How to find a partner you're compatible with value wise.

[Inliytened1]

7 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I feel like men and women are both emotional, but sometimes the emotions are not aligned in time and place.  

They will never be aligned, you might as well get used to it.  Men and woman are like aliens to each other.  We're two differnet species.

Your mission: Conquer her.

Edited August 18 by Inliytened1

[Natasha Tori Maru]

9 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

To get her in the bedroom you don't need all that shit.. That shit comes after,  and you know I'm right.  In the moment we meet its in the chemistry and how I make you smile.  And then we get it on.  That's it.  After that we can worry about everything else.

That all requires emotions - and paying attention to them. 

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

That all requires emotions - and paying attention to them. 

Naw...its how you like us. If you like us you will fuck us.  There''s nothing that shallow.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

19 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I feel like men and women are both emotional, but sometimes the emotions are not aligned in time and place.  

I agree. Many times we just can't identify or be aware of our emotions. Especially if we have built elaborate behaviours to avoid them.

12 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Naw...its how you like us. If you like us you will fuck us.  There''s nothing that shallow.

What is "like" but an expression of a feeling/emotion? I ain't letting you off so easy! 😁

[Inliytened1]

@Natasha Tori MaruLet's just admit we leave it all at the front door when we hit it off.  We hit it hard.  And that shit don't matter.  I mean it both ways.  I don't mean it just on women.. Shit, men are worse.  But don't make it into some deep metaphyiscal shit.  I'm gonna hit you from behind, and I'm gonna hit you hard.  And you are gonna like it.  And their aint no deep shit behind that.  That's when we meet.

 

Edited August 18 by Inliytened1

[Natasha Tori Maru]

26 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

@Natasha Tori MaruLet's just admit we leave it all at the front door when we hit it off.  We hit it hard.  And that shit don't matter.  I mean it both ways.  I don't mean it just on women.. Shit, men are worse.  But don't make it into some deep metaphyiscal shit.  I'm gonna hit you from behind, and I'm gonna hit you hard.  And you are gonna like it.  And their aint no deep shit behind that.  That's when we meet.

 

It sounds like that's your experience of it.

[Inliytened1]

3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

It sounds like that's your experience of it.

One of em yeah, another i spread over my pool table.

[Joseph Maynor]

People are nuts lol.  

[Inliytened1]

Just now, Joseph Maynor said:

People are nuts lol.  

Where have you fucked a girl?

Or where have you not fucked a girl?

what's the strangest place you banged her at?  I can tell you this - i can tell you some weird places.

[Joseph Maynor]

50 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

One of em yeah, another i spread over my pool table.

Be careful of people who have their own pool cue and ask you to bet on a game.

[Inliytened1]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I feel like men and women are both emotional, but sometimes the emotions are not aligned in time and place.  

Correct - can one argue with that?  i mean if the connection is there, and that is emotion to some extent, does anything else matter?

Its not just emotion - it could be a combo.  Maybe she finds him attractive off the get go.  Maybe she likes his personality.

Maybe - if he moves in for a kiss, she might like the way he kisses.  From there, if he doesn't screw up, its his pussy.  That's just how it goes.

I've done hundreds like that.  How about you?  It's OK if its under 10.

Edited August 18 by Inliytened1

[Joseph Maynor]

3 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Correct - can one argue with that?  i mean if the connection is there, and that is emotion to some extent, does anything else matter?

Its not just emotion - it could be a combo.  Maybe she finds him attractive off the get go.  Maybe she likes his personality.

Maybe - if he moves in for a kiss, she might like the way he kisses.  From there, if he doesn't screw up, its his pussy.  That's just how it goes.

I've done hundreds like that.  How about you?  It's OK if its under 10.

To be fair to this -- I think it comes down to your goal.  And there is nothing wrong with dating.  I think it is a good area for people to explore.  

[Inliytened1]

7 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

To be fair to this -- I think it comes down to your goal.  And there is nothing wrong with dating.  I think it is a good area for people to explore.  

We;re kids, I'm gonna keep score until I'm 70.  But I'll tell you this, I lost count and my black book a whle back, so now I'm just going for the numbers.

Haha, you like this?

Edited August 18 by Inliytened1

[Lyubov]

I don’t think it’s something you find over something you create. 

Relationships are a lot more simpler than people realize in their fundamentals but we bring a lot of our own hang ups and stubbornness into them which creates friction and dissatisfaction. 

You meet a girl, you decide if she checks enough of your boxes, you decide if any of the ways you are incompatible are deal breakers, and then from there you relate. You work on communication skills and relationship sorta acts as a medium toward you being authentic and in your flow and aligned with your spirit. 

[Inliytened1]

24 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

I don’t think it’s something you find over something you create. 

Relationships are a lot more simpler than people realize in their fundamentals but we bring a lot of our own hang ups and stubbornness into them which creates friction and dissatisfaction. 

You meet a girl, you decide if she checks enough of your boxes, you decide if any of the ways you are incompatible are deal breakers, and then from there you relate. You work on communication skills and relationship sorta acts as a medium toward you being authentic and in your flow and aligned with your spirit. 

My son is making it work beautifully, but i fear he has let her be the dom...so i dont want go give up my dominance to any woman.  My son's wife's mom also is the dom, her husband doesn't work and gave up fulll dominiance.  I can't do that and never will.  That's why i have always battled with relationships.  You better watch for that..They will want to dominate you.  But if you find one you can easily domiinate, it's too easy. So, it's a fne line there

Edited August 18 by Inliytened1

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Joseph Maynor said:

But we are talking about dating here no?  No you guys got me interested in this area of creation?   

We're talking about the whole deal.  When you get into a relationship, there will be one who wants to dominate.

The question is are you going to give in to that.. I never have been able to.

[Joseph Maynor]

3 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

We're talking about the whole deal.  When you get into a relationship, there will be one who wants to dominate.

The question is are you going to give in to that.. I never have been able to.

I don't know you bro so I can't give you any specific advice.  

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I don't know you bro so I can't give you any specific advice.  

Well that's how it is.  There will be one who is going to be the dom, or the dominator, and the one that is going to submit.

The reason i can't make relationships is because I do not want to submit to that dominance of a women. I just can't do it.

As i said, I'm too selfish.  So, if you wanna make a relationship work with a women you willl have to submit to her dominance and work on her scheudle.

Trust me, I've been trhough over a dozen of them.  It's all the same, every time. Your choice.

[oOo]

I empathise with you on this subject @Majed .

Most of my life I have struggled between a woman that I feel pulled towards versus a woman that I am rationally compatible with. Especially when they merge where there's an incompatible life context. I have learned that this fundamentally has come down to two factors, my own lack of experience in certain areas, and my own lack of consciousness development at that time. Inclusive of emotional patterns as they relate to the rest of the nervous system and the subsequent experience, for example, it has taken me years to learn to come into greater awareness of my own emotional responses because I grew up in an environment in which I had to suppress my emotions. This is very common in different ways for many different men, and there's a unique and often specific tailored approach for each individual case relative to the level of awareness that can be directed.

With that said, my own solution has been three-fold:

1. INNER GROWTH: I rigorously self-study and self-train inclusive of developing emotional awareness, bodily awareness combined with consciousness transmutation techniques. Specifically as it relates to relationships and dating, this increasingly allows me to discriminate between honest internal signals and signals that instead relate to outdated experiences that are more along the lines of conditioned emotional reactions that need reconditioning. This also has a positive direct and indirect effect on consciousness expansion. The better I can detect the relationship between emotion, bodily experiences and experiences within the mind, the better I can instill agency in the areas of my choosing. Determining honest signals from emotion-body-mind now allows me to better determine where a phenomenological reaction to a woman exists relative to the context of our joining; aka, am I just physically attracted or is there something more, if there is something more, is it based on past experiences that better me in the future or those that do not?
2. OUTER ANALYSIS: By developing increased self-knowledge, now I can begin to map the entire planet on probabilistic dating pools, and the way in which I would navigate those relative to the outcomes I am seeking. This is where I will begin to build mathematical formula specific to my own unique situation; relative to different potential relationship outcomes that can be imagined relative to all probabilistic, experienced and foreseen compatibility. And these are my own self-created equations; while completely emotionally congruent and only gets better following the better unity achieved in number one. 
3. SHARED EXPERIENCE AND DISCERNMENT of Survival & Growth Contextual Compatibility: As much as I may feel compatible with a woman, it may only be through a certain context. In fact in all relationships relative to our life opportunities, this is precisely how it is and we're choosing to sacrifice alternative ways of living for the sake of the relationship itself. Sometimes that can be really beautiful, but in a totally non-judgemental way as its the basis for any true relationship, that's when normative drift occurs relative to a persons awareness of their own life circumstances. Normative drift in this instance is due to the clustering of consciousness that follows any relationship, romantic or otherwise, it has its own temporal gravitational physics. This is why when relationships are coming to an end, or something problematic but unspoken truth exists in a relationship, someone in touch with their own energetic field can genuinely feel it. Everyone's heard of stories where they here a friend say, "I just felt something was off", and then after their proper investigation, well there you go. These particular situations can become so difficult to discern however when someone does that sensitivity and awareness however, but also has prior conditioned experiences that lead to suboptimal reactions that may to the contrary, be false signalling. This is why trust is so important and communication within a relationship that is both cognitive and emotional, where the cognitive is true to the facts, and the emotion is true to the signal that keeps a relationship together. Despite whatever mathematics exists, its the honest signal that counts at the end of the day. Returning to my first point with number 3, therefore ideally what we're looking for in a relationship with a potential partner is essentially a relationship that survives as many relevant alternative contexts as possible; aka same hobbies is a no-brainer for most people, tho its just the beginning. This is the essence of compatibility versus when normative drift becomes a nightmare because you've slept with a hooker you also get along with very wel. But you're the leader of a Christian Church and she's an atheist though you maintain the relationship anyway. This could be a positive indicator, because as much as we want to have compatibility where we can grow with a partner across many varied contexts, we also want a partner in which we can survive against when we have competing contexts. Being a leader of a Christian Church while the woman you're in love with wants to remain a hooker and let's say an OnlyFans star as well because of how much cash she rakes in is a "survival test". If it leads to continuous arguments, or just remains as unconscious contempt in other ways where it isn't properly communicated between them, the survival context becomes evidence for incompatibility, however it moves in the opposite direction, it may actually lead to higher mutual respect and be evidence for compatibility. Further, if the male also desires to become a hooker and join OnlyFans himself while his partner also decides to become a joint leader of his Christian Church say, now what was once only compatibility that existed in a "survival context" shifts to compatibility that now exists in a "growth context" instead. This happens all the times in relationships where communication, honesty, truth seeking, trust, respect and vulnerability, along with any other relevant virtue for the unique context, is put at the forefront of the relationship's future. Other times, its just not the right time or life situational context for the relationship, so temporal dynamics are also a category that would either fall into either potential "growth contexts", "survival contexts" or a bit of both. 

More to the point of asking ourselves corresponding questions, you gotta ask yourself as a human being, how far would I be willing to change myself just in a relationship in general versus the relationship itself? The way we answer that question really says a lot about the potential for the relationships future. If I was hypothetically in love with a Jewish woman, even though I already am partly genetically Ashkenazi Jewish I don't follow any particular religion while I am also open minded with respect to learning about any particular one, that said, if their family say or my partner, really wanted me to convert, I'd do it in a love heartbeat. Would I necessarily believe everything about the religion? You don't have to, and many people that are often religious, often don't, because they know it's a human at the end of the day writing the religious texts. Would I devote myself however to understand the spiritual currency of the specific religion? Absolutely, and its this first and foremost that would determine the other half in terms of whether or not I would actually commit to a religion. When you're prepared to make these kinds of life changing decisions, it doesn't necessarily indicate compatibility outside of revealing your own openness to experience, but it does indicate when you're likely ready for a relationship that involves more selflessness and less transactional type relationships. Or that you've got some kind of dependency issue and don't have enough boundaries around the context in which you would versus wouldn't make those kinds of life altering judgements. 

I recently shared a video on vampirism, and yeah you gotta know what you would and wouldn't do. That's certainly one of the belief systems that yeah, I couldn't do, the whole drinking of blood thing just isn't my cup of tea. Though if my partner say, wanted to do a blood ritual with me and it was only her and I, as well as safe and consensual, I'd be open minded about it. That's why we do the whole marriage documents, wedding rings, going on a honeymoon, etc, relative to how its meant to be done not necessarily what happens as more than 50% of marriages as we know, statistically should never have been committed to, symbol tends to also carry a ritual of some kind. That said, if your partner does want to do a blood ritual with you, or any symbolic ritual marriage or otherwise, I think that's the perfect time to determine cognitively just how compatible you actually are before you go into a deeper emotional bond that at the very least is likely to hurt one of you at the end. In general, you gotta do most of the heavy cognitive lifting on compatibility way before you consider even going exclusive with a potential partner which most people simply do not do, though that's certainly changing for specific demographics.

That was all just written on the fly without any pause, so yeah, there's naturally many other factors, categories and spectrums that I haven't considered here as well that are also worth going deep on. 

Good luck!

[Jirh]

6 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

stated values, lived/revealed values and overriding commitments.

Interesting topics for contemplation. I enjoyed reading this post.

However, in practice, I don't think you can find anyone who's perfectly aligned on all three parameters. I think it's rare enough to find someone even generally aligned or seeking alignment. Most people don't even know their values. They haven't contemplated anything. They're mostly low consciousness running on autopilot. Then you have the higher consciousness people who are generally more aligned, but still nowhere near perfect, especially the younger they are. And this all assumes you are collecting the signals accurately, and not imagining things.

I think at some point, one has to sacrifice and make a compromise on the standards they want. Personally, I would not bat an eye on conflict between stated vs. lived values, I think that's pretty normal, given that survival often requires some kind of psychological split. Where I draw the line, though, is when the person is completely unaware or unwilling to close the gap. Or when they are too cowardly to attempt that. For me, these are the biggest red flags in a person. Not the misalignment itself, but their relationship to it.