Handling Distractions

[JessiChell]

Before you read: Please see my attached photo. I've made a little tip list from watching hours of Leo's videos to encourage self-love/actualization. 

Hi everyone,

I am currently working towards self-love, actualization (as everyone else), being able to be happy alone and being able to leave abusive partners. 

I am a little two weeks post-breakup from a toxic/emotionally abusive partner and I was asked out last night to go out Saturday. A distraction. 

Here are my issues/questions regarding this. Leo says we need to abstain from distractions and go through a period in our life where we are not dating/having sex, flirting, etc. 

This is incredibly hard for me and here's why; I haven't downloaded any dating apps but my online presence and the people within my community are pretty substantial. I get hit up a lot from men, online. Last night a guy messaged me and I agreed to a "date/hang out" Saturday night.  I am not looking for a relationship what-so-ever, but I know even hanging out with men is considered a distraction by Leo. But I'm also confused about Leo's video where he says we have to come from a place of abundance. SO am I creating abundance? and that's okay? Or is this a distraction and, if so, may I have one distraction every so often?

So, in terms of distractions, how much is too much? 

Can someone take me through what a day of consciousness (self-love) would look like? Do I just stop talking to people? Delete all social media just to be completely alone and isolated? And for how long? 

Would this create abundance in the future? 

Before you respond: I want you to be coming from Leo's perspective. Please do not post other "gurus" or talks. I feel safe and comfortable with Leo's ideology (I don't care if that's unhealthy.) (It's healthier than being mistreated by a man who has narcissistic traits.)
I would like a sound recommendation you have seen in one of Leo's videos or from him posting something OR if you've spoken to him personally about this, even better. 

Thank you for reading. 

Update about isolation retreat: I found a catholic women's retreat in the mountains for abused women. You can go and take a silent retreat and no one will talk to you. I'm thinking about going to that because they provide food and lodging. I can be without my phone but in a safe place where no one will talk to me. Kind of like a convent. I'm thinking about bringing a guided meditation, and no phone/tv. 

I'm hoping the retreat will force me to deal with that feeling of emptiness or having that whole inside of me. Any recommendations, I'm always willing to listen to. 

[ajasatya]

9 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

Can someone take me through what a day of consciousness (self-love) would look like? Do I just stop talking to people? Delete all social media just to be completely alone and isolated? And for how long?

This is why I journaled for a while. You can check it out:

 

[JessiChell]

@ajasatya I've read your journal. I definitely need to put more time into meditation and exercise. 

Maybe if I did that, I wouldn't feel so guilty over this distraction. 

Thanks!

[kag101]

 

47 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

Can someone take me through what a day of consciousness (self-love) would look like? Do I just stop talking to people? Delete all social media just to be completely alone and isolated? And for how long? 

Self-love does not mean you have to be 100% self-sufficient -- as if that was possible.

Like it or not, we're social creatures. In Buddhism, one of the three jewels of the Buddha is the sangha (community).

47 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

Last night a guy messaged me and I agreed to a "date/hang out" Saturday night.

How long have you been talking with this guy?

47 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

So, in terms of distractions, how much is too much? 

In your case, I'd say it would be to, for example, meet with a lot of guys just so that you don't have to handle with the grief of a break-up.

Edited May 21, 2020 by kag101

[Dumuzzi]

Most men don't have to deal with that level of attention, so it's hard to give advice.

But losing your phone and any access to the internet for a few days would certainly be helpful. 

You might have to significantly reduce your online presence overall, or perhaps avoid posting photos of yourself. Every time you post an attractive photo of yourself, it is like throwing red meat to a pack of lions.

Perhaps you should wear a habit, but that would just attract the wrong kind of men 

In any case, attractive women have to deal with the problem of constant male attention and that means it is ultra-hard to be alone and spend time on yourself. Perhaps the catholic women's retreat isn't such a bad idea after all...

But, it would probably be good for you to not date for a while and ignore men's advances for the time being. Of course, once you are ready to engage with someone seriously and on a more spiritual footing, it will be a different story.

[JessiChell]

@Dumuzzi I really resonate with your response. Especially this part, "it would probably be good for you to not date for a while and ignore men's advances for the time being. Of course, once you are ready to engage with someone seriously and on a more spiritual footing, it will be a different story."

But good god, is that hard. I don't even know what to do with my time after work. I know meditation, working out and cooking are the primary things. But it's just so lonely. I'm not flirting or talking to men in depth. (My horrible justification stemming from fear of loneliness) 

I am still going through a breakup and am "weening" myself from talking to my best girlfriend a few hours a day and then almost not engaging in conversations with men. 

I will work harder towards putting social media behind me and the advances of men. I know I'm running away from that pain. I'll try tonight to get off tiktok and meditate. Then I'll try to do some yoga. 

I'm just constantly thinking about him with other women and it's so painful. I don't know how to handle this.

[JessiChell]

@kag101

Through the breakup, I've been speaking to my best girlfriend, sister and a few friends to handle my loneliness and feeling of hurt from the relationship ending. I have briefly flirted with two guys for one night but then stopped talking to them. My issue is tiktok and social media. It's hard to put down at night but I'm not talking to any men. I have been dealing with my emotions and feeling them. I've layed for hours and cried and am just now starting to feel anger and indifference towards him.  

The guy I agreed to see Saturday I know from buying my car. He started following me on social media two years ago and has had a very big crush on me for a long time. I think all women have men who are lowkey infatuated with them, he is one of mine. I can tell he's waited a long time to try and get a chance but I don't think he realizes now is not the time.

He heart reacted a photo I posted. I asked him how his life was. (I was bored/lonely) He responded. We spoke very briefly and he asked me to wine at his on Saturday. I agreed. That's it. I will not be developing an emotional relationship or attachment to this person.

What do I want out of this? Sex. Good sex. From someone, I know who at (if even the surface level), cares about me. 

My ex had ED and low testosterone. He refused to have a sexual dialog with me (we were long distance) even though I sent him very high-quality nudes and videos. He was very uncomfortable talking about his sexual thoughts/desires with me. And I often felt unwanted. He wouldn't even be enthusiastic about making me cum.

In the end he admitted to fantasizing about other women when I had asked him many times prior to which he would say "those thoughts are private." I broke up with him after he admitted this and wouldn't speak with me about it or answer any questions I had. 

So yes...I want to feel desired again. I say this with humility, but I am very attractive. In bed I'm an exhibitionist and am highly sexual and open. My ex, I realize now just wanted me because I was beautiful and had qualities he valued. He wanted me to show me off but not actually put in work to build a relationship and deep connection. 

So... in complete and utter honesty...I want to feel desired by a man and want to feel worshipped. Is this my ego talking? Probably. I'm not conscious yet. Can I consider this a treat to myself after not feeling desired from the man I loved for 9 months?  I'm feeling my feelings, I am meditating and I am not talking to men. 

[Bazooka Jesus]

@JessiChell

2 hours ago, JessiChell said:

I get hit up a lot from men, online.

Gee, I wonder why? LOL

[Chakra Lion]

15 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

So... in complete and utter honesty...I want to feel desired by a man and want to feel worshipped. Is this my ego talking? Probably. I'm not conscious yet. Can I consider this a treat to myself after not feeling desired from the man I loved for 9 months?  I'm feeling my feelings, I am meditating and I am not talking to men. 

The Person I loved so deeply for 10 years stopped showing me Love. I used to receive their love and attention every moment I needed it, and I never had to question my worth. But after months of awkwardly and painfully moving away from one another, I became very empty and lonely. The gross Insecurities and illogical thoughts kept dragging me down into the darkest corners, where I would question what made me so distasteful, am I not worthy to be loved, is this it for me... 

But the truth came to me, as I was ready to die from heartbreak. It was so clear. I accepted that I am alone. I accepted that no one will ever fill me up to the point of reaching fulfillment. Because I didn't even love myself. I never loved myself, and the only reason I was still alive, was from the love from others. Because I was so weak, so empty, and my only hope was for someone to love me enough, that they will heal and bring me to nirvana. 

When someone gave me Love, it used to go right into me, like a source of life, I never got enough. But that's what happens when there is a hole in your heart. When you don't love yourself, you can't hold love. You will always seek externally, to fill the empty internal self. Its so obvious when you realize that. And you need to take your time. Heal your self. Patch your heart, and fill it up with self love. When your heart is full with the love from your self, you don't need love from any one else. And any love that you are shown, you wont have to feed off it. You can simply let their love flow through you, let it overflow you, so that you can only breath back love. 

I'm sure you've met those people where you can feel that they are feeding off your love and energy. And in return, you receive little in comparison. You will not receive love from them, not the authentic true love that comes from someone who has no need to receive love to give love. Be full of Love. No one can Love you like You can Love You. ❤

[JessiChell]

@Bazooka Jesus Because my ego has formed the perfect illusion it believes men want and need in order to trap them into giving me validation and emotional connection. 

[JessiChell]

@Chakra Lion You articulate what I can't, but that's exactly what's happening to me. I'm just hung up on how to get there.

In theory, I understand but its the day-to-day, practical guidelines I'm struggling with. 

Like how much social media?  How much should I limit contact with my friends/family? Would one distraction this weekend be the biggest setback?

It's these questions I need help with. What is the day-to-day routine of acquiring self-love?

[Bazooka Jesus]

10 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

@Bazooka Jesus Because my ego has formed the perfect illusion it believes men want and need in order to trap them into giving me validation and emotional connection. 

Dang, that is a pretty irrefutable answer - chapeau!

[Chakra Lion]

2 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Like how much social media?  How much should I limit contact with my friends/family? Would one distraction this weekend be the biggest setback?

It's these questions I need help with. What is the day-to-day routine of acquiring self-love?

Just be present. Its your Spirit that's fighting you when you make a choice it has realized to be more negative than positive. 

Every moment you have to be engaged with what your heart wants. If it wants to go on Social Media, then do it, and when its had enough, leave it. When you want to meet up with someone, then do it, and if it ends up being a negative experience, then don't regret it, learn from it. Its all just learning to make the right choice. But the problem comes when you have made a choice, like maybe hooking up with someone, and although it feels great in your body and mind, if your spirit isn't connected to it, then its a sign you should be doing something else. And after some days go by, and the regrets or guilt fade, the body and mind will pull you towards its pleasures again. But if your Spirit is screaming out of your heart not to do it, because it remembers how damaging it was, but you continue to put the self through it, there is nothing to grow from. You stay the same, or worse, the cries from your Spirit will bring you down and make you question what your doing wrong. Then you might forget, or ignore the reasons for the lack of self love, and slowly begin to fade into darkness. There you will have to face the self, and your spirit will purge. And to move back into the light to rebuild your self, you will start asking what you should do. You will realize that certain activities don't serve you anymore. That you drift back into the darkness when you talk to certain people, or when you do certain things. Do you ignore the darkness or are you not strong enough to climb to the light? You are a precious flower. You are just a child. And you are the guardian of that child. You are the God that created this experience to live through this child. Why do you not love this child? Have you forgotten how hard you worked to get here? For thousands of days, you continue to grow. And it doesn't matter if you grew in the wrong way or damaged some things along the way. What matters is that you grow into the person you think about all day. You need to think who you want to be. Stop destroying your Spirit with the guilty pleasures of the body or mind. Do thinks out of Love, not routine or boredom. Think about the child in you. Think, and Become. 

[wordsforliving]

14 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Update about isolation retreat: I found a catholic women's retreat in the mountains for abused women. You can go and take a silent retreat and no one will talk to you. I'm thinking about going to that because they provide food and lodging. I can be without my phone but in a safe place where no one will talk to me. Kind of like a convent. I'm thinking about bringing a guided meditation, and no phone/tv. 

This should be wonderful. I've been to catholic retreat places (I was never a catholic) and they are extraordinarily peaceful. I would do it in a heartbeat if I could find one in my area. In fact that gives me an idea to see if I can find one. 

If you haven't seen this video, I recommend this one:

 

[Dumuzzi]

@JessiChell I guess you'll just have to decide what you actually want from life.

Sounds to me that you are pretty horny and at your age that is hardly surprising.

Your body is pushing you to have sex and you are consciously or subconsciously putting yourself out there, attracting the attention of men in various ways. 

That is fine, if that is what you really want, but I would be smart about it if I were you.

A young, attractive woman has essentially what can be termed superpowers in gaining male attention and getting men to do whatever she wants from them. That is a superpower with an expiry date as it slowly fades after a certain age.

So, first you have to figure out what it is that you want from life. Your desire for casual sex, is that just your body talking, or is it what you really want, deep in your heart?

That's important, because a string of one-night stands will only take you further away from the goal of finding a stable and spiritually fulfilling relationships, the two are mutually incompatible. Quality men do not engage seriously with and commit to women who sleep around. This is something they will instinctually pick up from your energy and mannerisms. So, whilst every male on the planet wants to get fresh with you, your goal should be the opposite,to choose the highest quality male you can find and get him to commit. That is, if your life goal is to find a serious life partner and start a family. 

Obviously, if you would prefer to concentrate on other things and see family life as a distraction, then there's nothing wrong with casual sex per se. 

Another thing I wanted to mention, is like all women, you are a manifestation of the Goddess, a fact you alluded to in an earlier post. You have a very strong feminine energy and you are looking for male energy to counterbalance that femininity. This you can find in a physical man or God, the male side of the Divine. Union with the divine is sexual in nature, so your desire for sexual union with a man may be a sign of a gaping spiritual hole within you.

[JosephKnecht]

This thread is one giant distraction, and I can't handle it. 

[JessiChell]

@JosephKnecht You dont have to be here. Go meditate. 

[JessiChell]

@wordsforliving Yes, I've been making my way through that video every night. 

That's where I'm learning about self-love and wanting to understand if I'm working towards it. It helped me so much to understand self-actualization much more because I realized it's about self-love. Which I know I have very little. 

I'm missing a core pillar. Which I wanna get from the retreat. ❤

Hope you're well, friend. 

[Nahm]

17 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Which I know I have very little

Thoughts about yourself, such as that, aren’t true and don’t feel good. Believing your thoughts, you’re trying to compensate for this, to feel better, reattaching / re-identifying with the body. This is the rollercoaster of desire, physical satisfaction, and inevitable guilt over how you arrived there, as self limiting thoughts are continuing to be believed. 

Aligning thought & feeling, the body is inevitably realized as bliss which limits itself to be the feeling of orgasm, etc. Believing the thoughts rooted in attachment to the physical, actually limits pleasure with ‘reason’, and ‘relationship’ / ‘partner’ justifications. However, no reason or catalyst is needed to be bliss, you already are. Like the clear sky is veiled by clouds, your true nature is veiled in believing thoughts which don’t feel good. These are the breadcrumbs to who you are, and the most amazing feelings. Spend time on that, do the inner alignment work. It doesn’t matter if you’re having sex or not. It matters what you believe about yourself, with each thought, and what you don’t. Unlimit yo self. 

You’ll realize there never as a ‘distraction’. That’s just a story utilized to cover up to yourself, that you are believing thoughts about yourself which are not true, and thus do not feel good. Truth is the greatest possible feeling. Your next “problem” will become the inability to ‘remain conscious’ with that much bliss in your body. You’ll literally pass out, drooling & smiling. 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Nahm You’re really mastering the art of teaching and helping people man, Top 1 responses to people on here and it’s not close! 
 

So true about the last part, the obsession with distractions I guess has its place in the hardcore inner seeking phase where we have some focus on realisation of our true nature, but eventually it’s realised that every spontaneous moment is meditation itself, and “distraction” simply doesn’t exist, whether you’re having sex or writing your first Non-Duality book, both are happening here & now, enjoy the ride!