Social circle game. What are your thoughts?

[fabger]

Cold approach takes a ton of effort and it is heavily looks based. Is it more efficient to meet girls through networking? I've been reading resources on the topic and it seems more promising. If so, how do you start the networking process? By no means I want to stop approaching, but it's very time confusing. I work 9-5. I've never had luck with online dating so I'm not interested in that.

[Jannes]

I think social circle game is like the most natural game there is. You hang out with friends and things just happen organically. Or is there something more to it?

Building a social circle takes time though.

[Schizophonia]

Totally 

[aurum]

@fabger works extremely well when done right, far better than cold approach.

It has its own challenges though. You have to be more mindful of reputational damage or setting the wrong frame.

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, fabger said:

Cold approach takes a ton of effort and it is heavily looks based. Is it more efficient to meet girls through networking? I've been reading resources on the topic and it seems more promising. If so, how do you start the networking process? By no means I want to stop approaching, but it's very time confusing. I work 9-5. I've never had luck with online dating so I'm not interested in that.

Social circle can be great. But would not necessarily say that cold approach takes a lot of effort. You just go where you would go naturally, and then you talk to someone that interests you who's also at the same place. 

Rough estimate, I would say that of all of women I got somehow involved with I met maybe

• 1/3 through social circle 
• 1/3 through random encounters (bars, street, train etc)
• 1/3 through dating apps and similar

Even if the shares even out now, the weights vary across different periods of my life. The more open I got, the more random encounters happen. 

And before someone asks: yes, the 1/3 estimate is based on three women in total that's where I get the accuracy from.  

 

Edited Sunday at 05:43 PM by theleelajoker

[Raze]

https://www.girlschase.com/article/meeting-women-social-circle-pros-and-cons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZadNDSPl-A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciQ5rgdXVEQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPs5pn5I15g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSpLsIptts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2pfWAauua8

https://www.girlschase.com/content/8-ways-build-social-circle-filled-awesome-people

https://www.girlschase.com/article/how-escalate-girls-social-circle

Edited Sunday at 06:10 PM by Raze

[Kid A]

3 hours ago, Jannes said:

You hang out with friends and things just happen organically.

In my experience, this is not how the world works. I wonder how alone I am in that...

[Jannes]

2 minutes ago, Kid A said:

In my experience, this is not how the world works. I wonder how alone I am in that...

Depends on the friend group, of course a group of sweaty gamer hanging out at home isnt doing anything for you. If the group is mixed gendered, bigger, you actually go out and do stuff together then its likely that something happens at some point..

[Kid A]

12 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Depends on the friend group, of course a group of sweaty gamer hanging out at home isnt doing anything for you. If the group is mixed gendered, bigger, you actually go out and do stuff together then its likely that something happens at some point..

I sure hope so. I've been taking action to expand my social circle lately, but I have my doubts that it will ever lead to any romance. God damn autism!

[Jannes]

23 minutes ago, Kid A said:

I sure hope so. I've been taking action to expand my social circle lately, but I have my doubts that it will ever lead to any romance. God damn autism!

Well you gotta work with what you have got. I would imagine social circle still gives you the best chances to find someone, but I am not in your shoes. 

With adhd I am surprisingly successful at speed dating, I should spent more time doing that. 

[Princess Arabia]

Most of the guys i've been with intimately in the past have been through social circles. Hanging out bullshitting. The rest were through clubs and one-night-drunk-stands in my younger days but weren't that many as I was rarely drunk. Hehe. Drunk for me now is heading home after work and had enough to drink. Don't do drunk dates anymore only work drinking dates. 

Edited Sunday at 09:40 PM by Princess Arabia

[Miguel1]

And you think building and maintaining a social circle isn’t time consuming?

Besides, how do you even plan on creating a social circle without cold approaching people?

[fabger]

@Miguel1

I didn't say I don't do approaches.

However according to Leo it takes 1000s of it to get good. Sometimes I feel like it's a waste of time.

[theleelajoker]

31 minutes ago, fabger said:

@Miguel1

I didn't say I don't do approaches.

However according to Leo it takes 1000s of it to get good. Sometimes I feel like it's a waste of time.

It's one of 1000 for him, and for his way of doing it. For me, and or many other guys I know you can easily drop two zeros. 

• There is "ice-cold approach". You just see a girl, think "oh she's cute/hot/ whatever" and then go to her. You can do that, and sometimes I do, but it's not my typical way of doing things. Most of the times, nothing happens. Why because she has not been sending ANY signals of interest, which is often a signal of disinterest. Yeah sometimes they are surprised, shy or sth but I already have a 90%  expectation of her not being interested. Sometimes I just do approach her to check my assumption of "Ok I think she's not interested in me"
• There is "cold approach". I don't know her or any of her friends, I see her the first time in my life but she has been giving me SOME SIGNAL of interest. Ah look, moving, dancing, body language in general, proximity, moving in my field of view, a smile, just SOMETHING. Often it's very subtle, and not always does it mean that sth is going to happen. But signals mean IME there is some openness to find out together where this can go. Some women are VERY conscious of how and when they do it, for others it's more intuitive, instinctive, subconscious. Best indicator is eye contact IME, and then it's typically also very conscious. 

You get less frustrated if you select less by looks, but more by signals,  initial openness for interaction. Which means less rejection, which means more success, which means better mood and vibe, which means higher % for success.  Which means learning how to better filter your approach, which means...

Edited Monday at 09:59 AM by theleelajoker

[fabger]

@theleelajoker

Hey man I completely agree with you, I use the same exact strategy.

However it's hard to learn game if you only approach girls showing signals. The best guys I know approach everyone. Including mixed sets.

Edited Monday at 10:51 AM by fabger

[Jannes]

1 hour ago, theleelajoker said:

It's one of 1000 for him, and for his way of doing it. For me, and or many other guys I know you can easily drop two zeros. 

• There is "ice-cold approach". You just see a girl, think "oh she's cute/hot/ whatever" and then go to her. You can do that, and sometimes I do, but it's not my typical way of doing things. Most of the times, nothing happens. Why because she has not been sending ANY signals of interest, which is often a signal of disinterest. Yeah sometimes they are surprised, shy or sth but I already have a 90%  expectation of her not being interested. Sometimes I just do approach her to check my assumption of "Ok I think she's not interested in me"

Most guys are invisible to girls though so they first have to make themselves visible. 

[Kid A]

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Ah look, moving, dancing, body language in general, proximity, moving in my field of view, a smile, just SOMETHING.

This never happens to me, and I'm not bad-looking. 

Edit: When I think about it, I've actually been approached at least two times over the last years. A look or a smile, on the other hand? Never. Maybe I don't realize when it happens or that I do something to prevent it...

Edited Monday at 12:02 PM by Kid A

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, fabger said:

@theleelajoker

Hey man I completely agree with you, I use the same exact strategy.

However it's hard to learn game if you only approach girls showing signals. The best guys I know approach everyone. Including mixed sets.

Yeah it's good to go sometimes without signals. Just knowing that I can do it at this stage of my life. But 1) I have a preference for girls that are more active communicators and 2) if I use that filter, I can be more selective with my time and energy 

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Jannes said:

Most guys are invisible to girls though so they first have to make themselves visible. 

Best way to do that IMO: have fun, dance be social.

This weekend I was at a festival, there was a female DJ I normally would not approach but OMG she had so much fun doing her set, smiling a lot, dancing, and she became super attractive just through that. Wanted to approach her later but no opportunity opened up.

Anyways, her energy was contagious, I got into good mood dancing, went into the first row right in front of the DJ table and enjoyed myself.

Also a way to become visible, later girls just came to me and started talking...

Edited Monday at 12:40 PM by theleelajoker

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Kid A said:

This never happens to me, and I'm not bad-looking. 

Edit: When I think about it, I've actually been approached at least two times over the last years. A look or a smile, on the other hand? Never. Maybe I don't realize when it happens or that I do something to prevent it...

It's subtle. I also see it with friends. Girls might not like me, but my friend. I see them looking at him or the third guy that is with me. If the girl smiles she's already super active, quick glances are common IME.

And it depends on what vibe you give off. 

When I sat at bars in my own, and girls approached me, I remember one saying "you just look like someone that's easy to talk to".

There's the illusion in western culture that the individual ends with the skin on the body. My experience is that is if I have an open vibe of "I like people, I like to get to know others, I'm open to connect and exchange" - then situations just happen. Can't force it, not always happening but I can see the correlation between my attitudes and my opportunities for social interaction.

Edited Monday at 12:48 PM by theleelajoker