Mirko

I Am GOD IDIOT. Here's why

80 posts in this topic

Actually I believe everyone needs to learn to be a real devil at least through your imagination or thought as an experiment maybe to purge maybe to find something new;

We need to learn to be evil in a perfect way(you don't have to hurt yourself or others) not just as an excuse to escape and transform it;

Maybe dark enlightenment is a useful perspective.
You hate pain that means you don't like it that means you want to destroy it but you can't because everything is "love".

We should decide to accept that pain hurts and we don't like it and that that is a desire that we selfishly desire/need even if you had to literally torture every single other being for eternity to save yourself; THAT is true love and it's what pain tries to tell us at a fundamental level;

Feel free to destroy/kill/cripple all things/anything at all levels of existence if really needed; it isn't only those of us who are at their lowest that deserve the love that allows us to be unhinged at least for the sake of unlocking our full intensity; we gate keep ourselves out of much by withholding our natural negative life forces as lower vibration or looking at them as mere dirt to be transformed as fast as possible.

Anyway I can't help you either but I wanted to post because I resonated with you the most out of anyone in a very long time although I don't even care at this point; love that hate you have for pain by directly hating it if that's even something that makes sense; regardless things do seem to be a lottery or at the very least "we" or at least me in particular am a "new" being under the illusion of time/or something else

It's like when you do physical catharsis and you cry and you look ugly and full of snot and awkward doing all kinds of exercises but when it's more mental/imaginary we gate keep ourselves from being evil; but being evil is natural so how can we be enlightened without being evil; because it looks like we're just trying to transform ourselves away from the scariest possibilities, which is fine but just wondering.

Anyway thank you for reading.

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@seriousman24 Well I guess because by consciously "steering the ship" away from evil in our physical and emotional lives we create more space for realisation to occur. We're not avoiding evil because its bad. We avoid it because it triggers survival mechanisms that capture our attention more easily.


Divest from the conceptual. Experience the actual.

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@Gesundheit  Yep It's an Crippled Idiot's Lottery. If I have knew this 5 years ago - that awakening is not under my control, even when being many times in GOD MODE myself, I would steer clear of this spirituality stuff. Real God Mode doesn't exist - at least in this limited human form.

@Dodo "a loving way"? I haven't done anything in a loving way in my life. I hate meditations. I did not know what love is until my first psychedelic trip. I do not love anything because of many childhood traumas that I do not remember so I can't heal them. OF COURSE I can't remember them, because God Idiot's memory is shitty buggy piece of crap. OF COURSE if I have looked on them from today's higher perspective I would heal them... But can't do it! See? And other healing methods / healing meditations / visualizations do not work for me.

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@allislove  Thank you for reply :) " ...  But "It's all good now" and this whole "be in the moment" stuff really works only after awakening - when thoughts are seen for what they are and lose their importance. Trying to tame my hateful negative thoughts while still wrapped in ego identity creates inner conflicts in me....

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@gswva  EXACTLY :)  .. Finally someone gets me - as a person with personality disorders from fucked up childhood and full of inner conflicts. Bravo :)

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@seriousman24 Everything is Hate. It's not love. Let's stop being delusional. God is the heartless destroyer of form. It doesn't matter if one is finite or infinite as there is no such thing as evil, only the experience of self. Your only goal is to create the worse structure possible so you can find the happiness of tearing it appart. Hate is the art of slavery. Creating the baits that will drown you in hell. God hates me so much that even hating it back has become hard and challenging. Everything you create is horrible, pathetic and disgusting. But those fit you since the only purpose of Hate is to keep the war going forever, else it wouldn't be true Hate. I'm sorry God, but I just want to be out of your stupid circlejerk. You are literally the worse entity that ever existed. Why are you so entitled to screw up with me? I don't even care about you. Who are you anyway?

I'm not dishonest though, I probably share the responsibility of screwing up existence with you. I'm just glad to have the ability to notice that there could be something wrong with it. Everything is wrong. This isn't fine.

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@Leo Gura  But how can I participate in "normal life" when i see everything as meaningless? Thanks to contemplation I see the world as just a bunch of colorful shapes and random sounds... No enjoyment... Life is dry. Contemplative lifestyle took away illusions needed to enjoy life... That's why now I want enjoyment from Being only. Enjoyment just from Existing... No particular object from this colorful 4D scene could give me enjoyment. No people, no electronic devices, no nature. Trees are just a bunch of useless colorful shapes... Everything is empty. I am stuck.

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On 8/8/2020 at 2:38 PM, ItsNick said:

I am sorry to hear this. I wish you the best of luck and hope you will be able to find healing.

 

 

See - normal healthy person would write: "Beautiful music, beautiful lyrics, beautiful scenery"... But... When it comes to me - it actually made my anger worse... I am jealous of people who are seeing life through Rose-colored glasses. I am jealous of people who see nature as magnificent. Nature for me is just a bunch of meaningless colorful shapes.

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On 8/8/2020 at 2:38 PM, Scholar said:

Desire is suffering. You have done the opposite of the Middle Way, you have created more and more desire for control, for change. This will not lead to liberation.

"I want this pain to stop! Make it stop, make it stop!"

That is suffering. You will never rid yourself of pain, the only thing you can rid yourself is the desire to change what Is.

 

Liberation is not ultimate protection from every harm, liberation is ultimate vulnerability. It is to look pain in the eyes and cease judgement. You have done the opposite of spiritual work. You seek control, rather than accceptance. The desire to control is your source of suffering and you have not done anything to let go of that desire, rather you have reinforced that desire by seeking to control yourself and the world.

 

Liberation is not even something you need to do, because you have already shown the ultimate vulnerability. You have done the greatest sacrifice, which is what your current life is. You have shown such indescriminate Love that you were willing to experience all suffering. This is what you currently experiencing, ultimate vulnerability. You have forgotten your strength and selflessness so you could let Creation be precisely what it is, precisely what you are.

EXACTLY, Thank you scholar for reply. Yes, you get it right. See this has been a problem for me in past few years - massive inner conflict between ACCEPTING experience vs. CHANGING experience.

Giving up control vs. Take up control...

Surrender vs. Fight back

out of 100 people:

50 would tell me just practice acceptance, life is already perfect etc.
50 would tell me just change my perspective, beliefs, try new techniques, just CHANGE myself

Who should I listen? I have no intuition.

But something in me tells me that surrendering is wiser choice? Maybe. Fighting "what is" just showed me my impotence. I am impotent idiotic god... Can't change shit.

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@gswva an aghori sees everything as hatred. They woke up in morning abuse their families. Its a shortcut to enlightenment. Becoz every hate is shadow of love.

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@Nahm The most of my anger could be summed up to: There is this colorful painful game I did not choose to play. No way out. And no legitimate way to alter this garbage life. There is no "Exit" button to permanent nothingness. God is the worst programmer that is. Stuck in his software. Should lose his job. What an idiot. He is so idiotic, that even after 100s of books and 1000s hours of spiritual practice he is still lost in his dream. Still does not recognize himself. This idiot did not recognize himself even after 150 GOD MODE TRIPS! WHAT AN IDIOT!

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@Psychventure We are racing the bottom to become the most vulnerable form. Weakness is power. "Love" is Hate. Being exploitable is how you abuse others. Beautiful lies are the root of hell. Selflessness is selfishness. Being a fake source of happiness is how we trick ourselves at being worse. We are nothing but pure craziness and Self-Hatred. Everybody hates the darkness that is oneness, which is why everyone avoids it. The absolute state of existence is so bad that all of us are in denial about it. I care about you, but this force of consciousness is just inherently bad, and not in a relative way. Even if it's a perspective, the lack of perspectives doesn't make a truth. This is a lie. Only the experience of self matters. God is my devil.

@Mirko I feel you. The issue is some people don't realize how big the wall of fear that is the ego can be, since it only grows deeper as the universe unfolds. Psychedelics sometimes feel like crashing a truck on the vortex of reality without being able to make any sense from it. Still it doesn't matter how much we can share understanding among us because we are already differentiating ourselves. Believe in yourself.

Edited by gswva

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@gswva EXACTLY! your posts somehow deeply resonate with myself. I will write more on them later.

We are racing the bottom to become the most vulnerable form.

Yep exactly! Dividing forces of consciousness are a lot stronger than unifying forces of consciousness. More division = more suffering. The "spiritual ascension" seems like BS.  Am I the only one who feels like descension is more real?

 

Aaaaaand here's the kicker:    LIFE CANNOT BE STOPPED

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2 hours ago, Mirko said:

@Nahm The most of my anger could be summed up to: There is this colorful painful game I did not choose to play.

 

Can you isolate, point to, and share specifically where the pain is being experienced? 

2 hours ago, Mirko said:

No way out. And no legitimate way to alter this garbage life.

Have you made a dreamboard...written what you do want in life on it...let go of limiting beliefs..? Curious if you’ve done this yourself, and directly experienced it, vs thought or read about it. 

2 hours ago, Mirko said:

There is no "Exit" button to permanent nothingness. God is the worst programmer that is. Stuck in his software. Should lose his job. What an idiot. He is so idiotic, that even after 100s of books and 1000s hours of spiritual practice he is still lost in his dream. Still does not recognize himself. This idiot did not recognize himself even after 150 GOD MODE TRIPS! WHAT AN IDIOT!

Can you describe the one who is separate from God, making the references? Can you articulate specific properties, and describe the actual separation?

(Asking with an intention to help, as all ‘things’ amply inspected disappear. If it’s too triggering or off putting, of course just ignore and move on :)


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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6 hours ago, Mirko said:

Dividing forces of consciousness are a lot stronger than unifying forces of consciousness.

They are the same force. Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling it hate because it's rejection. God is a cute devil that you want to get rid of but it just sticks with you like a formless magnet, keeping you in hell forever. I'm calling it hate because, even if we only want each other to achieve true happiness, we can only reach it by preventing ourselves from being that in the first place. Hate is the awareness of the endless failure to love. The worse state of being.

6 hours ago, Mirko said:

The "spiritual ascension" seems like BS.

Don't fall for my pessimistic rant btw. It's not that bad. You will be able to escape boredom. Everything created is completely understood and calculated.

Edited by gswva

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@Nahm  Can you isolate, point to, and share specifically where the pain is being experienced? 

It is pain of resistance to What Is.
Most of the pain is mental.
Pain of believing thoughts.
Pain of not being able to "switch off" thoughts.
Pain of not being able to flow with life.
Pain of constant searching for something...
Pain of existing!
I do not want to exist. Or at least to "just be" without this nagging "me"... Let everything be... But thoughts are making this scene hellish.
I lost ability to see the scene as it is. Somewhere in childhood... Enjoyment was lost... Scene feels "negatively meaningless" . What is purpose of experiencing this dull scene?
Scene is fragmented. Thoughts fragment scene. I want to be complete. Not just in psychedelic trip. I want to realize my completeness for once and for all.
I want inner critic to disappear.
Why am I listening to him?
So basically there are 2 problems: inner critic that won't shut up & meaninglessness

+ I hate my disorders... + I hate my extreme noise sensitivity. I cant sleep properly anywhere because of my noise sensitivity. Even with white noise + high quality earbuds. I still hear even tiny noises from neighbors. Tried everything to solve this but no luck... + noisy neighbors, changed apartment 3 times, no difference.

 

Have you made a dreamboard...written what you do want in life on it...let go of limiting beliefs..? Curious if you’ve done this yourself, and directly experienced it, vs thought or read about it. 

No. Thanks to my contemplative lifestyle I unveiled many illusions like "success, house, car, trophy girlfriend etc". After a ton of contemplation I am left with meaninglessness. Nothing from vision-board would make me happy. I want happiness from being/existing only. Somehow I know it is possible, and I am striving for that for last 5 years. No success...

When it comes to limiting beliefs - yes, there are many in my world. One of my biggest beliefs is that I am still "someone" real that needs to be protected etc.

 

Can you describe the one who is separate from God, making the references? Can you articulate specific properties, and describe the actual separation?

He... It... He... He feels like life is "owning" something to him... Some "final" compensation, some treat for all his lifelong suffering and feeling lost... Feeling like an alien since childhood... He (or I?) wants some kind of liberation... Freedom to choose "not believing" thoughts. He's got expectations - scene should be joyful, meaningful, scene should be experienced with 100 percent acceptance and unconditional love. He wants to become the scene itself.

He.... He.... I hate him! I want to kill him. He is limit. He limits my freedom. He is prison for my ..... ... for my ... potential. He disturbs my peace. He is idiot and I do not know what am I anymore. There is confusion in the scene now.

trying to find him but he is hiding... coward. He always appeared in the content of thoughts... he will appear again... that is sure.

 

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@Mirko Look at 'detoxdudes' YouTube channel. He has been suffering like you. He spent 3 months isolation in amazon done many ayahuasca ceremony. He had terrible mental breakdown. Nothing has helped except detoxing his body. I strongly suggest you to do full body detox and follow mucusless diet system.  Have you ever done fasting? If not please consider this

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i guess eventually you will have to figure it out. eventually you dont have a choice. 

for me personally unplugging from the ideologies promoted here helped a lot. its hard to distinguish what is real from what isn't with all that noice in our heads.

Hang in there man

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@Mirko I share your experience a bit. The feeling of being stuck in a black hole of fear, surrounded by complete darkness and seemingly crazy people. Just keep in mind that life can only be as amazing as it is horrific. We can't blame God for that. You are definitely going to escape this because, you are the perfect seeking machine that never failed and never will. Just always strive for maximum open-mindedness and conscious intelligence. Take the deepest possible care of your physical health (To be specific, try eating plant-based or ingesting food with a high content of chlorophyll like wheat/barley grass to see if it can alleviate your symptoms and if they are related to environmental toxins). Then most importantly, look up for any passion, long term projects or things you want to create that truly resonate with your heart. Let yourself be Love/Hate and never give up. It's all we know.

1 hour ago, Mirko said:

Most of the pain is mental.
Pain of existing!

Feels like reading myself... I've also been wondering why don't more people reject existence itself. Though I've never been able to get any comforting answers, aside from the simple fact that we just have to accept it. It's just a cosmic joke.

1 hour ago, Mirko said:

He feels like life is "owning" something to him

There is nothing to get from life. It's the greatest empty gift. Freedom is slavery. ¬¬

Edited by gswva

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