One of the most important thing to understand about women

[Shin]

 

Let's go peeps,

You're all beautiful,

Let's heal together !

?

 

Edited June 17, 2021 by Shin

[Preety_India]

@Shin

And the greatest awakening lies in not separating things but realizing all things are equally loving and parts of the whole whether it's wounded or Awakened. 

To embrace the Wounded just the way we embrace the Awakened. 

To embrace the Rapist just the way we embrace the Victim. 

Because even the most awakened still need healing from judgement. 

Everything is one. Everything is Love.. Everything is God. Everything is Infinity. 

Everything merges into one whole infinite consciousness made of love. 

 

[bejapuskas]

@Shin  Thank you Shin for doing this. This forum is going through some big changes right as we speak. All these people speaking up thanks to you. So much love youre creating. 

Thank you everyone for being so vulnerable and open, I would tag you all but it is way too many people acting brave on this thread, keep up the good work.

If anyone feels unwell here because of something that was said, just DM me yeh, I am here for you to talk. Also feel free to use the report function to make us mods aware of any potentially banworthy behavior. The topic is sensitive so obviously a lot of violence is gonna be going on here.

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India You should create a "I am Enlightened, ask me anything" thread. I would believe and give you power.

[Preety_India]

@bejapuskas hehe cute. 

But I'm far from enlightenment. 

But Leo helps me in that direction. A lot 

 

[bejapuskas]

@Lucas-fgm I didnt say youre right or wrong, I just called you out on calling somebody's posts that come from experience that they are willing to share here nonsense. Sorry if it sounded the other way.

[Preety_India]

@Lucas-fgm@Lucas-fgm hey you're okay. Don't be discouraged. 

Just be careful on the forum because words can get you into unnecessary trouble. 

Sometimes emotions can run raw and attract you undeserved warning points. 

And some people On this forum are notorious in wanting others punished and getting warning points for simply being a bit petty and emotional. 

That's not nice behavior from such people but letting you know to be careful of such people. 

They love to have fun if someone is punished. 

 

@Shinaccidentally  tagged 

 

 

 

 

[bejapuskas]

Yeh youre fine I dont like to give warning points when things are not serious or can be talked about. I am always afraid of making a mistake and getting some innocent high quality poster scared... Sorry if I gave off a strict vibe.

[MatteO22]

@bejapuskas you’re a great mod and I appreciate the empathy and sensitivity you bring to the community, it’s making a huge difference !  

[Shin]

12 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@Shin  Thank you Shin for doing this. This forum is going through some big changes right as we speak. All these people speaking up thanks to you. So much love youre creating.

Thank you ( ) +  @Jacob Morres (and anyone I might forget  )

I also appreciate that you're the one of the few mod to give constructive criticism to Leo,

That requires some juicy balls

Edited June 17, 2021 by Shin

[bejapuskas]

@Shin Constructive criticism should be welcome from all users. I get that people are scared of getting a warning or being banned, but like most of the people who are banned are not regular users, they are serious spammers. As long as one is constructive, doesnt complain about good things and doesnt insult somebody directly, its fine really. No warnings for disagreeing or having issues. If you think all the mods agree with Leo, youre wrong. We all have different views. And like Leo does many things well to protect us too, we just need to balance our individual approaches.

[knakoo]

On 15/06/2021 at 7:01 PM, Vzdoh said:

I just refuse to believe that there is a woman in this world that does not experience this fear on a daily basis. 

Seems you have some trauma related to this. Could be also past life trauma. I know for a fact that many women don't experience this everyday. Though I am sure many women feel it very often.

[knakoo]

On 15/06/2021 at 7:30 PM, Etherial Cat said:

@ShinWhen I feel aggressed I withdraw. I can't be open. I get defensive and I sulk. Because I'm just not safe to be me. I don't feel loved nor protected. And this happens as soon as there is a violation of boundary. I get especially displeased if I realize that there is no intimacy going on and depending on the level of it, I just decide to sign off to the relationship.

Can you give examples of men not respecting your boundaries? Especially subtle things that men could not be aware of.

[mivafofa]

6 hours ago, knakoo said:

I know for a fact that many women don't experience this everyday. 

Or they normalized it to the point they can't even tell the difference anymore. Also possible some of these women you speak of were just innocently clueless and didn't pick up at least half of the desire surrounding her.  That's what happened throughout literally most of my life. I also trivialized all the incidents that happened before. Now I look back, it was just so blatant obvious everywhere, but I filtered it all out through my innocent mind. 

[Etherial Cat]

17 hours ago, knakoo said:

Can you give examples of men not respecting your boundaries? Especially subtle things that men could not be aware of.

What is very common is that some men don't perceive you properly but the representation they've got in their head. It acts like a screen which precludes intimacy.

And in this specific aspect becomes problematic because they come from a place where they expect things consciously or unconsciously, and their agenda doesn't fit your needs/well being. 

But they don't see the lag between the two aspects. It's almost like people like in parallel realities. And that's where a lot of boundary trespassing occurs.

Illustration of this point goes from being flashed in a park to simply having conversations on the forum and being unrightfully unvalidated by individuals who unconsciously have a stake in you being wrong. So it's pretty wide.

That said, men are not the only ones who act like that. Women do it also. But men are more difficult because they tend to be a dominant force in social context and they have a capacity to set the tone for what the standard perception is going to be. 

Men tend to have more potential for aggression and energy directed outwards, and when you do not conform to what they expect you to be, sometimes when their masculinity is shadowy they'll direct it at you and try to make you pay.

[Shin]

13 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

What is very common is that some men don't perceive you properly but the representation they've got in their head. It acts like a screen which precludes intimacy.

And in this specific aspect becomes problematic because they come from a place where they expect things consciously or unconsciously, and their agenda doesn't fit your needs/well being. 

But they don't see the lag between the two aspects. It's almost like people like in parallel realities. And that's where a lot of boundary trespassing occurs.

Illustration of this point goes from being flashed in a park to simply having conversations on the forum and being unrightfully unvalidated by individuals who unconsciously have a stake in you being wrong. So it's pretty wide.

That said, men are not the only ones who act like that. Women do it also. But men are more difficult because they tend to be a dominant force in social context and they have a capacity to set the tone for what the standard perception is going to be. 

Men tend to have more potential for aggression and energy directed outwards, and when you do not conform to what they expect you to be, sometimes when their masculinity is shadowy they'll direct it at you and try to make you pay.

Give a concrete real life experience please ?

[mandyjw]

52 minutes ago, Shin said:

Give a concrete real life experience please ?

You are so bad. 

[Shin]

Just now, mandyjw said:

You are so bad. 

I just don't think that the people who needs to understand her comment, will understand a post that abstract and conceptual.

Only guys who already understand what she's complaining about would be able to decipher that comment imo.

[aaalex]

I would love to give some examples based on my experiences as a 23 year old woman who grew up in Scandinavia and currently living in Spain.

One thing I’ve noticed and learned in some of my male ”friends” over the years is that 99% all of them have been or are sexually attracted to me and will wait for the opportunity, if it ever comes. Always when I’ve left a relationship there has been some male friend who’ve tried taken the oppurtunity almost immediately, taking their shot at me when I’m most vulnerable. Which makes me sad thinking I had some authentic connection to with that individual, just to find out they were just waiting to fuck me all along.

This has made me hard trusting “male friends” and I now choose my male friends with extreme caution and will not continue the friendship if I sense there is anything I could do to “lead them on”, when I don’t want anything sexual with them. Sadly, this has happened alot and most of these dudes were typically ”a nice guy” and not some creeps.

Going back to being in a relationship, I’ve preferred being in long relationships over being single. Mostly because of unhealed childhood trauma in some ways but mainly because I’m like, super duper horny for being a female and being in a relationship is more safe than being single and hitting it off by some strangers. 

That does not mean I was always safe even being in a freaking relationship. I was together with a guy who was super childish and also was on steroids so his horniness and being too masculine was too much to handle. He did not treat me well with my emotional needs so I was not that turned on him in the end. He wanted to have sex so bad and was so needy about it, I did not have any birth control and used to use that as an excuse to not have sex with him. Sometimes though, I gave in and had “decent” sex with him but I didn’t really enjoyed it and would have preferred not having it. But I felt obligated.

At one point when we were going to sleep and he wanted to fuck, I said to him I wasn’t feeling it because of all the shit we were going through. We went to sleep and I woke up with him touching/massaging my vagina in my sleep, thinking I would change my mind in my sleep, not being able to give consent (?). I broke up with him.

 

I’m from Sweden so our society are quite different, men are men everywhere in the world but Swedes are known for being afraid of confrontation / afraid of conflicts. We have alot more of “Nice guys” pretending to have good intentions but then they’ll prey you as soon as they can. Maybe this is normal everywhere but I’ve travelled alot for longer periods to different countries in Asia and I live in Spain at the moment and male behaviour / how male approach you is super different. For example, in my Experience, males in Spain are more outgoing and can literally tell you to your face that they are interested and want to fuck. Most guys in Sweden tend to build a friendship first, thinking they might have shot sometime in the future, if opportunity comes.

I also experience that if I’m too nice in guneral to a guy will make them think I want them to hit on me immediately and in some cases I’ve had to make an excuse or literally just walk away because of this. Which is sad because I am a very loving person who thinks everyone needs love, even “idiots” who think they can use girls when they are most vulnerable. One example of this was when I smiled to random dude on the bus, which I can do to anyone regarding gender. It ended up by him trying to attack me by going of at the same bus stop as me. I was afraid of running away and indicated that I was going to scream if he tried. I think I was so hard to attack as he left me alone when I started to cry hysterically and was very afraid.

I was sexually abused several times by a male in my family when I was at an institution for drug addicts when I was a teenager. It happend during my visits to my home and I was afraid of saying anything because I was already being a drug addict which people tend to think are not trustworthy. I told my family years after and they did not take that so seriously but this happens everywhere in society.

 

The list goes on sadly by exampled but I am trying to keep the list short.

Edited June 18, 2021 by aaalex

[aaalex]

Even though my shitty experiences with men (which are one of the reasons I turned into spirituality) I don’t see myself as a victim anymore which is liberating. <3

I truly believe that no one is born this way and that we as a society and individuals, are teaching each other “This is the way!”.
I know this because I had a really dysfunctional childhood where I had to unwire my own behaviour patterns after I realized that you can’t scream or abuse your loved ones. But I had no other way of knowing as I was mimicking my own parents, this was my “normal”. The human experience is so more complicated than you’ll normally think.

If you want to solve a problem you need to go deep to the root, not blaming gender, masculinity / femininity (even though they play some role in this issue).

 

this forum and Leo was helped so much regarding my traumas with men and I am forever thankful for this, and forever thankful that this thread was created.