Dealing With My First Ever Breakup

4 posts in this topic

I'm currently going through my first ever breakup and the worst part of it is that I'm still roommates with her and we sleep in the same bed. She quickly started dating other guys and sometimes tells me about a particular guy she likes. This is very painful for me even though I'd date and have sex with other woman if only I had the options, so call me a hypocrite. I want her to be happy but with another guy? Fuck that, my ego can't handle it. Especially since we live in the same house and I know just about exactly when they're hanging out. 

My question is of how I should approach this, I'm in a bigger city now and live close to the second biggest mall in town. Should I start cold approach? I have no excuse not to now since I'm no longer a small town boy. I'm mostly interested in cold approach to push my comfort zone, since the breakup I've also started trying some mindfulness as I do cold showers because pain x mindfulness = purification. I figure I need to go straight to my discomfort rather than run from it, so of course I've also been applying mindfulness to this emotional pain and also releasing emotions by crying and venting to her (we are still on good terms). 

When I cry am I healing or unconsciously wallowing in my own self pity? She says I'm wallowing in my own pain and self pity when I cry and vent to her but It feels really good, It feels like I'm releasing emotional baggage. Would you agree with her that I shouldn't do this? I personally disagree. On one hand it's also nice to live with her because it's easier for me to access these emotions when she's hear as opposed to when I meditate on this matter and I must visualize and bring her to mind, I must bring her to mind and not get sucked up into imagining us being together again and feeling all lovey dovey, I must bring her to mind, imagine her being with a new guy, feel into the pain this brings, and accept what is, accept we'll never be together again. It's much easier and more organic just to cry to her although I imagine she's starting to get annoyed by now. 

Again, should I try cold approach? Or is that running away from my problems? I'd want to just have the intention of growth, not to get laid although that'd be nice. I worry that cold approach might just make me feel worse since I suck at it and would pretty much just get rejected over and over. Although in the past when I'd randomly talk to girls I'd often feel good about myself just for tying even if I get rejected. 

TLDR: Should I do cold approach, meditation, emotional release, or some mixture of those?   


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You need to escape from that situation. I know that 1st breakup is the most hurtful but you will be cured only with time. Try to concentrate on other things, school or work.


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Get out of that place and don't sleep with anyone until your over it. Sharing beds with your ex like that can really hurt you permanently.


You can't be enlightened, no one can.;)

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@stevegan928 you should move out of the place you are staying with her. That should be your first action. Go live with your parents for a short while if you have to. 

Then you should burn all bridges with her. 

Also you are not overreacting or wallowing in self pity. I am all about not being a pussy. But this is not it. To sleep in the same bed with your ex girlfriend while she goes out and dates other guys is brutal. No one can handle that. 

She is controlling the narrative, that you are wallowing in your own pain and self-pity. But from what I have read she is the one who got the bigger issues, not you. She thinks she is in control, but it seems to me that she is the one going down the wrong road. One of very low consiousness. But that's not your responsibility anymore. 

After you move out, feel free to go date new girls. Whatever you want. It's probably good for you. If meeting girls in the mall works for you go and do that. But there are many ways to meet girls. Your success will depend on utilizing a strategy that works for you. 

Also work on your self-development as a whole. Like sports, education, career, traveling, etc. 

Edited by SFRL

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