bliss54

Would you guys recommend to live alone or share with people?

14 posts in this topic

I'm 24, I did travelling before but now back living with my parents

I'm not sure if its the living with my parents or just me but I feel really lost and low motivation for anything

I'd feel guilty for leaving my dog if I was to move out as I take her to the beach for walks most days as my parents work

I tried sharing in the past with two other people but suppressed myself a lot due to anxiety and felt even worse. Maybe that just wasn't a good environment for me I don't know

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@bliss54

After living abroad for most of my adult life, I can sympathize with your state of mind. Every time I returned to visit and/or live for a short while, there was a period of relative fun, but then it wore off and I'd slip into the correlative funk. To get a small grasp of this, read fairly in-depth studies of the phenomenon known as the stages of culture shock, but in this case it is called re-entry shock/reverse culture shock. (Studies on Repatriation)

The interesting thing is that these models can also be seen as somewhat helpful in the process of awakening, when one realizes one ain't in Kansas anymore, hehe (a cultural allusion to The Wizard of Oz, btw). I taught intercultural communication for many years, used the various models of development in classes, and continued to clarify certain similarities in my mind about awakening and realization, and it was very helpful to get to, what I call, HERE --- Hint: There is nowhere "else" outside of NOW.

But, to your point, what you are going through is normal, and is part of the process. You've stepped outside the cultural barriers, experienced otherness to some degree, shared some great stories, but here you are feeling low. It's okay. This phase will pass, too. It can pass more quickly and fruitfully if you go into it as consciously as possible by watching your mind using the education you derive from your studies on reverse culture shock, and in the spirit of Delphic maxim, "Know Thyself".

Feel free to follow up.

Peace~

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I find loneliness, and other things, can to some extent be independent of whether there are people around.

I actually live "with" people i.e. there are people in my house but we're not that close in some ways.

Edited by Dan502

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For me, when I live with one of my parents, I fall into a lower state of energy. For a large reason because I'm not fully comfortable doing my own thing. So I prefer living alone over that. I don't have a big need for many people or friends around, and am quite a lot alone the last years. But now I'm lightly looking out for a partner with who I can do some things together. It's very dependent on you though of course, if you're not very strong on your own maybe it's more useful if you have some friends because you might feel more supported.

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22 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Live alone until you're sick of it and then live with people.

That made me laugh. I thought the opposite.


All stories and explanations are false.

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Self-experiment with both

In terms of recommendation, it may depend on your preference but I would say either live alone or live with "high-quality" people

 

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@LastThursday 

It´s just not the end of the story. 

Live alone until you're sick of it and then live with people until you're sick of it and then live alone until you're sick of it and then live with people until you're sick of it....

to be continued :)

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@Hulia that's what really made me laugh. The answer is, is that there a pros and cons to both situations.  The deeper answer is that you should be happy with either - where being happy is not dependent on the situation - but that takes a lot of self development and work.


All stories and explanations are false.

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Thanks everyone, I think that is a good option to experiment with both

 

A reason thats stopping me move away from my parents is because of my dog but I'm not sure if thats just an excuse because of fear

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1 hour ago, Waken said:

For me, when I live with one of my parents, I fall into a lower state of energy. For a large reason because I'm not fully comfortable doing my own thing. So I prefer living alone over that. I don't have a big need for many people or friends around, and am quite a lot alone the last years. But now I'm lightly looking out for a partner with who I can do some things together. It's very dependent on you though of course, if you're not very strong on your own maybe it's more useful if you have some friends because you might feel more supported.

That sounds like me

I feel I filter a lot when talking to my parents then it makes it harder to be open away from them

Edited by bliss54

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@LastThursday Yes, that is what I am thinking. But before you get there - where being happy is not dependent on the situation - it doesn´t help much to think what you should feel or shouldn´t feel. It is as it is. In my case it felt good to move from my parents. Though I have a very caring and decent family. But my mother is a kind of person who needs concepts about everything including my humble self. I think, this is what oppressed me unconsiously. I felt like escaping a cage when I moved at the age of 16, though I had always more freedoms than any of my friends. The rigid concept of me, which my mother maintained, all that expectations and desperations... I am even not sure if I don´t do the same in relation to my daughter. Definitely I do. I definitely do have a concept of her. Damn, is it difficult not to have. But at least I am aware of it and take it as my problem, not hers. 

All in all I think Bliss should move out. 

P.S.: But the funny thing is that everything is a concept and in the first place ME. 

A concept_of_ME_having_a mother_which_has_A concept_of_ME

Crazy merry-go-round :)

 

Edited by Hulia

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Sounds like you need space from them. Do you trust that your parents would take good care of the dog if you weren't there?

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Definitely advise moving out. 

Consider living with others, but be very careful about WHO you live with. 

If you live alone at least you can socialize bring people over or get a girlfriend to visit 

If you live with the wrong people, that won't plan out well 

 

But if its the right kinda people and they tick all the key boxes then do it 

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@bliss54

Well "living with people" is not the same question as "living with your parents".

I actually think living close to your parents could be really nice. The problem is, most people have dysfunctional families and all sorts of trauma from growing up. And society is not really set up for that. It's set up mostly for you to get a wife and then get a house / apartment to raise your kids.

For you, it sounds like some independence from your parents would be a good thing.

What do you like to do? How do you want to spend your life?


 

 

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