @Leo Gura I'm definitely struggling to see what resonates with me the most. The next stage I feel I need to focus the most on is my business/life purpose but it's knowing which path/option resonates with me the most. I'm going to work through your life purpose course and try to get a better understanding of myself.