I get triggered when people self-diagnose themselves

[Farnaby]

I've noticed that I get a little triggered whenever a person introduces him/herself with a disclaimer containing some label like: highly sensitive person, anxious, etc. 

I have a lot of respect for mental health struggles and I've had to deal with anxiety on and off for years. But something feels weird to me about using that label to introduce yourself to other people. 

It feels like they are trying to subtly manipulate how you treat them and also not take full responsibility over their actions. 

I've also noticed that many people use these clinical labels such as generalized anxiety disorder or depression, without having been actually diagnosed by a professional.

But even those who have been diagnosed trigger me a bit when they seem to use it as an excuse, especially people who seem to use the label "depression" to justify everything they do/don't do. 

Sorry for the rant lol

Anyone else experienced this?

[Hansu]

I dont have any problems mentally anymore, and I am a highly sensitive person. Being aware of this fact helps me to understand my emotions and reactions better. This awareness is just a tool for me, nothing more.

But I can see how some people could use this kind of self-identification as an excuse to be an asshole or not take responsibility for ones action. Like demanding "Im highly sensitive person, so you must not say offhand comments about me" while in reality that person should learn to accept that offhand comments are a thing.

Id say that give people the benefit of doubt. If they are bullshitting themselves with these self-identifications, just make a mental note and dont care

Edited August 1, 2020 by Hansu

[Farnaby]

@Hansu hey! Thanks for sharing your experience. 

Yes, that's exactly the kind of thing that triggers me. I have no problem with people talking about their mental struggles or personality. I love talking about that. 

What I don't like is when some people compulsively use it as if they were somehow special or some kind of victim who needs to be treated with extra care. 

I get that many people had rough experiences and some I can possibly not imagine (such as rape, etc.) but IMO there comes a time where it gets unhealthy to use that as a way to avoid responsibility or to condition other people's spontaneity. 

[Gesundheit]

39 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

I get triggered when people self-diagnose themselves

#disclaimers

lol 

[Member]

Maybe it depends on the tone. People who are bragging about their struggles and emphasize on their mental issues like they're gifted or something trigger me as well. Being autistic or depressive doesn't automatically make someone a misunderstood genius lol.

Edited August 1, 2020 by Member

[Hansu]

@Farnaby

The bright side is that the more people talk about these issues, the more these traits are understood and discovered by the general public.

Also, people who benefit from understanding why they are different discover the help they need easier.

However, it is a double edged sword. People who bullshit themselves and others with their fake or true mental traits/disorders create prejudice not only against themselves, but also against those who actively do work on their problems. So dont write your mental traits/disorders on your CV.

[Artsu]

I get triggered when people say you can't diagnose yourself. Not like triggered,  but.. you know.

I self diagnosed as moderately agoraphobic. I brought it up with my psychiatrist and she agreed. Maybe i was using it as an excuse to not leave the house more, but now that i have more friends its getting easier anyway. A lot is to do with confidence.

I can MBTI type myself better than a test or certified professional, surely i can do it for psychological disorders instead.

I am disgnosed as schizophrenic, but self diagnosed as a shaman. I am disgnosed with social anxiety, but there is a better term/explanation for my feelings/behaviour.

[Farnaby]

@Artsu I may have worded the title a bit wrong. 

I have no problem with people using mental health labels to describe what happens to them. If anything, that raises a concern in myself that they could be misdiagnosing themselves. I don't think you need to be diagnosed by a professional to have a sense about what's going on inside of you. For instance, I know that I've suffered anxiety and even had some OCD symptoms as a teenager, although I haven't been officially diagnosed. 

What actually triggers me is people who in a matter of hours have explicitly said that they act the way they do because of their depression/high sensitivity/bpd/etc. 

It's kind of hard to describe on a forum, but for me there's a clear difference between: 

1) You explaining to me that you have a fear of leaving the house and may not be able to do it because of this fear. This makes me feel empathy and understanding.

2) A person constantly complaining about everything and then blaming his/her depression or a person who tries to present as if he/she's more special than others because of high sensitivity, high capacity or whatever. This is annoying to me and I tend to think "here we go again..." in my head. Especially if I get the feeling that this person doesn't really want to change. 

Some people come to mind that fit the second scenario and I've talked about this with other people who were present and they all felt the same: that this person was using it as an excuse. So I guess there's some truth to it. 

[Enlightenment]

@Farnaby I get triggered when people say they are depressed when in reality they have no idea what real hardcore clinical depression is.

[Artsu]

@Farnaby 

Ok, we are in agreement.

It can be sickening when people make excuses to not grow into better people.

Sure, some people may have legitimate reasons for being unable to move forward, but for others it's like they don't even want to try.

 

Edit: and I don't know how often I hear people say not to diagnose oneself, but it's frequently said, even with legal authority, not to diagnose someone else unless you have qualifications.

Well, maybe I'll redo the DSM and diagnose people with my own manual. \(0.o)/

But yes, thats not what the thread was getting at.

Edited August 1, 2020 by Artsu

[Mrs_C]

We can transcend people's problems by being compassionate with them. I think keyhole says good things:

"If someone is self diagnosing themselves assume that they are probably correct or pretty close to figuring out what it is.  You can even directly ask them why they think that they have that disorder if they openly discuss their mental health.  

You would have to have a discussion with them to determine the validity of their self diagnosis."

@Farnaby: If you get triggered then see it as a chance for your own development. It triggers a problem of yourself. It doesn't seem to be about them, but about you. 

I would try to recognize this trigger point, then observe it, stay non-reactive as long as I need to. Then keep up the communcation and react with compassion.

... or we just get really really angry and give space to our emotions. That might be freeing!

Mrs_C

[Vittorio]

14 hours ago, Enlightenment said:

@Farnaby I get triggered when people say they are depressed when in reality they have no idea what real hardcore clinical depression is.

There are many degrees of depression. It isn't black and white and this is not a reason to ridicolize them. 

[Vittorio]

2 hours ago, datamonster said:

When does this ever happen except in self-help groups?

Om Facebook too, when people write in local city groups to meet other people and write things like: "I am shy/introvert/etc.". 

[Farnaby]

2 hours ago, Keyhole said:

I've seen many different people and each time I am diagnosed with something new and different.  For the most part they just sort across stuff off just in the same way that you would be doing.

You're almost better off learning about your own mental state and figuring out what it might be that is your issue.  In fact if you bring it to someone to diagnose you that you think that one particular thing might be what's wrong with you they're more than likely to just go ahead and agree with that then to inquire much further.

Yes, I agree to a certain extent. I'm a mental health professional and that bias is certainly present. I would even argue that an expert on ADHD is more likely to diagnose you with it than someone who specializes on anxiety, who would have the tendency to "see anxiety everywhere" if you know what I mean. 

Yet, we do have tools that are standardized and we are trained to make a thorough evaluation. Even if there's still a chance of misdiagnosing, if done correctly I think it's more likely to accurately diagnose someone when you are trained on how to do it and use standardized evaluation tools. 

Non-trained people will also have a tendency to identify with anything that remotely describes their situation and they may diagnose themselves with a mental disorder, when they don't actually have one and actually just have a few symptoms of different disorders (like most average healthy people). 

Any person who reads the DSM will resonate with characteristics of the described disorders, but most people don't actually have the disorder. 

At the same time, I personally don't like diagnostic labels unless we're talking about a clear pathology. I prefer to look at mental issues like coping mechanisms that were once necessary and have become unhealthy. 

2 hours ago, Mrs_C said:

@Farnaby: If you get triggered then see it as a chance for your own development. It triggers a problem of yourself. It doesn't seem to be about them, but about you. 

Could be, but when out of 15 people, most of them have sensed the same from this person I'm talking about, there probably is some truth to it, not only projection. 

As I said, it's hard to describe here, but I'm not talking about people who share their struggles in a healthy way which increases interpersonal connection and understanding. I'm talking about constantly complaining and trying to get attention and people to do what you want. Feels like manipulation and usually annoys people. 

Of course, the degree to which that triggers something in me has probably something to do with myself. 

2 hours ago, datamonster said:

When does this ever happen except in self-help groups?

This was actually in something similar to a self-help group lol but I've seen it on social media quite often as well 

[Espaim]

On 01/08/2020 at 7:17 AM, Farnaby said:

It feels like they are trying to subtly manipulate how you treat them

If that were the case, what's the problem?

On 01/08/2020 at 7:17 AM, Farnaby said:

also not take full responsibility over their actions

 

On 01/08/2020 at 7:17 AM, Farnaby said:

especially people who seem to use the label "depression" to justify everything they do/don't do. 

Do you think of yourself as someone who takes responsibility for your actions?

 

On 01/08/2020 at 7:17 AM, Farnaby said:

to justify everything they do/don't do

Do you justify what you do in any way?

9 hours ago, Farnaby said:

I'm talking about constantly complaining and trying to get attention

Do you ever try to get attention?

9 hours ago, Farnaby said:

trying to get  people to do what you want

Do you ever try to get people to do what you want?

When answering, please cite examples. Be specific.

Edited August 2, 2020 by Espaim

[Farnaby]

45 minutes ago, Espaim said:

If that were the case, what's the problem?

I don't like when people try to manipulate me. It feels dishonest. Guilt-tripping is the kind of manipulation I hate the most.

46 minutes ago, Espaim said:

Do you think of yourself as someone who takes responsibility for your actions?

Yes. I spend a lot of time reflecting on how I act and why I do the things I do. When there's a conflict I always rewind what happened in my head to see how I may have contributed to it.

49 minutes ago, Espaim said:

Do you ever try to get attention?

Probably. But I usually don't feel comfortable when everyone's attention is on me. That makes me anxious.

50 minutes ago, Espaim said:

Do you ever try to get people to do what you want?

Definitely. But I'm usually clear and honest about my intentions. I don't think I often manipulate people. I used to do that more in the past, even playing victim sometimes. I don't do that anymore.

[Espaim]

Hmmm... I'm seeing a clear pattern here but due to my limited knowledge of psychology lingo I can't delineate what's exactly happening but this seems to have to do with you having a shadow on this matter.

I don't know if you opened this thread to come to a resolution to your triggerings. Anyway, if you want to explore it you could use this technique: 3-2-1 shadow work

[Farnaby]

@Espaim Thanks for the link, I'll check it out. I created the thread to see if other people have felt this way when being around people who act this way.

But I'm also interested in working on my triggers. For my work it's important to constantly work on these kind of things. I would never treat such a person badly, but I have trouble feeling true empathy for them. I say true empathy, because I can rationally understand their suffering and the function of their symptoms, but can't help feeling annoyed by victim-mentality.

@Keyhole Thanks for the in-depth answer and advice. Actually, this person wasn't a friend. She was a class mate so to speak and many of us felt annoyed by her behavior and felt like she constantly needed everyone's attention and pity for her. 

However, your advice is really helpful because I have felt this in more important personal and work relationships and I think I can make good use of it in those instances  

Also, thanks for that course suggestion, I'll have a look at it!

[seeking_brilliance]

The title of your thread is very ironic lol

[Zigzag Idiot]

No disrespect intended. 

@seeking_brilliance I hadn't noticed the Irony of the title until you pointed it out.

It reminds me of how often I metaphorically hang myself because of my psychological blindspot,,,,,