How to stop pedestalizing?

[SonataAllegro]

Anyone have good tips to avoid putting a partner on a pedestal? Every time I think I'm not doing it, I later find out I was. I never think someone is "the one" but still they become very special to me, especially if things become exclusive. But how do I distinguish between seeing someone as "important" (not needy) and seeing them as "special" (needy)?

[Thestarguitarist14]

Realize that there is no such thing as the “one”.

Realize that “love” for women is what you can do for them and how you make them feel.  Most women do not love you for initially.  If they do it’s usually down the road.  If she is ever not happy with you she will leave you.

Meet more women.

Stop thinking about women and get on your purpose.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

You pedestelize someone because you yourself think you are not good enough for that person, you see them more special than yourself.

I dont know you so i cant say why you think you are not as important as them,its some assumption or belief that you as you are is not good enough <--- probably just that

Or could be the fear you wont find great girl like that if she leaves you so you make her more valuable and you become more needy..

[Matthew85]

@SonataAllegro This is rooted in how you view and feel about yourself. Admire, love and adore your partner, but also equally admire and love yourself. Know your value and how fortunate they are to be with you. 

[Vincent S]

Whoever you think you need to pedestalize: Imagine yourself with them in a relationship, 6-12 months down the road.
After you both have passed the sparkly honeymoon phase: When everything between you will slowly stabilize, is he or she still that special to you, as you thought initially?
What you find is that: No, not really. What gives you the sense and the need to pedestalize someone: Is that you know yourself to be less, and this magical other to be able to fix your issue. Its just a spell. All spells have a loop-holes, and all spells, with time, will wear off.

Dont get me wrong. You can still have a magical relationship with someone/people. But it will only come and stay, when both sides, are complete within them, and both share their spoils with eachother. Our flings with other people, is just a spark we feel within us. That spark is a reminder of who we truly are. And we think its within that other person. I have to pursue them and put them on a pedestal.

Only you can make you fulfilled. Noone else. Because there is only you. Thinking there are others outside/above you.

Edited February 3, 2022 by Vincent S

[Nahm]

How to stop pedestalizing?

Are you aware?

Are you aware that you are aware?

Name anything else at all which has the property of being aware. 

As assumptions arise, check direct experience, and let those thoughts pass on. 

Now notice the ‘me’ of ‘important to me’ & ‘special to me’, is a thought, and let it pass on as well. 

Technically it’s just the beliefs held on a pedestal. 

[integral]

See that they are a regular average person that is simply compatible with you (for the mean time).

Edited February 3, 2022 by integral

[hyruga]

It's due to your low self esteem. Read the 6 pillars of self esteem.

 

 

 

[Terell Kirby]

6 hours ago, SonataAllegro said:

Anyone have good tips to avoid putting a partner on a pedestal?

Deep down, this comes from the feeling that you are undeserving of your partner.

You'll have to get honest about your insecurities about yourself for the issue to truly be resolved.

[Preety_India]

Try to keep the game as equal as possible. 

If you praise your partner, make sure you are receiving some compliments too. It shouldn't be one way street. 

You are keeping someone on a pedestal only when you are doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship meanwhile the other person lives like royalty. Keep it equal. 

If they are special to you, then you should be special to them as well and their actions/words should reflect that. 

Nothing wrong with praising the partner but it should be on both sides to avoid power shifts in the relationship that lead to imbalance. 

[SonataAllegro]

17 hours ago, integral said:

See that they are a regular average person that is simply compatible with you (for the mean time).

This is probably the most helpful advice, but all of you are giving wonderful words. I think my issues come from ignoring someone's "faults" and red flags and only seeing what I want to see in them. Same thing happens within myself.

[hamedsf]

in order to stop pedestalizing other people, you should be already on the pedestal yourself. have a nice day.

[Nahm]

On 2/3/2022 at 1:49 PM, SonataAllegro said:

Anyone have good tips to avoid putting a partner on a pedestal? Every time I think I'm not doing it, I later find out I was. I never think someone is "the one" but still they become very special to me, especially if things become exclusive. But how do I distinguish between seeing someone as "important" (not needy) and seeing them as "special" (needy)?

‘Seeing’ is, lightly put, perception. 

And… there is also the experience of thoughts, like important, special, needy, not needy, etc. 

So to speak, if you find yourself believing you need someone else to be able to feel the happiness that you are, reorient inward (vs continuing to focus on & believe the thoughts). 

Another way to point, in believing thoughts, it can seem like the great feeling is coming from someone else. Simply take pause, and inspect. Where is feeling, right now, actually, coming from?