these girls think I am sweet

[Natasha Tori Maru]

3 hours ago, Emerald said:

The way I was interpreting it as a defense where you're trying to get the last word and "win" the interaction. 

🎯

There's nothing being contributed.

It is essentially shitposting.

[Olaf]

okay reflecting back on yesterday I think there is an even more important point than being a jerk, which is not putting them on a pedestal. I think this is the biggest thing, because every time I was being a jerk yesterday, I stopped putting these girls on a pedestal and it is almost like the charisma can be unlocked when you stop putting them on a pedestal. Like the nice guy always puts women on a pedestal so going in the opposite direction makes me find what is important which is literally kicking the pedestal under her feet, so now you are either equal with her or she is below you, one of those two, not her being above you, which unconsciously happens when you are being a nice guy. 

[something_else]

12 hours ago, Ulax said:

It may seem like that when you get that to that point in the journey too. But that is still quite early in the journey, and you will understand when you have higher levels of experience.

I have found that “being yourself” is exceptional advice, but it’s misunderstood and very cliche.

It doesn’t mean become a socially uncalibrated weirdo. It means develop a high degree of self-awareness, learning to express your personality, and not requiring approval of that personality from others. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin.

The dudes who are genuinely assholes but still get laid don’t get laid because they’re assholes. They get laid because they are being themselves confidently. If you pretend to be an asshole to get laid it doesn’t really work because it’s inauthentic and humans have a radar for inauthenticity.

In the same way, a “nice guy” is unattractive because he is faking the niceness to get laid. And also because “nice” isn’t a personality trait. If you are authentically kind and have more to your personality than “he’s nice” that is also very attractive.

The deeper purpose of practicing pickup is, or at least should be, to learn to express yourself, your values, your desires and your needs unashamedly and authentically. It isn’t about learning what act to put on to get laid.

[Valach]

9 minutes ago, something_else said:

I have found that “being yourself” is exceptional advice, but it’s misunderstood and very cliche.

It doesn’t mean become a socially uncalibrated weirdo. It means develop a high degree of self-awareness, learning to express your personality, and not requiring approval of that personality from others. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin.

The dudes who are genuinely assholes but still get laid don’t get laid because they’re assholes. They get laid because they are being themselves confidently. If you pretend to be an asshole to get laid it doesn’t really work because it’s inauthentic and humans have a radar for inauthenticity.

In the same way, a “nice guy” is unattractive because he is faking the niceness to get laid. And also because “nice” isn’t a personality trait. If you are authentically kind and have more to your personality than “he’s nice” that is also very attractive.

The deeper purpose of practicing pickup is, or at least should be, to learn to express yourself, your values, your desires and your needs unashamedly and authentically. It isn’t about learning what act to put on to get laid.

I would argue that the assholes are not being themselves either. No one is an asshole or "mean" person by default. This is usually a learned behaviour to cope with some wounding.

Unfortunatly there are a lot of behaviours that are not healthy but a lot of people will resonate with them and find them attractive (usually because their own wounds resonate with that). It's not worth emulating or developing these though. 

Edited 7 hours ago by Valach

[something_else]

19 minutes ago, Valach said:

I would argue that the assholes are not being themselves either. No one is an asshole or "mean" person by default. This is usually a learned behaviour to cope with some wounding.

Unfortunatly there are a lot of behaviours that are not healthy but a lot of people will resonate with them and find them attractive (usually because their own wounds resonate with that). It's not worth emulating or developing these though. 

They are. Some people are just assholes, even if it’s from deep trauma it’s still them expressing exactly how they feel and not trying to put on an act or be something they are not

[Valach]

14 minutes ago, something_else said:

They are. Some people are just assholes, even if it’s from deep trauma it’s still them expressing exactly how they feel and not trying to put on an act or be something they are not

Oh, yeah then we kind of just have different semantics. I am not saying they genuinely do not feel like assholes. It's just not who they truly are. They developed their personality around trauma. But they feel like that is who they are, yes.

Anyone who has trauma (which is most people) will have trouble knowing who they are under all these defensive mechanisms.

What I am trying to say is that I have met assholes who were good with woman - they are emotionally so disconnected from themselves that they have no clue who they are under all the pain.

Edited 7 hours ago by Valach

[Olaf]

@Valach well that makes sense why girls are attracted to assholes as they are not healed themself

[Valach]

1 minute ago, Olaf said:

@Valach well that makes sense why girls are attracted to assholes as they are not healed themself

Most people are not. That is why deriving your of sense of how "succesful" you are at life from how capable are you at attracting people. It is not a measure of health being good at attracting unhealthy people.

[Spiral]

@Olaf You can not be authentic and a nice guy at the same time. Being overly polite and respectful is not going to get you anything with women. That’s just boring to them. 

Girls are not overly polite and respectful to each other. So either should you. Just think “can I a good person and still do this?” If the answer is yeah go head.

You don’t need to be rude or mean or anything. That’s not really going help either.

Edited 4 hours ago by Spiral

[PsychedelicEagle]

2 hours ago, Spiral said:

@Olaf You can not be authentic and a nice guy at the same time. Being overly polite and respectful is not going to get you anything with women. That’s just boring to them. 

Girls are not overly polite and respectful to each other. So either should you. Just think “can I a good person and still do this?” If the answer is yeah go head.

You don’t need to be rude or mean or anything. That’s not really going help either.

Exactly, the right axis to focus on is authenticity and communicating one's desired effectively (smoothly and directly, unashamedly).

Rudeness is not a good axis to focus on. Disagreeableness correlates with traits that are attractive (assertiveness, social dominance), but in itself does yield much, if at all. Imagine a guy who's disagreeable and otherwise unattractive, needy, etc. Would any chick want to fuck him? No.

That's why I'm a fan of direct game. It forces you to learn to convey your wishes and desires effectively, making you more assertive. 

Edited 2 hours ago by PsychedelicEagle

[Majed]

@Olaf Being told you're sweet is definitely a compliment. Plus if a girl has a boyfriend just move on, don't be so desperate. 

[Rishabh R]

@Olaf I thought only I struggled with this . But I think the main challenge for you is owning your own sweetness ,not fighting it in order to get laid . 

In college women treated me inferiorly , and bullied me. I cut them off but the main battle was owning my innocent nature.

That's what my psychiatrist told me -- there is nothing wrong with you. 

You have 2 healthy options: Either don't care about their opinion and March forward or accept your sweetness and march forward.