My levels of confidence tanked - unsure what to do

[enzyme]

Long story short I've been out making myself do approaches to get over my anxiety and develop some game/social skills.  I was approaching girls in the busy streets and malls and stuff and just didn't let anything in my mind stop me from doing so.

But today there was a girl I spoke to the night before in a bar, I saw her in the supermarket.  When I got my shopping, I saw her sitting alone on the bench.  Seemed like a golden opportunity for an approach.  And yet I didn't do it, I just walked on.

I don't know why I let that happen.  My nerves suddenly got the better of me, when just a few weeks ago I was doing approaches that were WAY more nerve wracking.

Maybe it's just a mood I was in but maybe I'm missing something?  

[Judy2]

i don't think you have to judge yourself over that one situation. 

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, enzyme said:

a girl I spoke to the night before in a bar

How did that interaction go?

Edited 5 hours ago by Yimpa

[enzyme]

@Judy2 You're probably right, could've been a one off where I just wasn't up to it

@Yimpa She was working behind the bar and I striked up conversation with her, wasn't expecting it to go anywhere though she was on the job.  It wasn't until I saw her again outside her work that the thought crossed my mind that I could do a genuine approach, but eh it's past now

[Yimpa]

26 minutes ago, enzyme said:

She was working behind the bar and I striked up conversation with her, wasn't expecting it to go anywhere though she was on the job.  It wasn't until I saw her again outside her work that the thought crossed my mind that I could do a genuine approach, but eh it's past now

I had the opposite issue! I first struck up a genuine connection outside her work, but then fumbled when I tried to force an interaction again the next day while she was working / blindsided. Without letting her know it advanced.

Then I got confused, ashamed, and hurt as to why the two interactions went vastly different. And projected my feelings onto her. 

I still live with the shame to this day for how that unfolded. I wish I could go back and apologize for my behavior. Maybe in due time.

Thank you for awakening an insight in me by opening up about your experiences. 

Edited 4 hours ago by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

i don't think you have to judge yourself over that one situation. 

This is another great insight, thank you too!

[aurum]

@enzyme It happens.

Willingness to approach is highly dependent on state and unconscious social calculus. Don’t make it too personal.

[theleelajoker]

4 hours ago, enzyme said:

Long story short I've been out making myself do approaches to get over my anxiety and develop some game/social skills.  I was approaching girls in the busy streets and malls and stuff and just didn't let anything in my mind stop me from doing so.

But today there was a girl I spoke to the night before in a bar, I saw her in the supermarket.  When I got my shopping, I saw her sitting alone on the bench.  Seemed like a golden opportunity for an approach.  And yet I didn't do it, I just walked on.

I don't know why I let that happen.  My nerves suddenly got the better of me, when just a few weeks ago I was doing approaches that were WAY more nerve wracking.

Maybe it's just a mood I was in but maybe I'm missing something?  

There's no one sided coin. It is what it is, move on. 

Sometimes I act like a scared 5 year old and do nothing except blaming myself for not acting. Sometimes my friends look at me as something lien a role model re approaches. Sometimes in between.

If recently saw my friend fail miserably at flirting with a bartender over an extended period of time. We switched bars, and 5 minutes later he was charming, bold and funny as you can get with another girl.

As @aurum said, state matters. Contexts matters. Randomness matters. Etc etc 

It is what it is. Be happy

[Carl-Richard]

I don't bring up this guy to idolize him (and I don't seriously describe to his terminology) but it's one thing the guy Clavicular has that makes him allegedly successful with women despite his looks and despite his allergy towards "Jestermaxxing" (having a personality), and that is he doesn't give a fuck. He has said he literally does not care that he finishes in 1 minute with a girl and then bails, because he is only there to pleasure himself, he doesn't care about what the woman thinks (not saying that's a good thing at all, but just to give a picture). He indeed doesn't care about "jestermaxxing", to come off as likeable or charming or funny, just to literally "mog" with whatever other factor he has going for him. Now again, I'm not signalling to idolize, but to get some perspective, see what range of states or behaviors are out there, see that maybe your current states or behaviors are not necessarily needed in the degree you hold them.

[Leo Gura]

What you do it is, approach many more girls.

You should be approaching so many girls that you never even think about how a single approach went. When you are doing 100s of approaches, no one approach matters. Your problem is that you are doing way too few approaches in general.

Edited 1 hour ago by Leo Gura

[Natasha Tori Maru]

14 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

I don't bring up this guy to idolize him (and I don't seriously describe to his terminology) but it's one thing the guy Clavicular has that makes him allegedly successful with women despite his looks and despite his allergy towards "Jestermaxxing" (having a personality), and that is he doesn't give a fuck. He has said he literally does not care that he finishes in 1 minute with a girl and then bails, because he is only there to pleasure himself, he doesn't care about what the woman thinks (not saying that's a good thing at all, but just to give a picture). He indeed doesn't care about "jestermaxxing", to come off as likeable or charming or funny, just to literally "mog" with whatever other factor he has going for him. Now again, I'm not signalling to idolize, but to get some perspective, see what range of states or behaviors are out there, see that maybe your current states or behaviors are not necessarily needed in the degree you hold them.

I see you, too, have done some surgical dissection of Bradon  

What you raise is why he has gained a following. Delusional levels of confidence! I can see exactly why people fall for it. I always get surprised though, when I hold someone in esteem, and they get fooled by his confidence. That is MY fault.

We humans LOVE to look to 'authority'. Certainty & conviction are seductive.