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Toxic Masculinity Examples Mega-Thread

141 posts in this topic

6 hours ago, Sucuk Ekmek said:

How about an example from me? Me and my colleague (a lovely girl) were in cafeteria for first time and having orders. We ordered some snack and I paid the sum with no hesitance. Suddenly I looked to her face and I realized that made her upset. She told me that I didn't need to do that and offered to pay drinks. I said okay. Afterwards wasn't weird that much. She even liked my taste of Strauss. Do you think my action was toxic?

Gulag.


Hallå

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Perhaps a common mark of toxic masculinity ideology is that it interprets the term "toxic masculinity" as meaning: all masculinity is toxic. But to say that some forms of masculinity are toxic does not mean there isn't healthy masculinity.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura very true. 


Whatever be the status quo of the system, regardless of whatever, a person should have to feel cared for  and there is no excuse in the whole universe why a person should not have to feel cared for.. 

Preety preety

 

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Often the issue with identifying toxic masculinity is the same as the issue with identifying racist talking points.

The issue is Dog Whistling.

Toxic masculinity is often dog whistled such that it is covert, rather than overt. For example, rather than "its wrong for men to cry", a commentator will say "the perpetrator cried like a little girl". Upon being asked whether they think it is wrong for men to cry that same commentator, conscious of the social unacceptability of saying its wrong for men to cry, will say it is okay for men to do so. However, the subtext of the crying being an activity that only little girls do has already been heard, and accepted by the audience.

Contemplate upon this while consuming media, and look out for when dog whistling occurs, and it is likely you will quickly become aware of its use.

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"A couple of glasses of red wine a night slows my brain down and lets me get into the 'vegetative' state suitable for TV viewing. Combined with SSRI it works well in letting me achieve a 'normal' life."   

                                                                                                                                        -- Random Redditor

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@Vipassana

You need to understand a lot of things about Indian society. 

Indian society has a lot of toxic masculinity in it. Boys aren't raised properly or in a healthy way. They are raised as cash cows. Parents only care about how much money he will bring into the family. The father does not care about the son's issues. The mother is never allowed to speak her opinion so she simply obeys the father 

With Sush, he is the prime example of toxic masculinity. He was suffering from deep psychological issues that were inherited from his mother because she had similar issues and she died a similar way. Now Sush already suffered from the trauma of the mothers loss. But he was suffering as well. Most mental health patients don't suddenly commit suicide in their 20s, it takes time for them to reach the breaking point. It usually happens in mid 30s or mid 40s..that's when the mid life crisis hits and people with psychological issues can't deal with stress unlike normal people. Now in his case, his symptoms were getting worse and worse with time. His family is acting supportive because he is dead. But there was nobody with him at the time of his death. His medicines were not even delivered by his family but by a private agent. He relied on his girlfriend for support but she knew that his symptoms are gradually spiralling out of control.. She took him to a good doctor but his family still did nothing for him. His girlfriend was the only one who took him for hospital visits. His family is hiding all this because they don't want to look guilty. They want someone to blame to feel better. And Indians are too scared to talk about their own family. 

Sush had  lot of money so even if he donated a huge sum, that wouldn't be a cause of his suicide. He was very generous with money. His main concern was his mental issues.. He knew that with such issues he can't continue working for long. Now because society is such a way that men are not allowed to cry. They are considered weak if they cry, this was the main problem with Sush. He as a man was not allowed to feel weak. He did not tell anyone about his issues out of shame and guilt. He did not have the confidence to seek help or tell people that he was anxious or depressed because people would call him a weak man and as a movie star he would lose his position if he appeared depressed, so he had to always put on a show that he was happy even if his symptoms were getting worse. With the doctor's treatment his issues were slightly improved for some time, but mental health issues are such, that symptoms are controlled only for some time and they tend to reappear. It's very hard to beat and being a public figure makes it tougher to get privacy and people with such issues need a ton of privacy, now in Indian society there is a huge stigma and shame for mental illness, combined with toxic masculinity where a man is not allowed to express weakness, this is double shame, plus the family always wants the son to keep making money and the pressure for success is very high in Indian families, so the boys don't want to disappoint the families, so triple shame. Now being a celebrity means he is supposed to be happy all the time, so a lot of public pressure and no peace of mind. And the fear of losing career if he tells his problems openly. And in India, the mental health resources are close to zero, you hardly find a good doctor and going to such a doctor is considered a very shameful thing because it's like the person has a huge problem, when in reality it can be easily resolved with good treatment. So he was trapped from all sides by a high pressure Indian family structure and the pressure from the industry, and the third class social mentality of shaming men for their weaknesses and bullying mentality of Indian society, bullying men for their failure, even an average Indian guy feels like a failure in life if he is not able to earn enough, he will be bullied by the father to get successful in life 

Compounded by all these social and medical factors (poor health resources, no doctors, Unempathetic attitude to mental issues) there is the suicide of Disha that happened right one week before his. That caused him massive anxiety. And you know how the Indian system is. The police will not do the work properly and pin the blame on someone, there is no democratic process or lawful process, they will simply find some scapegoat to blame and arrest and close the case immediately. There is mentality to find someone to blame for anything instead of taking collective social responsibility because that means hard work that the government people don't want to do. Sush felt very insecure and scared that he will be blamed for her suicide which is natural in Indian society. His own suicide is being blamed on others. He had do much anxiety over her death that he was constantly Google searching every news article on her for the whole week. He was already suffering from issues and now his anxiety went through the roof. He was ordering the medicine from his agent secretly, he became frustrated and committed suicide. Now the family didn't care what his issues were, neither in life, nor in death, they wanted no responsibility, they wanted to act like they were grieving his death and his loss meant a big loss financially to them so they wanted to blame someone and make it look like murder. That way they don't have to feel guilty for not supporting him. This is the story and not the story fed by media. The media is presstitute. They want trp and money out of his story so they make a big drama out of it but nobody wants to give peace to his soul. He was a victim of ruthless Indian society that only cares for success and wealth and toxic orange. But looks at anything outside this box as loser or failure. 

You don't understand it because you're not looking at the bigger picture. The only way to bring peace to his soul is to stop Indian fathers from shaming or pressuring the sons, reducing the toxic orange mentality, removing the shame associated with depression and other issues, getting better medical support for people without shame, making parents aware of their own health issues that can pass to children, giving proper resources to men to feel stronger mentally so they don't break down, not giving them pressure for success understanding men's heath issues and resolving men's issues, not treating the man like a cash cow, helping men to integrate the Feminine, some Indian families don't even allow the guy to date because they want to control his life or hold back his income, and the men are not allowed to join sports as a child, because sports is important for mental health, but the family wants him as a cash cow, so they tell the guy to only study and become a nerd, don't give him resources to become a full man, understanding male needs and issues and then helping them to become stronger in life so they can face real life situations which is not done by Indian families, also accepting male weakness rather than shaming it at the same time giving him resources to become strong, men should be allowed to play and work at young age to become independent, men like to work because it gives them a sense of importance and pride. But the indian system doesn't allow him to be independent, they don't allow him to have his own house, he is kept attached to the family like a little boy, so he does not grow mentally, he is always dependent on parents for everything, unable to face life on his own, this makes him mentally weak, because he is always sheltered by the father and controlled by the father, and even the mother, and so the boy's mental growth is not proper so even if a little bad thing happens in their life, a small setback and they commit suicide because they are not prepared by the families to face ups and downs of life.. It's a social structure designed around wealth and toxic orange success and this is the reason why such men finally commit suicide 

 

 


Whatever be the status quo of the system, regardless of whatever, a person should have to feel cared for  and there is no excuse in the whole universe why a person should not have to feel cared for.. 

Preety preety

 

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Hey, I know this ain't an example but a quick question 🙏

I'm in high school rn, 16 yrs. I feel that putting on an "alpha male" identity is like a very important survival mechanism for me. I've tried being "feminine" and vulnerable put the fucking academic system and all the immature people (including teachers..) just put me down and do not understand.

With that context now, is there a way I can keep this identity for another 2 years without it fucking me up as a person?

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@March that's up to you. 


Whatever be the status quo of the system, regardless of whatever, a person should have to feel cared for  and there is no excuse in the whole universe why a person should not have to feel cared for.. 

Preety preety

 

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1 hour ago, March said:

Hey, I know this ain't an example but a quick question 🙏

I'm in high school rn, 16 yrs. I feel that putting on an "alpha male" identity is like a very important survival mechanism for me. I've tried being "feminine" and vulnerable put the fucking academic system and all the immature people (including teachers..) just put me down and do not understand.

With that context now, is there a way I can keep this identity for another 2 years without it fucking me up as a person?

Just do what you have to in order to survive. It will make you stronger, it will not fuck you up. If you can be an alpha male/top dog in a competitive environment, that doesn't hurt! I'd suggest you just do that for now.

Once you do that and you do achieve success, or you do get a certain degree of confidence, or you do become the top dog as you want to, then you have the power to change that environment. Then, you can decide to either change your environment and leave, go to a more peaceful environment, or lead the growth of your environment into a more peaceful and co-operative one. If you see that this environment isn't receptive to your attempts at changing it, you can leave that environment and practice setting up relationships where there's the win-win, or where it's not just every man for himself, it's more co-operative where everyone's working towards a common goal, everyone's genuinely on each other's side. That's how you solve the issue of distrust and create relationships where people trust each other.


"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee

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Teenage boys very often show huge ammounts of toxic primitive masculinity. Theft, bullying, fights , throwing rocks, torturing animals, etc.

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12 minutes ago, mmKay said:

torturing animals,

teenage boys torture animals? sounds like signs of psychopathy to me


How strange it is to be anything at all

 

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5 hours ago, mmKay said:

Teenage boys very often show huge ammounts of toxic primitive masculinity. Theft, bullying, fights , throwing rocks, torturing animals, etc.

Yea it's kinda unrestrained toxic masculinity with immaturity and low self control 

 


Whatever be the status quo of the system, regardless of whatever, a person should have to feel cared for  and there is no excuse in the whole universe why a person should not have to feel cared for.. 

Preety preety

 

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I would make a difference between the primal animal like masculinity and toxic masculinity.

To me toxic masculinity is based in fear and insecurities.
The animal part is more spontaneous, aggressive and exploratory.

Just like a toddler smashing ants to see what happens.

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I just heard a story about a girl that I know.

What happened is that her mom married a violent man. This man tried to touch her sexually when she was a kid and her mom was very afraid that something worst could happen. One day when she was still a kid she went back home with another adult and she saw her dad beating her mom with a huge stick. Her mom then run away from the house, entered the car, and escaped, but she ended up at the hospital with broken ribs. After she got out of the hospital she was too physically damaged to do anything, so her girl had to care about her even though she was only a kid (maybe less than 12 years old).

Many years ago when this girl was coming to the house to play with my sister, her mom would call to be sure that she was in security. It was important for her that her girl doesn't get out of the house without adults in case if she met her dad.


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