There is light at the end of the tunnel! Life has become overwhelmingly beautiful.

[Spiral Wizard]

Existential crisis after existential crisis after...

The last few years have been tough, to say the least. Without going into detail, let me tell you that I had to endure a lot of confusion and suffering. You could argue that the first few years of ‘personal development’ and ‘spirituality’ made my life worse haha

I actually hit rock bottom in multiple areas of my life simultaneously and thought that this trend would continue. I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

But...

my vision/intuition/higher self pulled me out of the depth of my despair and ignited something unstoppable within my heart.

And so I was shot into orbit... 

December 2020 was the turning point. Ever since I have become happier and more fulfilled with every single week that passes. Sometimes I don’t know how to handle the intensity of this blessing because it’s just so incredible, overwhelming, and beautiful!

I don’t know what, but something is going on with my third eye. Lately, I randomly burst into uncontrollable laughter and feel EXACTLY as if I'm super high on weed. Especially when I go meta on the situation I’m in, I realize the absurdity and beauty of THIS moment. I would have never thought that I would be able to access such states without any outside stimulation like breathwork, cold showers, drugs, or even meditation. 

I remember how meditation and Leo’s videos pushed me into existential crisis, nihilism, and feeling disconnected from the world and my emotions. At that point, I tried to remind myself of the fact that ‘whatever you are going through is what you are coming out of’.

Now, after deconstructing my worldview and consciously reassembling it (on going process) everything has shifted. Almost EVERYTHING makes sense now, the universe, my life, reality, almost my entire world view feels cohesive for the first time in years. 

Now, meditation makes me more joyful, more connected, and more alive! Just watching Leo's videos now triggers unbelievable euphoria hahah

Funnily enough, I stumbled across this picture on Instagram a few years ago but it’s shocking how accurate it is. It summarizes my journey almost to a TEE. I went through these exact stages (not linear, sometimes circling back and forth haha). 

I don’t think that I’m close to enlightenment but I might be heading toward my first glimpse of awakening or a mystical experience. Super excited about that, I truly feel like a playful child that is discovering reality ?

I don’t know if this will be permanent. It would be naive to assume that but Leo gave me (or let me rephrase that) I developed such a big picture view that it feels impossible to ever fall back into the frame. Even if another dark night of the soul awaits, I don’t fear it because being so meta makes everything enjoyable. Traffic sucks when you are in it but when you are looking onto it from 10.000 feet above, in a plane, the cars look like ants and even chaos appears beautiful. 

To be honest, I don’t know what’s going on here but I love it! I feel in sync with life and I get more in tune with it every day. It’s almost dream-like. I went from victimhood and fighting with life to being a creator and flowing with life, in a matter of months.

The stars are aligning themselves and all of the above was only possible because I let go of my spiritual ego and realized that I had to master my survival first. When I first discovered actualized.org I fell into the trap of pseudo growth, I was a wannabe tier 2 guy. This is something I would have never admitted a year ago but I am NOT ready for death yet. Building a firm foundation from which you can transcend is crucial in my humble opinion. 

To stop judging and start embracing / consciously committing to plugging the holes in the ‘lower levels’ of Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs and integrating the ‘lower stages’ of Spiral Dynamics is what actually helped me grow a ton. It’s easy to lose track of or negate the ‘importance’ of relative stuff. I certainly fell into an unhealthy obsession with the Absolut (aka enlightenment), which created a massive shadow. 

This shit is nuanced and you gotta be a strategic motherfucker haha

Now, through focussing on mastering survival and building a proper foundation I rebalanced my life. I’m back in harmony baby AND THIS + integrating/resolving all of the fucking paradoxes and existential crisis I went through resulted in/triggered this outburst of happiness and expansion. 
 

Hopefully, this will encourage some of you that maybe aren’t over the hill yet or go through a depressive episode. I also just wanted to spread some love because reading ‘succeeds stories’ like these always made me euphoric about human potential and fueled my vision.

Trust me, life can become sooo sweeeeeet :))

When you are stuck just keep going and going and going. Develop this unstoppable drive and have the wisdom to move forward no matter what. 

One day you will look back in awe and be amazed at how far you have come. 

 

Thank you all so much for being part of this community!

THANK YOU LEO! THANK YOU TO MYSELF! AND THANK YOU TO YOU! ?

Edited March 30, 2021 by Spiral Wizard

[WaveInTheOcean]

Beautiful, thank YOU❤️??

[SoonHei]

@Spiral Wizard There's no light at the end of the tunnel!

There's a mirror there - it's reflecting back the light that YOU are! You're the light dear One

 

Bless you & happy trails <3

[Nahm]

@Spiral Wizard

Awesome! When that lion roars - look out people!

[Human Mint]

On 29/3/2021 at 10:02 PM, Spiral Wizard said:

To stop judging and start embracing / consciously committing to plugging the holes in the ‘lower levels’ of Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs and integrating the ‘lower stages’ of Spiral Dynamics is what actually helped me grow a ton. It’s easy to lose track of or negate the ‘importance’ of relative stuff. I certainly fell into an unhealthy obsession with the Absolut (aka enlightenment), which created a massive shadow. 

That is like the trap i fell in. I don't know what do i need to do. What did you really do to genuinely integrate your shadows? To integrate the lower states, the survival.

I want to take the next step, because now i'm falling into the same problems day to day. Is it discipline? social support? meditation? expending more time into planing? screaming out loud? just doing the things that you like and value?

Edited March 31, 2021 by Human Mint

[KGrimes]

Could you specify on what these "lower stages" of Spiral Dynamics are? I often still struggle with everyday life needs, sex, love, neediness, alcohol, entertainment and so on.

[kag101]

On 29/03/2021 at 10:02 PM, Spiral Wizard said:

I don’t know if this will be permanent. It would be naive to assume that

I'm glad that you're aware of that. Lol.

 

Did that shift happen out of nowhere? Can you explain us how that happened in greater detail?

 

[Mu_]

@Spiral Wizard Congrats, a much needed message for those at an apparent bottom or just getting started.  A lot of what you said sounds a lot like my own journey.  Keep it up.

[allislove]

Quote

December 2020 was the turning point. Ever since I have become happier and more fulfilled with every single week that passes. Sometimes I don’t know how to handle the intensity of this blessing because it’s just so incredible, overwhelming, and beautiful!

Quote

Now, meditation makes me more joyful, more connected, and more alive! Just watching Leo's videos now triggers unbelievable euphoria hahaha

Quote

To be honest, I don’t know what’s going on here but I love it! I feel in sync with life and I get more in tune with it every day. It’s almost dream-like. I went from victimhood and fighting with life to being a creator and flowing with life, in a matter of months.

This is great! Keep trusting yourself. Thanks for sharing. 

[OBEler]

@Spiral Wizard I am happy for you! Really! But to be honest, you sound like you are in love. Do you have found a good girlfriend? Or is it really pure spiritual progression what brings you this much joy. I am just curious

[Spiral Wizard]

On 01/04/2021 at 10:30 PM, OBEler said:

@Spiral Wizard I am happy for you! Really! But to be honest, you sound like you are in love. Do you have found a good girlfriend? Or is it really pure spiritual progression what brings you this much joy. I am just curious

@OBEler hahaha you’re right, I’ve fallen in love... with life  

To answer your question, no, not yet.

It would probably be too intense. It’s already a lot to handle this overflow of energy. But I’m slowly acclimating to the vibrancy so who know what blessings are going to enter my life to overwhelm me once again... 

Just thinking about the possibility of falling deeply in love with a good girl on top of all this makes me go crazy ? 

 

On 31/03/2021 at 4:20 AM, Human Mint said:

That is like the trap i fell in. I don't know what do i need to do. What did you really do to genuinely integrate your shadows? To integrate the lower states, the survival.

I want to take the next step, because now i'm falling into the same problems day to day. Is it discipline? social support? meditation? expending more time into planing? screaming out loud? just doing the things that you like and value?

@Human Mint This is the point. Embrace it. 

It’s not that complicated. Just get your life in order before you transcend it. Understand that this is necessary if you want to live a Good Life. Non-duality INCLUDES duality! 

Every stage serves a function. Try to integrate all the healthy aspects of Spiral Dynamics Tier one. I’d recommend to master your survival first, but you might have different priorities. It’s up to you to figure this out.

Find your path! 

Don’t ask me or anyone else what to do. This is YOUR life, own it! Identify YOUR problems/shadows and and solve/heal them. It’s important that you go within. Start listening to yourself. 

This video might help:

For me personally one of the biggest keys was to craft a clear life purpose and vision.

Learning how to navigate all this is super challenging... I understand how much suffering confusion can cause but don’t let this discourage you. Keep going and at some point you will have figured it all out  

Remember: Only YOU can figure this out for yourself!

Hope this helps  

 

[Moksha]

On 3/29/2021 at 8:02 PM, Spiral Wizard said:

I don’t think that I’m close to enlightenment but I might be heading toward my first glimpse of awakening or a mystical experience. Super excited about that, I truly feel like a playful child that is discovering reality ?

I don’t know if this will be permanent. It would be naive to assume that but Leo gave me (or let me rephrase that) I developed such a big picture view that it feels impossible to ever fall back into the frame. Even if another dark night of the soul awaits, I don’t fear it because being so meta makes everything enjoyable.

Awesome ?  Awakening is a beautiful moment of lucidity, which often is followed by falling back to sleep. Enjoy the clarity, celebrate it, and remember it. Enlightenment is the unconditional state of Self-awareness, and it requires vigilance and patience, to establish an immovable island, that will not be deceived by the conditioned mind. The ego doesn't give up easily. It is a long and bloody battle. You are wise to realize that the struggle is far from over. Celebrate this, and learn to continue celebrating this, until nothing else matters.

[Human Mint]

21 hours ago, Spiral Wizard said:

Hope this helps  

Thanks for the inspiration!!!