How Do You Reconcile Your Life?

[Snader]

As we all know, life is hard. There is constant pressure from outside but also from within. We are trying to become better versions of ourselves while trying to figure out what we are in the first place. We have values, ideas, thoughts and sensations that inspire us, but which are continually challenged by the outside world, which then bounces back as self doubt, adding to the mental struggle of ones' identity and values. We cannot settle for the medium of what society expects from us, but we cannot diverge too much either, as we still need to pay our bills and satisfy our basic human needs to stay sane. There is also personal backlash when pushing too far too fast.

So, im interested to hear from you about how you reconcile your life – if you feel there is something to be reconciled in the first place. Can you describe the metal process/(es) you go through? How do you justify or rationalise your action? What are your pitfalls? To what extend do you settle and sacrifice, and to what extend do you challenge? What are the struggles or areas of life that create the most turmoil in your psyche? 

As a bonus question: Do you feel it is your own mind or the society that is holding you back the most in life?

This is a very broad topic and the questions are ambiguous, so don't take it too seriously. Just try to think about them deeply and share your thoughts. No right or wrong answers here.

 

 

[LastThursday]

I dunno man these are some hard things to answer and contemplate. Without it turning into too much of therapy session (I don't need answers here thanks!), I'll pick on this point:

1 hour ago, Snader said:

What are the struggles or areas of life that create the most turmoil in your psyche? 

The sensation of feeling trapped, like in a spider's web and of having been foolish enough to get trapped in the first place.  It's partly to do with circumstance (society) and my lack of willingness or ability to get myself out of, or commit to, any course of action to untrap myself.

This goes along with a strong feeling that I should have "been someone" for most of my life. A good friend of mine recently called me a "genius". The CEO of the company I do work for said I was the second most intelligent person he'd met, and said this in front of his entire workforce (the first being his finance controller apparently). 

So what do I do with all that? (rhetorical question lol). I ask myself surely I must have the brainpower to get myself what I want or to where I want? But no it's not to do with that, it's just prolonged commitment and perseverence, I'm learning.

The only conclusions I can draw is that in general society doesn't reward outliers, but just your average jo/e and brute subservience to its mores. The other is that there isn't anyone to blame except myself, I'm the one that suffers and the one that has to do something about it. There's no fallback and no-one to give me a leg up.

However I'm not a victim. I know the answer to my situation is to uproot everything I've built up around me. I'm just not ready to do that (yet).

 

 

[Thought Art]

Nothing else to do

[Snader]

@LastThursday Thanks for sharing!

I have few questions, if I may ask:

1) Is the sensation of feeling trapped rising from the fact of being a wage slave or is it more related to the lack of self-worth stemming from not ''being somebody''?

2) You said that among society it's your lack of willingness or ability that is preventing you to untrap yourself. Can you possibly describe that further; what is going on with your will and capability, how are those things operating with you to block you from taking action? I know it might be a tricky one to put in words.

3) You seem to take responsibility over your own life, which is great! But as you acknowledge society's partial role in your misfortune, don't you ever think society might have a role in your current situation of not being capable or willing to take action?

I might sound like a therapist trying to lead you to some kind of realization about your life, but no, that's not my intend here. I'm just curious to understand.

 

[hyruga]

It's obvious, isn't it?

Most of us are trapped by some form of identities and structure we have built? For example, you have a home, a house, a career, limiting beliefs and some form of bodily illness. You cannot really just leave everything behind and create a new one although for some of you, you can. And I can too.

One of the solutions is do not overthink. Some people think their way to a suicide. I have never seen a person with a blank state think their way to that. 

Another sol is to take responsibility for your life.

 

Edited November 27, 2023 by hyruga

[Snader]

@hyruga Sure. What I’m interested in is the experiences people have with those struggles and how differently they cope.

Like you said, some feel they’re trapped while others do not. That by itself is pretty fascinating.

[An young being]

6 hours ago, Snader said:

As we all know, life is hard. 

Life is not always hard, in my opinion. It's extremely hard when we first encounter obstacles, then our mind gets used to the obstacles, and we feel less stressed. Even the obstacles are not permanent, we overcome it someday, in one way or another. It's extremely important to realise the impermanent nature of life or the state of our mind, and not take extreme steps when we are in the hard phase of our life.

6 hours ago, Snader said:

We are trying to become better versions of ourselves while trying to figure out what we are in the first place. We have values, ideas, thoughts and sensations that inspire us, but which are continually challenged by the outside world, which then bounces back as self doubt, adding to the mental struggle of ones' identity and values. 

The struggles will continue till we understand what is actually better for us and what is not. The outside world sometimes helps to understand our limits as well as discouraging our innovative or radical ideas. It is important that we have a sense of what is good and what is bad within our mind. Until then, it's not good to ignore cues from the outside world entirely and self doubt serves the purpose of creating a feasible plan for our future as well as our ambitions. There are certain things which seem always right to do, and encouraged by Spirituality, such as being kind, compassionate, grateful and selfless, open minded etc. Practicing these characters do not require any approval from the outside world as they always seem to be the right thing to do, and always seem to reward us, in one way or another. 

[bebotalk]

Life being hard is a seemingly innate reality, but this doesn't mean everything must be hard or we hold a right to cause or promote hardship. 

A good key to being happy in life is to recognise one's strengths and one's niche, and act accordingly on this. 

[LastThursday]

9 hours ago, Snader said:

1) Is the sensation of feeling trapped rising from the fact of being a wage slave or is it more related to the lack of self-worth stemming from not ''being somebody''?

Partially yes. Wage slavery is just not for me, it doesn't suit my temperament. Due to my history I've always had to be and like being self-sufficient. To have people "lording it over me" and for me to make them money just sticks in my craw. But, it's convenient and it's stable and it's what everyone else does. The alternative of working for myself, whilst it would probably suit me more, is more difficult and unstable.

The self-worth angle is interesting. I've always known my own worth in that I've never particularly needed external confirmation of my worth or capabilities. In that sense I'm confident. But, I've had a lot of experiences, especially when I was a teenager/young adult, that constantly ground down on that self-worth. So I've learned to not expose myself too much and I've tended to just go along with the flow and stick in the background. It's only now more recently that I've felt more comfortable stepping up and exposing myself. 

9 hours ago, Snader said:

2) You said that among society it's your lack of willingness or ability that is preventing you to untrap yourself. Can you possibly describe that further; what is going on with your will and capability, how are those things operating with you to block you from taking action? I know it might be a tricky one to put in words.

It's opposing forces causing paralysis I think. Because of my difficult teenagehood I've constantly yearned for stability and to be free to pursue my own interests. So I have a strong sense of wanting comfort and stability in my life - which I've largely achieved. Giving that up in any way is difficult. Also, my attention has always been quite scattered. I have so many interests and avenues of exploration that doggedly fixing myself to one thing and just pursuing that as my "purpose" just doesn't gel with me. The only thing I've managed that with is my interest in computing, and indeed that is my day job now, and I'm thankful for it. But there are many times when I've wanted to just give it all up and do something completely different. Society seems to want to bludgeon me down a particular path of working and spending and buying houses and having a family and having no time to do anything else with: I reject it all, and yet I still do it to an extent. It leaves me with a strong feeling of being in limbo with no real resolution other than to upend it all.

9 hours ago, Snader said:

3) You seem to take responsibility over your own life, which is great! But as you acknowledge society's partial role in your misfortune, don't you ever think society might have a role in your current situation of not being capable or willing to take action?

I don't see myself as unfortunate, in fact I know that compared to many people I'm in a privileged position  - and I did it all myself in spite of everything. I'm grateful for it. But my upbringing, parents and the society I found myself in have "programmed" me in a certain way. I've done a huge amount of work to undo some of that bad programming, but there is a core that still needs fixing so to speak. I have a conviction that if I can just fix that remaining part then I'll get going. Society just wants me to grind and spend. I want to have joy and freedom. The two seem mutually incompatible to me.

Edited November 27, 2023 by LastThursday

[Salvijus]

I personally just worry about maintaining certain principles in life that are sayed to bring better life. Dharma is another word for it. The Laws of creation. The rightful path and the right principles of life. 

Eat right, sleep right, speak right, live right, think right, desire the right things, serve the right purpose, do everything the right way. That is to say. Live in accordance to dharma. Live in accordance to Law that governs all life. 

When you live in accordance to the Law. Whereever that takes you is not your business. Because it can only go one way. Towards a brighter tomorrow. This is true in my experience so far but I'm still testing. 

"In the beginning there was Law. And the Law was with God. And the Law was God." 

Pursue God. What else is there to worry about. Everything else is just a compromise for ego. 

Edited November 27, 2023 by Salvijus

[Snader]

9 hours ago, An young being said:

Life is not always hard, in my opinion. It's extremely hard when we first encounter obstacles, then our mind gets used to the obstacles, and we feel less stressed. Even the obstacles are not permanent, we overcome it someday, in one way or another.

We overcome the obstacles, yes. But after one, there is always another waiting for you behind the corner.

9 hours ago, An young being said:

There are certain things which seem always right to do, and encouraged by Spirituality, such as being kind, compassionate, grateful and selfless, open minded etc. Practicing these characters do not require any approval from the outside world as they always seem to be the right thing to do, and always seem to reward us, in one way or another.

I agree. As far as our human life is concerned and we are operating on that level, those things seem to be the only antidote to the suffering - especially selflessness.

[Snader]

3 hours ago, bebotalk said:

A good key to being happy in life is to recognise one's strengths and one's niche, and act accordingly on this.

Do you consider yourself living according to this standard?

[Lila9]

I let go of beliefs, identities, ideas, feelings, thoughts, goals, plans and everything which doesn't suit me or serve me anymore and consciously replace them with what suit me and serve me right now.

I allow myself to change, to shed my skin like a snake and reborn again and again and again.... and so on.

 

[Snader]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

I personally just worry about maintaining certain principles in life that are sayed to bring better life. Dharma is another word for it. The Laws of creation. The rightful path and the right principles of life. 

Eat right, sleep right, speak right, live right, think right, desire the right things, do everything the right way. That is to say. Live in accordance to dharma. Live in accordance to Law that governs all life.

Are that set of proper actions enough for you to fulfill your Dharma, or is there something more?

How do you cope in life when you face obstacles and suffering in life despite the fact of following the principles? Do you ever start doubting the principles?

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

When you live in accordance to the Law. Whereever that takes you is not your business. Because it can only go one way. Towards a brighter tomorrow. This is true in my experience so far but I'm still testing. 

That must be a great coping strategy, if your intuition and realization is just strong enough. In my experience human life usually tends to drastically challenge that frame of mind, loosening your grip.

[Snader]

2 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

I let go of beliefs, identities, ideas, feelings, thoughts, goals, plans and everything which doesn't suit me or serve me anymore and consciously replace them with what suit me and serve me right now.

I allow myself to change, to shed my skin like a snake and reborn again and again and again.... and so on.

 

Do you have any challenges in that process?

What would you say that is making you to persist in that ongoing never-ending process?

[Snader]

Again, thanks for the comprehensive answer. There are many interesting threads there and I can recognize many themes reminding me of some of my own trajectories.

3 hours ago, LastThursday said:

Society seems to want to bludgeon me down a particular path of working and spending and buying houses and having a family and having no time to do anything else with: I reject it all, and yet I still do it to an extent. It leaves me with a strong feeling of being in limbo with no real resolution other than to upend it all.

I can definitely relate. To me it feels like pressure constantly close to my skin. And being aware of it to reject it seems to eats up lots of energy.

3 hours ago, LastThursday said:

I don't see myself as unfortunate, in fact I know that compared to many people I'm in a privileged position  - and I did it all myself in spite of everything. I'm grateful for it. 

That kind of appreciation seems to be rare. I've also tried to practice it more, to remember how entitled and fortunate I am, how little I'm really justified to complain about life.

3 hours ago, LastThursday said:

I have a conviction that if I can just fix that remaining part then I'll get going. Society just wants me to grind and spend. I want to have joy and freedom. The two seem mutually incompatible to me.

Do you believe you can break out one day?

Edited November 27, 2023 by Snader

[LastThursday]

1 hour ago, Snader said:

That kind of appreciation seems to be rare. I've also tried to practice it more, to remember how entitled and fortunate I am, how little I'm really justified to complain about life.

I'm fortunate to have been on the wrong side of privileged when I was younger, and that makes me appreciate what I have all the more now, and make it hard to give up or change. I think we all have our problems and to belittle them or dismiss them doesn't help us. If complaining helps then do so.

1 hour ago, Snader said:

Do you believe you can break out one day?

I've done many things which seemed like they would go on forever, but eventually they ended. It's no different with breaking out. I suspect it will happen in an unexpected way and probably in a way that I won't even notice at the time. But I'll see. I do know that even this situation will change with time.

1 hour ago, Snader said:

There are many interesting threads there and I can recognize many themes reminding me of some of my own trajectories.

@Snader what are your experiences on your own questions? I'm curious to know.

[Yimpa]

18 hours ago, Snader said:

As a bonus question: Do you feel it is your own mind or the society that is holding you back the most in life?

It is my own mind. For example, I’ve always had insecurities about my physical appearance, as well as how I dress. It’s always been slightly different or unique from the norm. 

My mind holds me back when I doubt myself. I’m constantly looking for something right or wrong about my appearance, because I’ve allowed other people to dictate how I should and shouldn’t appear. 

While it seems like society is holding me back and I am the victim here, I’m starting to look at it differently now. I see myself as the captain of my ship. My uniqueness is an opportunity to challenge social standards of what beauty is, and to expand upon it. And I’m working towards no longer seeking approval or disapproval by allowing my appearance to be however it genuinely wants to morph and evolve in each moment.

(In other words)… I hold myself back when I don’t embrace my autonomy. By learning to embrace it, my idea of what society also expands. I discover that I’m capable of integrating my uniqueness in different aspects of society; not just one fixed way (or appearance!)

[gettoefl]

you cultivate family or your cultivate freedom

you serve or you sail

each hooks you for life

buyers beware

i am in the world but not of the world

no prizes for which road i traverse

[Snader]

3 hours ago, LastThursday said:

I'm fortunate to have been on the wrong side of privileged when I was younger

I also reflect back and think about the bright side of being born and raised in poor and disadvantaged conditions, but also the lucky side of having resources to avoid inheriting those conditions. I can imagine the mess I would be if I hadn't had those resources.

3 hours ago, LastThursday said:

If complaining helps then do so.

That's a good point. Nothing wrong with complaining per se.

3 hours ago, LastThursday said:

what are your experiences on your own questions? I'm curious to know.

I've recently turned a new chapter in my life and along with that I've started new endeavors. Those endeavors are investments towards my future, increasing my possibilities to build a life where I can live up to my values, at least a lot more than I've been able ever before. This process is mentally demanding, which is already detaching me from some more ''noble'' activities and state of mind that is important to me in a different way, but on top of that I'm forced to deal with different kind of human shit that kind of comes with the package.

So as a spiritually wired person with relatively high level of consciousness, sensitivity, and criticality, I find it pretty exhausting to almost daily deal with stupid petty human bulsshit, fakeness and selfishess. But that's the cost here, nothing comes easy. I'm now delicately fine-tuning my life, including all the dimensions which it contains, to be able to go on without too big of an identity crisis.

I thought it would be nice to ask here and get some perspective on the matter. Not just so that I could cultivate those perspectives, but also cause I'm genuinely interested in how people handle their lives in all its vastness.