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About Hansu

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  1. I live in a country where health care is free, so Im considered healthy if I can work and I wont get an appointment unless Im threatening to kill myself. Private psychotherapist would cost a fortune, I think Im going to try work it out myself, I've become good at just that I picked up Shadow Dance by David Richo today. Im planning to not quit my addictions, but to read the book and do the exercises for a month or two to really pick up the habit for this work before continuing to quit the addictions so I wont not dabble it (Im afraid zombie mode would overtake me over and ruin whatever progress I do with shadow work) Do you have any advice on starting up this work? Is there any specific meditation technique that could aid with shadow work?
  2. Good point During my last attempt I bought a lots of fruits to replace some of the sugar. My main source of food atm come from chicken, cow, rice, wok-vegetables and food-cream (I dont know what it is in english, food-cream is a direct translation) @salvijus Thanks, I'll check that out This makes a lot of sense to me, but where should I start looking? I have a good job, multiple friends, Im highly effective when im not in the zombie-mode and I have my future all planned out Only thing I can pinpoint that I crave, but miss at the moment is the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend with whom to spend time snuggling and all the other related stuff that comes with relationship. But it doesn't feel that bad and it doesn't feel like I absolutely have to have a relationship EDIT: I guess its time for me to finally start doing some shadow work
  3. I would love to make them understand that they live in the most beautiful and best country to ever grow up in People of my culture are one of the most unappreciative people I know when it comes to quality of life
  4. Whenever I try to quit an addiction, be that overeating, alcohol or sugar, I become a zombie. For years I have been trying to lose weight, cut alcohol and cut sugar. For years I have failed. For years I tried everything at the same time. Unsurprisingly, it never worked so 2 months ago I decided to postpone losing weight for later to have more energy for fighting alcohol and sugar (And now Im fatter than I have ever been in my lifetime) First I tried to lose sugar and alcohol at the same time. It was easy for 2 weeks, then one weekend I went on binge drinking and eating so I was back on square 1. After that I decided to quit one at time. First I tried to lose alcohol, so for 2 weeks I dropped the alcohol, went on an alcohol binge and that fucked up. Then I tried to lose sugar, and same story. What I've learned over the past few months is that when I try to drop an addiction, I lose all interest in visualization work, reading self help and basically I become unconscious. I waste time watching TV, porn, drop practicing my instrument etc. However, after a relapse I gain immense energy on doing chores, visualization, I drop TV, I eat healthier, I read books, I practice my instrument and to put it simply, I become the best version of myself. So, what should I do? I cant willpower my through the zombifying effect that the process of quitting an addiction gives me. Its too strong, and I always end up relapsing and not only losing weeks of effort put into the attempt, but I also lose a lot of time that I would have used on working on myself, hadn't I been in a zombie. Am I unconsciously avoiding emotional work? You know, that work that Leo is always talking about? How can I find strength to push through the zombie-phase and not relapse?
  5. @Truth Addict Thank you. This is clearing up a lot of guesswork out of where I want to aim with my spiritual work at the moment. Can you recommend any books that could help me with lowering my resistance to what is? Books that I've found helpful on the topic so far: The Power of Now, Sedona Method, Loving What Is, Psycho-Cybernetic Thanks!
  6. @Truth Addict I see. I realized that if I always stay present in the moment, then I would either act on thoughts I see as needing action, and drop thoughts that have no value to act on. Then I would not be tempted to not accept my present moment, because the present moment would already be the best state of my being. The need would simply not exist. Would this be a good way to move into more dominant state of inner peace, or should I learn to accept the current state as it is? Or in other words, hypothetically, if someone was beating me with a stick should I first accept and be in peace with the fact that Im getting beaten, or should I stop the man first and accept the beating later?
  7. @Truth Addict Are you speaking of happiness as we westeners know it as, or as something else? Often when Im driving to work or to home, I find myself spontaneously smiling. I shut off any distraction that is not the road, my senses sharpen, my awareness jolts up and my mind shuts down. Sometimes I am able to stay in the present moment for 5 minutes, sometimes 10-15 minutes. Only thing that breaks my mind's silence is random thoughts that come up, but go as fast as they came. Is this true happiness? Is this even happiness? @TheAvatarState After some contemplating I realized that when I was writing my opening post I was not afraid that I might begin to hang on this event I described as "turning page" but I was in fact hanging on it. I realized that I was afraid that I will most likely never feel these strong emotions I perceive as joy, as this page is practically the last page I turn before death. Upon realizing this my fear vanished. Thank you!
  8. I just finished my engineering degree and joined workforce in a company with very promising future. Im turning a page in my life, so to speak. For the past 2 weeks I have been dwelling on the memories of my life during the schooling. I feel happy and grateful for all the memories, good and bad. I learned something about all of those. However, I dont feel happiness for my experience in army, my previous school or my time working on the previous company. I only feel gratitude for those memories, not happiness. The only other past besides my time in the college I feel happiness for is my childhood, and what comes from childhood? Nostalgia. Wanting for the past. Dwelling in the past. While I know that dwelling and being happy for the memories I have gathered during the 5 years I studied for my engineering degree is great for destroying any negative false beliefs and neurotic afflictions the bad memories could leave their mark on me, I feel like Im creating false happiness connections to the idea of "turning page in life". When you are young you turn pages constantly. Young teen, teenage, high school, turning 18, college... You turn pages all the time. But when you go into workforce, what pages are there to turn during my next 60 years? Higher position and children, thats about it. I can already see how, in the near future say in 5 years, I begin to sabotage my career because Im secretly dwelling on the desire to "turn a page" in my life. Dwelling with happiness on this "turn of a page" is clearly creating very strong emotional bond with this idea of turning page. Is my fear rooted in nothing? Will enough meditation make me aware enough to not follow this false craving, if it does come up sometime in the future?
  9. Lul Its a personal thing, whether to choose to have children or not. Just make sure you are ready to raise them, know how to raise them and most importantly, be financially prepared to raise children. Read shit ton of self help so your child doesen't have to, that's how we evolve.
  10. Do what feels right for you. Life purpose course is a big package of dense material and for many of us, especially those who are not used to college level studying or already have years of self-help experience, might be too much to complete the first time its picked up. If you feel like you need a girl, use the advice here on Actualized.org and other websites that focus on that. Life purpose course is there for you when you feel like doing it. Oh, and if you have not yet begun, start meditating.
  11. @Nahm Well, Im not certain but maybe
  12. If you cut your ties to people who do or say stupid shit, you might aswell become a hermit. Martyrdom is lonely. As for OP, think about a neutral reason for not drinking. Know that these people drink because they hurt, they don't want to listen to someone telling them that they have to stop evading the hurt and get their shit together. If you tell them that you dont drink for religious or health reasons, they start feeling bad for their own decisions and their egos become adamant at blaming you. If someone comments on you not drinking, you could tell them that drinking is fun, but alcohol makes you feel very nauseated, and you dont want to ruin your friends/colleagues evening. Thats rather neutral statement that slightly makes your friends feel higher than you while feel good about their drinking, and could even raise their respect towards you.
  13. "Soul" in the title will turn away every single ateist in the world, and will bug agnostics. Take time to name your book. Make it something personal and expressing. Do your best to make the name neutral in terms of race, gender and faith. Think of your core audience, when they see your book are they more attracted to a title that mentions social anxiety on the broad scale, or are they attracted to a book that promises help for a specific problem like self-esteem? Even though self-esteem has become the meme of self-help in recent years it could still help to mention it in the cover, because people generally dont know where their problems come from, and they focus on these simple solutions that only focus on self-esteem, changing appereance etc. Good luck with the title!