Truth is f*cking brutal

[QandC]

I'm not talking about tripping or any enlightenment experiences. I've had plenty of those. Truth that I'm experiencing right now is realizing the pain I've caused in people, my alcoholism, my way of cheating through success, me trying to gain sympathy from others by acting weak; when in reality I'm a f*cking devil. 

I've lived in a contrast these past 2 years. I've reached the highest highs you can imagine and the lowest lows you could ever nightmare about. And I still stand here in this moment with the realization of who and what I am. 
The spiritual path is not pretty. It's full awareness of what you are - and how you've been fooling yourself.

 

Am I stuck in a loop, or am I actually becoming more conscious? The more conscious I become, the more aware of myself I become. But there's still something always lingering in the back of my mind. This awareness that's always been there. I see myself acting. I dont know how to stop it. In this truth Death actually seems appealing. I'm not suicidal but I can have sympathy for those who think it's a cheat-code to enlightenment. In sleep there is no suffering. In death there is no suffering.

it's the lazy way, and its not even a guarantee. I've never heard any dead people complain, but I've never heard any dead people brag avout enlightenment either. What I was before birth, is what I wanna return to.

Truth is too brutal for 'me' to handle. I'd rather kill my Self: and I find it extremely difficult to resolve these traumas in my body. I cannot escape myself. But I want to

[Joseph Maynor]

I’m not saying you are wrong.  But  I see this differently in the sense that psychedelics can give you insights that you will not get without them regarding yourself and your ego and more.  Including what you are doing maybe wrong.  

[Atb210201]

3 hours ago, QandC said:

I'm not talking about tripping or any enlightenment experiences. I've had plenty of those. Truth that I'm experiencing right now is realizing the pain I've caused in people, my alcoholism, my way of cheating through success, me trying to gain sympathy from others by acting weak; when in reality I'm a f*cking devil. 

I've lived in a contrast these past 2 years. I've reached the highest highs you can imagine and the lowest lows you could ever nightmare about. And I still stand here in this moment with the realization of who and what I am. 
The spiritual path is not pretty. It's full awareness of what you are - and how you've been fooling yourself.

 

Am I stuck in a loop, or am I actually becoming more conscious? The more conscious I become, the more aware of myself I become. But there's still something always lingering in the back of my mind. This awareness that's always been there. I see myself acting. I dont know how to stop it. In this truth Death actually seems appealing. I'm not suicidal but I can have sympathy for those who think it's a cheat-code to enlightenment. In sleep there is no suffering. In death there is no suffering.

it's the lazy way, and its not even a guarantee. I've never heard any dead people complain, but I've never heard any dead people brag avout enlightenment either. What I was before birth, is what I wanna return to.

Truth is too brutal for 'me' to handle. I'd rather kill my Self: and I find it extremely difficult to resolve these traumas in my body. I cannot escape myself. But I want to

By killing yourself you just have to face yourself and your demons faster.

So this "hell" that you described is just gonna unleash itself all onto you in an instant in a place with no time.

So take your time and face yourself bit by bit in time here with the life you still have to live that would be less harsh.

But I know you just said that and you weren't going to kill yourself.

It is harsh.

But We're all in the same boat together and you're not alone.

We'll face this harshness together.

Edited yesterday at 08:21 PM by Atb210201

[Leo Gura]

@QandC Yes, it is hard but hang in there.

You can ease up on the truth-seeking and just relax and enjoy normal life a bit.

Take a vacation from inner work. Go play a video game or something.

[mmKay]

3 hours ago, QandC said:

I'm not talking about tripping or any enlightenment experiences. I've had plenty of those. Truth that I'm experiencing right now is realizing the pain I've caused in people, my alcoholism, my way of cheating through success, me trying to gain sympathy from others by acting weak; when in reality I'm a f*cking devil. 

I've lived in a contrast these past 2 years. I've reached the highest highs you can imagine and the lowest lows you could ever nightmare about. And I still stand here in this moment with the realization of who and what I am. 
The spiritual path is not pretty. It's full awareness of what you are - and how you've been fooling yourself.

 

Am I stuck in a loop, or am I actually becoming more conscious? The more conscious I become, the more aware of myself I become. But there's still something always lingering in the back of my mind. This awareness that's always been there. I see myself acting. I dont know how to stop it. In this truth Death actually seems appealing. I'm not suicidal but I can have sympathy for those who think it's a cheat-code to enlightenment. In sleep there is no suffering. In death there is no suffering.

it's the lazy way, and its not even a guarantee. I've never heard any dead people complain, but I've never heard any dead people brag avout enlightenment either. What I was before birth, is what I wanna return to.

Truth is too brutal for 'me' to handle. I'd rather kill my Self: and I find it extremely difficult to resolve these traumas in my body. I cannot escape myself. But I want to

It sounds like you're going through an ego-backlash due too intense inner work. Take a little break and distract yourself with some healthy human stuff

Pain and suffering is definitely a sign of becoming more conscious in your situation.

The ego will kick and scream when you cast the light of awareness on it, since it's an illusion fighting to survive Truth

Take it easy and try not to bite more than you can chew. Also give yourself some slack. No one is a saint. Survival is a dirty game.

 

[Jirh]

It's the inverse. Don't blame truth for the pain that lies caused.

[Willy Phallicus]

4 hours ago, QandC said:

In death there is no suffering.

No but its lonely and as dark as pitch at the bottom of a mine shaft.

5 hours ago, QandC said:

What I was before birth, is what I wanna return to.

Okay but its lonely and as dark as pitch at the bottom of a mine shaft.

Im no fatalist but I can assure you that you are a fatality waiting to happen.  No one gets out of here alive.  You're going to suffer and die just like everybody else.  Even so, if this life of yours was a gift given in good faith you might want to stick it out until the end because it just might be worth it.

[Lyubov]

No it is not.

That is all your beliefs clouding you and causing your suffering.

Life can be brutal, sure. 

[Elliott]

There's probably some subconscious belief you're carrying, warping your perspective. Be more accurate in what is going through your head, so that people might help you.

[Joseph Maynor]

Everyone who has a had a difficult psychedelic trip knows this.  

[oOo]

@QandC Self-awareness is ironically our easiest to grab line of defence and attack in life, and yet often, the heaviest to lift by the psyche in times of inner conflict.

Stay in the mud and for every football yard of accepting the fight you're able to gain, watch the mud turn to brains.

You've nailed the whole point of "chaos of self-alignment" as I shared here. 

 

 

There are good fights and bad fights in life.

Lovin life, as some of these threads voice, is what is meant by "fightin the good fight" 

As the saying goes. 

If you make that a bad fight, then Christ; symbolically,
meaning whether one is Christian or not, is lost.

More than ever, that's when you gotta ease up on yourself, have self-compassion and protect yourself from resorting to unhealthy outlets like alcohol, etc. 

On another note, Christ is not restricted to a Chris-tian symbol,
it was merely Christianities attempt to encapsulate what fighting the good fight would look like.
Christ is a symbol of truth, so a guide to the truth, the truth though,
is for you to personally experience.
To take that guide, and turn it into your own direct experience of Truth.
Not to follow Jesus, but to see what was trying to be done there,
and lead the way for yourself.



 

 

Edited 16 hours ago by oOo

[VeganAwake]

Every day is a new day!

[oOo]

 

 

The Truth Shall Set You Free.

Because we're already free.

 

 

 

 

[LastThursday]

Life is full of death. There is more than one way to die. Kill what no longer feeds you, give life to what does.

[Leo Gura]

Stop thinking about death and go enjoy life.

Fall in love with life!

[AION]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop thinking about death and go enjoy life.

Fall in love with life!

fall in love with a shit sandwich.. 

Edited 2 hours ago by AION