Men aren't approaching women anymore

[Ulax]

I'd say its more because mainstream advice for how to get girls is dogshit, and also comes from a frame of pedastalising the girl.

So dudes can't see a way that it would actually work in their minds, and it seems kind of humiliating.

[Basman]

6 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

 it may not even matter if the cold approach crowd has always been rather small.

That's kind of the crux of the issue. I don't think cold approaching has ever really been that common. Everyone I know who's been in a relationship has been through social circle, including the older people I know.

[Raze]

5 hours ago, Basman said:

That's kind of the crux of the issue. I don't think cold approaching has ever really been that common. Everyone I know who's been in a relationship has been through social circle, including the older people I know.

Except social circles are shrinking because society is atomized and modern woke culture is even demonizing that. For years they said you should be friends first but now there is a whole feminist narrative that a male friend having feelings is predatory. It’s completely ridiculous. 

[Basman]

3 hours ago, Raze said:

Except social circles are shrinking because society is atomized and modern woke culture is even demonizing that. For years they said you should be friends first but now there is a whole feminist narrative that a male friend having feelings is predatory. It’s completely ridiculous. 

That's the historical moment we live in currently, the breaking of communal bonds. I think that's the primary factor behind this. It has less to do with men or women themselves and more with factors outside of our direct control, like the nature of modern work, commuting, cost of living, social media, etc., though it's possible to counter act it on a personal level. 

Edited Thursday at 08:42 AM by Basman

[LordFall]

19 hours ago, Raze said:

Except social circles are shrinking because society is atomized and modern woke culture is even demonizing that. For years they said you should be friends first but now there is a whole feminist narrative that a male friend having feelings is predatory. It’s completely ridiculous. 

Why do you care what they think? 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Why do you care what they think? 

It is usually easier to distract with such a thought, rather than take control of what is within control. And focus on that. A way to avoid responsibility.

Things you can influence directly > Things you can influence indirectly  > Things you cannot meaningfully influence

The above is the ideal distinction for me when allocating focus.

I just think, like your question steers toward, people would rather distract themselves with endless stimulation that demands little responsibility.

[Raze]

1 hour ago, LordFall said:

Why do you care what they think? 

Because then it is rewarding people who are less socially conscientious and pushing those who are more socially conscientious which has countless negative side effects downstream. 

And society being atomized is just reality that you cannot ignore which makes any effort less meaningful. The modern man has to study months of pickup artist tactics and networking to have the social life that was the average guys default in the 70s. 

Edited Friday at 01:53 AM by Raze

[BlessedLion]

On 5/24/2026 at 0:50 AM, enchanted said:

Why Men Don’t Approach Women Anymore | by Katya Koval | Medium https://share.google/x302jnGOZ3VsWI4JC

This is a good article discussing the topic.

Due to online dating and the increasing fear of being implicated in the #metoo movement, men are approaching women at record low numbers. 

This is great news because any man that has the temerity to persue women he's interested has the lowest amount of competition ever in history. 

More for us I guess (the Men who actually have balls)

[BlessedLion]

However i will say, I live in Bali, and it is packed with beautiful women- in fact i've never seen anything like it, my gym club looks like a fucking Victoria Secret bikini haul. There is certainly competition and lots of the men their have their shit together, but still it's quite evened out and a good ratio, i've been having success

[LordFall]

18 hours ago, Raze said:

Because then it is rewarding people who are less socially conscientious and pushing those who are more socially conscientious which has countless negative side effects downstream. 

And society being atomized is just reality that you cannot ignore which makes any effort less meaningful. The modern man has to study months of pickup artist tactics and networking to have the social life that was the average guys default in the 70s. 

I don't think everyone needs to have a thriving romantic and social life for society to function. All the tools are here today to make you be able to build one if you so desire. The average man takes the path of least resistance as @Natasha Tori Maru rightly points out and then complains when women don't find them attractive. That's fine that's natural selection, it's always helped out species become great over time.

If incels don't  want to reproduce that's fine with me, I'll get rich and impregnate 5 women and if I need to knockup even more then that it will be my honour and I gladly accept the responsibility to help female-kind procreate. 

Edited Friday at 07:56 PM by LordFall

[Rishabh R]

@enchanted Once I was a writer in the Medium. I think focussing on the approaching the women whom you like rather than approaching for numbers is a better approach to dating. 

[Breakingthewall]

I think it's something as simple as a few years ago almost no one approached women on the street, then suddenly it started to be talked about and more and more men did it, until it became commonplace and women started to show annoyance at it, and men stopped see themselves like "brave who act face to face" and started to perceive as "stalker who's rejected"

I think it's ok approaching women but not like serial killer who approach anyone but approaching from the true interest for this concrete woman with the idea of finding real connection and affinity and then let's see where it leads to 

I think men should stop seeing sex like an achievement necessary for our self steem, that's the toxic point of everything . Seems that men doesn't respect ourselves, then we don't respect women 

Edited 16 hours ago by Breakingthewall

[enchanted]

6 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

I think it's something as simple as a few years ago almost no one approached women on the street, then suddenly it started to be talked about and more and more men did it, until it became commonplace and women started to show annoyance at it, and men stopped see themselves like "brave who act face to face" and started to perceive as "stalker who's rejected"

I think it's ok approaching women but not like serial killer who approach anyone but approaching from the true interest for this concrete woman with the idea of finding real connection and affinity and then let's see where it leads to 

I think men should stop seeing sex like an achievement necessary for our self steem, that's the toxic point of everything . Seems that men doesn't respect ourselves, then we don't respect women 

Ya great insight and advice. I think men aren't approaching women even when it's the right thing to do

[something_else]

12 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

I think it's ok approaching women but not like serial killer who approach anyone

If every now and then you approach a women you see while going about your day, that's totally fine, lots of perfectly normal but confident dudes do this. I don't think anybody takes issue with it.

It's spam approaching every girl that passes down a high street that is quite toxic and rightfully perceived as creepy by women. The reason is because a man who actually had value and a social life would not need to do this, and so it makes you come across as incredibly low value, to the point of being a social outcast.

Edited 4 hours ago by something_else

[Valach]

17 minutes ago, something_else said:

It's spam approaching every girl that passes down a high street that is quite toxic and rightfully perceived as creepy by women. The reason is because a man who actually had value and a social life would not need to do this, and so it makes you come across as incredibly low value, to the point of being a social outcast.

I personally do not like this approach as well anymore. I find it problematic - specially because you are probably putting too much priority on dating by doing this and that is rooted is some low self esteem.

That being said I have met plenty of guys who had incredible results doing this and I had some very nice results doing this in the past as well. What woman consider creepy or not essentially boils down to how much charisma you have. Some people just do not have interest and hobbies that would align well with meeting people and that is fine. Some goes to value - it is highly contextual.

But agree with the general premise, it's not the healthiest thing.

Edited 3 hours ago by Valach

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Valach said:

I personally do not like this approach as well anymore. I find it problematic - specially because you are probably putting too much priority on dating by doing this and that is rooted is some low self esteem.

That being said I have met plenty of guys who had incredible results doing this and I had some very nice results doing this in the past as well. What woman consider creepy or not essentially boils down to how much charisma you have. Some people just do not have interest and hobbies that would align well with meeting people and that is fine. Some goes to value - it is highly contextual.

But agree with the general premise, it's not the healthiest thing.

The guys who have success doing this have mastered convincing a woman that she was just so special that he had to approach her on the street. Meanwhile he has executed this exact same deception on 30 other woman that passed down that high street in past few hours.

Success in this kind of thing is fundamentally based on deception because if the girls knew what you were doing they'd be repulsed.

[Valach]

8 minutes ago, something_else said:

The guys who have success doing this have mastered convincing a woman that she was just so special that he had to approach her on the street. Meanwhile he has executed this exact same deception on 30 other woman that passed down that high street in past few hours.

Success in this kind of thing is fundamentally based on deception because if the girls knew what you were doing they'd be repulsed.

You really underestimate how much stuff will woman let slide if you have charisma and they like you. I have told a woman that she was my 5th approach of the day and she went out with me. I have had woman see me hit on other woman and still go out with me. Or even I have had happen that I approached woman on the street - she rejected me, couple of months I run into her again not remembering her and she went out with me.

There is not much difference between daygame and nightgame in this regard. I dont really want to promote either things because I feel like it's quite troublesome but it really was a really effective way to date a lot of attractive woman. And I was not really manipulating (at least not in the pickup type of terms), obviously any human interaction is gonna be prone to some level of manipulation.

But as I stated I still feel like it is problematic thing and it is not coming from healthy place. But to be honest I feel the same about nightclubs and partying in general so go figure.
 

I have actually recently attended a sort of retreat related to healing inner wounds and self esteem and its manifestation to the relationships we have (primarly romantic ones). On there I asked the "teacher" on what is his experience with how do healthy people with high self esteem go about dating and he said basically the same thing I arrived at: Healthy people simply do not put much priority on their dating or sex lives. They don't really have the drive to go around and hookup or go around and approach a lot or constantly swipe on tinder etc. They just sort of live their life and either they meet someone or they don't but they don't really care much about it because they do not have any self wort tied to this. Obviously when you reach that point your energy/vibe is gonna be really attractive so it will probably be quite hard to not meet someone. Hoping I can reach that stage at some point.

Edited 2 hours ago by Valach

[Natasha Tori Maru]

9 minutes ago, Valach said:

On there I asked the "teacher" on what is his experience with how do healthy people with high self esteem go about dating and he said basically the same thing I arrived at: Healthy people simply do not put much priority on their dating or sex lives. They don't really have the drive to go around and hookup or go around and approach a lot or constantly swipe on tinder etc. They just sort of live their life and either they meet someone or they don't but they don't really care much about it because they do not have any self wort tied to this. Obviously when you reach that point your energy/vibe is gonna be really attractive so it will probably be quite hard to not meet someone. Hoping I can reach that stage at some point.

This is really accurate. Healthy people don't invest their self worth into having a parter, sex, sexual volume or success. There is no strong egoic attachment that leads to them feeling negatively about themselves if they do not have "such and such". 

That confidence and earnestness is broadcast out and can be quite attractive on it's own. 

[Valach]

11 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

This is really accurate. Healthy people don't invest their self worth into having a parter, sex, sexual volume or success. There is no strong egoic attachment that leads to them feeling negatively about themselves if they do not have "such and such". 

That confidence and earnestness is broadcast out and can be quite attractive on it's own. 

I think you know the guy, you shared a video from him at some point

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

The guys who have success doing this have mastered convincing a woman that she was just so special that he had to approach her on the street. Meanwhile he has executed this exact same deception on 30 other woman that passed down that high street in past few hours.

Success in this kind of thing is fundamentally based on deception because if the girls knew what you were doing they'd be repulsed.

Last time I thought about going to my university and saying to random girls, "Hey, I'm new here and I want to find a girlfriend and some friends. I've found you pretty blablablablabla […]."
That seems normal as long as it’s polite.

Edited 1 hour ago by Schizophonia