Leo on sexual satisfaction

[Leo Gura]

@bazera Yes, you must crawl and walk before you fly.

I am not telling you to magically bypass those phases to be an enlightened monk.

[Alexop]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

The Fappening is happening in 2049.

2069

[CARDOZZO]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@CARDOZZO The point is not that you will deny you sex. But women will.

Women will deny you sex. And the more you need it the worse you will feel.

I don't care how great you are at pickup, you are not so great that women will not deny you sex.

Yeah, they are not sexual slaves. 

Learning how to deal with high libido is a skill. I do not think masturbation solves the problem but if this is your way, that's it  

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

Yeah, they are not sexual slaves. 

Learning how to deal with high libido is a skill. I do not think masturbation solves the problem but if this is your way, that's it  

Maybe having a pet goat is your way 

[CARDOZZO]

31 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Maybe having a pet goat is your way 

mehhhh 

[LordFall]

3 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

Yeah, they are not sexual slaves. 

Learning how to deal with high libido is a skill. I do not think masturbation solves the problem but if this is your way, that's it  

You can literally go on bdsm forums where women will talk about wanting to find a dominant to be in a sex slave to(consentual). The most extreme version is called 24/7 total power exchange. Women are generally kinkier than men, they've found this in many surveys.

You could definitely date women for many years that will never deny you sex and help you build your dream life. 

Ultimate and infinite sexual satisfaction is of course possible it would be a pretty big flaw of the universe if it wasn't. 

I haven't even pitched you AI/VR girlfriends yet those will change the world in the next 5 years wait til they're connected to an AI agent that work for you 24/7 as well. The future is a wild place. 

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, LordFall said:

AI/VR girlfriends

[LordFall]

No Leo she's real the hot witch girlfriend, she does have real magic it comes from a supercomputer though. 

 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Just let em have their AI girls, will make it easier on the rest of us 😁

I think if you don't see the value in a real life person you simply aren't mature. 

[Peo]

41 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Just let em have their AI girls, will make it easier on the rest of us

Maybe it will even lower the competition in the dating market for us men who keep talking to real life women in a few years. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

18 minutes ago, Peo said:

Maybe it will even lower the competition in the dating market for us men who keep talking to real life women in a few years. 

A real possibility. Naturally self selecting out of the gene pool.

[Psychonaut]

@Leo Gura

I had a different experience.

For 6 months I didn't masturbate. Interactions with women at ecstatic dance were effortless—no neediness, just natural flow. Then I entered a relationship and everything changed.

Here's what I learned: the same brain structures for mother-child bonding activate in romantic relationships. When you're single, those circuits stay quiet. In relationship, childhood attachment wounds flood back.

For me: compulsive masturbation returned not as sexuality, but as self-soothing for attachment trauma the relationship triggered.

The real issue isn't "women won't satisfy you." It's unhealed attachment wounds making intimacy overwhelming.

Being single and not masturbating was easy because I wasn't activating the wound. But that's avoidance, not healing.

The solution isn't managing frustration through masturbation. It's healing attachment wounds so you can be in relationship without compulsive coping.

Sexual energy conservation works when you're not using it to self-soothe trauma.

[bazera]

@Psychonaut

Quote

compulsive masturbation returned not as sexuality, but as self-soothing for attachment trauma the relationship triggered.

Are you sure about this? How does attachment trauma translate into compulsive masturbation habit?

I'm asking because addiction can have many other reasons.

[Rafael Thundercat]

I always like to keep things clear and raw in this area of my life. Traps for me is losing time chasing something that will ultimately just leak energy for nothing. Recently a girl was giving advances towards me and I entered the game a bit, but very soon I lost interest because I could see the trap. I the problem when one get some knowing, you can see ahead the trap. 

I always find this guy language very precise of what I observe around me. We keep forgeting that we are animals in a jungle. 

[Psychonaut]

4 hours ago, bazera said:

@Psychonaut

Are you sure about this? How does attachment trauma translate into compulsive masturbation habit?

I'm asking because addiction can have many other reasons.

Good question. The connection for me was simple:

Old pattern:

• I feel bad (shame) ->  masturbate
• I feel unloved -> masturbate
• I feel overwhelmed -> masturbate
• I feel too much energy -> masturbate

Masturbation became the default regulation for ANY uncomfortable feeling.

What changed in relationship: Being intimate with someone who mirrored my childhood dynamics (mother-partner role, conditional love) meant I was triggered constantly. More triggers = more compulsion.

New pattern I'm building: I feel bad -> notice the feeling -> search for source of trigger -> try to heal it (inner child work, meditation)

You're right that addiction has many causes. For me, the specific mechanism was: unprocessed emotions from attachment wounds -> compulsive self-soothing through masturbation.

The 6 months without it while single? I wasn't getting triggered. In relationship, all the old wounds activated at once.

 

I feel like it is important to be aware why one masturbates or why one has sex. I for example have recently realised that my main reason for wanting to have sex was never that I found the girl particularly attractive. It was mostly just plain ego gratification, the "feeling of being choosen", the "feeling of being good enough to have sex". I actually never found the girls attractive, I just liked that the girls liked me. I have all my live been lying to girls about my true motivations, I said "I love you" knowing full well that that sentence should be "I love that you love me - I don't actually give a rats fuck about you".  

Edited 8 hours ago by Psychonaut

[CARDOZZO]

1 hour ago, Rafael Thundercat said:

I always like to keep things clear and raw in this area of my life. Traps for me is losing time chasing something that will ultimately just leak energy for nothing. Recently a girl was giving advances towards me and I entered the game a bit, but very soon I lost interest because I could see the trap. I the problem when one get some knowing, you can see ahead the trap. 

I always find this guy language very precise of what I observe around me. We keep forgeting that we are animals in a jungle. 

Dude, don't fall into dating nihilism. You're probably too young for that.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

34 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

Dude, don't fall into dating nihilism. You're probably too young for that.

🎯

[bazera]

@Psychonaut

Quote

New pattern I'm building: I feel bad -> notice the feeling -> search for source of trigger -> try to heal it (inner child work, meditation)

How successful are you at this? Does it come easily?

Quote

I have all my live been lying to girls about my true motivations, I said "I love you" knowing full well that that sentence should be "I love that you love me - I don't actually give a rats fuck about you".  

Yeah, thats tough to admit, even to yourself. But is that all you really meant? 

I've also faced that myself. When I dig deeper to the reasons behind why I say "I love you", I mostly find selfish and conditional ones, and that frustrates me. Why the hell do we even call love it then? 

[Valach]

6 hours ago, Psychonaut said:

@Leo Gura

I had a different experience.

For 6 months I didn't masturbate. Interactions with women at ecstatic dance were effortless—no neediness, just natural flow. Then I entered a relationship and everything changed.

Here's what I learned: the same brain structures for mother-child bonding activate in romantic relationships. When you're single, those circuits stay quiet. In relationship, childhood attachment wounds flood back.

For me: compulsive masturbation returned not as sexuality, but as self-soothing for attachment trauma the relationship triggered.

The real issue isn't "women won't satisfy you." It's unhealed attachment wounds making intimacy overwhelming.

Being single and not masturbating was easy because I wasn't activating the wound. But that's avoidance, not healing.

The solution isn't managing frustration through masturbation. It's healing attachment wounds so you can be in relationship without compulsive coping.

Sexual energy conservation works when you're not using it to self-soothe trauma.

Great comment, how did you go about healing attachment wounds? And what impact did it have on your life? It is a very present topic for me.

[Alexop]

2 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

Dude, don't fall into dating nihilism. You're probably too young for that.

Lol, women blaming/incel nihilism YT influencing is a real industry already haha.

I mean I get them. I think I am above 80% of guys in looks and social skills, I am 30, and I barely get any attention from women when I go to events and stuff. Imagine an average guy in his 20s who looks childish and inexperienced. He will check himself in the mirror many times a day so he makes sure his isn't invisible. The world is fucked.

The secret is to not care and try anyway. but in order to not care  you need somehow to burn that karma by having some sex and relationships. 

I noticed women talking friendly to all the guys they meet at the dance events or similar stuff but they dont get locked in/sexually attracted.

"It seems like they don't want cock anymore" - to quote a friend who was frustrated about this.

Edited 5 hours ago by Alexop