Terrible broke up with my gf

[LiakosN]

Hey guys! Hope you are doing fine!
I had a terrible break almost a month ago. Meaning my girlfriend was physically violent to me. So I had to end the relationship.
At first, she had a good behavior towards me. After 3 months the behavior changed a bit. I told her that I want an exclusive relationship with her and she told me that she wanted an open relationship. Well, this kind of... "relationship" lasted 4,5 years. We lived for 10 months at the same place (different houses) and the rest from distance. During this period, she broke up with me via a phone call telling me that: I don't want to talk to you anymore. Then after 6 months she texted me asking how am I doing. Long story short we got "back together". Oh, btw, she was telling me that I am a liar, I am fearful, I am a chameleon, I do not have my own opinion. She was often angry and I was feeling like I was walking next to eggs, afraid of breaking them. She told me that she could love me, but not fall in love with me and even that we do not match romantically. She told me I am a narcissist.
Last time we met she told me that she wanted to be with me but I am not acting right towards her. We had a terrible fight because she thought to I was seeing other girls (I did not). She left from my home, and I went to find her. I was trying to tell her to come home to sleep, because it was cold and rainy outside. She refused and then I left after 20 minutes. Then she phone called me and said that I abandoned her. I went back and picked her with my car. Then in my home as I was trying to sleep she was turning the lights on and off and when I told her I will lock my bedroom door, she hit me. She told me that I should be embarrassed that a woman hit me.
After all these she told me that she want no contact and that shed would delete me from all social media. But she didn't. Also, she phone called me once to she how am I doing.

What is wrong with her behavior? Could it possibly be BP disorder?

[PurpleTree]

Yea maybe some kind of BP or Borderline or many things mixed

Edited July 12, 2023 by PurpleTree

[NoSelfSelf]

Again asking for relationship after 3 months ?‍♂️

[Raze]

Read walking on eggshells and I hate you don’t leave me

get ifs therapy to heal your codependency and attachment issues 

[Leo Gura]

Sounda like she's projecting a lot of crap on you and gaslighting you, and that she may be the narcissist here.

Either that or you are doing that to her.

Yes, she could easily have some kind of mental disorder. That kind of behavior is not normal.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Leo Gura

[LiakosN]

@Leo Gura At some point, Leo, I was doubting myself. I was thinking that I was the one that was always fault. Oh, by the way one night we were laying on bed together, there was a bird outside singing and she told: I want to kill this bird!
Other things she said

- You are such a giving person and another time - You are stingy

- You are very supportive and another time - You can support me only on practical matters

- I like having sex with you and another time - Sex is 1/10 with you

I told her via phone that I want to hug her and she got angry (because it was not possible to hug her) and after a few minutes she told me that she would like to hug me.

- She blocked me on social and after 2 weeks she unblocked me asking me to wash her clothes.

I was loosing my mind.

No, I am not projecting on her.. These are her words

[integral]

@LiakosN She has major unresolved childhood trauma, non of it was your fault. Ive lived through the same experience.

Learn from this experience to help pick a gf your more compatible with, you know better now what you want and dont want. 

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, LiakosN said:

@Leo Gura At some point, Leo, I was doubting myself. I was thinking that I was the one that was always fault. Oh, by the way one night we were laying on bed together, there was a bird outside singing and she told: I want to kill this bird!
Other things she said

- You are such a giving person and another time - You are stingy

- You are very supportive and another time - You can support me only on practical matters

- I like having sex with you and another time - Sex is 1/10 with you

I told her via phone that I want to hug her and she got angry (because it was not possible to hug her) and after a few minutes she told me that she would like to hug me.

- She blocked me on social and after 2 weeks she unblocked me asking me to wash her clothes.

I was loosing my mind.

No, I am not projecting on her.. These are her words

Yeah, that's the classic kind of gaslighting that very immature and mentally ill people love to engage in.

She's toxic. You should try to stay away from her because it's not going to work out well. It's just gonna spiral more and more into toxicity. She needs to get own mind strightened out that you cannot do that for her.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Leo Gura

[LiakosN]

@integral I am sorry for you having similar experience. Yes, now I know what I do not want in a relationship.

[LiakosN]

@Leo Gura Indeed, the situation was getting worse as time was passing, as I can recall.

When she hit me with her fist, then she told me: Did I hurt you? Because, I do not want to feel guilty. She did not even apologize after the event.

There was a time I said: I love you and she responded: I do not f***** care!

 

So, it was my fault that I did not end the relationship, because I cared for her. But, I lost my dignity and self-respect.

[NoSelfSelf]

@LiakosN It cant get worse if you check her and tell her that if she does that thing again, shes gone and you cut her off(for the future,any sign of disrespect/agression you check one time and say this is not the way we gonna have our relationship, if you do it again we will have to go our seperate ways then say do you understand? Until she says yes clearly with no attitude)

Nobody is worth of you losing yourself for other person..

[integral]

1 minute ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Until she says yes clearly with no attitude

She will break up with him instantly, you cannot challenge people like that. 

Its possible it will flip the narrative as she will put herself in a position to start pleasing him. But its temporary at best.  

[NoSelfSelf]

@integral What!? Dude dont walk on eggshells around women be glad she will break up with you ,shes losing.. this shows you dont value yourself...

Ofcourse you challenge her when shes disrespectful how can you even allow it?

Im not using this as a manipulation im telling you how game works you are upfront with everything and then shes the one who's gonna adjust or not, she can do whatever but gonna show me if shes worth my energy/focus/etc ...

If you still naive that dating=love then you need to wake up...

There is love if there is benefit...

If she doesnt benefit she is out of the game and vice versa..

[MarkKol]

17 hours ago, LiakosN said:

She left from my home, and I went to find her

Beta male move

Should've told her to piss off and get therapy.

[r0ckyreed]

Dude. She has BPD!!

[integral]

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Ofcourse you challenge her when shes disrespectful how can you even allow it?

I agree with what your saying there was a miscommunication, i meant to say "you cant challenge people like her", normally you want to set boundaries but people like her dont understand them so its a waist of time. Just break up with her. 

[meta_male]

5 hours ago, LiakosN said:

But, I lost my dignity and self-respect.

This one stings for a while, but give it some weeks and you'll be back stronger.

[NoSelfSelf]

@integral Exactly! Good point if he challenged her like that, she would show her true colors that she cant cooperate and be ready for a healthy relationship..

[PlayOnWords]

Congratulations, you've dodged a bullet. Now learn from your mistakes.

[LiakosN]

@r0ckyreed You mean Borderline Personality Disorder, right?

@integral I tried to set boundaries with a kind and calm way, so not to repeat what she ways sayings (because it was insulting for me), and she made fun of the way I imposed them. Nor to mention the fact that she did not want to understand. You are right!
@MarkKol Hehe. Yes, wish I could just leave her to leave and never had to go find her. But....

@PlayOnWords What do you mean by: Dodged a bullet?