How can I be more unhappy ... I need balance, please help!

[MuadDib]

Things have been going really well for me lately and I can't take it anymore. 
I eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, have a job, and some friends. I laugh like every day and feel like I have a purpose here on earth that I believe in. I accept all my insufficiencies in the sense that I don't let them detract from my own feelings of self-worth, but I still actively work to improve on them.
I am motivated as fuck, like I have boundless energy and don't have enough hours in the day to spend it all, so each new day I wake up buzzing.
I am super successful with women, I treat them right, with the right amount of wrong, and my dick has honestly never been wetter.
I focus easily, and I'm content with life and my place in it, I occasionally receive deep and profound spiritual insights that are radically changing  my perspective on reality but it's usually welcome and only seems to get better overall.

Here's the thing, whenever I hop on my computer (holy shit can you imagine being born like 100 years ago, no electricity in most places, wow!) and I log online (again, holy shit the internet, what a time to be alive!) to look for information on how to turn my life around I am just bamboozled with optimistic insights, courses, books, videos, and forums (Like this one!!) where people just want to help me get better all the time. And I mean  I get it, a part of humanity is fundamentally shitty like everyone just wants to survive and get theirs, but I can't help but feel a genuine underlying  goodness is at play everywhere I look.

I want to get to a place of catatonic depression and anxiety. Like, despair with life. Like, I want my teeth to be rotting and in excruciating pain because
I can't summon the enthusiasm to get up and brush my teeth after eating sugary, fatty, processed foods all day. You know? I know it's out there and I'm reaching for a lot, but I honestly think I can do it. I believe in myself in spite of how difficult it is to be negative in today's world. Holy shit, have you heard about AI? Wow, I might not even have to work soon and get free money.

Anyway, here's what I found to start getting on track. Again, I can't tell if he's genuinely seriously trying to help me, or if he's just another scammer trying to make me feel better and awesome. There are some good takeaways to implement though. as with most things. 

I'd appreciate input from the heavy sufferers out there. I don't mind putting in consistent effort over long periods of time if required, I don't just want quick solutions if that's all you're offering.
Thanks in advance!
<3

Edited September 30, 2023 by MuadDib

[Raze]

Do long strong determination sits and all night sits, listen to “break through difficult emotions“ and “break through pain” by Shinzen Young to process and maximize the growth

Edited September 30, 2023 by Raze

[SeaMonster]

54 minutes ago, MuadDib said:

I'd appreciate input from the heavy sufferers out there. I don't mind putting in consistent effort over long periods of time if required, I don't just want quick solutions if that's all you're offering.

I think this video is an excellent resource for creating misery in your life.  Just follow the suggestions in it!

[Reignforest]

Get in a toxic relationship and have a bunch of kids lol

[Spiritual Warrior]

I understand the point you're making with this post and I found it helpful and entertaining. The video depicts my ego backlashes perfectly. It is a constant battle... but hey maybe it doesn't have to be...

Edited October 1, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Bazooka Jesus]

On 1.10.2023 at 0:03 AM, MuadDib said:

Things have been going really well for me lately and I can't take it anymore. 
I eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, have a job, and some friends. I laugh like every day and feel like I have a purpose here on earth that I believe in. I accept all my insufficiencies in the sense that I don't let them detract from my own feelings of self-worth, but I still actively work to improve on them.
I am motivated as fuck, like I have boundless energy and don't have enough hours in the day to spend it all, so each new day I wake up buzzing.
I am super successful with women, I treat them right, with the right amount of wrong, and my dick has honestly never been wetter.
I focus easily, and I'm content with life and my place in it, I occasionally receive deep and profound spiritual insights that are radically changing  my perspective on reality but it's usually welcome and only seems to get better overall.

Here's the thing, whenever I hop on my computer (holy shit can you imagine being born like 100 years ago, no electricity in most places, wow!) and I log online (again, holy shit the internet, what a time to be alive!) to look for information on how to turn my life around I am just bamboozled with optimistic insights, courses, books, videos, and forums (Like this one!!) where people just want to help me get better all the time. And I mean  I get it, a part of humanity is fundamentally shitty like everyone just wants to survive and get theirs, but I can't help but feel a genuine underlying  goodness is at play everywhere I look.

I want to get to a place of catatonic depression and anxiety. Like, despair with life. Like, I want my teeth to be rotting and in excruciating pain because
I can't summon the enthusiasm to get up and brush my teeth after eating sugary, fatty, processed foods all day. You know? I know it's out there and I'm reaching for a lot, but I honestly think I can do it. I believe in myself in spite of how difficult it is to be negative in today's world. Holy shit, have you heard about AI? Wow, I might not even have to work soon and get free money.

Anyway, here's what I found to start getting on track. Again, I can't tell if he's genuinely seriously trying to help me, or if he's just another scammer trying to make me feel better and awesome. There are some good takeaways to implement though. as with most things. 

I'd appreciate input from the heavy sufferers out there. I don't mind putting in consistent effort over long periods of time if required, I don't just want quick solutions if that's all you're offering.
Thanks in advance!
<3

Amazing! When I rate this post 10/10, it's only because I cannot give it a 11. LOL!

I don't know if you realize this, but you have made an extremely deep and valid point about the nature of existence with what you wrote there... which is that nonstop 24/7 bliss and joy actually stops being blissful and joyful. There can be no light without darkness and vice versa. It is amazing how few people (especially on this forum) are aware of this! But then again, it is of course only natural to complain about the cruelty of life when you're stuck up to your neck in the doo-doo; it's all part of the divine comedy, isn't it?

[Yimpa]

2 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

There can be no light without darkness and vice versa. It is amazing how few people (especially on this forum) are aware of this!

Sure, that can be true. But there are also radical experiences where the difference between light and dark is nowhere to be found. 

[Francis777]

Sounds like your in denial about having an ego backlash, lacking purpose, you’ve got everything you want but it doesn’t mean anything to you.

Maybe your craving pain just so you can add meaning to your life.

Edited October 2, 2023 by Francis777

[Bazooka Jesus]

41 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Sure, that can be true. But there are also radical experiences where the difference between light and dark is nowhere to be found. 

And how do you know that you are having that experience? It is because you had the opposite experience earlier, right?

Without (apparent) opposites, there is no such thing as experience.

[Francis777]

18 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Without (apparent) opposites, there is no such thing as experience

So then what’s a non dual experience?

[Yimpa]

14 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

And how do you know that you are having that experience? It is because you had the opposite experience earlier, right?

It is beyond the domain of human intellect and imagination. I get it, it sounds like I’m copping out and parroting Leo. 

In any case, theorizing and trying to argue about such an experience is will only lead to more confusion and unnecessary beliefs about or against what I’m claiming.

Which brings up another question… is what I’m referring to solipsism? Well, not in the way people usually present it. Because in order to claim “I am the only one in existence” is already taking you out of the radical experience that I’m referring to.

[Bazooka Jesus]

10 minutes ago, Francis777 said:

So then what’s a non dual experience?

The opposite of a dual experience. Duh!

[Larry Kaul]

@MuadDib I'm confused. When you feel good all the time, you are on the path. This is the point of the entire thing. We are here to feel good. It's about the experience and the evolution of experience. There isn't anything more to do. What are you talking about? I felt like you were doing a parody thing. 

[Larry Kaul]

@Francis777 I feel like meaning is a stage, not a goal. Feeling great all the time means that we are doing it right. The belief that we need to struggle with anything or need a purpose is just a belief that we create. If we feel great that means our energetics are right on track. Flow is the experience!

[Francis777]

3 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

The opposite of a dual experience. Duh!

1 is not the opposite of 2. 
The opposite of nothingness is not everything, nothingness IS everything.

This is a flawed understanding, non dual experiences do not have opposites, that’s exactly what non dual means, everything is one.
 

[Bazooka Jesus]

3 minutes ago, Francis777 said:

1 is not the opposite of 2. 
The opposite of nothingness is not everything, nothingness IS everything.

And how does nothingness experience itself?

It experiences itself through form aka. Duality.

That's why we're here.

[Francis777]

12 minutes ago, Larry Kaul said:

@Francis777 I feel like meaning is a stage, not a goal. Feeling great all the time means that we are doing it right. The belief that we need to struggle with anything or need a purpose is just a belief that we create. If we feel great that means our energetics are right on track. Flow is the experience!

Right but what I meant is that despite seemingly having everything that he wants, he might be secretly/unconsciously unhappy because those things are not able to deeply fulfil him, (not all of it) but some of it was quite shallow things that he listed. And you don’t necessarily need them in order to feel fulfilled, but he may be expecting that from them so is confused as to why they are not.

Therefore this is why he might be considering pain as an alternative. To be able to feel something extremely deeply, something that’s he’s missing in the “fun” “successful” side of his life.

That’s why I mentioned him possibly lacking purpose.

FYI: I’m not saying that you need pain to feel deeply, it’s just something that all of us tend to do.

Edited October 2, 2023 by Francis777

[Francis777]

2 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

And how does nothingness experience itself?

It experiences itself through form aka. Duality.

That's why we're here.

you said without opposites there is no experience, wrong. There is experience, its just that your experience is infinity, which is nothing!

Man I'm really starting to understand why Leo keeps using the saying Non-Dual Rats.

That wasn't a shot at you btw @Bazooka Jesus

Edited October 2, 2023 by Francis777

[Razard86]

On 9/30/2023 at 6:03 PM, MuadDib said:

Things have been going really well for me lately and I can't take it anymore. 
I eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, have a job, and some friends. I laugh like every day and feel like I have a purpose here on earth that I believe in. I accept all my insufficiencies in the sense that I don't let them detract from my own feelings of self-worth, but I still actively work to improve on them.
I am motivated as fuck, like I have boundless energy and don't have enough hours in the day to spend it all, so each new day I wake up buzzing.
I am super successful with women, I treat them right, with the right amount of wrong, and my dick has honestly never been wetter.
I focus easily, and I'm content with life and my place in it, I occasionally receive deep and profound spiritual insights that are radically changing  my perspective on reality but it's usually welcome and only seems to get better overall.

Here's the thing, whenever I hop on my computer (holy shit can you imagine being born like 100 years ago, no electricity in most places, wow!) and I log online (again, holy shit the internet, what a time to be alive!) to look for information on how to turn my life around I am just bamboozled with optimistic insights, courses, books, videos, and forums (Like this one!!) where people just want to help me get better all the time. And I mean  I get it, a part of humanity is fundamentally shitty like everyone just wants to survive and get theirs, but I can't help but feel a genuine underlying  goodness is at play everywhere I look.

I want to get to a place of catatonic depression and anxiety. Like, despair with life. Like, I want my teeth to be rotting and in excruciating pain because
I can't summon the enthusiasm to get up and brush my teeth after eating sugary, fatty, processed foods all day. You know? I know it's out there and I'm reaching for a lot, but I honestly think I can do it. I believe in myself in spite of how difficult it is to be negative in today's world. Holy shit, have you heard about AI? Wow, I might not even have to work soon and get free money.

Anyway, here's what I found to start getting on track. Again, I can't tell if he's genuinely seriously trying to help me, or if he's just another scammer trying to make me feel better and awesome. There are some good takeaways to implement though. as with most things. 

I'd appreciate input from the heavy sufferers out there. I don't mind putting in consistent effort over long periods of time if required, I don't just want quick solutions if that's all you're offering.
Thanks in advance!
<3

If you want to be miserable find some unhappy people, form relationships with them and allow them to take advantage of you with no desire to correct them. I'm sure that will give you some misery to experience and learn how to process it. The only other thing I can think of is work a job you hate. 

[universe]

Good question.

-Always see yourself as the victim.
So whenever something doesn't work the way you wanted it to go, blame others for it. To the point where you have no responsibility whatsoever.

-Focus on lack
"There is not enough". Are you sure you can even afford food tomorrow? And remember: It's not your fault inflation is so damn high. Someone else got something you wanted? Great! Focus on the fact that now there is less of it available for you.

-Increase your needs
Wherever you go your needs can hardly get met. Your need for approval, love, security and control are insatiable. And even if you get a lot of it, you crave it again the next second because as you remember, yes, you are completely in lack of everything.

-Talk bad about others (behind their back)
You have to be very vigilant about noticing whatever is wrong with people around you. Especially people in your social circle, close friends and family. Even if they seem perfect from the outside, they are hiding something atrocious. You know it. Tell their friends about it. Bonus: Mention that nothing they might try to accomplish in their life is possible.

-Self-Fear
Absolute Fear. You fear everything - people, objects, ideas, yourself. You have a specific world in your mind and nothing you see fits what you have imagined reality to be. Instead, it tries to destroy your world. You can not accept that, therefore it must be feared.

-Resist everything
You did all the above and now you finally feel depressed and anxious. Don't let this go to waste. You have to keep this up. That's why change is to be feared and avoided at all costs. Whenever a feeling comes up - push it back down. Try to store as much emotional energy in your body as possible. Also resist what others (enemies) do or say.

-Tense up
Roll with a gentle tension in your body. This is the best way to resist whatever you might face throughout a long day. But you can also mix it up by getting really tense from time to time.