I can’t think about what to talk!

[Alex14]

I can’t think about what to talk when in a conversation one on one. I usually don’t have this proble when talking with a group of friends. But when I’m with just one person I can’t think about what to talk.

what can I do?

[universe]

Does it happen with anyone? Do you avoid 1 on 1 conversations? If not, how do they normally go then? Are you 14?

[Nahm]

@Alex14 Just ask questions, ideally about something they might be interested in answering. Everyone seems to like to talk about themself, so ask about them. Try not to be thinking when you could be listening. 

[NoSelfSelf]

Because of lack of interest in another person do you cant think what to talk about with your best friend? No you are geniuly curious about whats going on in his life ...

[Alex14]

@universe not with everyone.( I’m not 14)

[universe]

8 hours ago, Alex14 said:

@universe not with everyone.( I’m not 14)

If you only have this problems with girls its likely that you are too needy. You try to hard to impress her, thus filtering the things you want to say. Remove this filter, layer for layer and conversation will be super easy.

Its not really important what you say. You can always either say something fun ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsLCVXYqUns )

Or deepen the connection you two have ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-SdqaGS_jc )

 

 

[Alex14]

On 3/8/2019 at 4:04 AM, universe said:

If you only have this problems with girls its likely that you are too needy. You try to hard to impress her, thus filtering the things you want to say. Remove this filter, layer for layer and conversation will be super easy.

Its not really important what you say. You can always either say something fun ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsLCVXYqUns )

Or deepen the connection you two have ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-SdqaGS_jc )

 

 

Yes, these last days I’ve been with her and we just talked whenever something naturally comes up or asking her something I’m truly interested in( like what she wants to do I the future etc) and it seems more than enough quality conversation. 

[Evilwave Heddy]

It's because you are thinking about what to talk about.  You need to break out of this thought process when in conversation.

I found myself a lot like this until i just started to ignore my thought process.  Yes, i remained quiet as usual but the thought of "having" to say something dissapeared which made everything easier.

I don't think i've improved in anyway in convo but i feel happier not worrying what to talk about.

Edited March 11, 2019 by Evilwave Heddy

[Alex14]

@Evilwave Heddy I know

15 hours ago, Evilwave Heddy said:

It's because you are thinking about what to talk about.  You need to break out of this thought process when in conversation.

I found myself a lot like this until i just started to ignore my thought process.  Yes, i remained quiet as usual but the thought of "having" to say something dissapeared which made everything easier.

I don't think i've improved in anyway in convo but i feel happier not worrying what to talk about.

I’m trying to get there but still. I can’t get past the awkwardness of not talking. I know it’s just an urge. But I wish there was a way to keep interacting

[universe]

In your next conversation, if there comes a break in the conversation, try to let the silence in there as long as possible. Actually, thats what I do in most conversations. It feels very good to me and does so much for deeper connection. For me it feels authentic and genuine.

For example, when you talk to someone on the phone or what ever and you feel like you are out of things to say, instead of saying "good bye" and ending the conversation just stay in there - wait. Let the other person end the conversation if they want.

It is so powerful.

When forcing a conversation we do so mostly because out of fear of awkwardness, embarassment, maybe that the other person will stop liking us because we are suddenly silent. When you can stay silent, you actually communicate a lot of strength. When you dont force yourself to think of something to talk about you are communicating confidence.

Its also a sales strategy. People that sell you cars or things over the telephone are trained to keep silent, because it causes the other person to fill in the words and to qualify to you. Just a few days ago I talked to a sales rep like that and because I just stood the silence longer, she didnt even tried to sell me something directly. It was a very nice call

Anyway, when you cant stand the silence it can indicate that you are insecure. That you dont feel like being on the same level as the other person. I think it would be good for you to look into it. See why you are uncomfortable with silence. What the root cause is.

[Alex14]

@universe thanks my man. Just what I needed to hear

[ajasatya]

On 06/03/2019 at 9:25 PM, Alex14 said:

what can I do?

ask questions. be truly interested on the other person. stop trying to impress.

[JohnnyBravo]

Talking properly is not a thinking gambit.

Dont use your mind to talk. Dont be analytical.

Let the words 'come out' and dont be aware of what you say too much. Be unstifled and unblocked and let it pour out. Drop self consciousness.

And if no words come out, cool. Say nothing.

Communication is never about words.

It is about feelings and intent.

Also, drop this idea of "I need to say the right thing."

[bejapuskas]

One of my friends really helped me in conversation skills by asking me „What do you mean?“ everytime he felt like I am not telling the whole truth or that I am not expressing myself concisely enough. This can really help a lot. Also as the other people say, go from trying to teach, trying to impress, to trying to be taught, trying to entertain.  

[flowboy]

30 minutes ago, JohnnyBravo said:

Talking properly is not a thinking gambit.

Dont use your mind to talk. Dont be analytical.

Let the words 'come out' and dont be aware of what you say too much. Be unstifled and unblocked and let it pour out. Drop self consciousness.

And if no words come out, cool. Say nothing.

Communication is never about words.

It is about feelings and intent.

Also, drop this idea of "I need to say the right thing."

This advice is golden! I second this. Follow this, forget the rest I would say.

7 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

One of my friends really helped me in conversation skills by asking me „What do you mean?“ everytime he felt like I am not telling the whole truth or that I am not expressing myself concisely enough. This can really help a lot. Also as the other people say, go from trying to teach, trying to impress, to trying to be taught, trying to entertain.  

No, you're still trying then. That is being a pleaser and will be off-putting to women. This is a bad idea.

[Gabriel Antonio]

10 hours ago, universe said:

In your next conversation, if there comes a break in the conversation, try to let the silence in there as long as possible. Actually, thats what I do in most conversations. It feels very good to me and does so much for deeper connection. For me it feels authentic and genuine.

For example, when you talk to someone on the phone or what ever and you feel like you are out of things to say, instead of saying "good bye" and ending the conversation just stay in there - wait. Let the other person end the conversation if they want.

It is so powerful.

In our culture, that does not work very well. Yes, there are moments where we can share silence with another person. But in most cases, it just becomes an awkward silence. In my opinion, it's better to practice small talk. The Wikipedia entry is pretty interesting: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_talk 

 

Well, to me, the key to interacting well with others is all about how much you can relax into the moment. Not always easy to do so. And forcing yourself too much to say something, be relaxed, etc. is counterproductive. 

[bejapuskas]

@flowboy  For me this happens naturally, I am not looking for anything, I just like to see people happy.

[flowboy]

@bejapuskas Yes, it's a great personality trait and very useful for friendships. I'm just saying that trying to entertain is not the best mindset to try for people who already are stifled.

I get how you mean it and why it works for you.

[bejapuskas]

@flowboy Oh I see now  Thanks.

[ExodiaGearCEO]

In a nut shell 6 ways to make people like you:

1.) be genuinely interested in other people.

2.) smile 

3.) be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

4.) remember that a person’s name is to that person is the most sweetest and most important sound in any language 

5.) talk in terms of other people interest

6.) make the other people feel important and do it sincerely

 

This should make the conversation a lot easier. You’re welcome