Zion

Methods of "breaking the ice"

15 posts in this topic

I understand it's all a matter of learning to become comfortable with the uncomfortable.

In the mean time however... when creating a conversation or starting some kind of an interaction with someone, what are some good tools that can help to alleviate any tension & uncomfortability for the person you're interacting with?

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Actively grounding your energy in your body while interacting is simply the best way to alleviate nervous energy and create a relaxed and comfortable bubble. When you strike up a conversation, imagine your energy moving down from your head to your legs and then into the ground under your feet. As if you are a tree and you pull down the energy into your roots. The feeling of being uncomfortable and nervous is the contraction of energy within your energetic system, and if you actively relax your muscles in your throat, heart and legs, you start to feel less nervous because then you allow the energy to flow through you more unobstructed. Negative emotions always manifest as energetic contractions, and these can be observed in the tension in your muscles. If you actively relax your muscles, you feel the energy flow smoothening and your mind becomes peaceful in turn. Then if you are in this space of relaxation, the other person will be too. The other person might also have contractions though. It's very common. 

Especially relax the pelvis and region around heart & throat when confronting fear and nervousness around connecting with strangers. Welcome feelings of courage, appreciation and acceptance in this proces of relaxation. Really allow yourself to let go of tension in muscles and opening the heart by welcoming these polarising positive feelings. 

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Talk about yourself.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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  • Try not to laugh too much. 
  • Don't make eye contact directly or right away. Give some time. 
  • Take deep breaths just before meeting 
  • Practice in front of the mirror 
  • Calm the brain by counting numbers. I do this a lot if I'm with a stranger, I count numbers in my mind because I have anxiety 
  • Don't look at time 
  • Drink water. Instantly brings down discomfort 
  • Move your fingers through your hair and at the back of your neck. This induces relaxation and triggers parasympathetic nervous system. I have seen guys doing this on a date with me. They will move fingers through their hair if they are nervous with me. Completely fine. 
  • Try to smile in between talking. It relieves tension
  • Talk slowly one sentence at a time. Fast talk causes nervousness 
  • Already make up your mind and rehearse on what you'll talking about. This reduces the awkwardness of trying to find something to talk about on the spot. If you do some beforehand preparation, it becomes effortless 
  • If you are eating out, order ice cream, relaxes the brain instantly. 
  • Ask the stranger to go for a walk with you. While walking there is not much need of eye contact and the walking makes conversations easier and relaxed
  • Never start a conversation in a car for the first time opening. It will tense you up. 
  • Keep a suitable distance. 
  • Talk to strangers/dates who are also equally cooperative and are not testy, tough or judgemental.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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Don't try to minimize the tension. Be playful with it.

The closer the distance between you the more tension. So you can experiment with that distance. It takes very little moving, you will feel it if you look for it.

Eye contact can increase tension, while looking away can decrease it.

 

Once you start feeling the tension you will find out more and more ways to be playful with it.

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Posted (edited)

@Leo Gura I thought people find those that only talk about themselves obnoxious and annoying. Often i hear people complain about this person only talking about themselves and it annoys them and lowers their desire to be around such people. I often hear the advice that people do not give a shit about your stuf, they just want to talk about themselves so if you talk about yourself it will not work. Exception would be some over the top crazy story.

"Just ask questions, women love to talk about themselves", is an advice i often heard which contraditcs the "talk about yourself" advice. Is there a balance between the two or the first is bullshit?

Edited by Karmadhi

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2 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

I thought people find those that only talk about themselves obnoxious and annoying.

Everything is the opposite of what you think.

That's life.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Posted (edited)

@Leo Gura I am saying it from personal life experiences not from thinking about it. Nobody likes narcissistic people except other narcisistic people, the kind of people i enjoy spending time with hate narcissism and love and respect humbleness. I am not talking about girls especially here, people in general.

Talking about yourself is a good way to keep the ball rolling but i think it should be balanced, too much of it can create issues. For some people i think it works good because of their personality type, if you are very loud and expressive and stuff and have cool stories it can work RSD Tyler videos style but that is super not my and many people's style. Todd V would be a better example in my opinion.

Edited by Karmadhi

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The most charismatic and sociable people always talk about themselves.

Shy people never do. A shy person needs to talk about themselves way more to over-correct.

I never said to be obnoxious about it. Obviously there is a balance to strike.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Purposely embarass yourself. Once your reputation is ruined, you're all free. Lol

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1 minute ago, mivafofa said:

Purposely embarass yourself. Once your reputation is ruined, you're all free. Lol

Hehe... I used this strategy sometimes. It's kinda cute. 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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Tell a story. People love stories.

Just before I made this comment, I was contemplating eating lunch early. I think it's because I got up earlier than normal, who knows why I woke up at 5:30? Has that ever happened to you...


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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4 hours ago, mivafofa said:

Purposely embarass yourself. Once your reputation is ruined, you're all free. Lol

^this.  It sounds like a joke, but this is a powerful bit of advice.  


"I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people."

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@Leo Gura Yes i agree, if you are shy and never talk about yourself it is very good training. I was saying in normal conditions not if you are training.

 

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