Being Nice Doesn't Lead Anywhere

[Schizophonia]

11 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

So spot on

-"Ahah, i feel good with you, would you like to go further? 😉"

-"Eheh, no sorry i I prefer that we remain friends"

-"STUPID BITCHH"

 

Edited July 10 by Schizophonia

[AION]

The best way of being nice is to get what you want in life. Others can profit from your well-being as being in association to you. For example if you are a broke guy and your friends are broke, you can philosophize that you guys are so nice while being broke. Or you can get out of being broke, and then be able to help your friends and people around you if you are really interested in being "nice".

Edited July 10 by AION

[gettoefl]

1. Non-familial relationships are about: giving the least and getting the most.

2. While behaving so, you are much better off to fake niceness. What you get increases greatly at no cost to you. People like nice more than mean.

[SQAAD]

@MarkKol

On 7/9/2025 at 1:55 PM, MarkKol said:

Probably the most pedophilic description of women I’ve seen man

This bad thinking comes from failure to socialize like a normal person with both sexes. Even good socializing with men is enough to attract a woman. They just care about seeing you have a great time.

What??

This description is being used in the field of evolutionary psychology.

Yeah, if it only was that easy.

[Ulax]

I’d disagree. Being nice/ people pleaser works quite well I’d argue. At least for living a more basic life.

Lots of people are people pleasers. And why? Because their life experiences have shaped their brain to think that it is  an effective coping strategy for life. And this is because at various important moments it has been an adaptive response to life challenges.

I think the benefits of being a people pleaser can get too easily discounted. 
 

 

Edited July 12 by Ulax

[SOUL]

I have had many wonderful interactions with people through being genuinely kind and 'nice', even with women and some of them included physical interactions. Could it be that you aren't really a kind person but only are pretending to be one to get something from others. Just a possibility, I guess.

[meta_male]

On 9.7.2025 at 0:29 PM, SQAAD said:

He said "can you move forward? My dog will think you are a threat".I just kept staring. I was ready to tear him to pieces (in worst case scenario).

Look at it this way: the guy acted like a scared douche, and you still showed him kindness... by not tearing him into pieces. That’s power, not weakness. It's just rare cause most people are scared little shits and yep, it's annoying as fuck.

[Nivsch]

Showing the 360° real version of you will always require some calculated risks, but those risks are necessary for you to be the authentic you and therefore attractive.

The "Nice" strategy happens when you try to polish out those risks zones, but then you suppress an important part of yourself.

I struggle with this myself, but came to realize my own blind spots and hidden too-nice bubbles I showed, and to fix that gradually especially lastly as I understand better what that I am doing.

Edited Tuesday at 02:30 PM by Nivsch

[Nivsch]

On 10.7.2025 at 1:51 AM, Leo Gura said:

You want to be kind but very firm and clear on your values and ambitions.

Ambitious, decisive, strong, but kind and loving. That's the ideal.

The problem is when you act kind as meekness, as lack of confidence, as compromising with foolishness, as having no will of your own, as wanting others to like you, as a way of manipulating them to be kind back to you.

You can be strong but kind, conscious, and loving.

Leo, I am not sure about the answer, but what if kindness, when placed even subconsciously, as more fundamental than other traits, might in some way filter and partially block the more raw and mysterious aspects of ourselves?

Because kindness, when defined as a main principal of our behaviour, can still skew the story of the relationship to a specific direction.

Even when stems from assertiveness and strength, I have a feeling right now that it might still narrow and supress in one way or another the full spectrum of what we can express or suggest to the other person in the dynamic. 

Edited Tuesday at 10:10 PM by Nivsch

[Leo Gura]

@Nivsch I don't put kindness first. I suggest putting truth and consciousness first. But kindness is not abandoned.

Kindness is not the top value, but it is a value.

Edited Tuesday at 10:13 PM by Leo Gura

[Nivsch]

@Leo Gura Ok makes sense to me, and quite interesting to further think about this topic. Thanks for clarifying

Edited Tuesday at 10:47 PM by Nivsch

[Ulax]

@Leo Gura Do you have a way of speaking to yourself in your mind that helps you stick to your values?

For example, maybe you ask something like ‘What would I do if I prioritised Truth in this moment?” 

[Shawn Philips]

You are right that  being nice leads to a mediocre life.

But what our body and mind cares the most is survavility and well being. And the nice strategy saves us from posible conflict against others.

Imagine somebody who grew without father, or being bullied at scholl, or other traumatic past. The being nice has been the survival trick that worked really well for him. And that becomes part of the personality in adult life. Then when you have live 40 years being the nice guy you become identified with it, and trying to change it becomes stepping out the comfort zone.