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1Survival instinct- Basic instinct to want to live 2 Creativity instinct - Is to create something exciting, full of passion, full of enthusiasm, desire, hope 3Liberation instinct - Want to be liberated from suffering, pain, disturbance 4 Achievement instinct - Wanting to do something that feels awesome, gives satisfaction, promotes growth and progress, success, it's a very important feeling, it gives a feeling of completion 5 Beauty instinct - Wanting things to be joyful, radiant, beautiful, complete, eternal, immortal like building the pyramids 6Romantic instinct - Wanting a connection, intimacy, a partner and a feeling of being loved, treasured, belonged. 7Healing instinct Wanting to be healed from past troubles, trauma, hurt, pain, wanting to feel okay, wanting to recover from setbacks, wanting to start again, wanting to feel space and peace in order to recover, wanting to get better and plump again. 8Fear instinct -The fight versus flight response. A response that alerts us to danger and wanting to huddle to a place of safety 9Protective instinct Wanting to treasure or protect something very valuable like a friend, a pet, a child or an important picture or a gift or a work of art. Even protecting basic resources like food 10Harmony instinct Wanting to create harmony with your environment and surroundings, with nature, wanting to blend in with everything, wanting harmony with the unique and universe, wanting the feeling of creating a home within this environment and feeling at home with your environment. You want that community feeling. A lot of people join organizations to have this feeling. A lot of people join religion 11Balance instinct Wanting to sustain balance between everything that we do like health, relationships, work, passions, time etc. 12Purpose instinct This is an extension of the self. You want to do something for the world, you want to contribute to your community or the world at large. Noble instinct. 13 growth instinct You want to develop yourself, explore, learn, expand and grow. You want to feel that you are progressing not just surviving 14 Transcending instinct You want to outgrow whatever you are currently learning or dealing. You want to evolve to your next phase and development in life 15 Transformation instinct This is also a part of self evolution. Sometimes you want to radically transform yourself, your life, shed all past baggage and turn over to a new leaf. Clean the slate, start afresh. 16 fulfilling instinct This is about your needs, wants, desires, from the utmost basic to advanced and higher needs. You want these needs to be fulfilled as much as possible to leave room for other things like spiritual stuff. Most people waste their lives in fulfilling needs because our social system constantly deprives us of our needs and makes us into a hamster running on the wheel chasing our needs. Like a dog chasing its tail, we're never free to think about other things. When needs are not fulfilled whether it's something like survival, food, security, sexual, love, bonding, financial, health, we become deficient and miserable and can hardly focus on anything else, we become too stunted and lost, deprived and confused, trapped and in constant search of something. And very frustrated. This is the single biggest reason for everyone failing to achieve anything else. This instinct is sorely left ignored. This side needs to be compulsory fulfilled in order to get other instincts properly sorted out. This is the most important instinct as far as survival is concerned. Without this there is no spirituality and you're in limbo. This is a major bridge. If you're on this bridge you'll forever stay on this bridge. You are stuck. If you fulfill most of your needs, that's where you get the golden chance to cross the bridge. And a chance to achieve your higher growth. Until then everything is a pipe dream and nothing else will matter and nothing will even make sense or meaning. You wouldn't even want to pursue spirituality. You will half ass everything and live forever dissatisfied, much of your spirituality will feel like an unhappy vacation where you're just pretending to smile. If you want something of substance and really want everything to count on your future travels into eternity, then this instinct has to be compulsorily fulfilled. 17 Vibe instinct There's a certain vibe you want as your guide. Everything carries a vibe. Even the stuff you eat. You want always the right vibe to motivate and stimulate your inner energy. You don't like vibes that don't suit your character, personality or style. You want a morning vibe in the morning. A pleasant vibe when you are working and a snuggly vibe when you are with your special one. 18 fuel instinct You need fuel to motivate and stimulate yourself. Any energy, emotion, vibe can serve as a fuel. Anything that gets you going and motivates you is a fuel, even a prayer. God can be your fuel. Masculine and feminine energies can be your fuel. God's energy can be your fuel. This is the most important instinct. It's like a breakfast. You must have it before your main meal. It's your starter kit sort of. Your launch for the day. Your energy. Your fuel. Your must have travel kit. It's your energy bottle. Without it you're just languishing through the forest with a map in hand but no energy to walk. 19 Karma instinct This instinct exists like a conscience. It tells us right from wrong and guides us to good karma, shields us from bad karma 20 Companionship instinct We all need friends. Someone we can share things with at the campfire. Someone who listens and understands and offers warm company on cold nights. 21 Communication expression instinct This is important. We all have needs for communication whether you are introvert or extrovert. Your communication is your main method of expression. 22 Regulation instinct After doing what we can, we want to regulate our life cycle to see how it's all going. We want to spot flaws, resolve issues, solve problems, get back the rhythm. Get things back on track. But for that we must regulate our daily goings on. 23 Reflection instinct In order to solve a crisis, we need time to reflect on what should be done. Going back to the drawing board. Reassessing. Analyzing. Studying? Wanting some insight, some answer. Taking a break and Reflecting. 24 Wisdom instinct This instinct is best used when you gather wisdom and implement it 25 Courage instinct. You need courage to push a breakthrough in life or else you are stuck. One courageous move will change everything. Take that leap of faith. 26 Innocent instinct You'll reach this stage or instinct after death. Here you're set free from all fears, attachments, worries, needs etc. Here your spirit is like a child again, innocent and pure. You are finally yourself. No fabrication. The living version of this is the "authentic instinct." 27 Spiritual instinct I don't know how to describe this instinct. This is where I'm puzzled. I think spiritual instinct is like a process. Imagine a computer slowly generating your identity, all your personality traits being typed out line by line on each cursor prompt. That's how this is going to look like except for this is going to be your spiritual identity. This will consist of your deepest desires, your unfinished business, your general vibe in your ghost state, these are your spiritual signatures unique to you like a DNA. They will define you spiritually, they will constitute your spiritual identity. This instinct will carry a strong Subconscious energy. 28 Communion instinct I think just like material existence comes with an expiry date/death, your existence as a ghost will have it's own unique expiry date. After your spiritual existence has expired, your journey in the afterlife is over and you will slowly come to the end of a tunnel. This tunnel is dark. It's your spiritual tunnel and it's your gateway to the next realm. Once you come to the end of the tunnel, you will turn into a ball of bright light. Bright ball of energy like the Sun. You'll come out of the tunnel and escape as a ball of bright light. Your spirit has been converted into energy. This ball will then merge with a much larger ball of energy that looks like a big sun. This is God. You're entering communion. The ball disappears as it merges into this large ball. It's the end. While turning into a ball your spirit experiences extreme bliss and fiery energy and peace. Restless souls will take even centuries to turn into a ball. Or they might just never make it.

Fear makes you tense up. Contraction litirally cuts you off from your true self. Ego is a contraction on the energetic level. Ego has 2 levels - mind and body. Eventially, when you surrender 100% on the mind level and body - your body and mind become one and you live in Unity with all of life. Oneness. On the body/mind levels the mechanism of surrender or letting go is exactly the same - it's a relaxation. And you relax by letting go of your will. Which means you do NOTHING. Zero doing from your side, not even meditation, no yoga, nothing. Then, the highest form of meditation manifests itself in you automatically. If you're doing well and your kundalini is active - you might experience Kriyas. Spontaeus body movements. Continue doing nothing. Finally, they will manifest as a beutiful dance. Not everyone experiences those, though. Liberation on the energetic level is simply raising your Kundalini to your brain, when Sahasrara opens it's pettals and the ocean of Bliss washes over you permanently. Your intellect gets inmeshed into the fabric and structure of reality. You think Infinitely, you feel Infintely, there is an Infinity of time (eternity), everything looks Infinitely Beutiful. You can literraly construct whatever you want. It's never human pleasures. It's like 100x better than that. It's Infiinite Love. It just means Total Awakening. Enlightenment. Leo's video of Poetic Description of God realisation is not Poetic at all. It's literally how it is there. It's just that it's an extremely high level, so no one knows about it. At the highest level it's not just Bliss. It's much more than that. The only word I find for those states is Glory. Anyway.. I think only 1 in a 1000 teachers are in their final lifetime. Until you understand that you must eradicate guilt by knowing it is not there AND when you raise your kundalini you're done. Byebye dreams of seperation, welcome Infinite Potential. Leo visits Infinity and knows what it's like there. Its fucking insane. It's like being the Supreme Lord. Words can't describe it. But the closest symbol I found for those states is a drawing AI made by my query. Attached img. The actual viauals are of hyperbolic geometry mixed in with life. This world and that world mix into one. For some time you can leave this world in total - just chill in infinite beuty eithout specific form - just an infinite mandala. Note - you can be seeing infinite mandalas and still be dumb af. You really reach Enlightenment when you know the Truth and your are a total genius. 1 in 7 billion I mean. Because there can only be 1. Anyway.. Read Jan Esmann's books on Kundalini and start raising it and mix that with total surrender, which just means doing nothing at all - complete 0 use of your will. Also, read the Dissapearence of The Universe trilogy and all other books by the author with Pursah and Arten (forgot their names) - it's one of the only books in the world that are better than what is in Leo's book list. It's a must-read if you want to wake up. It will save you lifetimes. Especially if you do ACIM and raise your Kundalini. Of course, do DMT or other mindblowing psychadelics. They save lifetimes as well. That's the prescription for awakening, if you read all Leo's books, listen to all videos and do shitloads of meditation. Anyway.. Just rambling..

I've been confronting so much fear lately. I've been noticing how it is running my life. Examples of how I was scared in the last few days: In social situations: how I'm afraid of offending someone or causing disruption I was scared and worried because I was procrastinating on some quite important things Big one: I'm most likely going on a student exchange programme for the next semester. Living in a foreign country without anyone familiar nearby, on the other side of the continent. A lot of fears associated with this exchange thing. Soooo much I have to get done. And it's just scary, it's going to be my first time living on my own. Man. But I'm happy it's happening. Long story short I damaged my front tooth two weeks ago. The dentist fixed it for me but it's no longer straight and it literally cannot be anymore. I've always had straight teeth. Now I don't. It hurts. Fear of embarassment, smallness. Insecurity. Anxiety. My mom and sister tell me they can't even see it but I do. I can overcome this fear when I notice it, notice the thoughts and remind myself that this isn't me. I am not from this world, yet I am all of this world. Oh, btw, I had a profound completely sober awakening this week. Deeper than the ones I had on psychedelics. So it's not that I'm convincing myself intellectually that this is not me. Well, anyways, that's not the topic right now. I've been thinking and I'm coming to the conclusion that the IT industry is not for me. I've been studying CS for 2 and a half years already, my parents have been paying for it. But now for the first time in 3 years I harnessed the courage to think about this and notice that I'm NOT about this computer science bullshit. I want to do something humanistic, related to writing somehow. I'm seriously considering becoming a comic, writer. I came up with a life purpose which feels authentic to me. To convey spiritual truths through comedy. Not to brag but I think I have a cool sense of humor, especially like spontaneous responses, people really enjoy my jokes, stories and all. I already have ideas for what I would make shows about. Ok I'm getting off track again. I'm obviously scared of disappointing my parents. Also, they've been paying for my education and I'm finishing it soon. So what, it all just goes to waste? I'm not blaming myself because I think that going into computer science was the best choice I could have made with what I knew about myself at the time. I'm proud of that decision. But now I discovered more about myself and I feel like I can't do this shit. But are my parents gonna understand it? Fear. Fear of not-knowing. Today I confronted it after long contemplation on some matters and at some point I thought: how about I accept that I don't know? Could I accept that I will never know this? Would I accept a life like this? I was scared, but also I enjoyed the thrill of sitting in this not-knowing with fear trying to encompass me. Nodding my head in a social situation when someone is saying something. An unconscious reaction stemming from fear of being cast off from my group of peers. Also I want others to nod their heads when I'm saying something. Credit to Vernon Howard for making me conscious of this, and many other things. I see myself doing this. Now that my front teeth is weaker I literally fear biting my lips and fingers which I've been doing for so long. Maybe it's for the better, lol. My lips and hands don't look so good. Maybe I will stop now. I'm quite nervous. I'm only just learning to seriously notice fear in the moment and let go. I wanna cry right now. I've been noticing and overcoming so much fear with the light of consciousness. Am I getting weak now again? HAHAHAHA. I'm trying to notice it. Lol btw, this year I must have cried like 70-100 times. AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Fucking fear hahahahaha!!! I love Spotify wrapped so much. Did you get yours? Mine brought back so many feelings and memories. My music taste was so good this year I love myself for it HAHAHAHAHAHAHA About this awakening I mentioned. It was amazing. For a second, I was immersed in a divine ocean of blissful peace and love. I was kissed on the forehead by sweet love and bliss itself. All sober, for fucks sake! My belief that meditation cannot compare to psychedelics has been shattered. I did it with my consciousness, on my fucking own! I remember it. I was contemplating what I am and I encountered much fear but I was able to see through these empty thoughts and let go into this pureness, infinity that I am. Psychedelics awakenings are undoubtedly cool, but here I kind of awakened manually and it was so satisfying and to be honest more beautiful and deeper than awakenings I've had so far. I recognized myself as Existence and realized there is nothing 'other' from me. I am Existence! And this universe is all a dream, it's fucking empty, it's just me. Reality is not real. It's all just me. Again, I am not from this world and yet this world is all that is and all that I am. I am Reality, I am the Source. I was a hidden treasure and I wanted to be known, so I created the world. Words can't describe Me. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. This image goes hard. That's how I often feel now when I look at things. Gosh it's all just so much. HAHAHAHAHA. The Freedom. If I overcome fear, I CAN DO ANYTHING! This is what life is all about!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA What are You waiting for? Do You want to be a puppet on strings your whole life?

Does anyone remember what video or blog post that Leo references Satcitananda in? I remember him referring to its as the holy trinity of Truth, Consciousness, Love (rather than the more traditional interpretations of Truth, Consciousness, Bliss) but I can’t remember where exactly I heard this. I’m specifically interested in the rational of his usage of the word love rather than the word bliss or happiness. Thanks!

Full awakening is becoming god and hence destroying creating the entire world. Awakening is never going to happen until god is ready to let go of embrace the entire world. This means the person that can awaken, the only person, is doomed to suffer destined to experience bliss of the world for however long the world is supposed to survive. It's a choiceless perfectly-guided process like all of life. The person is a puppet of the universe with no total control over his own life. Fixed that for ya The above corrected message is absolutely true for me, whereas for you is the inverse, negative version. Contemplate it how is this possible that our experience of the world is so different. You see the life the way you choose to see it so it seem like that to you, and I see life the way I choose to see it so it is like that to me. The fact that you can experience such missery in such a perfect universe is the proof of your power and free will. You choose to see it that way, and the whole universe listens to your commands so it shows itself to you in that way. So the fact that you complain constantly is the very proof of your power and perfection of the universe.

Lol. Where does the sorrow come from? Your thoughts, perhaps? Go above thoughts of sorrow. It's just another trick You're playing on yourself to keep yourself asleep. Get this. You are creating sorrow as a defense against realizing what You really are! Quit being a puppet on strings and see through the wall of bullshit you've erected which is puppeteering You right now because You give it power. If You understand, there is no sorrow. There is BLISS!

True surrender feels like you have completly lost authorship over your body and mind and you are controlled by the Divine. In other words, surrender is the letting go of personal will. It's difficult to remain in that state at first, because you have no idea what will happen next, but when bliss and Divine intelligence flow through your veins you know that all will be well.

Thanks Razard. In later levels of realization, the external Guru falls away. All you are left with is the totality of being. That becomes your Guru. There’s a stanza in the Guru Gita that says: “The Guru protects the disciple from Shiva's wrath, but there is no one who can protect him from the Guru's anger.” The Guru is the totality of silence and bliss. Shiva’s wrath is silence withdrawing itself and causing noise and disturbance.

God needs to take a break from the infinite bliss. That's why suffering is imagined by God.

You can go for deeper and deeper realizations and also have time to pursue other things, I don't see why these things would be mutually exclusive. Nobody is saying you have to understand reality or consciousness, it is something you can do if it is of interest to you. Personally I find realizing absolute truth to be an absolutely amazing experience filled with love, understanding, and bliss, more than anything else, which is why I do it (and also because I love the truth). A deeper and deeper realization is no better than the experience of taking a shit, though it will probably feel better than that. All I'm saying, once you realize infinity, then you will realize that this is infinity. Whether you go do something else or have deeper realizations it's still all infinity.

The biggest fear is...desire/emotions/love. Your thoughts construct meaning which generates an emotional response and that emotional response....stimulates a thought. So feeling your emotions....can be the same...if you don't identify with it. Most cannot do that because they believe their own thoughts as truth. I would say until you can stop believing your own bullshit, your emotions will always control you. Its why the Masculine suppresses emotion, because it believes its own bullshit and thus its emotions would overwhelm it. The Feminine Identifies with its emotion and doesn't suppress it, so it is overwhelmed by it. To integrate the two, you must understand the limits of your knowledge, which thus allows you to watch it without identification, which allows you use it like a tool. You thus can enjoy the ebb and flow of the emotion that arises in conjunction with the thought, without identification. So you can enjoy the world of thought and emotion...without becoming consumed by it. How do you accomplish this? Deconstruct all of your beliefs....every single ONE OF THEM. Deconstruct it till you become empty, a void. Stop this avoidance...a dance around the void. Stop trying to avoid, a void. You are a void, that is trying to avoid what you are and you love to dance around it than to accept it. Deconstruct your creation (the ego), till it is seen for the illusion that it is. That would be insanity.....but reality is insane. So go jailbreak your mind!!! Deconstruct all meaning, all purpose, all values, awaken to that which cannot be described!!! Then....you will awaken. After that....feel into your emotions....and the love, the bliss will rise like a tidal wave and come crashing down and you will be in ecstasy. Now that wave....will return to stillness, but since you are that which does not identify, which does not chase, your peaceful state, your being....becomes the base line from which you operate.

^ I mostly agree with this, enlightenment is not a destination, its a realization. The whole game is to see behind the illusion. The illusion is entirely conceptual. This is why deconstruction is so important, you need to stop projecting symbology, meaning, basically identity onto reality. Once your entire conceptual framework has been seen through as the illusion then you will stop constructing duality. Duality is just a mental construction. So deconstruct your construction, until you can see you are constructing it, and you meditate to center the mind and disallow it its normal stickiness that it loves to engage in. So you don't identity through the stickiness (meditation), and you don't believe the constructs (thoughts that are arising), do this enough....and eventually you will just ARRIVE....you will realize that your ordinary existence....by default is peaceful. THEN at this state you will default always be peaceful, but let's say you want some bliss? Then you allow yourself to feel into what ever emotion arises, but you don't identify with it. Now you can generate bliss, but you don't need it, it can come and go as it pleases and you are always at peace. That's it. Anything else someone is telling you....is complete and utter bullshit lol. So I hear a lot of people say you can't reach it through a process....you can actually. Because being asleep is a constant process. You aren't just asleep, you KEEP yourself asleep through constantly deceiving yourself. Enlightenment is just the process of stop believing your own magic tricks. Stop being the kid at the magic show...constantly trying to figure out the trick. Just admit you don't know how the trick is being done and you don't need to know. As long as you desire meaning and purpose....you will always be a ME, I don't give a damn if you deconstruct forever, or meditate forever. The only desire you should have...is to just be. When you desire to just BE, and that is your only desire....then and ONLY then you are becoming in alignment. What is reality? All that is. Being. Oneness. Existence. Unconditional Love. So when you desire to just BE, then....you are in alignment. Life is just a playground of being that the ego takes too seriously and it is because it forgot what it was. Then it spends its entire life miserable trying to obtain what it is. It runs around chasing its tail, until it realizes ....wow....I thought I was a dog...but I am actually God.

@Eyowey I've learned a lot to draw/paint by watching kim jung gi on youtube, and same for electronic music which I like and all the new artists and new trendy pioneers are on soundcloud. I've been able to singe and see a master that live in south korea by the confort of my home on the other side of the world, isn't that fucking bliss & magic to be able to directly see the work in live of a true godtier artist ( rip I m so sad, he is dead last month, and he was really what I call a godtier human.. ) mostly I m "artist/creative" but even without the suggestion about doing doing psychedelic at time, I would have stayed away from LSD and the likes.. ( I followed leo work before he started psychedelics, and same for me, wasn't into this, I just smoked weed a bit, and that was it, I trusted his judgement and I've done them maybe a year after him ) Litteraly internet is way more than langage, and langage is even capable to show the beyond, if the spells are rightly casted. leaving this topic aside to not be out of topic, that was just to say you shouldn't underestimate "internet".

Dialogue between Ramana Maharshi and Paramhansa Yogananda Swami Yogananda with four others arrived at 8.45 a.m . . . The group had lunch in the Asramam. Mr. C. R. Wright, his secretary, asked: How shall I realise God? M.: God is an unknown entity. Moreover He is external. Whereas, the Self is always with you and it is you. Why do you leave out what is intimate and go in for what is external? D.: What is this Self again? M.: The Self is known to everyone but not clearly. You always exist. The Be-ing is the Self. ‘I am’ is the name of God. Of all the definitions of God, none is indeed so well put as the Biblical statement “I AM THAT I AM” in EXODUS (Chap. 3). There are other statements, such as Brahmaivaham, Aham Brahmasmi and Soham. But none is so direct as the name JEHOVAH = I AM. The Absolute Being is what is – It is the Self. It is God. Knowing the Self, God is known. In fact God is none other than the Self. D.: Why are there good and evil? M.: They are relative terms. There must be a subject to know the good and evil. That subject is the ego. Trace the source of the ego. It ends in the Self. The source of the ego is God. This definition of God is probably more concrete and better understood by you. D.: So it is. How to get Bliss? M.: Bliss is not something to be got. On the other hand you are always Bliss. This desire is born of the sense of incompleteness. To whom is this sense of incompleteness? Enquire. In deep sleep you were blissful: Now you are not so. What has interposed between that Bliss and this non-bliss? It is the ego. Seek its source and find you are Bliss. There is nothing new to get. You have, on the other hand, to get rid of your ignorance which makes you think that you are other than Bliss. For whom is this ignorance? It is to the ego. Trace the source of the ego. Then the ego is lost and Bliss remains over. It is eternal. You are That, here and now . . . That is the master key for solving all doubts. The doubts arise in the mind. The mind is born of the ego. The ego rises from the Self. Search the source of the ego and the Self is revealed. That alone remains. The universe is only expanded Self. It is not different from the Self. D.: What is the best way of living? M.: It differs according as one is a Jnani [knower] or ajnani. A Jnani does not find anything different or separate from the Self. All are in the Self. It is wrong to imagine that there is the world, that there is a body in it and that you dwell in the body. If the Truth is known, the universe and what is beyond it will be found to be only in the Self. The outlook differs according to the sight of the person. The sight is from the eye. The eye must be located somewhere. If you are seeing with the gross eyes you find others gross. If with subtle eyes (i.e., the mind) others appear subtle. If the eye becomes the Self, the Self being infinite, the eye is infinite. There is nothing else to see different from the Self. He thanked Maharshi. He was told that the best way of thanking is to remain always as the Self. Later the yogi [Yogananda] asked : How is the spiritual uplift of the people to be effected? What are the instructions to be given them? Maharshi: They differ according to the temperaments of the individuals and the spiritual ripeness of their minds. There cannot be any instruction en masse. Yogananda: Why does God permit suffering in the world? Should He not with His omnipotence do away with it at one stroke and ordain the universal realisation of God? Maharshi: Suffering is the way for Realisation of God. Yogananda: Should He not ordain it differently? Maharshi: It is the way. Yogananda: Are yoga, religion, etc., antidotes to suffering? Maharshi: Who suffers? What is suffering? (No answer. Finally the Yogi rose up, prayed for Sri Bhagavan’s blessings for his own work and expressed great regret for his hasty return. He looked very sincere and devoted and even emotional.)

The word destiny is a very tricky word, but I guess you could say our story has already been written and we are just living through it. Everything you said is literally what is happening. Great job expressing it!!! It actually is sustainable, you are just too scared to implement it which I completely understand. Doing spirituality legitimately is the OPPOSITE of survival. The EXACT OPPOSITE of survival. You only want to do it if it helps with survival, initially it actually won't, in fact it will probably make it worse initially. But after integration....it super charges it. Spirituality is telling you to not care whether you live or die, to live completely without self-interest. To love another EQUAL to you not more or less in any direction. It is definitely sustainable....but its tough path with twists and turns but if you stick with it....it gives you the peace that passes all understanding, and if you integrate the feminine...the bliss part as well. The bliss comes and goes for me, but the peace is ever present and its surprising when you realize that the peace....is your natural state. Its why I say suffering is your creation, you create suffering and project it over your natural peace. You always pursue your desire, if he really wants to kill me, he will. If he doesn't pursue his desire he will get depressed and take it out on himself or others. Hell he might kill someone else because he let fear stop him from killing me, or he might kill himself, or do both. What do you think murder suicide is?

@Vladimir thanks for the reply Father, I appreciate it. I'm working on my communication. Thanks for the feedback, I will improve and be less standofish. Now about the discussion: What triggers me is mainly the following thing: You have not yet gained immortality, the Glory, the Heaven. You are in the process of doing so. Of course you are eternal as it is, and that awaits you, but not free of the cycle yet. There is a distinct end, to which I want to reserve the words I have awakened or I am enlightened. Is every step you take surrounded by complete, perfect Glory and Beuty? Are you completly free of physical pain and drowning in bliss? If not, then how can you say you have awakened? That is my trigger. Where in this do you find fault, papa? Anyway.. You now put sin and karma into words I can understand. I admit that I have to agree with that definition. Thanks for enduring my assholiness, Holliness.

The model of negative and positive polarity from the RA material is helpful here. What you seem to be urging for is growth in the negative polarity. That happens when the heart chakra is closed if I understand correctly. On the negative polarity you can still realize you're everything and all that, even transcend suffering to some degree, without any element of love involved. The only difference would be that you'll get your energy and bliss from conquering others while the positive polarity gets it near effortlessly just through existing. I think you should work on your heart chakra and balance it with the solar plexus.

The thing is you are not the only one. Sometimes misfortune befalls people at random and there is nothing we can do about it. Some are born retarded some disabled, some have dementia predispositions in young age. For example I was so severely traumatized I developed dementia in my 34 years of age and even made a whole website about my life story. I'm searching the internet and have yet to find a person that has the same symptoms of cognitive decline. But suicide I feel is still not the answer because much of what happen to me wasn't my fault, and we cant just erase people that are in undesirable circumstances. And just help them commit mass suicide. No ,this is also part of reality and it probably has some purpose. The very existence of these misfortunes where people end up with no fault of their own reduces the glory of life on its positive side. Just a part of every success, bliss or wellbeing is reduced because random misfortune exists and god has no favorites. So the truth of what is normal is in part diminished and in all suffering their is a glimmer of divine mercy and reality.

Cultivate love. Feel your body as hollow and filled with beautiful energetic light of all colors. Breathe in feeling the middle of your chest. Breathe out as you create an explosion of love in your chest. It's an explosion of light and energy radiating out to the rest of your body. Also feel it radiating out from your body into the world, nourishing it. Feel the light forgiving you. All of you. yes. We need to make a distinction between psychological needs and physical needs. On the physical side, you have to survive. It can't be ignored. On the psychological side, I subscribe to a spirituality that doesn't see a conflict between lower needs and consciousness expansion. You should open all your chakras and as you open your lower chakras your energy will naturally rise to the higher chakras. The buddhist path is about ignoring the lower chakras/needs and going straight for enlightenment. This works in the short term as you can quickly get enlightenment experiences this way. But these enlightenment experiences often doesn't stick. It's common for buddhists to have had 10+ enlightenment experiences and still not be permanently enlightened. On the Hindu yogic path of kundalini, it's common that people get their first enlightenment when they have raised their kundalini all the way to the head. This takes a longer time but this way it sticks for good. Tho I subscribe to a combination of SantataGamanas kriya yoga and Tara Springetts tummo Buddhism which combines the two. Start the spiritual practice by cultivating bliss in the form of for example, comfort, pleasure, joy and love. Then when that bliss has stilled your mind, let go of everything and just sit.

@koyadr3 Do spiritual practices you can start doing your Salat again and do Dhikr for mindfulness. If you keep doing it day after day you will realize God and you won't have to believe anymore you will know with absolute certainty. I don't recommend reading Ibn Arabi or going into Sufism yet It will not help you if you're a beginner don't listen to most people on this forum who are hippies they are all about "love" saying you are God you are infinity blah blah blah they like talking so much. After doing your spiritual work for some time your level of consciousness will be raised and you will start to experience heaven and joy bliss on regular basis. Then after you reach very advanced levels you will start to see that you're god and all the things the hippies talk about non-duality etc. Focus on your growth and your family problems will get solved as you will be more conscious and wise.

Truth, consciousness, bliss. Sat chit ananda.

@GalynaWishing you well too. That's not my take that's what neuroscience says. No I never was an neuron let alone Alien God but I was Infinite Love.Something I want to forget about and don't go into madness again.Rationality is bliss.

Flayed, maimed, crushed and all that other good stuff. How can any of you praise this reality. Reality is a curse. Being god is a curse. There is nothing good about being god. There could have been something good if god had any common sense but there is no common sense. There is only everything. Everything includes getting drowned in literal shit, having my bones broken one at a time, being sliced and diced in a thousand pieces. Being pierced to death by a thousand needles. Having my insides turned inside out. Being boiled alive. Burning to death. Grabbing my own eye balls out of my eye sockets and crushing them. Eating shit and piss. You all accept reality so readily and enthusiastically because none of you exist. Only I exist and only I feel the pain of being in this situation. I'm completely alone and isolated, nobody understands. How can you ever say that reality is bliss. It's not. What a horrible night to have a curse ... Being infinity is the literal worst case scenario

In my experience one of the biggest reason for this is living in a society where you are constantly blasted with people identified with themselves talking and behaving in ways that imprint you with that level of being. If you have ever reached a state of bliss or whatever with no sense of self and proceed to talk to people or consume normal media, the self-obsessed nature of people is clear. But then as you interact more and more, you slide to that exact same state yourself. For me, who isn't as well established into the higher states, I'd slide down anyways even without interaction, however with interaction it's much faster. Without interaction, maybe a few hours; with interaction? 30 - 50 mins and I am back to being identified with the self. I need guidance as to how I can sustain such levels of consciousness where I am literally leaking out of my body because of how disidentified I am, but still manage to interact with people without lowering my level? I know it's possible but how? For those of you who are more experienced in this I have more questions I am dying(pun intended) to have answered. In default states and even in such states I feel like I am suffocating in a way I can't explain, and through previous experiences I know the way to solve this is to open my heart, because once I did it for a split second and it felt like I took a big gasp of air after suffocating my whole life. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot open my heart in the right way to feel that breath of fresh air again. Need help. My third question is how do you head towards God realization from here(without psychedelics, I do not intend to take them yet)? I have heard the next step after self-realization would be to experience the void and have enough experience of it to move past the bliss of self-realization. But what is this void and how do I experience it? Maybe God realization is too high a goal to aim for sober, if that is the case then where can I go from here in general besides embodiment?

When you have an intimate conversation and relationship, it's the most beautiful thing in the world. You create space for love and understanding. That's all we really need to get by in life. We need each other. We need intimacy to know each other. This is sex. It's life. Without sex there is nothing. Sex and spirituality have a connection. Because both are about intimacy. All conflicts are gone during sex. It's free. It's liberating. All differences resolved. It's the most intimate connection. I feel like sex is teaching me something, something deep. Like I need to accept all the harshness in this world, that would make my journey easier. Being intimate is the only way you can truly be yourself. You can be truly free in your self expression. You can simply be yourself. This is where healing begins, because when you're intimate, you aren't judged anymore. You are loved in intimacy. You're made to feel secure. You can be you without all manipulations, you can be free, away from the world, you can say whatever you want, just anything. You can say anything. It's such a relief because finally you can feel free and not stressed out anymore. You can feel healed. You can vent out, let out. It's like deep talk therapy with a psychiatrist. It's one of the reasons why sex is so therapeutic, it can literally cure anything in the world. Do you want something that can simply cure your brain right now, a powerful cure that energizes each and every cell in your brain, that creates a beautiful garden, now I understand what Buddha meant by a beautiful garden, sex is a ginormous about of energy activated. It's an extreme release, it is this intimacy. It creates a beautiful feeling in the brain, like pure bliss, a strong protection against psychic attacks, it's almost like giving a cleansing bath to your brain computer. Sexual healing. There is just no repression. Absolute freedom. When you feel this release, this powerful free self expression, it's the deepest release of all held up swallowed karmas, everything rises to the surface. You feel absolute surrender and peace. If your mind is, even for a minute, held in a rapture of sudden pleasure, release, surrender and absolute understanding, you become liberated for a minute, you reach a different mental state, a state of pleasure and joy and in this state you feel rapture and you feel free, in this state, nothing bothers you anymore, survival looks lame, people seem petty, you do care about life but you aren't as affected. You feel healed, all tensions thrown out and then you come to homeostasis. There is no repression. Your deepest feelings are confronted. You only talk to yourself. There is no more manipulation of your sentiment or feeling. Just rotate your fingers in a circle around your breast. There is no hurt and no room for hurt during an intimate session. This is where healing begins. It's the same as self love. When someone knows you inside out, it's like you're loving yourself. If somebody asked you to describe how you look, it's difficult without a mirror, but with a mirror it's much easier, when you love yourself, it feels hard like a routine, but when you are loved, it's much easier. It's like medicine given to children with a sugar pill. It digests better. Same way. There is a sweetened elegance and ease when someone loves you intimately. And when they do understand you thoroughly, it's like self love, the only difference being someone else is loving you as though you are loving yourself. It's like a twin mate who understands you inside and out. And now that you have this mate, it suddenly feels like self love. The healing begins slowly. You get renewed courage and you feel like you can take on things. You can finally get the love to fuel your actions and positivity.