Why are my DMT trips always scary (and where is that bliss everyone keeps getting to)

[mojsterr]

(N,N DMT, not 5-MeO)

 

I can remember only one time, as a complete beginner, I came into an oval shaped room and some humanoid like beings were trying to teach me something with their hands. That was just a really interesting trip. I was "somewhere".

Then after that I've had a lot of mild trips. Just the visuals.

But the ones that were really strong always show me complete horror. I reasoned to myself that I always took just one hit too litle (2 instead of 3, as everyone keeps instructing) and I came into some waiting room and if I made a breakthrouth it would pass and I would come to complete bliss.

Because of this sheer terror I could never get myself to smoke it more than once or twice a year. And each time it was the same. Showing me hell.

 

So I still have some old stash at for some years now, that I haven't really gotten to yet, and a few days back I decided to do it again, after 2 years. I wasn't scared, because I said I'm gonna go easy. I was actually excited for the first time. No jitters. To smoke a little, just to get those visuals. And I liked it, I wasn't scared of it anymore, so I smoked it for the last 3 days in the evenings. Every time putting a little bit more inside. I loved it, I actually just wanted to smoke it again and again, it was that good.

So, yestarday I smoked some again and said I need more. Still in a daze I went to the table and put in twice as much as the last dose. It was a pretty neat

I lighted it up, took it all in one long inhale. Waited 10 seconds, exhaled, and immediatelly knew this was it. That feeling when the trip just dawns on you.

I laid back and it was strong as hell. Immediately I knew I took too much. But I didn't break through to some blissful dimension. I saw a women standing over me, not actually seeing her but feeling her and her voice, as she said "You've overdone it". Like a paramedic telling me this while we are driving in the ambulance.

A similar thing happened some years before. In that trip I was also lying somewhere on the ground and some woman yelling at me "Look what you did!". It felt like I have brokend a large window of her street side shop and was lying in the glass in blood, just looking at her and not able to pick myself up. Like I was a drunktard who had a really really bad accident.

 

So now I'm left wondering about yesterday. Was this again just some space before that bliss? Or did I just jump over to some terror space again? All the while I knew I exist, and that "I am", perhaps I didn't know that I am the same person who I am here in this reality. Or perhaps I did. But no loss of ego I think. No complete loss of identity. It was just me - or should I say some person who did something bad, somewhere - with a woman looking over me and telling me I've overdone it.

All this time I kept feeling shame for doing something bad and I was just powerless to the people yelling at me.

 

So. Should I put more in next time? I don't get it.

Do I need first to get through some deep trauma in me, before it lets me visit the blissfulness? What?

 

I do have a lot of problem with shame and I haven't yet been able to resolve it in my life. Could it be that it is that's why it's taking me there?

Is it a problem of just letting go somehow?

 

I just can't imagine taking a strong dose and actually getting to a nice place.

 

Any insights?

 

 

[Chakra Lion]

It’s such a delicate journey that a single thought or feeling can complete change the trip. Swim used to go through similar events. Thinking ‘ I need more’ or ‘ it isn’t enough’ somewhat already ruins the experience. Since the first hit can show effect after exhaling, you move yourself out of that relaxing mood and your mind is frantically trying to quickly load the pipe and get higher. Then you block the existing high and overload again with a big desperate hit, sometimes overdoing it. Then it hits you like a train and you cannot relax into it. A racing heart and the thoughts of having overdone it will provide you with those overdosed scenes. 

Swim has learned to treat it more as a meditation. Doing deep relaxed breathing before and stabilizing the energy inside and around one self first. Then when it tells you, take the first hit, hold it in for as long as you can, exhaling from the nose. If it tells you to take another then do the same. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Surrender your control, empty your mind, don’t attach to thoughts and feelings, and don’t have expectations. If you don’t get as high as you would have liked, meditate on it and try again later. Even the smallest hits can provide great insight especially when you hold it in for as long as you can and just observe. 

[RMQualtrough]

Drugs will affect people differently. For me Salvia doesn't really cause terror as compared to how most people trip on it. But DMT is always terrifying.

If you push it, it won't suddenly become blissful, it will put you into a psychotic state. I have endured such a state on DMT twice where I COMPLETELY lost all control, and stroked my dick etc in madness while shouting and throwing myself all around the ground. This is embarrassing for you when you come down of course.

I wonder if 5-MeO-DMT is a cleaner high, DMT is very twisted and weird.

[Batman]

5 minutes ago, RMQualtrough said:

Drugs will affect people differently. For me Salvia doesn't really cause terror as compared to how most people trip on it. But DMT is always terrifying.

If you push it, it won't suddenly become blissful, it will put you into a psychotic state. I have endured such a state on DMT twice where I COMPLETELY lost all control, and stroked my dick etc in madness while shouting and throwing myself all around the ground. This is embarrassing for you when you come down of course.

I wonder if 5-MeO-DMT is a cleaner high, DMT is very twisted and weird.

I also get some form of sexual arousal when vaping DMT. 

@mojsterr DMT is indeed weird and unexpectable, especially when it is vaped and the trip is short and intense. It is really hard to "know" or "interpret" the realm of the trip, and psychonauts develop all the time all sorts of theories regarding the matter. I suspect that it reveals both personal and collective subconscious material. The more the trip deepens, the forms you become conscious of in the trip will get more archetypical and sacred in their nature - some sort of a blueprint of the capacity to cognize "material" reality.

So, if your subconscious hold "negative" ways to relate to reality, such as thought forms or emotions, DMT might bring them to your cognition. That is what Psychedelics do, generally, they bring the unconscious mind into Consciousness in all sorts of ways. It is very possible that you are going through personal subconscious material that is buried and what you truly wish for is to cognize it so you can let go of it. This is why integration is so important - you are using the trip experience/lesson to "look" for your unconsciousness in daily life. Regarding your trips - it sounds to me like you feared that you took too much, and that fear manifested as voices telling you about this. The fact that it was the sound of a woman might suggest your overlooked need for motherly guidance or protection, or for other forms of female energy of supervision and care. But those are only speculation, it is for you to find out why the trip manifested the way it did.

[Jodistrict]

51 minutes ago, RMQualtrough said:

I wonder if 5-MeO-DMT is a cleaner high, DMT is very twisted and weird.

For me, Bufo is the most pure experience of all the medicines.    There are no visions or stories like in mushrooms or ayahuasca.  The ego and thoughts drop away, with direct contact to the present and connection to the heart.  

[Advocate]

@mojsterr Perhaps a memory and feelings from a past life that you need to integrate before you can really feel that bliss. You may wanna try MDMA.

[StarStruck]

This is why I stopped with 5 MeO. All the suppressed shit gets released. 

[mojsterr]

1 hour ago, Advocate said:

@mojsterr Perhaps a memory and feelings from a past life that you need to integrate before you can really feel that bliss. You may wanna try MDMA.

I also think this. Twice have I now "met" this woman who is disgusted at me.

It's similar same as LSD. I've written a post some while ago how my LSD trips always take me to some place of unspeakable horror. Something that ha happened in the past, in some other place. And it is always the same visions, the same places. I hear screaming of a lot of people at once, like we are together in an airplane that is going down, or something like that. Then there is a vision of a body underwated, stuck in a fish net and it has been there for a few days. Everything is cut into the skin and the body just wants to explode. A grousome scene. It's always the same visions and each time I trip, I go just a little bit further.

But I don't mind it on LSD. Actually each time I want to go to that place again, because I want to figure out what these visions are. But to me it's like I've been there in the accident together with all of them.

 

But I was just wondering what do I have to do with DMT. I will take a slightly lighter dose next time and try to integrate it somehow.

 

But these have to be some things buried deep inside of me and I feel I need to solve them. But I don't know how.

 

 

I've tried MDMA, but on parties. Not for healing.

Also, I have a little bit of 5-MeO, too. Will try it aswell. I've only done it once and it blew my brains out a little.

 

But I'd just like to figure shit out.

I had the same experience on Ayahuasca. I had a 5 hour horror trip, because I couldn't let go. I have some deep fear of opening up inside. I just want to solve it.

Edited April 1, 2022 by mojsterr

[Leo Gura]

1) Reduce your doses.

2) Try other psychedelics which might suit you better.

[Advocate]

@mojsterr Seems like “overdoing it” is in itself a topic to be looked at. I’ve got the impression that that something draws you to overdoing it on psychedelics as well.

What you need is not a more intense trip but exactly the opposite, more of a step-by-step process. And weaker psychedelics as used in  microdosing. 

[RMQualtrough]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

1) Reduce your doses.

2) Try other psychedelics which might suit you better.

I've found substances can become mentally "poisoned" if you have a SERIOUSLY bad experience. So even tiny microdoses of that substance will trigger panic, because it takes you back into it.

The first times I used DMT I had intriguing experiences. It wasn't until after the first bad trip that it became very sinister in vibe. That never went away.

[RMQualtrough]

31 minutes ago, Advocate said:

@mojsterr Seems like “overdoing it” is in itself a topic to be looked at. I’ve got the impression that that something draws you to overdoing it on psychedelics as well.

What you need is not a more intense trip but exactly the opposite, more of a step-by-step process. And weaker psychedelics as used in  microdosing. 

The more-ish attitude in the psychedelic community caused this.

I'd constantly read lines like "if you broke through you will KNOW IT!" and like, I'm a very skeptical person, so I ALWAYS doubted myself, and hence kept upping the dose more and more and more and more, thinking there was some magical place I must reach.

I know now that I HAD reached breakthrough, MANY times in fact. It's just ridiculous people in that community who think they're meeting elf people and such.

[Alex_R]

Did you ever take lsd? Try 110ug first

[mojsterr]

9 hours ago, Advocate said:

@mojsterr Seems like “overdoing it” is in itself a topic to be looked at. I’ve got the impression that that something draws you to overdoing it on psychedelics as well.

What you need is not a more intense trip but exactly the opposite, more of a step-by-step process. And weaker psychedelics as used in  microdosing. 

Alright.

8 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

The more-ish attitude in the psychedelic community caused this.

I'd constantly read lines like "if you broke through you will KNOW IT!" and like, I'm a very skeptical person, so I ALWAYS doubted myself, and hence kept upping the dose more and more and more and more, thinking there was some magical place I must reach.

Exactly this, yes. Also too sceptical. I guess I did break through, but it was just too strong to handle.

8 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

 It's just ridiculous people in that community who think they're meeting elf people and such.

Ok, but I've met these too. Not elf people, but mechanical looking entities. Something like those indian totems and aztec masks, but in HD and trillions of collors.

When I have met them it was always kind of the same. One of them always has some tube going into my body and is draining me of something. It feels like a outer wordly hospital room and they are doing something to me. Trying to help me. This experience is similar with this woman, like some nurse.

I have also met them in 2 or 3 other instances, so from my experience, I know they are real, whatever they are.

 

4 hours ago, Alex_R said:

Did you ever take lsd? Try 110ug first

Yeah, I don't have a problem with LSD. Those trips were always good.

[Alex_R]

So why you didnt ask the entities who they are? Or what they want?

[mojsterr]

There wasn't a chance. There was too much going on. I could just observe and try to take in what is happening.

Now that I think of it, there perhaps wasn't even a 'Me', it just was 'everything' at once.

Edited April 3, 2022 by mojsterr

[Brivido]

As Leo said, if one chemical doesn't work for you, don't keep using it. There are other wonderful substances that can be used to achieve the same purpose. 

For instance, my system doesn't like LSD, I have tried it multiple times and had only negative experiences. I just stopped doing it. We are not all the same. Leo finds mushrooms twisted, I love mushrooms. 

5-meo-malt is my favourite chemical so far, it gets you to the same place of 5-meo-dmt but way more gently. If you are going to try 5-meo, go for malt, it might suit you better, seen the situation.

[mojsterr]

3 hours ago, Brivido said:

As Leo said, if one chemical doesn't work for you, don't keep using it. There are other wonderful substances that can be used to achieve the same purpose. 

For instance, my system doesn't like LSD, I have tried it multiple times and had only negative experiences. I just stopped doing it. We are not all the same. Leo finds mushrooms twisted, I love mushrooms. 

5-meo-malt is my favourite chemical so far, it gets you to the same place of 5-meo-dmt but way more gently. If you are going to try 5-meo, go for malt, it might suit you better, seen the situation.

That's a good take I guess. I just saw DMT as the ultimate of experiences and wanted what others achieved.

 

Malt? I can't keep up with these new varieties anymore. I kind of stopped keeping up a few years back.

I'll smoke the rest of my DMT, but in lower doses. Otherwise I'll stick to LSD.

 

[Aaron p]

@mojsterr fuck dmt man. you dont get bliss if you push harder you just get more directionless chaos and terror haha. fuck that.

what your talking about (pushing through the terror till the breakthrough to get to bliss) is 5meo. Ive never had a good experience with DMT really...unless i take 150mg MDMA an hour before hand. Im off all psychs atm, need to build my egoic existence a bit before i tear it to shreds (which i still very much intend to do).