Insane abusive relationship phone call

[integral]

How do people get stuck in these kind of relationships?! This will definitely trigger some people, so avoid if you are sensitive. 

Amouranth is a famous streamer that makes over a million a month and shes stuck in a marriage with a low quality man! 

Edited October 19, 2022 by integral

[Loba]

"How do people get in these relationships?"  Weren't you in one similar?  Yelling, hitting you and so forth?  You should know then...
Sounds like my ex, to be honest.  He used to kill my pet rabbits.  I would come home and he would tell me, "Oh this one died, the cat ate it."  And it kept happening.  Financially used me, would threaten to break everything I own, isolated me, tried to make me homeless, would move objects around in the house in a weird way, been to jail three times, ex had a restraining order on him because he beat her with a hammer - I had to finally contact her to get the whole story and he "guilted" me for doing this.  

Lasted on and off about 9.5 years, with a few years in between contact.  Wore me out - by the end of it, I had developed, I think partially due to him and family, autoimmune issues and bipolar.  My family talks like this to one another.  Every day it's some new screaming match and threatening aspects of that person's safety, although my family is much less severe as my ex was.

I found, after being in that situation that I became depressed, paranoid, hateful - and by the end of it I had taken on some of his traits that I have been having to remove through self growth in order to be myself... not to be like "them".  They will turn you into one of them if you stay around long enough...  I will never date again.  I refuse.  I absolutely do not trust men anymore.  And the thing is, these relationships are super common.  A lot of my friends have gotten into situations with shady guys.  They're much more common than you would think.

To find a guy who doesn't have this monster hiding inside of them, that's the real quest - if I must be so honest about it.  I hope she gets away.  It's good she recorded him.  I'm lowkey jealous, because she has the fame, the looks, and the support that most women don't get in this situation.  She'll have the public to help her out, when more often than not these women become so broken by the end of it, there is no salvaging who they once were.  The abuser looks clean and healthy after sucking the woman dry that by the end of it, she ends up looking and acting like the one with all the problems.  It's quite twisted.

Hope her hubby ends up ruined.

[Ethan1]

Not sure why people give these people attention.

Hard to know the full truth is but they both seem off and pretty messed up. All drama. 

Could be reactive abuse and playing the victim card to elicit pity. 
Could be the case she's eliciting a reaction online and framing him. 

Highly skeptical about big tit girl being an innocent little angel. no sir.
Pretty good video on forms of overt and covert aggression. 
Literal game of tit-for-tat. 

It's not about the money as he says. It's about the power dynamic & reputation / social image. 

Could be she's feigning ignorance and she wants the negative attention for the sake of attention.

It's not about logic. It's not about being reasonable. It's about power & control on both ends of the table. 

Dude is clearly being controlling and he's being reactive to stuff she is telling him. 

Emotional abuse on both ends.

They clearly are both pushing each other buttons intentionally creating a drama cycle.  
 

How do people get stuck in these kind of relationships?!

• Trauma bonds
• Learned Helplessness
• Stockholm syndrome
• Emotional immaturity
• Some good karma

Hard to know the full picture but atleast there is some degree of truth being exposed with his rage.

Edited October 19, 2022 by Ethan1

[eos_nyxia]

1 hour ago, integral said:

How do people get stuck in these kind of relationships?! This will definitely trigger some people, so avoid if you are sensitive. 

Amouranth is a famous streamer that makes over a million a month and shes stuck in a marriage with a low quality man! 

I had heard about this but I never got around to listening to the recordings. Jesus.... what a piece of work that guy is. Nothing says "I'M POWERFUL HEAR ME ROAR" like threatening small, vulnerable animals and using them as a bargaining chip.

Even if he has no intention of actually doing what he says (and TBH there is no reason to assume that he won't), there's no good excuse for it.

Obvious Answers:

1. Conditioning: there's often a background of being groomed to accept questionable treatment growing up (even if it's not explicit, obvious abuse). To accept, to endure, and to blame/ question yourself. Unfortunately, sometimes this is part of the conditioning of your gender. I think that overall, men and women tend to get a slightly different version of "suck it up// figure it out yourself"
2. People don't usually show their "true colours" at first, which isn't necessarily on purpose. People change, but also you don't really truly know the nitty-gritties of someone until you live with them for at least a few years, IMO. Un-enmeshing yourself is something where it's like... you don't know how hard it can be to do until you actually do it.
3. People's pickers/ filters aren't quite working as they should, for whatever reason. Sometimes the opposite of #1 appears to be true, like a sheltered life and perception of people, as well as a soft, sensitive personality makes you ripe for a shattering.
4. "sunk cost fallacy" and the difficulty of getting yourself to change once you've invested deeply into someone (and your image/ beliefs about this person)
5. Perpetually telling yourself that on some level, it's "really not that bad" even if your view of the relationship at its worst is not the same as an outsider's, at that point. Your perspective can get skewed in the heat of it.
6. Deep down believing that you somehow deserve this and this is the best you can do, for whatever reason.
7. In her case, like with harming her pets/ destroying her career... if you have someone/ something you want to protect, you might believe that complying with this person is your best chance of preventing damage (which may or may not be true). It's a gamble.

Mostly, it seems to be the "fawn" and "freeze" instinct looping on repeat.

 

Personally, listening to this stuff triggers my "fight" instinct and makes me furious. Like if someone fucked with my pets, they'd be done. In my case, I developed a "fight instinct" to deal with people who turn out to be like the one above, whether they are more or less subtle about it. It gave me a vengeful, vicious side whereas normally I would not ever have one, because I'm not like that by nature and there is otherwise no need for it anyway. Like: however hard you fight, I'll just do it better and smarter than you.

.....like, I don't even know this woman and I want to fight this dude and tell him to get a hold of his sad, pathetic, small-dicked energy.

Though I haven't been in this specific sort of situation, there are people who will blame you for fighting back (as well as not fighting back), for outting others, for not walking away even earlier or getting yourself in this situation to start with. People will blame you for being too angry, too passive, or too much or little of anything. People will say you're lying or you're being overdramatic. Etc.

Even people themselves who have been abused (in my experience) will sometimes question you for getting that angry, (like you're not very moral/ "high consciousness"/ evolved, lol) so that you might protect yourself. Even if potentially, your life might depend on it. Or god forbid, the lives and wellbeings of others (such as her pets).

When it comes to potential criticism, it can be a free-for-all.

 

I am glad that it appears that people are at least moving away from this universal "blame the victim" or "she deserves it because she does sex work", because I think even 10-20 years ago, the reaction would have been even more unsympathetic as a whole. Attitudes are shifting IMO.

 

 

Edited October 19, 2022 by eos_nyxia

[eos_nyxia]

Also: I'm not sure what the laws are like and how they're applied, but isn't her husband coercing her to do Onlyfans straight-up pimping?

[Roy]

Emotionally compromised woman who sells her body for money to literally millions of people somehow ended up in a complicated abusive relationship? Colour me shocked.

Edited October 19, 2022 by Roy

[Clabber Girl]

Her: why did you say your going to kill my dogs?

Him; Leave the house!

Her: ok... I can but .. wait no I shouldn't have to leave b/c my dogs are here! 

LOL From a womans perespective... I have seen this before in friends I no longer talk to

[Leo Gura]

Women tolerate such scumbags.

[Hello from Russia]

Can someone give a tl:dw? Don't want to dedicate 20 min to listen to some gossip

[Osaid]

3 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

Can someone give a tl:dw? Don't want to dedicate 20 min to listen to some gossip

Famous twitch streamer Amouranth has leaked phone calls and messages from her husband showing him to be a manipulative psychopath. On the call he threatens to kill her dogs because she didn't hear what he said correctly. In the text messages he says he is throwing hundreds of thousands of dollars of their income down the drain because she isn't responding to his texts when he wanted her to. He has apparently been the one in charge of a lot of the streams and the one advising her to do hot tub streams, so he has had a lot of control over her. On her last stream, a door opens behind her and the stream instantly ends. We haven't heard back from her yet. The husband thing has come out of left-field, until now Amouranth has kept it ambiguous as to whether she is single or not. It's likely to be real because there aren't really any benefits for her to pull a stunt like this.

Edited October 20, 2022 by Osaid

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzwlBNj52OA

 

[integral]

Test: Now lets see who here is truly grown up, with the power of complete understanding, love this man and leave a comment about why you love him. 

Edited October 20, 2022 by integral

[Osaid]

30 minutes ago, integral said:

Now lets see who here is truly grown up, with the power of complete understanding, love this man and leave a comment about why you love him.

I love him because he spreads awareness in regards to abusive relationships and how you shouldn't judge people (such as Amouranth) without knowledge into their personal life

I love him because he gives us the opportunity to practice deeper levels of love and understanding

I love him because he donated 250k to a pigeon and dove adoption agency (Even though it was out of anger towards Amouranth and it was meant to drain their bank account. Maybe he has a soft spot for birds?)

I love him because I know that any hate towards him comes from a lack of understanding
 

 

 

 

[eos_nyxia]

1 hour ago, integral said:

Test: Now lets see who here is truly grown up, with the power of complete understanding, love this man and leave a comment about why you love him. 

...is this a serious question? If answered seriously (because judgement is "badddddddddd"?), then the ultimate expression of "love" in a personal sense is the absence of judgment if not simply because you've dealt with this particular issue more than enough, and are finally over the way it makes you feel, and get that judgement itself is not an optimal way of transforming yourself, your surroundings, not living with reality the way it is. It will not bring you peace. On top of that, you have also earned the luxury to overcome it, whether through time, one's own direct efforts, etc. (Because a lot of people would like to be truly over being provoked, but are not.)

Being judgemental in a reactive sense is tiring and draining, and to an extent, from a certain perspective: turning against others is no different than turning against yourself, and is felt as such. The body feels it and stores it as such. All sorts of emotions and thoughts are never good for your health and wellbeing, period.

It's putting yourself in someone's shoes as much as ever possible, just because.

If you are the prey: you take on the qualities of the predator (at least in understanding and feeling, even if not in action, hopefully). And vice versa is true too, I think. The predator learns what it means to become like prey; the abuser learns what it means to be abused.

 

What kind of understanding can you possibly have if you haven't gotten up close and personal with what it means to be victimized, and extending this meaningfully to others beyond your own direct, lived-in experience? Or do you mean understanding without real empathy?

(Empathy means you hurt when someone else hurts, quite directly and literally. Or you feel joy when they feel joy, because you take on their emotions as if they're you're own, and by extension, you learn to advocate for them as best as you possibly can. Without this, you can have all the "understanding" in the world, but you are cold, cold, COLD...) Or you HAVE before, so you can legibly say you know what this means in its many variations.

Edited October 20, 2022 by eos_nyxia
Having an emotional immune system like reaction to questionable things doesn't mean that there is something fundamentally, spiritually wrong with you.. just that you're going somewhere. So is society in general. These things are not so easily seperable.

[eos_nyxia]

Quote

I love him because he gives us the opportunity to practice deeper levels of love and understanding

Respectfully: this sort of mentality is actually what leads people who are already victims back into victimhood, or keeps them there. It is often an unaffordable luxury if you actually want to get out.

If you spent your whole life prioritizing people's perspectives, wants, needs, and desires before yours, to the point that it's pre-programmed into you in intensely self-destructive ways, this sort of concern with spiritual virtue and taking the moral high road can literally get you killed by staying too long in situations that you really shouldn't.

(But if you can afford to do this, because perhaps naturally you would be less inclined to do so to start with, or you could use more of a shift away from classical notions of "self-centeredness", or for some other reason... good on you?)

Quote

I love him because he donated 250k to a pigeon and dove adoption agency (Even though it was out of anger towards Amouranth and it was meant to drain their bank account. Maybe he has a soft spot for birds?)

I noticed that detail and wondered about it too...

[Osaid]

35 minutes ago, eos_nyxia said:

If you spent your whole life prioritizing people's perspectives, wants, needs, and desires before yours

This isn't really love, it's a lack of love towards yourself. It's based on fear. This is a narrow and neurotic form of love that stems from something conditional. It's being a doormat. You deny yourself love by putting other people's needs and perception above yours. This is an important nuance and misconception to notice.

 

[eos_nyxia]

1 hour ago, Osaid said:

This isn't really love, it's a lack of love towards yourself. It's based on fear. This is a narrow and neurotic form of love that stems from something conditional. It's being a doormat. You deny yourself love by putting other people's needs and perception above yours. This is an important nuance and misconception to notice.

Yes, that's the point. Those people are pretty much never in the position to "spiritually bypass" their way into this sentiment here (unless you wanna go completely nuke yourself):

Quote

he gives us the opportunity to practice deeper levels of love and understanding

This type of logic is what people often (not always very consciously and intentionally) use to justify staying with an abuser. It's in a similar vein of thinking you can via enough love or understanding "fix" someone; it's practically a trope to say that this does not work. If it's even possible, it's not possible if you're coming from that deficit.

And if you are coming from that deficit or vulnerability, it's not your "fault" either.

(But there is sometimes an undercurrent of feeling like the more moral, virtuous one in this situation, in the case that you've "tolerated" and "transcended" someone's abuse.)

The thing is that people do not often recognize that they are in this deficit, or else a lot of situations like these would probably not ever happen. Sometimes, like I mentioned in one of my above examples, it's simply just being young, sheltered, and inexperienced with people, rather than being "super traumatized" to start with.

Edited October 20, 2022 by eos_nyxia

[Osaid]

3 hours ago, eos_nyxia said:

This type of logic is what people often (not always very consciously and intentionally) use to justify staying with an abuser. It's in a similar vein of thinking you can via enough love or understanding "fix" someone

Interesting, I can see how that can easily be misused. It is a fine line.

Edited October 20, 2022 by Osaid

[Hello from Russia]

7 hours ago, Osaid said:

Famous twitch streamer Amouranth has leaked phone calls and messages from her husband showing him to be a manipulative psychopath. On the call he threatens to kill her dogs because she didn't hear what he said correctly. In the text messages he says he is throwing hundreds of thousands of dollars of their income down the drain because she isn't responding to his texts when he wanted her to. He has apparently been the one in charge of a lot of the streams and the one advising her to do hot tub streams, so he has had a lot of control over her. On her last stream, a door opens behind her and the stream instantly ends. We haven't heard back from her yet. The husband thing has come out of left-field, until now Amouranth has kept it ambiguous as to whether she is single or not. It's likely to be real because there aren't really any benefits for her to pull a stunt like this.

Damn, interesting

Sounds like she s been pretty abusive towards him too which is unfortunate

[iceprincess]

@Hello from Russia how has she been abusive?