Playfulness Vs Emotional Detachment

[Vercingetorix]

Do these two concepts contradict?

On the one side, for a man to attract a woman, it is said not to be too logical. To be connected with my emotions, do whatever I want, have fun, and be playful. But isn't all of that feminine energy?

Supposedly, what creates attraction is polarity - a feminine girl will be attracted to a masculine energy, which is supposedly unresponsive, aloof, relaxed, detached, almost autistic. "Being "above the weeds".

These ideas seem to be at odds with each other. How do I reconcile them?

 

[Salvijus]

The capacity to which you can be detached from emotions is the capacity to which you can be unhinged and not care (playful) . 

Edited August 15 by Salvijus

[Vercingetorix]

@Salvijus

So Masculine energy which attract feminine women is the ability to be detached, and it is expressed in playfulness?

 

What are you thoughts on this video?

 

https://youtu.be/BoPIgb-E3vU

 

### Summary  

This video provides a deep dive into the subtle, often overlooked nuances of male-female interactions that maintain and heighten a woman’s attraction over time. The speaker, drawing from over a decade of dating experience, emphasizes that true "high value" in the eyes of a woman is not about superficial markers like looks, money, or status. Instead, it hinges on mastering micro nuances of communication—specifically, maintaining a detached, calm, and non-reactive demeanor that keeps a man “above the weeds” of any emotional or detailed conversation. The core principle is to avoid getting emotionally entangled or overly engaged in conversations where a woman might be trying to pull a man into arguments, emotional discussions, or detailed explanations. Instead, men should keep conversations light, simple, and energy-driven, similar to how a child might communicate—focused on vibe rather than content.

 

The speaker warns that men who dive into detailed or emotional conversations lose their masculine frame and, consequently, the woman’s attraction and sexual chemistry. This dynamic is crucial for maintaining long-term relationships, where many men falter and see their connection with their partner fade. The recommended approach is to adopt a relaxed, almost “food coma” energy—slow down your speech, avoid over-explaining, and never offer advice unless explicitly asked. This calmness signals emotional stability and confidence, which women subconsciously recognize as “high value.” The video underscores the importance of managing communication patterns to sustain attraction, especially over prolonged periods spent together, and offers practical examples to illustrate these principles.

 

### Highlights  

- 🔥 Master the **micro nuances** of attraction beyond looks, money, or status to create an irresistible aura.  

- 🧠 Stay **“above the weeds”** of conversations—avoid diving into emotional or detailed discussions to maintain masculine energy.  

- ⚖️ Women test your **internal masculine frame** by trying to pull you into emotional or confrontational conversations.  

- 😌 Adopt a **relaxed, slow-paced communication style** to convey confidence and emotional stability.  

- 🚫 Avoid giving advice or over-engaging when she vents; often, she just wants to be heard, not fixed.  

- 🎯 Keep conversations **simple and vibe-focused**, like communicating on the level of a third grader.  

- ⏳ Long-term attraction depends on sustaining this **high-level dynamic** and avoiding the trap of excessive emotional investment.  

 

### Key Insights  

- 🌟 **High Value Is Not Material but Energetic:**  

Many men mistakenly believe that external markers like wealth, looks, or status define masculinity and attraction. However, the speaker reveals that these are superficial and can be stripped away without diminishing a man’s ability to attract. The real “high value” lies in the man’s energy—his ability to maintain a calm, confident presence that women are instinctively drawn to. This reframing is critical because it shifts focus from external accomplishments to internal emotional mastery.

 

- 🕊️ **“Staying Above the Weeds” Means Emotional Detachment:**  

The metaphor of “staying above the weeds” illustrates the importance of not getting bogged down in the minutiae or emotional drama of conversations. When a man resists engaging in emotional debates or detailed problem-solving during interactions, he preserves his masculine frame and keeps the woman’s attraction high. Emotional detachment here does not mean being cold or indifferent but rather maintaining a playful, light, and non-reactive stance.

 

- ⚔️ **Women Test Your Frame Through Emotional Pulls:**  

Women often create scenarios—arguments, emotional venting, or long stories—to test whether a man can maintain his composure. This testing is a subconscious way to assess if the man has a strong internal frame. Men who engage and argue lose their position of power and masculinity because they show they can be emotionally manipulated. Recognizing these tests and responding appropriately is essential for preserving attraction.

 

- 🗣️ **Simplify Communication to Maintain Attraction:**  

The speaker recommends communicating like a third grader—short, simple, and non-serious statements that focus on the vibe rather than deep content. This simplicity keeps interactions light and enjoyable, preventing the relationship from becoming a cohabitation of two people merely sharing life details without sexual chemistry. This insight highlights the importance of energy over content in romantic communication.

 

- 🧘 **Slow Down Your Speech to Signal Confidence:**  

Slowing speech by 15-20% and adopting a relaxed demeanor signals to women that the man is calm, secure, and emotionally stable. This vocal tone adjustment is a subtle but powerful nonverbal cue that conveys “I have my life together” without needing to say it explicitly. It also reduces anxiety and self-qualification, which can be turn-offs.

 

- 🚫 **Avoid Offering Solutions When She Vents:**  

A common mistake men make is trying to “fix” problems or give advice when a woman is sharing frustrations. This often backfires, causing her to feel unheard and pushing her away emotionally. Understanding that women often simply want to be heard, not fixed, reduces unnecessary engagement and preserves the masculine frame.

 

- ⏳ **Prolonged Time Together Increases Difficulty of Maintaining Frame:**  

Spending long periods with a woman intensifies the challenge of staying above the weeds because more opportunities arise for emotional pull. The speaker advises strict time limits for new relationships (1-2 hours max) to avoid over-investment and to preserve attraction. For experienced men, longer durations are possible but always with conscious effort to maintain the dynamic.

 

- 💡 **Sexual Chemistry is Energy-Driven, Not Content-Driven:**  

Sexual chemistry dissolves when conversations become too meaningful or serious. Women are attracted to the energy a man brings, not to the depth or seriousness of what he says. The man’s role is to create a fun, light, and playful environment rather than a deep emotional connection through words. This insight challenges conventional wisdom about relationship communication and emphasizes the primacy of emotional energy.

 

- 🎯 **Maintaining Attraction is About Consistent Energy Management:**  

Attraction is not won once but maintained through ongoing management of energy and communication patterns. The speaker’s emphasis on micro nuances highlights that small shifts—like pausing, not reacting, or redirecting to light topics—can make the difference between sustained desire and fading chemistry.

 

This video offers a comprehensive guide to refreshing male-female dynamics by focusing on mastery of subtle communication techniques and emotional self-control. Men who apply these principles can expect to build stronger, more magnetic connections that endure beyond the initial stages of dating.

 

 

[Jirh]

1 hour ago, Vercingetorix said:

Do these two concepts contradict?

On the one side, for a man to attract a woman, it is said not to be too logical. To be connected with my emotions, do whatever I want, have fun, and be playful. But isn't all of that feminine energy?

Supposedly, what creates attraction is polarity - a feminine girl will be attracted to a masculine energy, which is supposedly unresponsive, aloof, relaxed, detached, almost autistic. "Being "above the weeds".

These ideas seem to be at odds with each other. How do I reconcile them?

Different people respond to different things. Just be yourself, and attract who naturally resonates with you.

If you fake/act to impress, you will attract liars and pretenders, and even bootlickers. Or you will attract someone who isn't actually attracted to you, but rather to the image that you project. In any case, lying is bad.

[Vercingetorix]

@Jirh sure, I just try to understand what women are attracted to. what makes a women feel the same way that I feel when I see a woman that fit my physical appearance box.

[Vali2003]

@Vercingetorix

Women are attracted to masculine energy. But masculine energy isn’t being stoic, or being relaxed, or being fun. At its essence, masculinity is simply you penetrating the world. How you do that is up to you and will be unique to your personality, interests etc.

You “penetrate” a woman, by inviting her onto your unique island and giving her a great experience there, telling her all the lore about your island (your perspective on the world, basically) and so forth. Do you see how this “penetrates” her?

When I met my girlfriend for example, I told her all about the 2022 NBA finals at the time. How Steph Curry’s legacy would change if he won his fourth championship, how he’d move into top 10 OAT player-lists if he won again, without KD and more. Of course she didn’t give a fuck about basketball and the NBA, before. But I made it intriguing because I thought it was so intriguing. 

Maybe you, too, don’t give a fuck about basketball but your thing is doing ice-skating. So you go and do that together with her, and maybe afterwards you, just being you and being completely convinced that ice-skating is the greatest thing ever, will have made her fall in love with you. Also, maybe not. You can’t be attractive to everybody if you’re authentic.

This is the reason why just be confident is good advice at its core but people misunderstand it and turn into some macho douche. 

To connect it back to your initial question: You don’t necessarily need to be fun to be attractive. But if your thing is to be fun, then that’s great. Also if your thing is that you’re not fun but you currently try to be more fun, then that’s also great. Just be confident in whatever your thing is and penetrate the world with it. 

 

[Jirh]

1 hour ago, Vercingetorix said:

@Jirh sure, I just try to understand what women are attracted to. what makes a women feel the same way that I feel when I see a woman that fit my physical appearance box.

Well, to put it bluntly, women feel the same instant sexual excitement when they are ovulating. There is not much that you can do about it when they're on their period.

[Salvijus]

3 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

So Masculine energy which attract feminine women is the ability to be detached, and it is expressed in playfulness?

Truth in its passive expression is detachment, stillness, analitical insight. (masculine) 

Truth in its active expression is relationship, love, creativity. (feminine) 

It's not about being mascuine or feminine, it's about being as true as possible and your truth will find a proper expression accordingly when the situation calls upon it. 

Truth is attractive in all its forms for all people, there's no such thing as an unattractive quality of truth. The more qualities of truth one embodies the better. 

Edited August 15 by Salvijus

[Vercingetorix]

@Vali2003 Thanks. I think I get it.

@Jirh haha

@Salvijus But attraction is a survival mechanism. How is it connected to the truth?

[Salvijus]

10 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

@Salvijus But attraction is a survival mechanism. How is it connected to the truth?

Body is attracted to fulfilling its needs - survival. 

Mind is attracted to fulfilling its needs - logic and understanding. 

Heart is attracted to fulfilling its needs - love, union, truth. 

You have all three of those. 

Survival is not anti truth tho. Balance, health, prosperity, abundance, loving relationships are all qualities of truth in its manifest form. Fear of death is anti truth because it's based on illusion. But you can live and prosper and have lots of fun out of love which is based on truth. 

Actually it's not even the fear of death that's the problem, it's the fear of being truly alive that's the problem. Although it's the same thing. 

Edited August 16 by Salvijus

[Joshe]

On 8/15/2025 at 0:05 PM, Vali2003 said:

To connect it back to your initial question: You don’t necessarily need to be fun to be attractive. But if your thing is to be fun, then that’s great. Also if your thing is that you’re not fun but you currently try to be more fun, then that’s also great. Just be confident in whatever your thing is and penetrate the world with it. 

What if he’s passionate about his bobble head toy collection or Star Wars figurines? 

Sharing passion just opens a channel for mind and emotions to flow - it doesn’t automatically pull her in. It can, but IME, if she engages with your passion, it’s because she’s already interested in you. The passion itself doesn’t seem to pull her in without preexisting attraction or wonder. But you know what does? Telling them a story - with or without words - that says “you can experience interesting and positive emotions with me, in a care-free way, and you don’t have to worry about my negative emotions raining down on you”. In other words, stoicism and fun. 

The best hook IMO is one where they convince themselves of the product and become receptive and gravitate towards it. Because at that point, she will allow you to take her on a journey. Make the journey exciting,  fun, and/or interesting, and that is success with women. If women like the journeys you take them on, then you’re successful with women. If they don’t like them, you’re not successful with women. 

Edited August 16 by Joshe

[Vali2003]

5 hours ago, Joshe said:

What if he’s passionate about his bobble head toy collection or Star Wars figurines? 

Sharing passion just opens a channel for mind and emotions to flow - it doesn’t automatically pull her in. It can, but IME, if she engages with your passion, it’s because she’s already interested in you. The passion itself doesn’t seem to pull her in without preexisting attraction or wonder. But you know what does? Telling them a story - with or without words - that says “you can experience interesting and positive emotions with me, in a care-free way, and you don’t have to worry about my negative emotions raining down on you”. In other words, stoicism and fun. 

The best hook IMO is one where they convince themselves of the product and become receptive and gravitate towards it. Because at that point, she will allow you to take her on a journey. Make the journey exciting,  fun, and/or interesting, and that is success with women. If women like the journeys you take them on, then you’re successful with women. If they don’t like them, you’re not successful with women. 

My point is not that the passion itself is what’s attractive. I’m saying it’s the conviction and confidence you have into this specific way of penetrating the world. It’s the masculine energy you display.

Your example with the Star Wars figurines is a strawman, because the person you imagine when you read this is not somebody who has any confidence in his pursuit. You imagine somebody who hides in their mother’s basement out of fear that somebody sees his true self. 

Funny enough, a friend of mine paints Warcraft figures and has a collection of them in his room as a hobby, and he has a super cool and good looking girlfriend (by my judgment). 

I think the advice of “be fun and stoic” is bad advice because it points away from the principle that, in my experience, actually leads to attraction. And that is to impose yourself on the world in whatever way you think is good and right. If you take “be stoic and fun” as absolutely true principles for attraction then that leads to people trying to be some way they’re not which I think is rather unattractive.

Anyways, I feel there’s some truth to fun and taking her on an adventure as true principles for attraction, and I’m not sure how they relate to my previous point. I’d have to contemplate that a bit more. 

Edited August 16 by Vali2003
Change of word choice

[Miguel1]

Rarely is any girl an extreme feminine, to the point of toxic femininity.

It’s a question of scale.

For example, I have my masculine side, but I also have my feminine side. I couldn’t stand a fully feminine girl, to the point of extremity.

The girl needs to have some assertiveness and emotional maturity in her, for me to actually be drawn to her.

An extreme femine girl might be attracted to an extreme masculine man, but for someone like me, an extreme feminine girl is just too chaotic, ungrounded, juvenile and frankly, annoying.

Edited August 17 by Miguel1

[Emerald]

On 8/15/2025 at 9:30 AM, Vercingetorix said:

Do these two concepts contradict?

On the one side, for a man to attract a woman, it is said not to be too logical. To be connected with my emotions, do whatever I want, have fun, and be playful. But isn't all of that feminine energy?

Supposedly, what creates attraction is polarity - a feminine girl will be attracted to a masculine energy, which is supposedly unresponsive, aloof, relaxed, detached, almost autistic. "Being "above the weeds".

These ideas seem to be at odds with each other. How do I reconcile them?

 

It's 100% necessary to be emotionally detached in order to let go and be playful.

If a man is emotional attached he will overthink things and get too serious about every little thing because he is trying to get to a specific outcome.

But if a man is emotionally detached from outcome and is keen to the let the chips fall where they may, he can just be himself and goof around and laugh at himself. 

[EveEye]

julius Evola " Eros and the Mystery of love "

great book for that matter 

Edited August 25 by EveEye
Realized I went into the wrong direction with my post

[aklacor727]

Are you mostly concerned with the attraction phase? Or are you also looking to understand what’s important to move past that in a way that will last