Another from Teal swan - when to be emotional as a man

[intotheblack]

9 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

This applies only for me - My decision on whether I'm going to invest my energy sexually pursuing a woman very much depends on me being able to trust her with my vulnerability and me being able to integrate her as part of my life. Anyways, could be different for other guys.

What I think is happening is that she's trying to clarify a sorta mixed-message that women give to men on this issue and what it means. I personally have never been confused about this so I don't relate to being confused about it. But I'm sure it must confuse guys who use vulnerability to attract women! In short, it probably applies to a wider demographic of guys that doesn't include me. I don't relate to receiving a 'mixed message from women' on this issue and being confused by it. Helpful anyways!

Yeah exactly.  I just found it interesting, another perspective.  I see a lot of guys asking these types of questions so thought I’d share it, It could come in useful for somebody.  
of course it’s directed at a wide range of people and doesn’t include everyone. 

Edited April 1, 2021 by intotheblack

[Farnaby]

@intotheblack I have mixed videos about this. On one hand, my experience is congruent with what she says. On the other hand, I feel like it's not such a good idea to modulate our emotional expression because it could make a woman feel unsafe. 

Isn't that encouraging exactly the same thing that Teal Swan so often criticizes about our society teaching us to repress those emotions and aspects that other people don't accept?

[intotheblack]

30 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@intotheblack I have mixed videos about this. On one hand, my experience is congruent with what she says. On the other hand, I feel like it's not such a good idea to modulate our emotional expression because it could make a woman feel unsafe. 

Isn't that encouraging exactly the same thing that Teal Swan so often criticizes about our society teaching us to repress those emotions and aspects that other people don't accept?

Yeah good question.  Like at what point does it all become too fake because you are trying to act to the other ones psychology?
It is a lot of over thinking and In real life it doesn’t always work like this.  
I guess I would just take it as a piece of information or generalisation, without taking it too seriously. 
Her videos are very short so she doesn’t go into a lot of depth. 
But yeah I dunno, I don’t know what to think anymore about this  

 

Edited April 1, 2021 by intotheblack

[Farnaby]

@intotheblack mixed feelings is what I wanted to say lol 

Yep, my experience in real life matches what she says: when I've shown my vulnerability in a situation where my masculine "leadership", "confidence" or whatever you want to call it wasn't needed to help other people feel safe, it's generally well accepted and seems to increase the attraction towards me (from my girlfriend for example). However, if she's triggered, feeling insecure or something along those lines, if I was to start crying in that situation it would probably not have such a good outcome.

Since our experience usually mirrors our own level of development, maybe there is room for relationships in which a man can cry whenever he feels like it without it being a problem. Actually that's what I'm more interested in. Is my experience and what Teal says a "natural law" or just personal experience.

[soos_mite_ah]

3 hours ago, intotheblack said:

Men just aren’t as naturally emotional as women that’s why they don’t do it as much.  
Women’s hormones and moods are changing constantly. 

I beg to differ. Women are more allowed to express emotions compared to men. Men are often compelled to hide it more due to a stoic ideal, especially when it comes to sadness and vulnerability. Similarly, women are discouraged from being angry even in healthy and assertive ways.  I do remember there being a study showing that men were just as or even more so emotional compared to women but they were less likely to express it. I can't find it at the moment but this article seems to summarize it pretty well. 

https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/guys-more-emotional-girls/1077730#:~:text=Women are emotional%2C true. But according to a,it comes to being presented with emotional stimuli.

I also thought this was a good analysis

Edited April 1, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[intotheblack]

45 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I beg to differ. Women are more allowed to express emotions compared to men. Men are often compelled to hide it more due to a stoic ideal, especially when it comes to sadness and vulnerability. Similarly, women are discouraged from being angry even in healthy and assertive ways.  I do remember there being a study showing that men were just as or even more so emotional compared to women but they were less likely to express it. I can't find it at the moment but this article seems to summarize it pretty well. 

I was actually going to add to that comment about how men are taught more to not show emotions and that crying is seen as weak.  
but yeah, I was saying it more in terms of women with their moods and cycles  which can make them more emotional  than men in that regard.  

interesting article! I wonder if this is the case and men are really the more emotional ones?  But then would that change how we view feminine and masculine attraction? 
I think that they hide it more easily, but I feel like women also hide their emotions too, to appear stronger or as you said to not show anger etc.  I grew up hiding my emotions.  I think it’s possible both male and female can be the same levels of emotional, and it all just comes down to how you’ve been brought up.   Hmmmm! Thoughts ? 

Edited April 1, 2021 by intotheblack

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, intotheblack said:

interesting article! I wonder if this is the case and men are really the more emotional ones?  But then would that change how we view feminine and masculine attraction? 

I think that has to do with how much you associate masculinity with men. Something that I have been trying to do in order to have a more integrative approach to masculine and feminine energies is to view the energies as gender neutral to peel back the social conditioning that assigns femininity and things associated with femininity to women and assigns masculinity and things associated with masculinity to men. I found that helps me step into my own authentic expression of the combination of both energies. 

1 hour ago, intotheblack said:

I think that they hide it more easily, but I feel like women also hide their emotions too, to appear stronger or as you said to not show anger etc.  I grew up hiding my emotions. 

 Yeah I  grew up in a similar way. Especially when it came to anger. Even when I tried to express it in a healthy way, I was always seen as bitchy and aggressive. I think for women, emotional repression is in a different context. Women are told to keep quiet and not create a fuss because expressing emotions means that you'll prove the stereotype of women being these hormonal, irrational drama queens correct. But then again, keeping quiet also comes with it's own stereotypes and baggage so you can't win. When it comes to anger, it's kind of like the quote of how men are allowed to react but women can only overreact. 

1 hour ago, intotheblack said:

I think it’s possible both male and female can be the same levels of emotional, and it all just comes down to how you’ve been brought up.   

I agree. Upbringing and socialization is big. I'd say that it's a much bigger factor than biology since all men aren't inherently masculine psychologically and all women aren't inherently feminine (especially when you consider masculine and feminine energies as gender neutral). Hell, sometimes it can be flipped for some people. But it can be tricky to separate authentic expression and cultural conditioning since it is so prevalent from literally birth. 

[Gesundheit]

17 hours ago, Hulia said:

I wonder, if somebody would count all the hours of crying alone for men and women, if there would be a big difference?  

I think there would be a big difference, like x10 at least. Men rarely cry. It's not really our thing. It would take extreme circumstances to make a masculine man surrender and show emotional vulnerability, even to himself.

Quote

I am not that unfair, I hate also men I just have my problems with this type of women. But there is also a type of men which I cannot stand:  overconfident, overcool and almost aggressive type in their pursue of domination

Good. Now that you've identified where you have problems, you just need to work on them. I have my guesses but I will keep them to myself.

Edited April 2, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Hulia]

18 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

I haven't cried in months. Although I shed a few tears here and there.

I haven´t cried for years! No tears here and there.

3 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

I think there would be a big difference, like x10 at least. Men rarely cry. It's not really our thing.

But I don´t cry asmuch as you! And I am a female ?

[Gesundheit]

@Hulia Yes, but you're insignificant, statistically 

[Hulia]

15 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

@Hulia Yes, but you're insignificant, statistically 

Do you think other women cry more? Then it´s because I don´t have a boy friend in front of whom I could cry to awake his protecter-instinct and to have his attention.

It confirms my theory. That women cry less on private than on public. And men cry more on private than in on public. We are balanced!

[Hulia]

@Gesundheit One more proof for you! Here is a song of a crying man. Alone. On the beach.

 

[wwhy]

23 hours ago, Hulia said:

I don´t know, what menor boy is, but I am not misandrious. On the contrary, I solemnly allow men to be emotional as often as they are emotional  

Are you sexually attracted to masculine men? And do you allow the men you have sex with to be as emotional and vulnerable as they please?

If the answer is no... then whatever you've said is irrelevant.

Edited April 2, 2021 by wwhy

[Hulia]

25 minutes ago, wwhy said:

And do you allow the men you have sex with to be as emotional and vulnerable as they please?

Don´t you see? It´s not a matter of allowance. They ARE as emotional and vulnerbale as they are. The question is: to hide it or not.

[wwhy]

13 minutes ago, Hulia said:

Don´t you see? It´s not a matter of allowance. They ARE as emotional and vulnerbale as they are. The question is: to hide it or not.

They are the selectors, regardless of how emotionally vulnerable they are. Meaning they get to decide what sexy is. You go cry and be all vulnerable, weepy  and sensitive to a girl you like, and tell me how that works out for you.

[Hulia]

3 hours ago, wwhy said:

They are the selectors, regardless of how emotionally vulnerable they are. Meaning they get to decide what sexy is. You go cry and be all vulnerable, weepy  and sensitive to a girl you like, and tell me how that works out for you.

I don´t know honestly. I have never had that dilemma of turning somebody down because of his / her crying and weeping. I tell his / her because I can imagine, that also a female friend constantly weeping might be quite tiresome. 

I an not a nurse type neither I have an air of authority which would attract to me people deperately looking for a savior. Of course my friends share with me their problems, but it´s really only a sharing, a conversation without weeping at my lap. 

The only excepltion was my mother complaining about my father. When I took his side she began to cry. So if I didn´t want my mother to cry I had to shut up, listen and nod, a cruel bit of a daughter. MY father has never complained about my mother. You see, exclaimed my mother, this is what I mean! He has nothing to complain about, but I have a lot!

The precious logic of my mother  

Edited April 2, 2021 by Hulia

[Fadl]

On 1/4/2021 at 3:36 PM, Hulia said:

Oh god.... Men, do you really need somone to tell you, when you are allowed to be emotional and when not???? Pussies! ?

There is no masculinity in this world anymore 

[Origins]

Don't listen to her.

It's all bullshit.

I've learned my lesson than to trust a woman so easily. She used me, was never really that grateful, emotionally manipulated me, gaslit me into having feelings for her and then when she got me hooked enough, discarded me like I was nothing. Repeatedly. Got me to feel repeatedly sorry for her, acts different in conversation than she does publicly, subtle things like this you have to watch out for. 

In the end I've learned my lesson so I'm sincerely grateful for the experiences because I've discarded fate and put the game into my own hands now. I mean, my IQ is high enough after-all. Ha.

Study evolutionary biology, draw your own connections, establish boundaried conversations. Learn to use your intelligence to the highest order, transcend your biology and live through the highest love you can fathom.

[Preety_India]

@Origins transcend biology?

 

[Origins]

@Preety_India Yes.

All those manipulative mechanisms that exist in human biology that men and women have for example and that I stupidly fell for (in the way described above) because I didn't realise I was (1) being manipulated (2) I still believed in fate up until 5 minutes ago.

Transcend those for starters. Then get to everything else about yourself.

Focus on awareness and only awareness. Even awareness itself will graduate and become outdated from its present lens.

Everything about our biology is ultimately outdated.

Edited April 4, 2021 by Origins