Serious personal development forces you to be fake or treat people like children

[bazera]

@koops

Quote

I think for a lot of guys the terms 'monk mode' and 'solitude' can be very confusing.
A lot of people bullshit themselves with those term.

They say 'i love solitude'.

No you dont.
Staying at home using your phone constantly, texting, watching porn, sports, social media. Even if you are PHYSICALLY alone... Thats not real solitude. Thats not really monk mode.

100%. I used to bullshit myself that I loved solitude some time ago, and then I noticed that despite the fact that I am living alone, I didn't really experienced solitude because I am constantly connected to group chats, messengers, this forum, reddit, instagram, facebook, etc. And all that gives me dopamine hits and ways to talk to people. Some of that can be good, but that's not a real solitude I'd agree.

When my gf left me a month ago, I think I tasted solitude to some degree, I was left with just myself without constantly talking to her, and that emptiness feeling was unbearable, it was like I was addicted to her and now I was experiencing all the withdrawal effects of a drug addict. And I was constantly trying to fill that void with talking to friends and strangers on the internet.

That helped me a lot to get over the initial hardest phase of heartbreak but also that experience showed me how hooked I am on socialization (even via internet), and that the idea of being in solitude when I was physically alone was bullshit I was telling myself.

Now I think I can consciously try to be in real solitude from time to time to get unhooked from this need of connection with some other people. I need to learn how to connect with myself more.

Do you have any tips for doing that?

[Leo Gura]

Full monk mode is nearly impossible these days due to internet.

If you have a business you can't be in full monk mode.

[koops]

31 minutes ago, bazera said:

@koops

100%. I used to bullshit myself that I loved solitude some time ago, and then I noticed that despite the fact that I am living alone, I didn't really experienced solitude because I am constantly connected to group chats, messengers, this forum, reddit, instagram, facebook, etc. And all that gives me dopamine hits and ways to talk to people. Some of that can be good, but that's not a real solitude I'd agree.

Exactly, thats the problem. It hurt me when I realized that, but it was a chance to face the truth and do some changes.

 

32 minutes ago, bazera said:

 

When my gf left me a month ago, I think I tasted solitude to some degree, I was left with just myself without constantly talking to her, and that emptiness feeling was unbearable, it was like I was addicted to her and now I was experiencing all the withdrawal effects of a drug addict. And I was constantly trying to fill that void with talking to friends and strangers on the internet.

That helped me a lot to get over the initial hardest phase of heartbreak but also that experience showed me how hooked I am on socialization (even via internet), and that the idea of being in solitude when I was physically alone was bullshit I was telling myself.

Now I think I can consciously try to be in real solitude from time to time to get unhooked from this need of connection with some other people. I need to learn how to connect with myself more.

Do you have any tips for doing that?

Yeah, that feeling sucks. The thing is that choosen solitude can feel like heaven, but forced solitude can feel like hell. A breakup is a perfect example.

After a breakup, socializing is great. Think of group classes for example. But not as a way to scape the negative feelings. Its tough but you just need to purge them out of your system. If you do it right, you will experience tremendous growth. Pain + reflection = Growth. And you will be able to start new higher consciousness relationships.

 

[koops]

37 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Full monk mode is nearly impossible these days due to internet.

Yeah, is tough, but its our choice how much time we dedicate to it.

But for me monk mode is not about internet.
If you are 10 hours per day online, creating a sales funnel, writing a novel, recording & uploading youtube videos, etc... thats a form monk mode. Its not the stereotypical 'eastern monk mode', or a 10 day retreat like you propose. But its a form of creation, not consumption. There is only you, your thoughts, and a medium for sharing them. 
 

 

43 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you have a business you can't be in full monk mode.

If you have a 9-to-5 job, you can’t either haha so architecting a life where its possible, at least to some degree, becomes key.

 

[Deziree]

1 minute ago, koops said:

But for me monk mode is not about internet.
If you are 10 hours per day online, creating a sales funnel, writing a novel, recording & uploading youtube videos, etc... thats a form monk mode. Its not the stereotypical 'eastern monk mode', or a 10 day retreat like you propose. But its a form of creation, not consumption. There is only you, your thoughts, and a medium for sharing them. 

Isn't that what we do when we communicate with others? We import their ideas?

[Leo Gura]

That's why traditionally monks grovel for food.

Probably suck dick for food too.

People don't appreciate the realities of being a monk. 

There's no free lunch.

Edited October 17 by Leo Gura

[bazera]

@koops

Quote

If you do it right, you will experience tremendous growth

What do you think is the right way of doing that? Just staying mindful of the reasons behind actions?

So if I go and socialize, and I stay mindful of why I do it exactly, to escape or to experience something new and integrate all that negative emotions as well somehow, I guess that's it.

 

[koops]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

That's why traditionally monks grovel for food.

Probably suck dick for food too.

People don't appreciate the realities of being a monk. 

LOL

I thought about that this week. How the fuck did Ramana or some of these guys in Himalayan caves got food? You can only fast for so long.

And I dont picture this guys hunting some damn rabbits.

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, koops said:

LOL

I thought about that this week. How the fuck did Ramana or some of these guys in Himalayan caves got food? You can only fast for so long.

And I dont picture this guys hunting some damn rabbits.

Ramana was tended to by orbiters and groupies.

Nisargadatta sold cigarettes.

Most monks are not actually alone, they are part of a monastary where they work like dogs cleaning toilets and such. The monastary is usually financially supported by some political ruler or oligarch.

A monk living in a cave is virtually not a thing because it is nearly impossible to survive that way for long.

Edited October 17 by Leo Gura

[koops]

3 minutes ago, bazera said:

@koops

What do you think is the right way of doing that? Just staying mindful of the reasons behind actions?

So if I go and socialize, and I stay mindful of why I do it exactly, to escape or to experience something new and integrate all that negative emotions as well somehow, I guess that's it.

 

mmm talking from expereice.

1st of all. Yes, being mindful of your pain. Realizing that is NOT A NEGATIVE emotion. It is a DISCONFORTING emotion. Very different. It may sound weird, but in a twisted way profund sadness is really beautiful. A breakup is a peak experience in life. Its weird that I say that, but if you are optimistic about the future, you can turn it around. The problem is resisting the pain.

Also:

-Analyze your relationship.

-How it started? were you in scarcity? when the relationship start to go south? when the sex life start becoming boring? 
were you jelaous in the beginning? Are you less jelaous now?

-What do you know now about women now that you didnt know before?

-What are you going to screen for when you meet new woman?

-Which mistakes are you going to avoid?

-How can you get a more conscious/hot/better gf?

-Become better at socializing, flirting, style, body language. Learn about sex.

-Be able to enjoy life more now single.
 

Also: Add new hobbies, new interest. Meet new people. If you feel like it, reinvent yourself from scratch: Thoughts, habits, self-talk, identity, the way you speak. Do the work to move up the spiral. Use your free time and mental space to develop yourself in record time.

 

 

[koops]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Ramana was tended to by orbiters and groupies.

Nisargadatta sold cigarettes.

Most monks are not actually alone, they are part of a monastary where they work like dogs cleaning toilets and such. The monastary is usually financially supported by some political ruler or oligarch.

A monk living in a cave is virtually not a thing because it is nearly impossible to survive that way for long.

I see.

Maybe trad-cons have it right.

Meditate in your room full day, while your wife cooks for you and leaves you the food at your door.

Also, she goes to work while you meditate, of course. Someone has to pay rent.

Talking about being a spiral wizard.

 

Edited October 17 by koops

[AION]

21 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's why traditionally monks grovel for food.

Probably suck dick for food too.

People don't appreciate the realities of being a monk. 

There's no free lunch.

You have to live in the right country 

[Alexop]

58 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Ramana was tended to by orbiters and groupies.

Nisargadatta sold cigarettes.

Most monks are not actually alone, they are part of a monastary where they work like dogs cleaning toilets and such. The monastary is usually financially supported by some political ruler or oligarch.

A monk living in a cave is virtually not a thing because it is nearly impossible to survive that way for long.

Well a good way to live like a monk can be to move to some welfare state and exploit the gov then haha. I see lots of people here in Scandinavia staying years in a row on gov support. Just play sick and you can be a monk lol. The problem is that these leeches use this advantage to watch netflix and porn not grow themsleves, which is disgusting. Finally average people have the opportunity to live like monks but they use this opportunity for jerking off. Those who use it, are in regress not in progress.

 

Thanks for sharing your present views on women, interesting! It is hard to forget about women, I think they are a core motivator for men in life. 

Edited October 17 by Alexop

[vibv]

48 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

A monk living in a cave is virtually not a thing because it is nearly impossible to survive that way for long.

It's true that you have to cap all strings that bind you to the world, including all social contacts & responsibilities for a period of time.

Hence this image of the monk leaving society to go live alone in a cave. It's temporary.

This is the plot of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" by Nietzsche, by the way, which I'm very fond of.

[Lyubov]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's why traditionally monks grovel for food.

Probably suck dick for food too.

People don't appreciate the realities of being a monk. 

There's no free lunch.

Wasn't there some bust of some monks selling meth once? 

[Elliott]

Start giving homeless people christian monk robes so republicans leave them alone.... call for building state monasteries for them...

[Girzo]

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Wasn't there some bust of some monks selling meth once? 

Based monks sell DMT and LSD.

[Aaron p]

Super unfortunate but this is a truth I'm coming to learn. You basically have to learn how to skillfully navigate the dumbassery of civilisation if you interact with it. I've now got the point where I recognise that saying X area of society has stupidity is itself a sign of my own stupidity. Doing so would be like walking into the middle of the Amazon rainforest and saying "there are trees in X area of this rainforest." 

But we should remember that there are small pockets of people who do know what they're doing. It's dangerous you can become depressed thinking about this shit

Edited October 18 by Aaron p

[Alexop]

On 10/18/2025 at 4:21 PM, Aaron p said:

Super unfortunate but this is a truth I'm coming to learn. You basically have to learn how to skillfully navigate the dumbassery of civilisation if you interact with it. I've now got the point where I recognise that saying X area of society has stupidity is itself a sign of my own stupidity. Doing so would be like walking into the middle of the Amazon rainforest and saying "there are trees in X area of this rainforest." 

But we should remember that there are small pockets of people who do know what they're doing. It's dangerous you can become depressed thinking about this shit

I am working towards becoming a coach, but this realization makes me reluctant about leading people into serious self-improvement. The amount of suffering and loneliness I went through in order to reach the point where I find myself now is just too much for the average folk. I think I'll focus on helping them with basic survival like how to fix their nutrition, health, relationships.

 

Edited October 20 by Alexop

[Alexop]

If this post made you contemplate whether personal development is worth the suffering and loneliness it brings, here you have a list with all the traps and shit the normies fall into, assuming they live in the West:

 

-they will eat tons of wheat based products that will make them fat and destroy their digestive system because mainstream nutritionists even to this  day do not understand how bad wheat is.

-they will poison their body with heavy metals, PFAs, microplastics, pesticides etc.  found in specific foods and products that they have no idea about

-they will become wage slaves to some dead end job and they will not be able to change that because of all the debt they accumulated though buying houses, cars etc. that they cannot afford

-they will not be able to become men and women and will have disastrous romantic relationships, they won't understand how attraction works, they will gaslight their partner, because nobody tells them about masculinity and femininity

-they will have some unruly or broken children because they have no idea how to raise them properly.

-they will have no clue about spirituality and how it can change their lives

-they will never ever have a spiritual awakening

-they will never know how to find truth by themselves but trusting other people like sheep

-they will constantly be frustrated because they don't understand politics, economy, relationships, power, war, how ideology works, how the mind works, what the essenc eof the universe is

-because of not learning a dev. psychology model like Spiral-Dynamics, they will never understand the above. 

-they will become addicted to porn, drinking, sugar, wheat, netflix, tiktok, mindless chatter with their friends etc.

-they will have constant drama and fights with their friends and family

-they won’t have the discipline to keep a tidy home and environment

-they will die with regrets probably

 

SO good luck my friends! It is 100% worth the loneliness and suffering in the end.

Even if you draw a line at the end of your life and conclude that you suffered more than a normie, what is the point in suffering a bit less? Is life only about minimizing suffering at all costs? Even at the cost of truth?

Edited October 20 by Alexop