How to overcome addiction in self actualization, & not replace it with something new?

[JessicaKatherine]

I've spent my teenage years 100% free from marijuana and mostly alcohol minus a few times a year after the age of 18 on "sneaking a drink behind the parents back" moments. My goal is to return to a substance minimal life. At the age of 19 I took my first toke of pot and got high. I've been a pot smoker since. I drank heavily at that time until the age of 21 as well and didn't consider myself a regular drinke until I gave up pot in attempts to continue to self actualize. I am 27 and have spent the better part of two years trying to quit smoking marijuana as it feels very unauthentic to my life and goals. FINALLY after years of meditating on when and how to quit for life and how to WANt to quit, I finally quit cold turkey five months ago and enlisted the help of a professional psychiatrist to deal with my other issues that have been building up because of the pot addiction. Four weeks into quitting, I smoked for six weeks straight falling off the wagon again with the smoking sessions becoming closer and closer together. 

I quit again for three months after my six week period in hopes of quitting for good and here I am, I smoked for my birthday "socially" and have smoked for four days now. 

I've drank a bottle of wine at least once every two weeks consistently when I am not smoking pot. I am quitting marijuana again as I have never given up, I fell into my habits. It's not that I am not trying really hard. I keep "chasing" something to feel good about once I revert back to old habits and it's not a part of my larger self vision. 

HOW do I stay consistent, forgiving, and not replace bad habits with new ones such as drinking alcohol? How do I quit again long enough to get past the addiction? How do I make friends with the mundane so that I can give up these two substances and feel authentic to my purpose? PLEASE any advice helps. Thank you! 

Edited November 8, 2019 by JessicaKatherine

[OctagonOctopus]

How to stop chasing peaks? Well maybe you don't, maybe the greater peak is the other way maybe it is in the mundane that the deep feel good sits. Start crafting the "mundane" into the "feel good". Find the beauty in the present, find the fun in the challenge, find the journey that will shape you into who you wanna be. 

The longer the journey, the greater the peak. 

Edited November 9, 2019 by OctagonOctopus

[Nickyy]

10 hours ago, JessicaKatherine said:

I've spent my teenage years 100% free from marijuana and mostly alcohol minus a few times a year after the age of 18 on "sneaking a drink behind the parents back" moments. My goal is to return to a substance minimal life. At the age of 19 I took my first toke of pot and got high. I've been a pot smoker since. I drank heavily at that time until the age of 21 as well and didn't consider myself a regular drinke until I gave up pot in attempts to continue to self actualize. I am 27 and have spent the better part of two years trying to quit smoking marijuana as it feels very unauthentic to my life and goals. FINALLY after years of meditating on when and how to quit for life and how to WANt to quit, I finally quit cold turkey five months ago and enlisted the help of a professional psychiatrist to deal with my other issues that have been building up because of the pot addiction. Four weeks into quitting, I smoked for six weeks straight falling off the wagon again with the smoking sessions becoming closer and closer together. 

I quit again for three months after my six week period in hopes of quitting for good and here I am, I smoked for my birthday "socially" and have smoked for four days now. 

I've drank a bottle of wine at least once every two weeks consistently when I am not smoking pot. I am quitting marijuana again as I have never given up, I fell into my habits. It's not that I am not trying really hard. I keep "chasing" something to feel good about once I revert back to old habits and it's not a part of my larger self vision. 

HOW do I stay consistent, forgiving, and not replace bad habits with new ones such as drinking alcohol? How do I quit again long enough to get past the addiction? How do I make friends with the mundane so that I can give up these two substances and feel authentic to my purpose? PLEASE any advice helps. Thank you! 

Become present. That's the only way to liberation really. Everything else is just swapping one distraction for another.

You need to learn to understand the root cause of it, by understanding identification, fixation on past and future.

I have 200 posts on here consistently in service of educating others and myself on how to become present . That's all I'm here for.

[Aquarius]

What others said... stay present.

My friends whom have been cigarette smokers for years stopped and now live healthy. I never smoked or drank and yet I'm happy and in the moment. Find peace with who you are and with the world. Enjoy beauty. 

Check out these videos for help..

You might enjoy these books as well...

https://www.shatterproof.org/blog/14-outstanding-books-about-addiction-and-recovery

[Arcangelo]

Hi Jess!

I am a pot addict myself. The only way i could quit pot would be if someone locked me up for at least 15 days. And i am not even sure that would work.

I am an alcoholic too. I suggest you keep smoking pot if you are gonna replace it with alcohol.

I gave up alcohol 8 years ago, I replaced it with weed. For me weed is medicine, but i abuse it.

Hey, at least is not crack!

 

 

 

[JessicaKatherine]

@OctagonOctopus Thank you. Being fully present more often is an exercise I have to work with at this point in my life still.

[Consilience]

Been recently going through a transformation with weed too... I too “struggled” with daily use but during my usage, I didnt feel struggle, I fucking loved getting high. I loved the expanded sense of awareness, the heightened perception, the creative thoughts, the subconscious mind bubbling up into consciousness... And tbh I still love weed. It feels like my mind is designed to respond extremely well to weed. But what’s finally kicked my daily use was quitting for 45 days straight all while keeping up a persistent meditation schedule.

Through meditation, I started getting really good at keeping tabs on how my mind was doing. Meditation, particularly the method I use, focuses on staying aware of the mind itself, whether it feels dull, unfocused, foggy, etc., or whether it feels sharp, focused, and unified. So what happened was that during my hiatus with weed, I started observing how much suffering I was putting myself through with daily use and how damaging it was for my mind. If you look at my profile I made a thread outlining all the benefits I observed from a 30 day break. 

For me, it wasnt until I was able to REALLY observe the obsessive clinging my mind had to weed, the amount of suffering I put myself through, and how much better my mind felt without weed was I able to give it up. And I was only able to truly see this from my meditation training. Somehow I just haven't been able to see the damage until very recently. Ive tripped on psychedelics and they’ve given me pretty strong indications I need to quit the daily use but I never integrated those lessons. Truly I had to see the “high” of sobriety before I could give up the high of weed, and Ive only been able to tap into this natural high from meditation. 

I do 1 hour per day of a formal sit. Basically, I had to see the damage and find a better high than the high from weed, and I found this through meditating. Unfortunately, your journey will be different than mine so idk if this will work. However I understand where you're at with weed, it’s such a bittersweet substance, ally, and enemy.

Good luck on your journey, and as cliche as this may sound, never underestimate your willpower. If you truly want to quit, you will find a way despite your past failures. 

[Rigel]

Why do you want to quit? 

[Average Investor]

You might want to consider looking into psychedelic mushrooms. However, if you do I highly recommend that you do the research before you do. These could be a massive aid in quitting that stuff altogether. But please take serious precaution. 

You might have some root issues that you still need to work on why you need these substances. I have been in a similar position with a few various substances. I found the more positive habits I bring into my life, then the easier it is to get rid of bad habits. In fact I crave bad habits less and less every time I add new good things in, or consume more time in the good things. It is kind of like a domino effect. I highly recommend physical exercise to help with any sort of cravings. That really could be a big powerful mover for you to possibly kick those habits. 

I have used things like candy to quit nicotine that I had a 5+ year addiction to, but I also had the positive momentum going as well with other good habits. I have now managed to completely remove added sugar from my life as well. In your case though with alcohol being addictive I would not recommend trying to do it that way.  But maybe there is something else you could fill that time with that is healthier. 

I hope you have great success in quitting. 

[Farnaby]

On 9/11/2019 at 0:49 AM, JessicaKatherine said:

I've spent my teenage years 100% free from marijuana and mostly alcohol minus a few times a year after the age of 18 on "sneaking a drink behind the parents back" moments. My goal is to return to a substance minimal life. At the age of 19 I took my first toke of pot and got high. I've been a pot smoker since. I drank heavily at that time until the age of 21 as well and didn't consider myself a regular drinke until I gave up pot in attempts to continue to self actualize. I am 27 and have spent the better part of two years trying to quit smoking marijuana as it feels very unauthentic to my life and goals. FINALLY after years of meditating on when and how to quit for life and how to WANt to quit, I finally quit cold turkey five months ago and enlisted the help of a professional psychiatrist to deal with my other issues that have been building up because of the pot addiction. Four weeks into quitting, I smoked for six weeks straight falling off the wagon again with the smoking sessions becoming closer and closer together. 

I quit again for three months after my six week period in hopes of quitting for good and here I am, I smoked for my birthday "socially" and have smoked for four days now. 

I've drank a bottle of wine at least once every two weeks consistently when I am not smoking pot. I am quitting marijuana again as I have never given up, I fell into my habits. It's not that I am not trying really hard. I keep "chasing" something to feel good about once I revert back to old habits and it's not a part of my larger self vision. 

HOW do I stay consistent, forgiving, and not replace bad habits with new ones such as drinking alcohol? How do I quit again long enough to get past the addiction? How do I make friends with the mundane so that I can give up these two substances and feel authentic to my purpose? PLEASE any advice helps. Thank you! 

Hi! Currently quitting weed (and other habits) too.

IMO, the most important things to consider are these:

1) What purpose does weed/getting high serve in your life? Are you trying to escape some particular feeling (boredom, loneliness, sadness, anger, etc.) or void?

2) Once you have identified it's function, experiment with healthier ways to deal with these feelings such as exercise, meeting with people you feel nice with, walks in nature, whatever you think may be enjoyable. You will probably feel as if these things are boring without being high, but keep doing them mindfully, noticing if there's something positive about doing these things without being high. 

3) Meditation. This seems to be one of the most powerful tools for me. Get into the habit of sitting with your cravings, with the excuses your mind comes up with in order to smoke, etc., and try to just observe all this and let it go. You can also write down how you're feeling when you get the urge to get high, what you're thinking and what you want to achieve by getting high. Don't worry if sometimes you still indulge, but try to be consistent in at least observing all this mindfully before smoking. If you happen to "relapse", don't beat yourself up and just keep commiting to this practice. 

4) Avoid places, people, etc., that trigger your cravings, at least until you feel more in control. Decide if you need to delete your dealers number, if you have to throw away smoking paraphernalia, etc. For some people this creates too much anxiety and other people feel this is necessary to avoid relapsing. You may have to explore your relationships and find out if you feel like you need to set healthy boundaries (not only with friends that may still smoke but also with family, coworkers, etc., who often trigger us and make it harder to quit). 

5) Go to therapy with a therapist that you feel you can trust and doesn't judge you

6) Pay attention to the things in your life that improve when you're sober. I personally find myself more connected to people, more centered, more able to follow a healthy routine. See how much money you are saving that you can use for experiences that really help you grow. Find out what benefits it has on your day. Maybe write them down if you tend to discount them. 

7) Stay active, don't stay at home alone too much. Weed was probably filling some void and you're probably going to feel this more intensely when you stop smoking, so it's important to fill it with healthy activities. Get creative. On the flip-side, you will also need to increase your tolerance to the uncomfortable feelings/sensations that arise when you. 

8) Be compassionate towards yourself, it's normal to relapse and if it happens there's probably a lesson to be learned. Quitting everything at once can be tough, so just stay mindful of activities that you feel may be replacing the addiction to weed. By staying mindful, the chances of getting addicted to these other activities are little. 

I hope this is somehow useful. Good luck  

[Egzoset]

Salutations,

 

There should be more emphasis put on the consumption method than the substance, i believe.  In cannabis smoking a lot of vilification results from toxic self-poisoning combustion combined to the cigarette/"joint" ritual, then external factors as moral and economy interfere.  It's funny to hear on TV that alcohol is a social lubricant while public-funded "pot" prohibitionist propaganda sounds like it's about masturbation...  In my province anyway it's now a crime to wear clothes with a cannabis leaf printed on it and we're supposed to have legalized!  It doesn't matter how many times older than 21 people are, the SQdC guards controlling entrance demand that we provide our identification cards.  E-Cigs (vapes) are banned and yet visitors can find pre-rolled joints and rolling paper, etc.  While the most concerned part of population remains without a voice mass media pushes further vilification like there's no tomorrow - In The Name Of Children.

 

It's been over a year and it appears the only edible to be allowed so far might be CBD tea, which is a joke even when it can be found anyway.

 

Briefly put "marijuana" fuels a lot of discussions except the most basic ones, like a user's consumption method shaping his habit profile, for example.  After all i don't recall a single occurence where parents of my family "educated" their teenagers by handing them a 40 oz bottle of their strongest alcohol and much less without a glass...  On rare events as Christmass and New Year's Eve only a few minors would be offered to emulate the adults and always with moderation.  In other words they were guided using the appropriate tools, starting with small a glass.

 

The smoking habit democratized by James Albert Bonsack over a century ago had one beneficial feature perhaps:  by virtue of its path diameter combined with other physical factors it approximately delimited dosing in each puff.

 

Today we live in a world of extremes and of course there's no such thing as metered dosing in any of the popular consumption methods readily available, quite on the contrary.  Never mind the obvious display of vilification whole parts of the population are quick to blame behavioral disorders on cannabis, blowing monster clouds nonetheless...

 

 

Lets have a closer look at the cigarette/joint format.  Once lit half of the noble molecules get destroyed by fire simply to keep a fire alive, while generating toxic heat-denaturated poisons by the dozen if not by the hundred, hence multiplying toxicity in presence of intense heat.  The worse problem here being about collecting both desirable vaporized compounds and unwanted fire by-products in a same inhalation - which is easy to recognize as vilification if we consider it violates a most basic principle:  to just follow "The Shortest Path of Lesser Transformation".  In other words this most extraordinary gift of nature shouldn't have its finest features sacrificed for the sake of Victorian-age convenience:

 

 

It's called trichome glands and they collect precious cannabinoïds with other noble substances responsible for the "entourage effect", etc.  That's a nearly ideal packaging format where filtration has been performed on a molecular basis at no additional cost, away from some vegetal substrate potentially soaking with soups of Pest Control Products (100+ already "legaleezed" in my country).

 

In any case, go figure why, there are individuals all to happy to mess it all real bad by setting fire globally, which shall add poison where it was absent before.  One might think vaporizers as the venerable Volcano came as a blessing but it turns out this type of slow/steady ovenizer device promotes paraphernalia fascination while awaiting long minutes for a bag to get full, then the owner is naturally tempted to empty it out of frustration for waiting so long, etc.  Not to mention global ovenizing boosts the output with a mirage if we consider it's mostly the trichome glands it should target, instead of performing deep extraction leading to blind vilification.  Now imagine e-Cigs with their secret recipes, mis-guided 3rd-party interference and what not!

 

Anyway lets go back to the joint format.  What we have here is a mix of wood fibers (called paper...), formed into a tube using glue, filled with not-so-noble vegetal fibers and hopefully "bio" while offering a fair amount of trichome glands (e.g. if it's not been "tumbled"), with aroma/taste severely compromized through sterilization by exposure to cobalt-60 radioactive rays if "legal"!

 

But even if the average Joe will insist over getting a 300 mg fatty, even when shared it still represents nearly 10 x 30 mg doses so who's actually shocked by such potential for vilification directly leading into abuse when alone?

 

 

It's not cannabis that is responsible for all these forms of excessive patterns, not even the potent one.  Much like i wouldn't educate a 17-yr old minor by leaving him alone with a 40 oz and no glass i find some consumers fail to assume their own faults, or mistakes.  If it's too strong then pass the joint, if alone then don't finish it - even refrain from smoking at all!  The Shortest Path of Lesser Transformation is always best, at least if offers a chance to get rid of tolerance issues by avoiding some typical trap about seeking an ultimate puff while the more you try the more you fail, heading for a solid wall-of-shame since every joint is synonymous of more abuse.

 

Too bad no government will ever fix any consumption method, total abstainance is so much more self-serving in political arenas, with Public Health as a decoy.  Etc., etc...

 

Keep in mind the goal is to transfer noble molecules from trichome glands into our bloodstream, the rest is potential vilification IMO - hence pay attention to vilification as it kicks back.

 

Good day, have fun!! 

Edited January 17, 2020 by Egzoset
Proof-reading.

[JessicaKatherine]

@Aquarius Thank you! 

[JessicaKatherine]

@Egzoset Thank you! I was researching more into marijuana addiction, I reinforced a slightly renewed understanding of my marijuana addiction and homeostasis. How my habits will continue to change themselves back based on self regulation. I knew I'd have a "backslide" effect, since I've had a paradigm shift into Truth seeking, I've found it easy to go gung ho on first combustion so to speak. What I've also taken into account now is how to meet my habits in the middle and to stop thinking that I can do more than I can right now, based on some advice from Leo's older videos on managing bad habits.. My ambition has sabotaged some of my ability to remain steady in smaller doses.

 

Going forward, its also been refreshing to have opinions and advice here as well, my addiction projections have phases where I am managed, then they seep back, then there is a deep projection phase where I face my feelings about my addiction, at which point I question my means or ability to quit and have to press restart. This process was more aggressive in the beginning although sometimes it still comes back a little harder. 

 

I haven't made the decision again to go through another quitting process, which I am trying to refrain from personal judgments about myself not deciding to quit. There is a root in my habit in smoking, as you said the ritual of the light up, the toke, the upslope, the relaxation. I want to feel normal, regardless of substance, not chasing my ritual. There is also judgments and filters that I haven't identified yet because of my ego blind spots. sometimes its confusing and painful, sometimes it's more clear.

 

I appreciate your input! Have a great week, thank you!! 

[JessicaKatherine]

@Farnaby Thank you!

Good question when you asked, 1) What purpose does weed/getting high serve in your life? Are you trying to escape some particular feeling (boredom, loneliness, sadness, anger, etc.) or void. 

When I try to quit, there are feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, anger, frustration, and melancholy (due to the after effects of loading up on cannabinoids and then detoxing will cause the brain to go through a rebalancing stage where the THC built up in the system leaves), but my melancholy feelings are also present with my feelings of depression and anxiety when it arises.

My emotional awareness needs exercised, I also require more healing. I feel left out and jealous when I see people smoking after I've quit. I haven't been strong enough to face enough of myself to just get through a year smoke free. I would love to see myself at that point. I want my life back from my bad cycles.   

You said, 2) Once you have identified it's function, experiment with healthier ways to deal with these feelings such as exercise, meeting with people you feel nice with, walks in nature, whatever you think may be enjoyable. You will probably feel as if these things are boring without being high, but keep doing them mindfully, noticing if there's something positive about doing these things without being high.

I can relate to feeling bored. I love to exercise, I love to create art. Smoking marijuana has been so stimulating for me that it feels boring in comparison for a while. The sad part about this phase for me is that the symptom of boredom lasts so long that it sometimes translates to depression in ways, or  other ways drags it up because I am free to actually feel my underlying "lack in life."

For your third point, 3) Meditation.

This is "easy" and hard for me to do still at this point. I used to pride myself on my wanting to self help and my ability to being to meditate over the coarse of the years but find that by some capacity I need to exercise my ability to sit and go through the process of closer self observation, because it will be months before I can get myself to sit down again consciously and begin a session. I do quidded meditations but this is still noise not quiet self observation. Can I ask, Is there a tip you may have to slow down and focus?

 

On 4) Avoid places, people, etc., that trigger your cravings, at least until you feel more in control. 

I care a lot about my specific friends and social time. My social time has fed me. How do I let these things go right now? How do I get to the platform where I am ready to embrace distance? If you have any tips on self soothing while I stay away from my pot smoking crowd, that's always welcome too.

I begin to feel lonely and "unfed," "uninspired."  Although I am an introvert at heart, and have always been, the more I have awakened to more of myself the more I feel fed by social interactions and have built closer and more loving relationships with my friends un leu of being more open to my own self love ( who happen to be the people who smoked with me).

So while I am healing from my addiction my issue is creating new relationships that support a non addictive lifestyle and be able to relate to them when I do not feel like creating new bonds at all while I am going through change like this during the time where I would like the support or company of my close friends. How do I build strength on this?

 

on point 5) Go to therapy with a therapist that you feel you can trust and doesn't judge you

I very much agree, its taken me years to start to talk to a professional and it's been life changing. 

 

on point 6) Pay attention to the things in your life that improve when you're sober.

Thank you. When I feel the important things returning to the forefront its when I am in a state of gratitude. I am not thankful enough in my tired times. 

 

7) Stay active, don't stay at home alone too much.

I am a homebody a lot of the time, I need to prioritize physically getting up and making the move to get out. I am active, I just am home more. This is somewhere I can learn to improve. 

8) Be compassionate towards yourself, it's normal to relapse and if it happens there's probably a lesson to be learned.

Thank you.

 

 

[JessicaKatherine]

@Average Investor Thank you! I have never been a psychedelic mushroom user but four times or so since starting to watch Leo's videos, until three weeks ago. I decided to do a regimen of micro dosing and full tripping to see for myself what kind of changes in perceptions short term and long term on  a consistent and controlled basis ( non party or friend related) just myself in my exploration. 

I was going to write a new post on how generally well some of the effects have been. How much has changed and how much I am embracing in a different light as apposed to the rigidity of my ego. I am thankful that I put my harder judgments about tripping behind me in the past, there is something deeper happening than a " trip" or "high" because I am not the same when I am sober after the trip.

I also didn't know that I could cry without the sensation of pain but on these trips I've cried, it was an unloading much like setting down heavy luggage. It wasn't a knife being twisted under the pressure of the ego. The tears were there and the release of some underlying issues I've been carrying and couldn't see. 

Its not a cure all, but its defiantly the next solid step on my path. I am thankful for giving shroom use more of a try.

I've asked friends about their trip reports but it is heavy and thick with misunderstanding or projections, or dead ends. If you have anything you'd give advice on to a relatively newer tripper in the world of self inquiry I'd like to know. Thank you! 

[JessicaKatherine]

@Rigel 

Thank you!

I want to quit because inside I am not my true self anymore when I smoke, its stuck like a jacket of dirt and unauthenticity. I wasn't born this way, I wasn't needy for pleasure outside of existing until I accumulated a pain body, much like anyone else. I am my pot smoking self and I can see the dirt in the mirror. It isn't me and I want to put it down, for my spirit and larger purpose. I am dirty on the inside, purification is authentic to me, the addiction is a reflection if this, that is why I would like to quit. I desire deeper healing now. I've looked at myself and really just can't ignore it. What I disguised as fun for years wasn't fun when Truth hit, its coming apart. 

[JessicaKatherine]

@Consilience Thank you so much. Thank you. I've recently gotten into a tripping regimen for a few weeks. The first time I tripped on shrooms was because of  Leo's trip report videos. Recently after roughly four trips spread out over a couple of years I've just gone for it. I've micro dosed and tripped for the last few weeks on average in a controlled at home solo environment. I am going to write about it soon. Had I read your comment before my trips these past few weeks I wouldn't have thought much into your statement on shroom experience because I didn't understand how much can shift in perception so quickly and never be quite the same thing when it's done. I can now begin to appreciate this work deeper. I'm not even a shroom user on average so there is so much for me to discover. 

I'm currently researching into acid trips and DMT trips so that I can prepare myself for these sorts of trips too. (It took me a while with the shrooms but now I know what I am starting to look at here so I am wiling to open my self inquiry trip research as I lacked trust in the idea of tripping.)

I am going to check out your marijuana posts, I am thankful for a piece of your insight, your experience with quitting is inspiring to me. 

[JessicaKatherine]

@Arcangelo Thank you! Its helpful in a reflective way to hear another response about addiction replacement. It help me to see myself too.

Weed was a deterrent to my depression, meaning it's offered medicinal effects to my pain body at the time, I've since faced my depression and find that my addictions have been left in it's wake. What's left of the sadness is my lack of being able to capacitate no marijuana long term. They are laced somehow hand in hand.

Still always going to keep trying though. I believe in the power of change. 

  

[Nahm]

@JessicaKatherine Really enjoyable thread to read. It came to mind, if it’s useful...you have a lot of mental clarity. I wonder if it’s one of those situations one is  ‘not noticing what one already has’...which sort of “acts” as preventative to appreciating it, cherishing it, and or utilizing it - realizing it is the ‘answer’. I would “go to” your clarity. For inspection considerations like... “what’s left of the sadness is my lack of being able to capacitate no marijuana long term “...the ‘answer’ lies in ‘going to’ that clarity of yours. 

This inherently incorporates this...”my emotional awareness needs exercised”. Using the term ‘exercised’ denotes a knowing of exercise and the ‘clarity’, or nuance of sensation & feeling it can bring to the body...look to that clarity for the emotional awareness, alongside the mental clarity. In that clarity, that sadness is released. Feeling is. The thought about a future and a ‘me in it’ doesn’t resonate, because it’s not rooted in truth, which you’ve obviously heightened your overall (mind & body) sensitivity & intelligence to. The sadness is the experience of feeling, and the thought of ‘a you in a future’, not resonating with feeling...but feeling is being labeled ‘sadness’, rather than inspected. Feeling can not be bad, wrong, or negative. Duality is only in thought. As such we create emotions ‘right under our noses’. 

In this ‘seeing’ if you will, there is also no longer the duality or push & pull with ambition. Just a body & mind filled with exuberance of truth and passion. Feeling, simply is. Upon clarity of, feeling, thought, and emotion, in that understanding, compassion can be. That is, to be in, or, of, understanding, is to be able to see that every other is in the exact same circumstance, if you will. Compassion, unlike feeling, is not as simple as - it simply is. For compassion to truly be, you must create it, through first realizing clarity in the whole of your direct experience. Mindfulness, care, listening for another, advice, helping, etc, etc, are all well, kind, and Good, but compassion is a far deeper richer experience, you might say two-fold, of the deliciousness, of passion, and twice as intoxicating.

[Egzoset]

Hi again,

 

5 hours ago, JessicaKatherine said:

...marijuana addiction...  ...  ...self regulation.

 

If tolerance buildup started to feel unavoidable as if getting enslaved by this habit then maybe it's about time to dissect its associated ritual, which itself gets shaped by delivery method for a large part.  For example when smoking "joints" i recall my 1st significant move was to acquire a type of large hollow pipe intended to limit cloud wasting between 2 inhalations, while still obcessed at some point, because of wasted clouds occuring before and after the release of noble molecules - with no considerations for self-poisoning combustion back then.  That thing could't be left unattended for long or it would extinguish, which implied even more waste, etc.  In the end seeking a perfect toke was less than relaxing and this alone was enough agravation to render the goal nearly impossible, on top of developing more tolerance in the meantime.  In some ways i reacted like a gambler i guess:  e.g. the next toke was going to be THE one and the more i tried the more i kept failing of course.  Perhaps dame Cannabis punished me for a lack of respect, motivated by my quest for the ultimate buzz, despite solid evidence that i was aiming for a wall, similar to legacy planes breaking appart before reaching MACH1...

 

Decades later, past years of total cannabis abstainance, i got lucky to find alternatives requiring many more years to fine tune.  Better late than never nonetheless!

 

The need for "T-Breaks" is old history, my sessions no longer feel like chasing after time while combusting.  Each toke lasts less than maybe 10 ~ 15 seconds at most, with no obligation to keep a fire alive and little concern at all that i'd be wasting some good stuff, on the contrary.  It becomes pleasant to ride the tolerance threshold when a consumption tool & associated ritual systematically promote modest dosing, which strongly contrasts from days when i always fell into the typical trap of dosing abuse (e.g. compared to a useful dose).  It's almost become an unconcious effort now that i've found a tool to suit my own requirements, now permitted to contemplate MACH2, so to speak...

 

It appears a sense of freedom was gained when i realized it's OKay to forget the pipe and refocus with no fear of restrictive penalty over a main activity.  Each puff "costs" about 25 ~ 30 mg of shreded dry flowers (taken from a ~125 mg bowl) and it doesn't even have to get depleted all at once, contrary to a ~300 mg "joint" wasted via combustion + lots of lost clouds which gave me a hard time having to decide if it was worth to extinguish early in the middle...  Briefly put my world doesn't revolve around paraphernalia for long minutes anymore, although the habit itself comes with satisfying features (for an ex-smoker anyway) this new consumption method doesn't forcibly recenter my whole universe around it.

 

What used to be "dope" is finally normalized enough to help enhance the day instead of vilifying it the way i was taught to when i used to smoke.

 

What's nice with cannabis IMO is that tolerance build up will eventually confront consumers to dosing mistakes without causing serious threat to life, leaving plenty of time to learn from trial 'n error until a lasting lesson is acquired, decades later if it must.

 

Good day, have fun!! 

Edited March 29, 2020 by Egzoset
Read-proofing.