Good dates, girl ghosting

[herghly]

I had two incredible dates with this girl. We got along well and there was defenitly attraction. On the second she was the one asking me asking such as

"Are you dating others"

"what type of girls do you like as gf"

We had sex on the second date, the next day she went out with her closest girl friends and since then the tone has changed and she's been basically ghosting me. 

I'd usually never message a girl again who's ghosting me, but here it's a bit different, we had sex and she was clearly interested in me. 

I'm considering calling her phone and just asking how she is and pushing for a coffee meet. 

She hasn't replied in a few days now. At this point I'd always just stop, but i don't think it's because she isn't interested. She also just got out of a semi abuse relationship 4 months ago, so maybe she's being defensive. I dunno. 

 

Most of the advice i read online is always what to do if girls ghost you after a first date or two when you didn't have sex. But we had sex and she was super into me, so that's why I'm thinking it's okay to call and be direct. 

 

Any PUA's got advice, haha? 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE9Fcp8U8qI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y73pYVYthOA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwnZP1TPJic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrCcF7rtq_A

 

Edited February 16, 2023 by Raze

[herghly]

@Raze thanks I’ve seen some of these videos. I feel the situation is different than most I’m finding online, as we had sex and she was clearly into me and asking me questions. 
 

will watch the videos, thanks 

[Roy]

Maybe she was just looking for a hook-up? What did she seem like, university girl just looking for experiences?

Call her in a day or two, but I mean if nothing comes of it at least you got something out of hanging out a few times.

Edited February 16, 2023 by Roy

[herghly]

@Roy defs not just looking for a hook up, wasn't the vibe i got and from her questions too

[Roy]

6 minutes ago, herghly said:

@Roy defs not just looking for a hook up, wasn't the vibe i got and from her questions too

My advice is just wait til tomorrow for her to message you, if she doesn't send something her way. Just don't think about it more than you have to.

Don't get too wrapped up or needy just because you had sex. Sometimes relationships can fizzle out rather quickly for no reason, it's bound to happen if you're active enough in life.

[herghly]

@Roy you're right and i'll do one phone call, and that's it

[flowboy]

Her girlfriends probably told her that she shouldn't rebound that quickly, or something like that.

Reminded her that her trap is to get attached too quickly.

And maybe it is, and you got caught in the crossfire.

I'm not sure what the most effective text would be to get her to respond again.

Perhaps accusing her of being a player and having used you for sex, in a one-sentence joking way, would be my best guess for something that would work.

The healthy advice is to just leave it alone because her questions on the second date indicated that she gets attached too quickly, and her having been in an abusive relationship means she's got issues. That's two red flags.

Keep in mind that people will say all kinds of things in the heat of the moment. She may have felt very attached then, and ask you whether you're seeing others, and the next day she's in a different mood and doesn't feel attached.

Maybe she needed to create that feeling of attachment and intimacy to be able to have sex, and that prompted her to say those questions.

I'd probably say "I have neither the time nor the inclination to put up with these games." and just leave it at that. Delete her number if she doesn't respond within a day.

Edited February 16, 2023 by flowboy

[Leo Gura]

Don't chase her. Step back and let her contact you. If she likes you she will reach out. If not, chasing her will only make her like you less.

[mmKay]

@herghly in those situations social media helps. Girls love to be nosy and if you post stories of you having fun and enjoying your life in spite lf her ghosting you, your chances of her reaching out to you skyrocket.

Thats a trick i guess

Edited February 16, 2023 by mmKay

[Chives99]

 Its crucial that you're detached in your intimate relationships if you need someone else to be happy then you will always be dissatisfied , if shes not reciprocating leave her to it and wait for her to get back to you, but if shes taking the piss and responses after a while I wouldn't bother responding , dont let people use you, show yourself some self respect and find someone that treats you right. People are indeed selfish but remember women get cheated on all the time so they dont have it easier. Go out and talk to some more girls, you can do it.

[JosephKnecht]

19 hours ago, herghly said:

I'm considering calling her phone and just asking how she is and pushing for a coffee meet. 

 

Don't be needy. 

[herghly]

 

Thanks for reply guys 

Edited February 17, 2023 by herghly

[herghly]

 

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't chase her. Step back and let her contact you. If she likes you she will reach out. If not, chasing her will only make her like you less.

ended up calling her, she was with friends, then texted me saying she knows she's been distant, she's been feeling a little weird since the last meet and she will think about the proposal. 

I suggested we meet for a coffee. I don't think the call was terrible because i think there's still attraction. But I won't make a further move.

The question I'm wrestling with is how to know when to stop chasing or chase? If a girl didn't sleep with me and she wasn't into me i wouldn't chase, but if we had sex and in person she's obviously into me, then it feels different

7 hours ago, mmKay said:

@herghly in those situations social media helps. Girls love to be nosy and if you post stories of you having fun and enjoying your life in spite lf her ghosting you, your chances of her reaching out to you skyrocket.

Thats a trick i guess

Not a bad idea.

[flowboy]

7 hours ago, herghly said:

but if we had sex and in person she's obviously into me

Don’t underestimate how quickly a woman can go from ‘somewhat into you’ to ‘ugh why did I do that’ when you show her needy behaviour.

[herghly]

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Don’t underestimate how quickly a woman can go from ‘somewhat into you’ to ‘ugh why did I do that’ when you show her needy behaviour.

Good point. 

[universe]

See, women can be complicated. She might not know herself why she is distant now.

There are many, many reasons.

Don't try to read too much into it.

[Globalcollective]

pursue somone who will actually respond. forget her and find someone else 

[StarStruck]

You just don’t provide enough value. If she sees enough value in you she will move heaven and earth to meet up with you. If you don’t have enough value she will find every excuse in the world to not. Girls are very selfish until you get into their meat glove and after that the dynamics change. 

Edited February 19, 2023 by StarStruck

[herghly]

@StarStruck True, you guys are all right.