The Secret to socializing

[Davino]

I've discovered this very obvious point that recontextualized how I interact with people.

Okay, so the very first thing you have to do when you meet someone is to find a CONNECTION

What is a connection? For example, you both know Peter or Susan. You both played basketball in highschool. You both went to Greece in vacations once. You both work in the education field...

These connections are like channels or bridges that unite your minds and create bonding.

In the same way, how do you improve any existing relationship?

By finding unknown connections or bulding new ones. What if both of you went to have dinner each Friday? Or started playing tennis once a month...

This insight is so precious I wanted to share it. This is how top extroverts and business people make contacts and friends.

Next time you go to a job interview try finding a connection with employer, next time you talk with a girl try finding that thing that unites you both. You're welcome!

Edited Sunday at 04:55 PM by Davino

[integration journey]

Thanks!

[Sugarcoat]

Yea and something similar is simply referencing things that are occurring/things (or something about the person) currently in the setting you’re in.
 

So if you’re at the club you might mention something about the music. If you’re out in town you mention something about the town. So you just say something that is relevant to the situation and since you’re both in the same place it will fit into the convo with them.

It’s super basic tip but it’s not always easy to be present and find these things in the environment to reference because if you’re nervous you can get overly self aware/self focused (in bad way) and get stuck in your head.

It’s like being in flow with the environment. Most people have this skill if they’re simply relaxed enough (and interested enough, if not it can seem fake) it’s like if you’re playing a video game and your mind is tuned in/connected to the game so everything you think and say will be connected to it. Then apply this to social situations and you’ll have something fitting and relevant to say and connect over. A way to practice this could be to literally place your attention on the outside world/other people . 
 

 

Edited Sunday at 05:28 PM by Sugarcoat

[Elton]

44 minutes ago, Davino said:

I've discovered this very obvious point that recontextualized how I interact with people.

Okay, so the very first thing you have to do when you meet someone is to find a CONNECTION

What is a connection? For example, you both know Peter or Susan. You both played basketball in highschool. You both went to Greece in vacations once. You both work in the education field...

These connections are like channels or bridges that unite your minds and create bonding.

In the same way, how do you improve any existing relationship?

By finding unknown connections or bulding new ones. What if both of you went to have dinner each Friday? Or started playing tennis once a month...

This insight is so precious I wanted to share it. This is how top extroverts and business people make contacts and friends.

Next time you go to a job interview try finding a connection with employer, next time you talk with a girl try finding that thing that unites you both. You're welcome!

@Davino that's it ? But what are your views on relationships and socializing? Do you think that they are interconnected.. like I can socialize ealisy but maintaining relationships in the long run is where I fumble which inturn affects my socializing skills..

[Davino]

18 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

So if you’re at the club you might mention something about the music. If you’re out in town you mention something about the town. So you just say something that is relevant to the situation and since you’re both in the same place it will fit into the convo with them.

Oh yes this is great, to make the connection in the present moment. Great tip.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Davino said:

Oh yes this is great, to make the connection in the present moment. Great tip.

Sometimes basic things can be worth mentioning 

[Davino]

3 minutes ago, Elton said:

I can socialize ealisy but maintaining relationships in the long run is where I fumble which inturn affects my socializing skills..

I see. There are people that find themselves in the opposite situation, they are super good in keeping relationships but cannot break the barrier of socializing and meeting new people.

Yes, there are difference between socializing and mantaining long term relationships. I just wanted to point out a common feature among both of them: connection.

I wonder in your case, why is it that you're not able to keep friendships over time? 

[Sincerity]

Neat.  You have a great mind, your understanding/insights are clear, direct and genuine.

Waiting to meet & talk to you someday. Cheers!

[Davino]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Sometimes basic things can be worth mentioning 

Totally, I wasn't even aware of it and made the insight more profound. Sometimes the obvious goes unnoticed.

[Reciprocality]

I have also heard that being interested in who others actually are can be helpful when socialising, and don't forget being pleasant, last insight for today: have good hygiene. 

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Reciprocality said:

I have also heard that being interested in who others actually are can be helpful when socialising, and don't forget being pleasant, last insight for today: have good hygiene. 

This is something I struggle with, a lack of interest, that’s one reason I’m not so good at socializing 

[Davino]

3 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

You have a great mind, your understanding/insights are clear, direct and genuine.

Thanks, this one insght is actually the work of months of contemplation. What I love about my mind is when it gets that one key principle or essence. I'ts amazing. Thanks for your kind words brother.

5 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

Waiting to meet & talk to you someday. Cheers!

Surely that will happen.

Hope one day we make an Actualized.org Europe meeting. 

[Schizophonia]

Be interested in other people or third-party subjects; the more karma you have in common, the easier it will be.
 

It's funny how drugs influence socialization; cigarettes make me want to be interested in others and serious subjects, the “subjects”; while cannabis or ketamine shifts my interest to objects.

If what I say makes sense, I should do a more detailed topic.

Edited Sunday at 05:52 PM by Schizophonia

[Rishabh R]

@Davino While focusing on connection is good but also the acceptance of rejection is another great thing which reduces the pressure on the people to find someone.

[Schizophonia]

Socialisation is essentially about allowing the other to be oneself.

Probably more about allowing oneself to be oneself for women.

[Davino]

1 hour ago, Rishabh R said:

While focusing on connection is good but also the acceptance of rejection is another great thing which reduces the pressure on the people to find someone.

Sure, although that's working on the fears around socializing not going at the heart of what socializing actually is.

It's a nice tip though.

[samijiben]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

If what I say makes sense, I should do a more detailed topic.

Yes

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Davino said:

For example, you both know Peter or Susan.

I thought this said, You both know Satan.

That is a great connection.

[UnbornTao]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

I thought this said, You both know Satan.

That is a great connection.

And everyone does!

[Carl-Richard]

One time I connected so much with this girl in terms of shared interests, my mind was in denial as it was happening, and instead of pursuing one of the threads, my brain just malfunctioned and responded as if I was talking to someone who didn't have those interests 😂 "Oh so you also used to listen to death metal when falling asleep? Cool... I really like all forms of music..." 😂😂

Or it was just the social stigma with liking death metal that caused some mental block. Anyway 😆

Edited Monday at 02:34 AM by Carl-Richard