How to find a partner you're compatible with value wise.

[Majed]

I want to find a girl that is compatible with me value wise, my values being wisdom, philosophy, spirituality... How do i find a girl that is into this stuff. I don't know how. I noticed through introspection that this is what i want more so than just getting laid. I want a girl that matches my values. 

[Joseph Maynor]

There is no shortcut.  You need to interact with people in real life face to face over many occasions.

[LordFall]

Go to events that have the type of things you're into or host them yourself. There are philosophy meetups in most big cities. Or you can start a brand around the topic that you like and meet people globally that way. 

Edited 6 hours ago by LordFall

[Rafael Thundercat]

 

 

[Inliytened1]

3 hours ago, Majed said:

I want to find a girl that is compatible with me value wise, my values being wisdom, philosophy, spirituality... How do i find a girl that is into this stuff. I don't know how. I noticed through introspection that this is what i want more so than just getting laid. I want a girl that matches my values. 

I'm still trying to find her, when you find her, let's clone her.  I want that.  I think we should just wait until they can create female robots that we can fuck.  

Edited 3 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Jirh]

Be authentic.

[Inliytened1]

2 minutes ago, Jirh said:

Be authentic.

What the fuck does that mean?  I mean i thought he was?

[Inliytened1]

You guys are a bunch of pussies.  The guys on the spiritual forum have more balls than you.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Inliytened1 I am telling you - people would rather contemplate what a cup is that actually try to contemplate an emotion and what THAT is.

Most people are terrified of their emotions. I can't think of anyone who isn't using some method to escape feeling something

Half the shit we get ourselves into is simply trying to avoid them.

[Inliytened1]

6 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Inliytened1 I am telling you - people would rather contemplate what a cup is that actually try to contemplate an emotion and what THAT is.

Most people are terrified of their emotions. I can't think of anyone who isn't using some method to escape feeling something

Half the shit we get ourselves into is simply trying to avoid them.

Yeah.  Well what i see is a bunch of guys scared to grab or claim their woman.  Reach out and grab it.  It's there, and then we can worry about emotions.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I would start off by approaching the discovery of someone's values and their value structure by spearheading toward relational based questions. Lean into relational over analytical (you need both though). Analytical understanding is good to uncover someone's stated values - but people can lie, virtue signal or simply be telling themselves a story they want to believe about what they value. Relational understanding give you access to an often overlooked dataset that isn't often seen when we analyse. This delves into what actually has meaning for the person.

Relational based questions often need us to understand meaning - the persons meaning - to fully grasp. But they result in that person feeling seen and sharing a sense of belonging and being. Powerful.

 - What makes life feel really worthwhile to you?

 - When do you feel most alive?

 - What sort of experience leave you feeling deeply fulfilled?

 - What do you care about so much that you actually feel hurt when it goes wrong?

 - When do you feel most yourself?

 - What do you admire in someone that makes you think "I want to be just like that!"

 - What kind of things make you angry? Not just irritated, like morally angry? 

 - What makes you feel deeply connected to someone?

 - What do you wish there was more of in the world?

Often times you will discover many people haven't done the work to brainstorm and identify their values. You can ask them directly what the value through analytical questions, but I have found this can be a minefield of self deception! IE someone states something is important to them, but their actions show communicate something completely different. Relational questions can get to the meat of the person in a more effective way.

By analytical questions/insights I mean: What are your values? What principles do you live by? What do you prioritize? What qualities do you admire in others or what would you never compromise on? While these can be more direct - they are often not the total truth when it comes to humans.

Our values are deeply connected to our emotions, feelings, desires and experiences, and these often reveal themselves through our preferences and behaviour... So I find it more helpful to address these types of topics by relating to the meaning of the person. Driving toward their emotions and feelings to uncover what their actions might show value toward. And not just words.

Sometimes this can also illustrate where a commitment overrides a preference - which gets SUPER interesting as how the person deals with the conflict between feeling and value can itself reveal so much about a persons character! You could then split this into stated values, lived/revealed values and overriding commitments.

This is why listening and observing others is a real epistemic skill & talent. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Ulax]

35 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Yeah.  Well what i see is a bunch of guys scared to grab or claim their woman.  Reach out and grab it.  It's there, and then we can worry about emotions.

Bro with the life sentence rizz

[Natasha Tori Maru]

47 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Yeah.  Well what i see is a bunch of guys scared to grab or claim their woman.  Reach out and grab it.  It's there, and then we can worry about emotions.

You think you can grab or claim a woman without paying conscious attention to emotions?

[Rishabh R]

I would look at actions of the woman to determine her values since actions are values made real.

[Inliytened1]

20 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

You think you can grab or claim a woman without paying conscious attention to emotions?

Yes.  The emotions come after.  

[Jordan of the Shire]

55 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I would start off by approaching the discovery of someone's values and their value structure by spearheading toward relational based questions. Lean into relational over analytical (you need both though). Analytical understanding is good to uncover someone's stated values - but people can lie, virtue signal or simply be telling themselves a story they want to believe about what they value. Relational understanding give you access to an often overlooked dataset that isn't often seen when we analyse. This delves into what actually has meaning for the person.

Relational based questions often need us to understand meaning - the persons meaning - to fully grasp. But they result in that person feeling seen and sharing a sense of belonging and being. Powerful.

 - What makes life feel really worthwhile to you?

 - When do you feel most alive?

 - What sort of experience leave you feeling deeply fulfilled?

 - What do you care about so much that you actually feel hurt when it goes wrong?

 - When do you feel most yourself?

 - What do you admire in someone that makes you think "I want to be just like that!"

 - What kind of things make you angry? Not just irritated, like morally angry? 

 - What makes you feel deeply connected to someone?

 - What do you wish there was more of in the world?

Often times you will discover many people haven't done the work to brainstorm and identify their values. You can ask them directly what the value through analytical questions, but I have found this can be a minefield of self deception! IE someone states something is important to them, but their actions show communicate something completely different. Relational questions can get to the meat of the person in a more effective way.

By analytical questions/insights I mean: What are your values? What principles do you live by? What do you prioritize? What qualities do you admire in others or what would you never compromise on? While these can be more direct - they are often not the total truth when it comes to humans.

Our values are deeply connected to our emotions, feelings, desires and experiences, and these often reveal themselves through our preferences and behaviour... So I find it more helpful to address these types of topics by relating to the meaning of the person. Driving toward their emotions and feelings to uncover what their actions might show value toward. And not just words.

Sometimes this can also illustrate where a commitment overrides a preference - which gets SUPER interesting as how the person deals with the conflict between feeling and value can itself reveal so much about a persons character! You could then split this into stated values, lived/revealed values and overriding commitments.

This is why listening and observing others is a real epistemic skill & talent. 

Great post! Thank you  I shall ponder this and see how it goes.

[Joseph Maynor]

Dating advice is interesting because it is like learning music theory for music -- there is a huge difference between studying something and putting something into practice.  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

46 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Yes.  The emotions come after.  

Ha! You are kidding yourself

[Inliytened1]

2 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Ha! You are kidding yourself

To get her in the bedroom you don't need all that shit.. That shit comes after,  and you know I'm right.  In the moment we meet its in the chemistry and how I make you smile.  And then we get it on.  That's it.  After that we can worry about everything else.