How to love myself

[Preety_India]

How do I love myself more? 

This question is not about self image issues that girls usually have. I don't have issues regarding looks or body image, most of the time I am fine with it. 

I don't even hate myself. 

But deep down I feel like I don't love myself. Like it's all hollow there. There's no hate. But also there is no love there. 

It feels empty inside. I have empathy for other people and I quickly reach out to people who need help or support. 

One day a friend of mine said to me - "you are good at taking care of others, but you fail to take good care of yourself." 

I never feel like I'm important enough. It is always others others others. 

My family never taught me that I was important enough. In fact they always did the reverse. 

I was always told to sacrifice myself for others. 

As a result if I needed help, I never asked 

I would help others in my family but never myself. 

I would schedule appointments for my mother but not for me. 

If she needed to eat, I would go hungry that night 

 

The problem is that all this tendency has bottled up over the years to where I no longer feel myself deeply 

 

I feel like a dead tree dying. 

I feel like I never have myself. There is always something more important to do and it's not related to me. 

Deep down I feel tons of self pity because I was made to feel undeserving of anything good for years as a child. 

I was tirelessly nitpicked on by my mother, constantly criticised 

If I ate an extra morsel I was called selfish. I developed a shadow against self care and selfishness. 

If I felt uncomfortable doing something for her, I was labelled selfish 

If I felt lazy or unwell and did not schedule her appointments, I was called selfish and useless. 

It was as though my whole life was a duty to others 

I have come to realize that this pattern dominated my life and caused me immense suffering to the point that if someone showed me love and acceptance I would break down in tears 

I never felt loved and accepted by my family, except for my dad who died years ago and I don't have much of a memory of him.

Feeling isolated and disowned by my own family made me feel very vulnerable and unworthy. 

 

 

How do I feel strong enough to love myself from deep within? 

The inner  feeling of worthlessness doesn't go away no matter how hard I try 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel that is very sweet of you honey.

 

[AriSujan]

@Preety_India Praticing gratitude sure does the work!

[Cathal]

@Preety_India have you went into any catharsis recently? the thing is with these traumas you had as child, it's actually really hard to get into the pain buried underneath the hollowness because there really is some deep deep raw emotions that are incredibly intense, you still really resent and blame your family. i feel like you are very disconnected from your inner child and you are experiencing a big chunk of feeling present with yourself. it's like you look around and there's a lonely silence in your experience of life or something, that's what it feels like for me.

https://www.youtube.com/c/TanjaWindegger 

i really recommend to browse this channel, she's really good some good content on what you're experiencing.

what you describe is really like how i grew up,

well the most useful thing for me have been to see that how i feel right now is entirely my responability, being a victim of my family, society, conditioning and the fragmentation of my being was no ones fault, all of this pain you're carrying is your parents pain, it's societies traumas, it's really a very holistic understanding there is literally no one to blame and nothing to project onto, 

a constant reminder the outside world is a complete illusion and your repressed trash is finding ways to project.

mdma and psychedelics have been powerful tools of insight.

it's just as you keep working on yourself and trying to understand you gain insight and then you come to see things just as they are

through resolving traumas you notice a subtle connection to the present moment, it takes a long time. but it's the only thing really left to do, is to surrender, express your will to go into your pain and process it despite the fear, experience catharsis, let go of it all and glue yourself to the emotion > feeling alive and more like you're really here

[RickyFitts]

I remember when I was going through a really hard time a few years back, I'd ask myself when I was really struggling: 'What do I need in this moment?' Because I came to realise that I'd gotten into the habit of neglecting my own needs, though it took for me to be in a really bad way before I understood that. Just asking yourself the question can help you to become more aware of your needs.

[Hulia]

@Preety_India Dear Preety, if you look very closely, very quietly at the energy streams in your body and psycho- at your emotions like dispair, sadness, loneliness, you´ll see that they all are made of the same substance. This substance is love. Your are blessed with a lot of passion - a lot of love - lost in the labyrynths of your self-image.

Here is a music of autumn for you

 

[Gesundheit2]

It's a choice that you make.

Choose to love yourself, and you'll find yourself becoming better at it with time.

In fact, you've already made the first step right here. All you need now is time.

You've planted the seed, and it will grow. Water it, and nurture it. Rest, rise, and absorb light from the sun. You'll eventually bloom. It's inevitable.

[itachi uchiha]

@Preety_India if u r desperate and can take some partiarchy

 

Then try to apply redpill principles to your life

 

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Preety_India find special little ways to care for yourself throughout the day. What are some things that make you feel special? Tune in and ask "what would someone who loves themselves do"? 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel @AriSujan @Gesundheit2 @Flowerfaeiry thank you for the responses. 

@Loba  your response is really helpful. Thank you for the time. Really appreciate. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Loba I agree. Trying hard to get to it. 

[Preety_India]

5 hours ago, itachi uchiha said:

@Preety_India if u r desperate and can take some partiarchy

 

Then try to apply redpill principles to your life

 

Can you elaborate please? 

How did red pill make it's way into this thread. 

 

 

[itachi uchiha]

@Preety_India there is a book called no more mr nice guy.it destroy all nice guy traits in a man and fix him.but it is wrote for men.if u can apply its principles then your people pleasing and being a doormat traits will be fixed

[Preety_India]

@itachi uchiha thanks. 

 

[RickyFitts]

@Loba Thanks for taking the time to break it all down like that, super-helpful!  

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

I don’t have a clue how I would go about loving myself, since I am already myself. Instead I pour that which is myself into this life / experience via a dreamboard, consciously creating life / experience. I’ve noticed telling the story of wanted becomes reality, whereas telling a story of a past creates the experience of the same, or, the same old experience. The dreamboard makes it so easy, effortless, to be focused only on what I do want. And it does indeed manifest as such. 

[Preety_India]

@Nahm that seems like a good idea. 

 

[JoshuaBell]

It’s really brave of u to even admit this. I wish I could help but I’m kind of in the same fucking pickle, soooo. Idk for me journaling has helped. Writing in a journal about everything even the most disturbing shit like I’ll have thoughts about killing people or paranoid thoughts and writing it down sort of makes it seem a lot less threatening.

[Ethan1]

That sounds like internalized shame. Complex shame. 

 

Shame is rooted in the existenial loneliness and Lack of self-love is shame. Self-hate is essentially just shame. 

 

Self-love in my eyes is attached to.. 

Self-care

Self-respect

Self-esteem

Self-compassion 

Self-awareness 

Self-understanding

Self-image

Self-

Self-differentiation 

 

From my understanding working on each of these categories helps.

 

Plus, getting to the root of the shame by altering the beliefs. 

 

Also, Self-differentiation is a big one to focus on.. Re-parenting yourself. Remothering yourself and refathering to reprogram the self. 

[Preety_India]

@Ethan1 that sounds pretty good. 

Never thought of reparenting myself.