LfcCharlie4

Dealing With A Breakup

27 posts in this topic

Hey guys, 

Currently going through my first break up, and even though it was for the best (we want different things) it is incredibly fucking hard. 
 

We had broken up before, around this time last year, but that was due to actual issues in the relationship, and as a typical Enneagram 7 my response to dealing with it was to escape and Ignore instead of go into my feelings and fully feel them as they arise, no matter the intensity. 
 

This time, it is due to being at slightly different places in life, and it feels like it’s for good. 
 

So, I was wondering from people who have been through this what is the “best” ways to deal with this. 
 

My intuition is telling me the best way is to simply face all feelings that arise head on and cry as much as I need to, reminisce as much as I need to, and simply feel my emotions fully as I did not do last time. 
 

As a zen master once said- “When you are happy, be completely happy, and when you are sad, be completely sad.” 
 

It’s very easy to do when the baseline becomes happiness, now is the real test. 
 

Thanks for any advice guys, and, if there was ever a reminder that life can still hit you hard post awakening, and that you still are a human with emotions and feelings, this is it. And, right now (and for a while I imagine) I will he faced with bouts of sadness and crying, but that is natural, much more natural than trying to deny the feelings as I did before. The crying is still beautiful, and the crying is still the absolute, we are not simply robots post awakening, but if anything feel deeper, and right now I can say the feelings are certainly more intense than ever. 

This is it, always. 

Enjoy your weekend everyone. 


'One is always in the absolute state, knowingly or unknowingly for that is all there is.' Francis Lucille. 

'Peace and Happiness are inherent in Consciousness.' Rupert Spira 

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” Ramana Maharshi

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I can feel you. 

It gets better. Sorry to hear about the breakup 

I hope you give yourself enough healing time. Cry as much as you can because the release helps a lot. 

Wish you the best. ❤️

 


But right now my head is in the clouds with a Capricorn male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman..... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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@Preety_India Thank you so much, and yes it’s just extra tough in the beginning haha, all the best memories come flooding back! 
 

And, yes crying has been very therapeutic so far, thank you. 


'One is always in the absolute state, knowingly or unknowingly for that is all there is.' Francis Lucille. 

'Peace and Happiness are inherent in Consciousness.' Rupert Spira 

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” Ramana Maharshi

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I went through it earlier this year (along with other things at the same time like loosing my full time job and getting kicked out of the house by my parents) and the remedy was a skype session with Nahm, and he introduced me to his feeling sprinkler theory and I've never been happy.

Gosh that gets me off the hook of writing something elaborate or wise ;) 

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6 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

I went through it earlier this year (along with other things at the same time like loosing my full time job and getting kicked out of the house by my parents) and the remedy was a skype session with Nahm, and he introduced me to his feeling sprinkler theory and I've never been happy.

Gosh that gets me off the hook of writing something elaborate or wise ;) 

 

So what's this "feeling sprinkler theory"?   Can you elaborate so that others here can also benefit from knowing? 

... Or it's some top secret you don't wanna share.;)

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

But right now my head is in the clouds with a Capricorn male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman..... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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Cry yourself dry. Throw your laptop out the window (?) Whatever must be done to get it out of your system. There’s no good recipe really. You’re ready to let go when you’re ready to let go. It can take years actually, depending on how deeply rooted the attachment is.

I wish you a speedy recovery mate

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1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

 

So what's this "feeling sprinkler theory"?   Can you elaborate so that others here can also benefit from knowing? 

... Or it's some top secret you don't wanna share.;)

My take is, our culture has indoctrinated us with the idea that rationality is superior to feeling, because feeling has cognitive biases. The theory says to reverse that.

All thoughts steam from a feeling. The thoughts are the leaves and the feeling is the stem.

Thoughts tell you something is wrong, and so we try and fix that, but actually what the thoughts say is wrong is not actually what's wrong. That's a cover story. The real thing that's wrong is hidden under the thought in feeling. And that problem is totally different, so different that it makes you laugh you actually believed what the thought told you instead of the feeling. And all world problems, stem from feeling, not thought. People are dying in ethiopia because of something happening within you.

And this was great for my breakup, loss of job, and destruction of family relations... Because all suffering was not coming from those things when looking at feeling. And that was a huge insight that help get over these apparent problems.

<< I'm now officially a pirate because I just stole Phil's IP >>

To be honest, its stuff Leo has been hinting about for years, but for some reason Nahm telling it to me gave me a radical shift. Maybe its his presence that gave it. Maybe its being in the presence of his Leo looking face. Something about these Leo looking faces that have this ability to make you a buddha by just staring at them. 

Edited by electroBeam

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35 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

My take is, our culture has indoctrinated us with the idea that rationality is superior to feeling, because feeling has cognitive biases. The theory says to reverse that.

All thoughts steam from a feeling. The thoughts are the leaves and the feeling is the stem.

Thoughts tell you something is wrong, and so we try and fix that, but actually what the thoughts say is wrong is not actually what's wrong. That's a cover story. The real thing that's wrong is hidden under the thought in feeling. And that problem is totally different, so different that it makes you laugh you actually believed what the thought told you instead of the feeling. And all world problems, stem from feeling, not thought. People are dying in ethiopia because of something happening within you.

And this was great for my breakup, loss of job, and destruction of family relations... Because all suffering was not coming from those things when looking at feeling. And that was a huge insight that help get over these apparent problems.

<< I'm now officially a pirate because I just stole Phil's IP >>

To be honest, its stuff Leo has been hinting about for years, but for some reason Nahm telling it to me gave me a radical shift. Maybe its his presence that gave it. Maybe its being in the presence of his Leo looking face. Something about these Leo looking faces that have this ability to make you a buddha by just staring at them. 

Agree. That was great. Thanks for sharing. 

 


But right now my head is in the clouds with a Capricorn male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman..... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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@Meta-Man Yep I think that’s it, and the only way through is to truly feel with no resistance whatsoever. 
 

the no laptop part is key! ;) 

@electroBeam That was awesome man, thank you. Feeling always holds the truth as you say. 
 

@Nahm Hope you don’t have to file @electroBeam for any copyright violations ;) 


'One is always in the absolute state, knowingly or unknowingly for that is all there is.' Francis Lucille. 

'Peace and Happiness are inherent in Consciousness.' Rupert Spira 

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” Ramana Maharshi

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Just now, LfcCharlie4 said:

@electroBeam for any copyright violations ;) 

I think he does, I signed an NDA to make sure i dont steal his stuff.

I'm joking in case I get in trouble for not mentioning that.

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8 minutes ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

Yep I think that’s it, and the only way through is to truly feel with no resistance whatsoever. 

Yeah, don’t suppress basically.

How do you deal with a broken heart?

Break it more.

- UG Krishnamurti

Hehe ?

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@LfcCharlie4

It is when we are most lost, that a most profound finding is on it’s way. God clears out space in such mysterious ways. Going to sit now for twenty minutes or so, holding the intention of love & healing on your behalf. Receive if in the mood for it, otherwise know it is in your vibrational credit. ?Much love here for you. ?


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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@Meta-Man  Yep, most of today has been spent crying, but also thinking what went wrong and I had a big realisation. 
 

I had never given enough attention and love to the relationship, to allow It to blossom. The issues started around 18 months ago when she went to University, and I started getting distant (dark night of the soul days& low level of depression) and it created issues, but even the last 12 months I have not been truly vulenerable or emotionally expressive, honestly, I’ve been so focused on business recently, before that it was spirituality and seeking, and then there’s friends and crickst, I don’t blame her for wanting to break up with me, I probably would’ve in that situation. I realised to truly make a relationship blossom it needs love and attention, and it needs to be a priority, forever. I guess I am only 20, so have plenty of time to figure it out, but it’s made it clear when I do get in my next relationship I will actyally give it the attention and love it truly desires and needs, it has allowed me to self reflect a lot in just 1 day in my recent actions and way I’ve been living. 
 

As they say, if you aren’t growing you are dying. 
 

And, love is always the answer. 
 

@Nahm Yes, it has been coming, it has made me realise I need to open even deeper into life in ALL my relationships in life, this will transform my life I feel. 
 

And, thank you I really appreciate that, love always Nahm <3 


'One is always in the absolute state, knowingly or unknowingly for that is all there is.' Francis Lucille. 

'Peace and Happiness are inherent in Consciousness.' Rupert Spira 

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” Ramana Maharshi

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@LfcCharlie4

I believe Leo once accurately stated that the number one relationship killer is value disconnect.

12 minutes ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

As they say, if you aren’t growing you are dying. 

Hehe, you could turn it around also. If you aren’t dying you aren’t growing! ?

13 minutes ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

And, love is always the answer. 

Love is the final say!

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@LfcCharlie4 Awe, sorry to hear about the break-up. Yes, feel your feelings fully and don't push them away.?

You might want to give my thread a listen while you cry ? -

((Hugs))❤


“You don’t have problems; you are the problem.”

– Swami Chinmayananda

Namaste ? ?

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@LfcCharlie4  What role did attraction play in the break up? I've been thinking about this topic recently, and i'm worried that when I get into a relationship I won't find my gf attractive anymore, or i'll find other woman more attractive.

Was this an issue in your relationship, or was the breakup unrelated to how much you guys were attracted to each other?

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Yo man! We're in the same boat, so I really feel you. I think it's really helpful to apply self-love in large amounts during times like these, so be mindful of any intense negative feelings. Let yourself feel them, but don't let them consume you and keep you in bed til noon. Maintain a morning routine to remind yourself everyday that you are taking care of just you right now. Eat clean, go outside, listen to awesome music, and spend plenty of quality time with yourself doing what you love. Reach out to homies, they're your friends for a reason and friend support is a huge help when healing from heartbreak. 

Good luck to you!

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Man i went through the ringer just last month with my first break up. It was for similar reasons too. I wish you all the best and unlimited love. I find that the best thing for me was to for sure feel everything that there is to be felt but also be careful about never ending thought patterns. I got tons of feelings of shame and self hatred and blaming myself when in reality relationships are messy things especially firsts. Mirror work helps alot. If you can go up to a mirror and recognize that there will be tons more people and tons more places to go and things to do that did wonders for me. Its just hard to always be in a clear mental like that and see truth. 

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@Meta-Man good way to flip that metaphor tbf ;) 

@Anna1 Thank you, I will do next time it rises up, and yes, feeling fully and in the moment is exactly what I’m doing- thank you! :) 

@ThermalTide Yeah man I’ve already had some chats with friends, I’m lucky to have a few older friends from my work, and he’s been awesome as has a lot more life experience and perspective! 

Self-Care is key, going to keep up the morning routine for sure, Wim Hof will help me through it ;) after it all, his method all started after his wife’s death, and came from heartbreak! 
 

@liamnewsom202 Yeah, it’s key finding that balance between feeling the feelings and then getting stuck in a negative loop of Netflix and ice cream all day, luckily I’m quite disciplined in that regard, so am managing to stay on track with Diet and what not so far. 
 

But, yeah it is tough like you say. And, you’re right, realising it can be a good thing and allow you to meet new people, it’s just very hard to adjust after to talking to someone most of every day, then to absolutely nothing, almost like a mini death. 


'One is always in the absolute state, knowingly or unknowingly for that is all there is.' Francis Lucille. 

'Peace and Happiness are inherent in Consciousness.' Rupert Spira 

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” Ramana Maharshi

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