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spinderella

The *feeling* of love

37 posts in this topic

5 hours ago, molosku said:

and if that does not work? yeah

Then you are fucked.

There is nothing more fundamental than love for reality itself.

It will work. If you work it. But work it! Stop the not-working.

Or just take a psychedelic.

With you guys, it's like I tell you the hard way and the easy way. And you invent excuses for why the hard way is too hard and the easy way is too easy. And thus you end up less than nowhere.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura Thanks Leo, I agree that I am missing the fundamental appreciation that anything exists.  All I feel on a regular basis is separation, and I know I'm missing the directly felt experience that I am all of these things.  I've had fleeting moments of profound gratitude for the fact that anything exists, but they have been few and far between.  But, they feel like "home".  

I've done high doses of mushrooms and I've done ayahuasca a few times as well, but I have so much resistance that I don't ever "break through".  I try to release resistance and just be open and accept, but it doesn't seem to be working.  I've considered 5MEO-DMT, but I'm afraid of what will happen with my current level of resistance.

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11 minutes ago, spinderella said:

@Leo Gura I try to release resistance and just be open and accept, but it doesn't seem to be working.

Sometimes it can feel like that for a long time but you don't really know if it's working. It's like climbing a foggy mountain for days, but you only ever see fog wherever you look. You don't seem to go anywhere. "It doesn't work" you say, thinking about returning. But you might be consistently approaching the top of the mountain. That top could mean for you a breakthrough, a healing milestone, a direct and undeniable recognition of what is true. Hang in there, it sounds like you're on the right path :x Trust the process, and know that difficulty is plenty. Sometimes the darkest night foregoes the most beautiful sunrise 🌅

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24 minutes ago, spinderella said:

I've done high doses of mushrooms and I've done ayahuasca a few times as well, but I have so much resistance that I don't ever "break through".

So then you gotta contemplate the root of that resistance and become conscious of what is it and why it's there.

Another easy way to access Love is through Beauty. Spend more time just contemplating and connecting to the fundamental beauty of reality -- whatever that means for you. Might be animals, nature, sex, music, art, etc. Find those specific things that make you excited about life. Reconnect with the beauty of life. I can't go more than a few days without crying at the beauty of it all. But this had to be cultivated.

The bottom line is: you take life and reality so for granted. If you didn't, you'd be crying tears of joy every day.

It's not about taking a few trips. You must use the psychedelics to become more conscious of your self and really do the work with them. And high doses are not necessarily best for you. That resistance needs to be cleared up and make conscious at lower levels. You probably have a lot of life baggage to work through first before you can break into the epic metaphysical stuff.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The bottom line is: you take life and reality so for granted. If you didn't, you'd be crying tears of joy every day.

Are tears of joy normal for you?

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19 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Are tears of joy normal for you?

Almost daily


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@spinderella my girlfriend has also a problem with love in general. She has a lot of blockades, it is a lot of work. She took 15 times psychedelica so far in mid dose range (LSD, 2 x mdma). It helped a lot to resolve blockades so far but still the main blockades are there. she did just one time experience self love on her first trip.

I just want to say you are not alone with this problem (maybe this love problem is more of a problem for girls?).

Maybe 5 meo is the right way

 

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@Leo Gura Thanks Leo, I know you are right re: tears of joy.  I'm stuck in 'selfishness' in the form of fear, for the most part.  

Thank you for your comments about finding the beauty of life and basking in it.  I know that I love the sound of certain instruments like violin and piano, I love the sound of birds singing, I love birds in general.  I love dance and spinning around and I love all different kinds of flowers.  I love the smell of a new book.  It makes me feel sad to see how I have been living in a way so disconnected from the admittedly very simple things that could open me up to feel actual love.  I'm just going too fast trying to get somewhere indiscernible for no good reason. 

You have given me some things to contemplate.  Thank you. 

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@spinderella Those things you love, do them more.

Doctor's orders ;)

The place you're trying to get to is Love. But you're going about it ass-backwards.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Posted (edited)

@spinderella Get a copy of Howard Storm's book, "My Descent into Death."  It's been around for a while and is his personal account of his near death experience.  It's not a long book and there is a section that is so poignant, I  weep whenever I read it.  It is the moment that he is forgiven by God or Christ or whatever label you use, for all his past mistakes.  The love that shines through that particular scene makes me weep and reminds me of how loved we are.  That is the first time I felt real unconditional love for all things and all beings.  Here is a link to the author's interview on you tube:

Then I read "A Course in Miracles" and once you get past the beginning which seems somewhat dry and you begin to understand it, unconditional love shines through it and removes all feelings of lack of love. 

Just as an aside, I was always an analytical person but my greatest wish was to find love for everyone.  "A Course in Miracles" speaks the language of love and forgiveness and seems to simply soak in without effort.  If the text appears to be too difficult to start off with, there are short individual lessons or affirmations, one for each day of a year, but you are not required to go through them at that pace. I read the book over and over for five years because it was like a long cold drink of water to someone dying of thirst.  It was my constant reminder of infinite love.

There is a couple who are both very advanced through struggle and through their openness to hear the "still small voice inside" and have passed on their method to many seekers.  Their names are Candace and  DavidPaul Doyle and they have a website.  They also do workshops using their method in person around the country.   They only just started doing this when I first heard of them and they had an online workshop I participated in.  They teach how to communicate with universal love in a very simple meditation.  I do this now whenever I wish to have an answer, I listen to her exact words which put me into deep meditation and connection to love, and the answers I receive are either strong feelings or pictures which tell a story.  I believe their website gives information about their method if you google their names.

Edited by Eternity

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10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Then you are fucked.

There is nothing more fundamental than love for reality itself.

It will work. If you work it. But work it! Stop the not-working.

Or just take a psychedelic.

With you guys, it's like I tell you the hard way and the easy way. And you invent excuses for why the hard way is too hard and the easy way is too easy. And thus you end up less than nowhere.

you essentially did not address my initial post to this thread. It's almost like you are saying it's non-duality or nothing, and that is a slippery slope to so much devilry and misery, counterintuitively. No one is saying NOT to also work spiritually.

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@molosku I was not even talking about nonduality. You shouldove reality even if you are stuck in duality.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Posted (edited)

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@molosku I was not even talking about nonduality. You shouldove reality even if you are stuck in duality.

yes, sure, but if "how" is the question, just sitting in silence might not be enough for everyone was my point. There are so many possible reasons why love can seem impossible towards the "external", and it CAN be quite complicated to sort it all out. 

 

But I do paraphrase you: "if you would have no love in your life, you would kill yourself very quickly". 

Edited by molosku

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6 minutes ago, molosku said:

yes, sure, but if "how" is the question, just sitting in silence might not be enough for everyone was my point. There are so many possible reasons why love can seem impossible towards the "external", and it CAN be quite complicated to sort it all out. 

 

But I do paraphrase you: "if you would have no love in your life, you would kill yourself very quickly". 

The “how” is up to you. And it certainly is complicated. It can feel like asking for something out of nothing at times.

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