assx95

Why do I repel girls by being myself?

71 posts in this topic

@Nahm

5 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Gili Trawangan Not one unattractive woman exists on all of earth. Go deeper, see beyond such things. :) See how shockingly beautiful every single one is. Truly. Suffering is via identification, there is no shortage of beauty. 

 

Nor one unattractive man :)

Yes I know, this was written from a very egoic state of mind, which I am trying to transcend :)

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@bejapuskas Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who one would date is a bit different than a broad stroke of physically unattractive. It’s up to each one, and I wouldn’t want a woman to get the impression it is otherwise. The world does this plenty already, yet insane attraction paradigm busting “mismatches” happen everyday. This has to do more with what is prior to the surface of physicality. Things as simple as being considerate, conscientious, are deception at play here, imo (op).  A misunderstanding of ‘being the self’.


  Nonduality & Meditations         

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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5 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Gili Trawangan Not one unattractive woman exists on all of earth. Go deeper, see beyond such things. :) See how shockingly beautiful every single one is. Truly. Suffering is via identification, there is no shortage of beauty. 

 

 

5 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

@Nahm

Nor one unattractive man :)

Yes I know, this was written from a very egoic state of mind, which I am trying to transcend :)

Certainly, everyone is beautiful. But not everyone is attractive. 

But being unattractive doesn't make someone's value lesser in any existential way. I feel like denying that unattractive people exist is a bit backwards in a strange and unexpected way. It has good intentions of helping unattractive people's self esteem... but ultimately it denies a reality about some people and gaslights them. And in that denial there is a hidden difficulty in accepting the existence of unattractive people.

It's like those Dove commercials that are all about being more inclusive about beauty standards. And they show a lot of moderately attractive women of all ages, races, and body types. But the striking this is... they don't show any ugly women. There is no one under a 5 on the attractiveness scale in those commercials.

That said, unattractive people can find a partner just like anyone else. So, nothing is truly off the table. 

But I feel like the "everyone is beautiful" line, is a way to deny the uncomfortable reality that some people are unattractive. And the unwillingness to admit to that, unconsciously sends the message that there is a problem with the existence of unattractive people. 


Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/thediamondnet 

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@Emerald Yeah, that's exactly what I was pointing to. Even when you have a meditation high and you fall in love with everyone, it's not like you want to spend the rest of your life with everyone...

@Nahm  Yeh, I would say it is a misunderstanding of being the self. For most people being yourself is a defense mechanism in my opinion, people use it to justify their mistakes and to strenghten the collective ego a lot in a group of friends or family members.

What do you think is the true being yourself?

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@bejapuskas That’s not thinkable, or definable, but it’s also unmistakeable, and the subtleties of othering stand out when there aren’t others. 

@Emerald We are experiencing the world very differently, and I always love that. 🙏🏻In my estimate, it’s entirely eye of the beholder, if you say ‘unattractive people exist’, ‘ugly woman’ exist, scale them, and that is reality, ...ok. I’m not saying you’re wrong or in denial. It might be a really different perception but to me that would be the ‘uncomfortable reality’.  I don’t find ‘everyone is beautiful’ to be a line at all. I find reality to be very beautiful, and the eye of the beholder to be a magical mysterious beauty in & of itself. 

 


  Nonduality & Meditations         

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

@Emerald Yeah, that's exactly what I was pointing to. Even when you have a meditation high and you fall in love with everyone, it's not like you want to spend the rest of your life with everyone...

That's a bit different from what I mean but it relates a bit. What I'm saying is that unattractiveness is a phenomenon. There are people who are more attractive than others. And ignoring that has a bit of shadow to it, even though it seems to be nice to say. And the reason why is because their is an association that unattractive=bad and attractive=good.

So, in order to call everyone good, then it has to be understood that everyone is attractive. So, there is still an underlying association of unattractive=bad. 

What you're referring to is the wanting to spend your life with someone which is to do with love more than attraction. Though these things relate, especially in the initial phases, it is very different.

 


Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/thediamondnet 

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54 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Emerald We are experiencing the world very differently, and I always love that. 🙏🏻In my estimate, it’s entirely eye of the beholder, if you say ‘unattractive people exist’, ‘ugly woman’ exist, scale them, and that is reality, ...ok. I’m not saying you’re wrong or in denial. It might be a really different perception but to me that would be the ‘uncomfortable reality’.  I don’t find ‘everyone is beautiful’ to be a line at all. I find reality to be very beautiful, and the eye of the beholder to be a magical mysterious beauty in & of itself. 

 

While it is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, unattractiveness (as a general quality) is a phenomenon that exists in all species. There are people that are less attractive than others. That's why I said beauty and attractiveness are not the same thing. Everyone is beautiful. But not everyone is attractive. And there is a general consensus about the qualities that make a person attractive versus not attractive. The same is true in the animal kingdom.

But I never said that there are people that aren't beautiful. Everyone and everything genuinely is beautiful. 

The problem that I'm lighting upon is a sneaky one that actually works against people that don't conform to the general conception of attractiveness. 

When someone responds with "everyone is beautiful" in a discussion about attractiveness, it comes out of a desire to be nice to unattractive people... by denying that they're unattractive. 

It may seem a bit nebulous to point to but it's actually a rather insidious thing. It's to say, the thing you are is invalid... therefore I will be nice and pretend you are not that thing. Being ugly is invalid... therefore I will pretend ugly people don't exist so that I can feel better and be a good person.

Ugly people are beautiful too. But ugly people are not attractive... and that's okay. They don't owe attractiveness to anyone to be valid. 

Do you see the issue now with the way this idea of "everyone is beautiful" was used in the previous context?

 

 

 


Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/thediamondnet 

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@Emerald I understand where you’re coming from, and it is entirely up to you. We don’t see it the same way and I can appreciate that. I was a bit more coming from a place of the discussion being relative to ‘repelling and being the self’. 


  Nonduality & Meditations         

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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@Emerald isn’t attraction simply love in disguise? Or are you describing it as a survival mechanism? 

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41 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

@Emerald isn’t attraction simply love in disguise? Or are you describing it as a survival mechanism? 

Everything is love on the ultimate level.

But in the relative terms of relational love, attraction and love are two totally different things.

Attraction is about the sexual chemistry and infatuation you feel at the beginning of a relationship. It's mostly sexual and it fades quickly after the limerance phase of a relationship is over.

Love is much deeper and is the process of growing together and opening to one another. It is not contingent upon attraction at all. 

 


Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/thediamondnet 

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@Emerald that makes sense, thanks! This relational love can get quite complicated with the ego 

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On 16.07.2019 at 7:30 PM, assx95 said:

 

It's a tragedy that all the girls in my life I developed feelings for (4 in number) have treated me like trash and in the end disrespected me by ignoring me and being flaky.

Sounds like this is just the type of girls you would be attracted to at current stage of development 


Apply consciousness to the burned area

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Posted (edited)

@DrewNows  The love you see most of the time is not love, but attachment. Intelligence hijacked by hormones.

When I was in nursery school, there was one girl who was actually proud of being fat and unattractive and she really wanted everyone to know that, even though the teachers kept telling her, that she is slim and pretty.

Edited by bejapuskas

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@bejapuskas why would she be told she’s slim if she’s fat? (I mean I understand she can still be pretty) 

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1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@DrewNows Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there are not-two.

True. In the eyes of this beholder most of Hollywood 'hunks' are not even that attractive to me (Brad Pitt, Nicolas Cage, Tom Cruise, George Clooney, just to name a few). And some very average looking people who are neither famous nor rich I find quite attractive. Maybe my 'what I find attractive' radar is more tuned to a person's personality/level of maturity/their values rather than their looks.

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Texting is for setting up dates with girls. Not just texting for the sake of texting. The more you're texting this girl the more you are lowering her attraction level for you. You see, the more you keep texting her. You will start to appear needy in her eyes. And why she isn't texing you first. Probably because there is bunch other guys that is also texting her? Or maybe they aren't attracted to you? I recommend you read "how to be a 3% man" by Corey Wayne. It will give you the big picture.@assx95

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12 hours ago, ExodiaGearCEO said:

by Corey Wayne

I watch his YT vids sometimes and from a female perspective can tell the guy knows what he's talking about. He digs female psychology and that's why his advice works.

That being said, what he teaches is still a game and how to have an upper hand with a woman. But overall his material is still valuable for its purpose and the methods he teaches will give you results with getting women.

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2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@DrewNows Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there are not-two.

Are you referring to taking the stigma out of the labeling? I wouldn’t tell someone who’s overweight that they have a skinny body...

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