how to socialize without compromising on your top values?

[Bobby_2021]

I would avoid as much people as reasonably possible to work on myself. But there will always be some situation where I have to deal with them for a day or two. That is a lot of time. And the price I pay in my top values during that time affects my productivity at which I used to work, had I not socialized.

So do you have any tips to prevent the degradation of your own originality and integrity while in social groups?

One thing I tried to do is to put on the "philosopher role" while in social groups. I question what I see, people and groups and their meaning. So that brings relief for a while and I find myself dealing with crap a while later. Does anyone know how to deal with this?

Leo also touched upon this in the How Socialization makes you stupid video where he warned about the dangers of socialization. 

[Lila9]

Playing and taking socialization not very seriously, being social for the sake of fun and self amusement rather than for gaining approval or people liking you.

Being consiously emotionally detached from the situation, not taking anything too seriously or literally, which means, people act very stupid when they are in group settings, embrace it and accept it, it will be much more easier that way rather than looking down upon it and suffer.

And of course, know your limits and bounderies and feel free to withdraw when you feel that it's too much.

That's what I usually do when I'm "forced" into socialization. Socialization is an inevitable part of life, where people exist, there is socialization, and people exist everywhere.

[Moksha]

Socialization is suffering. It depends upon the delusion that you are different from others. When the absolute realizes itself, the idea of socialization dissolves. There's only integrity.

[Sugarcoat]

I totally get what you mean

the thing is that your “productivity “ etc doesn’t depend on your solitude - rather you are the one who is using solitude to grow yourself 

 

so that part of you that uses solitude to grow yourself is more fundamental than the circumstance of solitude as there are people in this world who spend time alone without growing themselves 

So what I’m saying is that socialization is not an obstacle to your growth - but rather it is how you use socialization that determines your growth in the same way it is the way you use solitude that determines it
 

So you don’t lose anything when socializing, as the thing that makes you grow is this intelligence in you that uses outside situations, not the other way around ; outside situations allowing you to grow. And you’re asking how to do it. I’m going through this myself so idk many answers yet but we’re in this together just so u know ?
 

 

Edited July 8 by Sugarcoat

[enzyme]

Keep large gatherings to a minimum and just accept that other people might not be on the same level of you in terms of personal development. 

[gettoefl]

10 hours ago, Moksha said:

Socialization is suffering. It depends upon the delusion that you are different from others. When the absolute realizes itself, the idea of socialization dissolves. There's only integrity.

i agree but it still fun to play fancy dress and besides that's why i came

[Yimpa]

10 hours ago, Moksha said:

Socialization is suffering. It depends upon the delusion that you are different from others. When the absolute realizes itself, the idea of socialization dissolves. There's only integrity.

Definitely not mumbo-jumbo there!

And integrity… that’s interesting. It’s like a higher form of communication, i.e. one that doesn’t depend on it to be a certain way/condition. 

[Yimpa]

24 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

i agree but it still fun to play fancy dress and besides that's why i came

That’s why you came?! 

[Bobby_2021]

Some good points in there I understand. But I am in a very vulnerable stage at the moment. I am unwiring my psyche that even the slightest annoyance with people is making me doubt myself. I am making a mess out of irrelevant things. It is even making me physically sick and neurotic. 

Solitude is my only savour now. Contemplating is the only way out. 

[Swarnim]

If socialization is sabotaging your work so severely I think you should look into how you can change your situation so you don't have to deal with them regularly. There's almost always a way to change your situations. But if it's absolutely impossible for you then some degradation is unavoidable when you socialize.
To minimize it, I say you develop your relationship between these people in such a way that it's acceptable for you to be conscious as you chat. Because I am sure you have to change your level, way of thinking, speaking and personality for different people. So simply remain at your highest possible level while interacting with them. If they find it weird, let them have it.

[Pheonix]

On 08/07/2023 at 4:09 PM, Bobby_2021 said:

I would avoid as much people as reasonably possible to work on myself. But there will always be some situation where I have to deal with them for a day or two. That is a lot of time. And the price I pay in my top values during that time affects my productivity at which I used to work, had I not socialized.

So do you have any tips to prevent the degradation of your own originality and integrity while in social groups?

One thing I tried to do is to put on the "philosopher role" while in social groups. I question what I see, people and groups and their meaning. So that brings relief for a while and I find myself dealing with crap a while later. Does anyone know how to deal with this?

Leo also touched upon this in the How Socialization makes you stupid video where he warned about the dangers of socialization. 

Although socialisation does tend to compromise values, we are social creatures at heart and social skills can also be critical if you are to thrive professionally. 
One of the most powerful ways to develop yourself is to develop your social skills it’s important to find a balance between inner and outer work. 
Socialisation does make you stupid for sure but it also can make you happy if done right  remember Leo also talks about finding balance, be wary of tipping the scales to far in one direction.

[Leo Gura]

Mostly you just need a strong frame and don't treat socialization seriously. You don't socialize for intellectual gain, you socialize just to have fun. You don't take people's ideas seriously, you just have fun and then go home and be serious.

Edited July 11 by Leo Gura

[Butters]

Am I the only one who socializes and then reflects on the social situations for hours or days and call it philosophy? ? 

I'm obsessed with that shit. 

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Butters said:

Am I the only one who socializes and then reflects on the social situations for hours or days and call it philosophy? ? 

I'm obsessed with that shit. 

I do that naturally too. It’s in some ways more satisfactory than the social gathering itself. Sometimes during the gathering I’ll think to myself “oh there will be some juicy processing after this” and I’m lowkey excited for it? it IS philosophy! 

Edited July 11 by Sugarcoat

[Understander]

@Butters ? same.

For me, It gets insane, but I love it.

Edited July 11 by Understander

[Schizophonia]

Can you give at least one example ? 

[Yimpa]

5 hours ago, Butters said:

Am I the only one who socializes and then reflects on the social situations for hours or days and call it philosophy? ? 

I'm obsessed with that shit. 

Sometimes. Other times, it’s as clear as day that the entire socialization itself is a beautiful and raw reflection of pure imagination and connection.

 

[Butters]

2 hours ago, Understander said:

@Butters ? same.

For me, It gets insane, but I love it.

Bro exactly this ?

For me it's so much nicer to function solo and not have a regular social circle. That way my interactions, even casual ones, stay very interesting and meaningful. 

Like every new social interaction is something to learn from, like I'm studying humans or something. 

Maybe I'm the alien Leo keeps talking about ?

Edited July 11 by Butters

[Understander]

44 minutes ago, Butters said:

Bro exactly this ?

For me it's so much nicer to function solo and not have a regular social circle. That way my interactions, even casual ones, stay very interesting and meaningful. 

Like every new social interaction is something to learn from, like I'm studying humans or something. 

Maybe I'm the alien Leo keeps talking about ?

Even though I don't know what Leo means by that, I do know that I am weird which makes me an alien around people. ?

Also, you too.

The world is our lab and people are the rats.?

It has certainly made me more philosophically minded.

I don't know why the word rat is popular in this forum.? I guess, because I was absent for 2-3 months.

Edited July 11 by Understander

[Bobby_2021]

On 7/11/2023 at 11:32 AM, Leo Gura said:

Mostly you just need a strong frame and don't treat socialization seriously. You don't socialize for intellectual gain, you socialize just to have fun. You don't take people's ideas seriously, you just have fun and then go home and be serious.

Indeed. My social frame is a little weak the moment. I need to make more mental constructions to filter the social nonsense. I have postponed working on it for a while. ??

On 7/11/2023 at 11:45 PM, Understander said:

@Butters ? same.

For me, It gets insane, but I love it.

Savouring that is addicting. Love when even little interactions turn into memories for a lifetime, or atleast for 6 months. ?