KennedyCarter

Gender roles

55 posts in this topic

Before enlightenment I was against gender roles. But now after realizing that I create my reality, I’ve become more comfortable in my femininity. I enjoy having a man be the leader and provider in the relationship. I don’t find myself being very career oriented and enjoy domestic activities. 
 

Has anyone else adopted or demolished gender roles since enlightenment? I’d like to hear others perspective about this.

 

I love y’all xoxo KennedyCarter 

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@KennedyCarter I am not personally enlighted but i find a lot of the gender roles to be false. Basically done because of survival not because they are true per say. Many are outdated.

For example there is 0 reason for the woman to be the sole person in the household that does the chores, both can contribute to chores. Also regarding working and providing, both can do it equally well these days for the most part.

Only places where i think gender roles are still very relevant would be taking care for the child (females are wired to do it better) and protecting in case of danger (males are the stronger sex, so if for example someone breaks in the house). Outside these very specific things overall i think gender roles are outdated.

In the relative realm they are neccessary for survival and therefore work.

On the "absolute" term than its all illusion so irrelevant and false.

Keep in mind i am talking about developed countries here, in a poor country gender roles are much more prevelant and necessary.

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Prior to my awakenings at 20, I was of the notion that all ideas of masculine and feminine were naught more that social constructs. 

And then, in my first awakening, I experienced an energy that I could only describe as feminine. And I realized I'd been repressing it.

And in the years following, I had a time period where I tried to re-adopt the female gender norm... and it so did not work for me. I cut so much of myself off. I just didn't know any other way to connect with my feminine energy. And so I tried to put myself into the old construct. 

But I realized later that my femininity is not very well aligned to traditional feminine gender role. Domesticity doesn't really appeal, though I do enjoy my children very much. I'm still very career and ambition oriented. I'm incredibly passionate about this facet of my life.

My femininity is a type of femininity that's not been historically very well accepted. In any other era, I would guess that I'd be burnt on pyre in the middle of the town square surrounded by villagers with pitchforks if I dared express it. 

I am much more like a witch than I was before I discovered my femininity. This is how the feminine comes up for me. I'm like the old witch in the woods that little children whisper stories about and people come to for healing. This is the type of femininity that fits me. 

So, this Hecate femininity is more of what I found. But someone could find in themselves a Hestia kind of femininity, focused on the hearth and home. 

The important thing to remember though is that, even if your femininity aligns mostly to the guidelines of traditional feminine gender roles, that you should be mindful to differentiate between the two so that you don't get boxed in. 

Edited by Emerald

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@KennedyCarter

I funnily realised that i am transgender in the process of enlightenment. Was quite an eye opening experience.

Because it just made a ton of sense, and i have never felt more in touch with my true self ever since.


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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I used to hate the idea of gender roles because I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family and I thought to myself that I definitely wasn't going to end up like these guys. Then, as I started tapping into my energies, I realized that stepping into my own masculinity was actually what I wanted and needed. The masculine energy in me seeks to be expressed and repressing it only creates more problems and more misalignment.

Though I have to say that gender roles still get very messy because of social norms and cultural expectations that distort our understanding of these natural energies. There is still lots of people out there who think that men shouldn't cry or that women shouldn't be assertive. That's why a lot of progressives react towards gender roles the way they do. We first need to deconstruct them before we can reconstruct them in a healthier fashion.

I am slowly becoming more comfortable with my masculinity which ironically also allows me to be more comfortable with my own femininity. It's almost like my masculine energy gives the feminine energy in me the security and stability to express itself more freely. It's a beautiful dance of yin & yang.


beep boop

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@Emerald what made you label that energy as "feminine" though? 

I'm curious because I think we all have a personal signature, but labels like "feminine", "masculine" and so on are cultural constructs in my opinion. 

At the absolute level these labels don't exist right? Energies and things in general just are. Actually there would be no things because talking about "things" means we're trying to create boxes to describe infinity, by focusing on certain aspects of it.

 

 

 

 

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@Emerald interesting, thank you. For sure, we shouldn’t have to sacrifice who we are to please people. Everyone is on a spectrum. It’s just for me I was repressing my femininity and I finally feel more like myself now. 

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@DefinitelyNotARobot  wow didn’t think of it like that.  Other people may have not gone through the stage of realizing that they don’t have to partake gender roles. Luckily I’m past that, but you’re right, People should know they don’t have to fit into boxes.

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37 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@Emerald what made you label that energy as "feminine" though? 

I'm curious because I think we all have a personal signature, but labels like "feminine", "masculine" and so on are cultural constructs in my opinion. 

At the absolute level these labels don't exist right? Energies and things in general just are. Actually there would be no things because talking about "things" means we're trying to create boxes to describe infinity, by focusing on certain aspects of it.

 

It was so interesting because it wasn't anything traditionally associated with feminine gender norms. But it was just an overwhelmingly feminine feeling. And "social construct" was my FAVORITE phrase at the time. I always felt like everything, especially stuff related to gender was super made up and not based in anything. But that was only partially true. 

There is definitely an objectivity to masculine and feminine energy that can be sensed. And gender norms are really just constructs that are sometimes derived from those energies and sometimes not derived from those energies.

For example, the color pink has nothing to do with feminine energy. It's purely socially constructed. But there are many forms that are mostly informed by feminine energy. For example, the energy of plants and greenery are very feminine.

That was what I was sensing. I was outside and night and it felt feminine. And I knew no better word to describe it. And later, I found that both plants and the nighttime are associated with the feminine across many different cultures.

So, I highly encourage you to think about masculinity and femininity not just as social constructs.... but to parse the distinction between what is social construct and what is objective about them. 

I was inadvertently repressing a lot of the feminine in myself because I was defining everything masculine as neutral/good and everything feminine as undesirable/lesser. And I had no idea that I was repressing and undervaluing so much of the feminine in myself, in the world, and in others because I couldn't see how those things were connected together and how it related to my feminine side and the feminine side of the world.

 


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26 minutes ago, KennedyCarter said:

@Emerald interesting, thank you. For sure, we shouldn’t have to sacrifice who we are to please people. Everyone is on a spectrum. It’s just for me I was repressing my femininity and I finally feel more like myself now. 

That's really awesome. It's very important to integrate the feminine side. 

Society has historically undervalued it. And the result is that many women (and men) end up repressing the feminine in themselves. And it creates so many problems for the individual and society alike.

It may seem to be a radical statement, but most of the dysfunctions that exist in this world (from gender inequality to wealth inequality to climate change) take their roots in disconnection with the feminine. 


If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar…

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that's completely right! some people feel the concept of gender roles is something traditional and coming from close-minded cultures!!!

but telling from my experience, I was in relationship with a woman in her 30s and she was completely surprised by the fact that I was taking responsibility and leadership in almost everything. she told me that she felt completely relaxed in her femininity by being beside me. 

it works just like the battery poles. the more polarized, the more the power of electricity! 

Edited by hamedsf

"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up"

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@Emerald I see what you mean. Thank you for sharing your experience ?

I can't help but think the label itself is a projection of an archetype or a culturally shared notion of what feminine feels lile vs masculine. 

I personally find the distinction quite useful and am not against thinking in terms of integrating both polarities. But I think it's important not to mistake the label for the raw expression of "energy".

7 hours ago, Emerald said:

I found that both plants and the nighttime are associated with the feminine across many different cultures.

This points exactly to what I mean: it's a cultural association. 

As much as I try, I can't find the objectivity in those words if I inspect my direct experience. I can only find different ways of expressing myself and natural tendencies that I can call masculine/feminine, yin/yang, active/passive but it doesn't mean there is something that is objectively masculine or feminine IMO.

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women are soft men are hard, have to make use of the hand you are dealt

i know distinctions are not real are conditioning are problematic but you have to deal with what is if you want friends

the fact i know who i am has no bearing on whether you know who you are

i have zero desire to change you or talk ideology or dogma

you do you i do me and when we meet anticipate with glee 

gender identity and sexual orientation cannot be easily transcended, you are in one camp or another

you are stunningly perfect as the uniquely magnificent handiwork of existence

don't change anything, your arrival as you are has been eagerly awaited

bottom line, absolutely everything can be used to take one's awakening deeper

enjoy and celebrate your outer suit

it suits you like no other

Edited by gettoefl

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In my case, as I was progressing deeper into inconceivability, the way in which I expressed myself as a man was becoming more and more integrated by opening up to the feminine. This had a lot to do with psychotherapy and dropping rigidity of preconceived notions of what a man is, and isn't. A lot of it was related to having less and less self-image, and clearly understanding the nature of abstraction and how it relates to the social sphere. Being in a committed relationship with a woman helped a lot, since I had to (at first) put up with, and (later) love someone that is specifically designed to work upside-down from what I expect to be "the way" to work.

I am now more compassionate, accepting and empathetic, but also, much more confident. This is because I understood which aspects of me are not "faults", but features, despite being socially unacceptable in my closest family. I really am hardheaded, stubborn, and willful. I also am a die-hard intellectual. And I cherish it.

Edited by tsuki

Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2

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11 hours ago, Farnaby said:

@Emerald I see what you mean. Thank you for sharing your experience ?

I can't help but think the label itself is a projection of an archetype or a culturally shared notion of what feminine feels lile vs masculine. 

I personally find the distinction quite useful and am not against thinking in terms of integrating both polarities. But I think it's important not to mistake the label for the raw expression of "energy".

This points exactly to what I mean: it's a cultural association. 

As much as I try, I can't find the objectivity in those words if I inspect my direct experience. I can only find different ways of expressing myself and natural tendencies that I can call masculine/feminine, yin/yang, active/passive but it doesn't mean there is something that is objectively masculine or feminine IMO.

I didn't consciously know about that cultural association at the time. And I was very very against gender roles and anything that put anyone into a box. I would not have been receptive to labeling Earthly things as feminine, even if I had been aware of that association.

But what it really is is Yin energy... which the closest word I could associate it with is femininity. And this is because women tend to have more of that subtle energy than men do... though everyone has both. 

So, the label of feminine/masculine is not objective. Yin and Yang supersede but inform human gender and ideas about gender. 

So Yin and Yang is objective because you can observe it with enough sensitivity... though it is subtle. 

And the reason we label Yin as feminine and Yang as masculine is because we can notice these energies play out in people. And we will notice generally more Yin energy in women as a whole group and more Yang energy in men as a whole group, though there are a sizable minority of exceptions. 

This is why it's easy to make a symbolic approximation to discuss what is otherwise very subtle to observe and very difficult to communicate without the use of archetypal and anthropic symbolism.


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@KennedyCarter

I've done a lot of balancing of my masculine / feminine over the years.

When I was a boy, I often didn't resonate with hanging out with the other boys in my school. It just seemed like the whole purpose of guys getting together was to hurt each other, both physically and emotionally, as much as possible. And given I didn't have a lot of positive male role models in my life, I didn't really form a good relationship with masculinity.

It wasn't until I went to an all-guys high school and joined a fraternity in college that I started to really appreciate this idea of "being a man". My understanding was immature, but I was beginning to see what masculinity could offer.

As I come up on age 30, I feel much more balanced. I'll never fit some of the stereotypes around men, but I feel that I've begun to mix and match the feminine and masculine energies in my own way.


 

 

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How do you become more “feminine” or “masculine” after mystical experiences when they (in theory) transcend even the notion of being “a human” ?

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20 minutes ago, Dryas said:

How do you become more “feminine” or “masculine” after mystical experiences when they (in theory) transcend even the notion of being “a human” ?

You break down your resistances to realizing the masculine and feminine energy that exists within your human intonation. 

It's the same way how a mystical experiences can break down your repressions so that more of your human self shows through.

So, you ask what is the equivalent of saying, "How can a mystical experience help you let go of your psychological repressions when the experience transcends the notion of being human?" 

Psychological wholeness is a human thing. But there's definitely a correlation between the grounded human wholeness and integration of all your aspects and the ability to experience a perspective that transcends all the details of your humanity.

So, the masculine and the feminine can be repressed. And experiencing transcendence of the human perspective can break down our walls that repress these naturally occurring energies. 


If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar…

Emotionalmastery.org

 

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I have experienced masculine and feminine polarity first hand at Tony Robbins DWD event in Florida. For ladies, what we did, we were dancing to this semi shamanic/witchy music - absolutely stunning soft movement of the ladies in the audience. 

For men, it was a clip from Die Hard movie with Mel Gibson, where he assembles his men to fight for freedom! And then all men in the audience were screaming: Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! 

At that point I was at awe with masculine energy - the protector, warrior, a sheer strength and fearlessness! 

In this polarity of soft and hard, freedom and coziness, strength and gentle weakness, protection and care taking, I FELT extreme pull to the masculine energy from my feminine state. 

This is when my libido has changed too, I actually started liking more those qualities in men and realised that a truly masculine man exhibits all these qualities. And sexual polarity for me is the highest for these men.

My libido drops and I simply stop wanting the guy if he lacks these qualities or genuinely believes that men and women are equal. Equality of genders removes all polarity from the interaction and at that stage I don't want to jump the guy, I feel him as a neutral person - a friend. 

 

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