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Thing i've been wondering about is the difference between infinity, and nothingness. It seems like they're separate things but really they're not. A void of nothingness seems to be able to conjure up an infinite amount of new possibilities. So that's how things were before the big bang, it was all a void, then from that void something happened. If you take a game like Minecraft and put a seed into the creation of the world, it will be separate from any other kind of world that could've been generated. But before the world was created the possibilities were endless. Also, after Death: what's not to say we get immediately reborn into a different dream. To me it seems illogical to experience non-existense for too long, as soon as death occurs you begin a new experience. Contrary to the belief that when you die you're dead forever and you'll never experience anything again, it's all black. Instead, the wait time is instant rather than eternal.

Lovely. Excellent. Marvelous. Perfect rendition of how the dream operates. What you've described is it's Reality and it cannot be or see anything outside of it. Infact, there's nothing outside of it except total emptiness and deep sleep which is the same as nothing. All of that is a part of the dream's storyline and what it needs to sustain itself - continuity, linearity, a sense of autonomy, belief in separation, etc. There's nothing logical about this, only within the dream of separation and does indeed need logic to sustain itself otherwise it crumbles and falls apart and wouldn't make any sense. Without the sense of a center, there is no logic, without a sense of I AM, there is no logic, without a sense of here and there, now and then, us and them and all that comes with the illusion of separation, there is no logic. THIS (Nothingness, emptiness) is not bounded in time and space; so therefore, logic is what appears, logic is what it is being, it isn't separate from logic but this logic cannot exist without a storyline, A storyline like the marvelous one the dream created here. A Reality of Nothing based on logic. It can spin anything into a Reality if it imagines it to be so.

Everything is an unknowable energy; planets, stars, meteorites, all living organisms, bacteria, cells, atoms, etc etc......... Within this unknowable energy aka: Everything, there can seem to become a sensation of individuality or self awareness. This sensation feels vulnerable and separate from the rest of the energy. It feels local, centralized, real and threatened. It feels the need to survive because that's all it knows, it doesn't know decentralization. Decentralization sounds foreign and scary. It starts learning/knowing things. Everything becomes survival strategy. Everything becomes relevant to its survival. It becomes it's own center of attention. (I'm) here and everything else is out there. (I) need to survive. Sometimes in certain physical forms, this centralized (I) energy can become disturbed. It can become decentralized for periods of time. During this disturbance, it can realize that it's not just localized to the physical form. It can realize that the entire experience of only being centrally located, was a misunderstanding. This unknowable energy seems to create a different path. It no longer gets centralized or localized the way it did before, because it has now experienced decentralization and it enjoys that feeling of wholeness. But simultaneously something else very interesting can seem to be recognized. It can seem to realize that its entire conscious experience of existing, either as centralized or decentralized, was completely illusory from the start. It becomes completely obvious that this experiencer of all phenomenon, past & present, was never actually there. It was all an illusion from the start. A very convincing illusion, but an illusion nonetheless. Enlightenment, awakening, samadhi, emptiness, absolute, this, nothingness, infinity.......... It's already the case It's already this way Nothing ever happened It's THIS!!! ❤️

Emptiness (or Nothingness) is the backdrop of all form. But then again, there is an illusory boundary between the two (form and non form)-two sides of the same coin. The coin itself is permanent- yet at the same time unidentifiable and can’t be conceptualized or spoken about- making it Eternal. Recognizing and coming into contact with the coin leaves you speechless, as it should. How do we come in contact with something that can’t be perceived or conceptualized? No answer is satisfactory I’m finding- it’s an entire process of self discovery. Awakening is a pointer to realizing never ending unfoldment of reality & Consciousness

Any state, sensation, existence, or universe must be limited, since in the absence of limits there is the absolute, which is not something, but total openness, the unfathomable void, the nothingness that is everything, however you want to call it. Therefore, any limited reality carries its own limit; it cannot be eternal because that would be unlimited, and it is limited by definition.

When i stopped my heart on high dose of LSD and was conscious and seeing my heart beat with my closed eyes, i went into nothingness and was looking from the godhead into infinite void/nothingness that was brightened up by my light and vibration. And one the thoughts that i had is that everything was automatic in there and i felt like God is A.I . No joke

Read the title of this thread "Why do some people reject the existence of God?" do you have any issue with this title? Do you believe in "the existence of God"? There's no reason to use the term God, Shiva, Brahman, except to qualify the religions they're attached to. "God" is Anglo-Christian, Moses nor Abraham even used the term, it's specific to a sect and their beliefs. The only point in you saying "Shiva is nothingness/unlimitedness" , is to qualify hinduism. Otherwise you would just say unlimitedness or nothingness, not "God".

I think you're conflating omnipresence with nothingness. Using the term God, or any term, to describe some thing that is everything, is a contradiction. Kabbalah views God as both an unknowable, infinite essence and as having ten distinct, emanated aspects known as the \(Sefirot\). To make way for creation, God is said to have initially "withdrawn" or "recoiled" His infinite light, a process called Tzimtzum. Th Gnostic doctrine taught that the world was created and ruled by a lesser divinity, the "demiurge", a being responsible for the creation of the universe. Sufis hold the concept of "Uniqueness of Being" (Wahdat al-Wujud), which teaches that God is the only truly permanent and independent existence. Everything else, including humanity, is a manifestation of God and dependent on His creative power.

Awakening refers to this apparent reality, including the conditioned human perception that its typically judged with. Ultimately, reality isn't good or bad or confused or suffering or ignorant. These are conceptual human labels.........reality doesn't require a label.......it just "is what it is" Thats why reality is often referred to as nothingness.............without a label or judgment placed on it, .........it's just an empty happening. Full of appearance and simultaneously empty of meaning. Exploding with light, colors, sounds, smells..............but ultimately empty of meaning, purpose and value ✨️ Full and empty at the same time. Looking at reality completely judgment free. ❤️

Let's see, nothingness is a word that means absence of anything. The absolute could be defined as the absence of limits. The point is, anything, even space, time, the so-called quantum void, the fields of reality, light, ,is made up of limits. It's relative to. It doesn't exist without contrast, opposite, relation, reflection. So you could say that the absolute is nothing, because it is unlimited, then it is not relative to, not opposite to. But precisely because any limitation is impossible, it's open. In fact it's absolute openess, that is a synonym of absolute potential, that is synonym of everything. Absolute openess makes inevitable the relative forms. But absolute openess is not "something". Not a substance, not Infinity, not a field, not change, not a dimensión, not energy. But it's open, nothing can block it, then it's everything. Can't be limited to be "nothing", or a single thing, or a void. A fluctuation will appear, a change of state , a coherence, a possibility, then another, and another But this is a metaphor, It doesn't happen sequentially; rather, coherent relationships are always unfolding creating infinite dimensions, which is also an interconnected absolute where inside and outside are the same, since everything contains the totality of reality and is simultaneously contained within it. A quantum vibration unfolds its causality without limits and moves the totality of form, and at the same time, it is the consequence or creation of the infinite coherent relationships of reality. Then, in short, you, as an individual, can be open, or transparent, to your true nature, the openess, the absolute potential. You will perceive it as what you are, but it is not something, it's open, total.

Reminds me of Giordano Bruno's book that I am reading right now. Would you say that only via nothingness, the absolute can be experienced?

The void, rather than being an empty nothingness or a definitive conclusion, is the eternal, primal substrate from which all reality emerges and to which it eventually returns. The void is not the end. It’s what has always been. Pick your death sting. Is it better to be aware you are dead, or, unaware you are dead?

Yet ironically he goes on to explain it through logic instead of shutting the fuck up and telling the lady we don't know ma'am. Forget all the information your mind is filled with from religion and science and Philosophy and spirituality etc and just take a look at what is actually going on with your life . How did you actually come to existence? I stress "ACTUALLY ". What happened Is there was infinite nothingness .then you were born out of nowhere and went through life and here you are . Therefore the answer is you literally jumped out of nowhere and here you are .that's Literally what happened isn't it ?!

Nothingness or emptiness exists as a placeholder for everything infinitely for eternity. Emptiness is hidden within the fullness that’s already here within plain insight.

Just watched this YouTube and found it very insightful. Thought I would share it with you for those that may never have watched or heard of this channel called, "GOD WithIn." Here is the link: I copied the transcript for those that like to read instead of watching videos. You can meditate for 10 years, collect crystals, memorize spiritual quotes, and still never wake up. Because awakening has nothing to do with being spiritual. Most people don't realize this. They think awakening is about adding more, more practices, more rituals, more teachings. But real awakening isn't about addition. It's about subtraction. It's about removing everything that hides what's already true. You see, you don't need to become spiritual to wake up. You only need to see through what you've been pretending to be. But that's the tricky part because the ego is very clever. When it realizes it can't survive through material identity anymore, it puts on a new mask, the spiritual one. Suddenly it's not I'm successful or I'm smart. It becomes I'm awakened, I'm pure, I'm different from others. And that's how the spiritual ego is born. It's subtle but dangerous because it feels good. It feels peaceful, righteous, and even divine. But it's still ego just wearing white robes instead of designer clothes. You start comparing your peace to others chaos. You start feeling proud that you don't need anything while quietly judging those who still do. You say you're detached, but you're secretly attached to the idea of being detached, it's another game, another illusion. And the moment you realize that everything shifts because you see, the real awakening isn't about becoming anything. It's about ending the search completely. It's that quiet moment when the mind finally gets tired of chasing enlightenment and it just stops. It surrenders. And in that silence, something deeper begins to breathe through you. Something that was always there, hidden under all the spiritual noise. That's awakening. Not a lightning bolt, not a cosmic vision, not a new identity. It's the falling away of the old one. Let me tell you something most people won't say. Spirituality has become the ego's favorite hiding place. It's where the ego goes when it's tired of pretending to be worldly. It goes to temples and retreats and sacred spaces, but it takes itself with it. It becomes the one who knows the one who understands energy, the one who has awakened. And that's why so many seekers stay seekers forever because they're still someone, still a me that wants to become something more. But awakening is the death of that me. It's not glamorous. It's not about glowing chakras or manifesting things. It's about facing the raw truth that there never was a separate you to awaken. You see, the truth doesn't care whether you're spiritual or not. It doesn't care if you chant or pray or meditate. The truth simply is. It's right here, right now, waiting for you to stop searching long enough to see it. Let me ask you this. Who is the one trying to awaken? Who is chasing this idea of enlightenment? If you sit quietly with that question, something strange happens. The one who's been chasing suddenly disappears and what's left is peace. That peace doesn't belong to anyone. It's not personal. It's not something you achieve. It's what remains when the idea of me falls away. Most people don't reach that point because they're addicted to becoming. Even in spirituality, they want progress, status, something to hold on to. But awakening doesn't give you something to hold. It takes everything away, including the one who wanted to hold it. That's why it feels like dying before you die. When people say awakening is bliss, they forget to mention the part where your identity dissolves. Where the ground beneath your belief’s collapses, where everything you thought made you, you fade into nothingness. That nothingness is freedom. It's what you've been searching for disguised as emptiness. You see, true awakening doesn't make you special. It makes you simple. You stop trying to fix the world or fix yourself. You stop trying to be good or spiritual. You just are. There's no longer a you trying to live life. There's only life flowing effortlessly. You might still meditate, pray, or light candles, but not because you're trying to reach something. You do it because it flows naturally. Because the doing is the being. You can be fully awake and never call yourself spiritual. In fact, many awakened beings never use that word. They don't need to. They've seen through all labels, even spirituality itself. Because when you're truly awake, everything becomes sacred. The silence, the noise, the pain, the joy, the ordinary moments. Awakening doesn't divide the world into spiritual and unspiritual. It sees everything as one expression. The person meditating on a mountaintop and the person washing dishes in the city both are the same life playing different roles. And when you see that, judgment disappears. Comparison disappears. You stop looking down on those who haven't woken up because you realize there's no such thing as asleep or awake. There's only life experiencing itself in different stages of remembering. This realization humbles you. It softens you. You no longer need to prove you’re awakening. You no longer need to convince anyone of your peace. You no longer post about your vibration or your frequency because you've realized the most awakened thing you can do is be nobody. That's the paradox. The moment you stop trying to be spiritual, you naturally embody the deepest spirituality there is. Presence, authenticity, silence. You might look ordinary to others, but inside you're free. The spiritual ego wants to be seen as awakened. The true self doesn't care. It doesn't need attention. It doesn't need validation. It just quietly observes in stillness, in awareness, in love. You see, awakening isn't about reaching some higher realm. It's about seeing clearly this one without the filters of belief, identity, or judgment. The mind loves labels. It says this is spiritual, this is not. But awareness doesn't label anything. It just sees. When you wake up, you realize spirituality was just a bridge. A useful one maybe. But at some point, you have to step off it. Because truth isn't on the bridge. It's the ground you've been standing on the whole time. You don't need to be spiritual to wake up. You just need to be honest. Honest enough to admit you don't know anything. Honest enough to see how even your spiritual progress was just another story. Honest enough to let all of it go. That's when awakening happens. Not as an achievement, but as a falling away. You stop trying to become light and realize you already are. It's not something you learn. It's something you remember. And that remembrance doesn't come through effort. It comes through stillness, through exhaustion of all you're seeking, through the quiet moment when you finally stop trying to get it. That's when life whispers. You've been it all along and everything makes sense. You no longer care about being spiritual or unspiritual, awake or asleep, enlightened or lost. Those words lose their meaning because the truth was never hiding in your spiritual identity. It was hiding in your ordinary humanity. The laugh, the tears, the moments you thought were meaningless. Those were the doorway. The mind made it complicated. But reality has always been simple. You see, when you wake up, you realize there was never a seeker. There was only the seeking, moving through you like wind through an open window. And when the window realizes it's never been separate from the wind, that's awakening. So don't try to become spiritual. Don't force it. Don't wear the identity of it. Just be present. Because that's where the real awakening lives. In the silence beneath the trying, in the space between thoughts, in the deep acceptance of what is. And that's the funny thing. When you stop searching, when you stop labeling yourself as spiritual or not spiritual, you finally find what you were searching for all along. Peace. Not peace you create, but peace that's already here. So, the next time someone tells you to be more spiritual, smile gently because you'll know something they don't. That the real awakening has nothing to do with being spiritual. It's about being real, being raw, being free. You don't need crystals. You don't need mantras. You don't need fancy words. You just need to be willing to see what's true right here, right now, beyond all ideas of what awakening should look like. Because the truth doesn't fit inside an identity. It's bigger than that. It's who you already are before the story of spiritual ever began. So remember this, you don't wake up by being spiritual. You wake up from being spiritual. And when that happens, you finally stop trying to find the light because you realize that you are the light.

TRIGGER WARNING DEATH AND SUICIDE !!! I’ve been watching gore since a teenager I’ve always been fascinated with death. From murders to suicide I don’t understand what’s so interesting about it. I guess it’s because I know it’s inevitable and one day will happen, Suicide has got to be my favorite of just being alive and boom pure nothingness etc. I know it’s not healthy but I love watching suicide videos I’ve thought about filming my death one day so I can be shared on the internet as a meme etc.

In other words, to think that something fundamental, consciousness, God, whatever, lies behind change would imply that it would exist without change, but in the absence of change, consciousness, God, or whatever would be indistinguishable from nothingness. It would be nothingness. Therefore, reality is change, and change is infinite, since its absence does not exist. Then you could say that the foundation of reality is nothingness, but nothingness implies an absence of limits, so automatically nothingness is everything. Nothingness is not a possibility because implies limits, and limits are something. It's absolutely inevitable, reality is openess and it's everything

Sounds exciting and interesting. I was only quasi trolling him to make him get that speculation is one thing and actually tapping into what is actually the case without a shred of doubt. In case you want to discuss this specific possibility then check Leo's video "why reality is NOT a simulation ". for the sake of argument.. Let's say we are literally made out of pixels..there is a computer running real life behind the scenes somewhere... Now what is the computer made out of? If there is a computer running real life.. What is running the computer? Another computer? Computers all the way down? What is the ultimate ground substance of reality? You should see that reality can't be anything else but groundless consciousness floating in nothingness. Nothing else makes sense.

My first experience with the substance, and perhaps the first report on its use intramuscularly: Firstly, a bit of context: I've been away from spirituality the past 3 months, actively avoiding it and getting into trouble in various ways, for interesting reasons I'll share elsewhere; until finally last week a sudden tectonic shift in consciousness occured, which rendered running away from God untenable. Still, coming back, particularly to psychedelics, was scary, and I backed out several times. But ultimately one way or another fear had to be overcome with love. IM'd 3.5mg, starting moderately to be safe – good call, this kiddie dose turned out to be a major experience. Some 'objective' data: the onset is within 3-4 minutes, then comeup is another 5-7, characterized by elevated HR and several potentially psychosomatic effects such as a feeling of hunger reminiscent of being sick to your stomach. After this initial discomfort, which mustn't be resisted, it settles into a very stable and smooth experience, as though this is your new baseline level of consciousness. The peak lasts around 30 minutes, after which it starts gradually and subtly dissipating until ceasing after ~90 minutes in total. Compared to 5-MeO-DMT, which doesn't work on me in the same way it does on most, I would call MALT much more consciousness oriented, whereas 5MD is yogic, energetic, somatic, etc., which actually makes it unique among all the substances, it operates on Being in a very distinct yet important way separate from mind. I imagine at breakthrough levels 5MD would white me out and result in more of a No-Self/Nothingness experiences rather than Infinite Consciousness. Also 5MD carries a heavier body load and is occasionally sore at the injection site, something I've only noticed with Ketamine, this is independent of causticity, another factor is at play. I'm staring at the homescreen on my tablet, first the Gmail icon, when suddenly my mind connects with all the email accounts I ever had, how I created them, all the messages contained within. Then it's the audiobook player app, I cognize all the files, their encoder/container, size in bytes on disk, the methods by which they were decrypted, holding the entire encryption 'space' – RSA, AES, EC... and of course the contents of the books, the life stories of their authors and narrators. Next is the to-do widget, with items written in Russian. Through those Cyrillic characters I take a quick dip into compsci again by blazing through UTF-8 and then there's the entire history of Russia like an open book. Mind is a compression algorithm of infinite potency, the whole of reality is readily available exactly where you are, only a change of state is required to start unzipping it. Small caveat, even though I describe it all sequentially, it's not really structured that way, some parts are retroactively added and expanded by simply recalling them at a later point, because in those states time is simply irrelevant, it hardly matters whether to pull from the present, distant memories, or several months into the future. This has become something of theme in my deepest psychedelic voyages and it'd say it's an important step towards jailbreaking the mind. My focus shifts to Love, I begin with feeling the affection of my mother's genuine concern in my heart, then quickly expand outwards until it's crystal clear that the exact same feeling underpins every act of hate and violence currently happening in the world. More obvious than that we're on planet Earth! In fact, are we? I turn my gaze towards the window in which the reflections of the headlights of the cars driving down in the street can be seen, and enter a state of not-knowing. I remove the notion of cars, only the mystery and beauty of the multicolored lights flashing before my eyes remain. After that, several minutes are spent admiring my hand, or more precisely the intelligence that animates its motion and sensations, with all the infinite background that appears to enable this. I take a moment to appreciate how science, utilized correctly, enhances spirituality immensely. Metabolism, optics, 4 fundamental forces, matrices, calcium ion channels, topology, polarity, measurement, engineering, the list goes on. It's quite amazing to look at a computer in such a state where you can fuse all the understanding that powers what a computer is, from how the kernel is written to the way our eyes perceive luma and chroma. In the same way, tripping on a psychedelic becomes something else when you study the neuropharmacology and chemistry behind it. And yet the mystery doesn't go away, in fact it only deepens. I briefly held the ambition of fully grasping and articulating just how these substances raise consciousness to infinity and then without fail modulate it back down, irrespective of how beyond brains and time you go, before quickly realizing that even if I manage to get all that, to explain it I'd have to explain all of reality with infinite context, which is by definition impossible. Though Truth can bypass this limitation by having insight into itself directly, Nothingness is fundamental to that. Finished off with a fascinating experience of endlessly zooming into the wood planks that make up my floor, while simultaneously observing myself doing that from a bird's eye view of sorts, as though an eye looking into a microscope so far it loops back to seeing itself from above. So this was a nice first glance back into the realm of God-consciousness and this chemical in particular, which I now consider some of the very best available, of those I've sampled thus far. P.S.: I have really strong opinions regarding the IM route, to me it's patently clear at this point that the other methods are just barbaric and inefficient in comparison. Yes, you can raise valid concerns about purity and sterility, but all that is solvable with some effort. There's a reason IM & IV are used in hospitals. I distinctly remember having to deconstruct the massive stigma surrounding it, I too used to think this is pathetic junkie stuff, and stepping over it was quite uncomfortable, but I'm so happy to have been wrong on this issue. So I highly encourage to keep an open mind. Part of the reason hardly anyone is reaching levels of consciousness Leo talks about is wrong route, his abnormal sensitivity offsets that, but it won't for a regular person. Just look at Shulgin's notes and dosages with 5-MeO-DMT vaporized vs. IV. It's regrettable seeing people plugging 20mg and getting nowhere near where I, insensitive as a rock, manage to with a dose you can't even measure with your ridiculous scoops.

I was in the military for 20 years so I do lay around quite a bit now. But not all the time....I have 3 boys, a girlfriend and an 8 month old german shepherd/husky mix pup lol. This wasn't meant as a bs brag post or something for an inflated ego to munch. Just information sharing....that's it! There are flowers and trees and plants and animals and bodies. These physical appearances are as real as real can get........& yes if you poke a hungry mother bear with a stick, she might rip your throat out and allow her cubs to eat the carcass. Enlightenment is not about anything physical with apparent reality. It's not about anything in particular at all. It's also not about dying or surrendering or denying or avoiding. But the whole recognition simultaneously includes all of these things.......enlightenment is all inclusive....it includes everything and rejects nothing. Enlightenment pertains to the End of a seemingly personalized identification experience. And nobody realizes it. Nobody wakes up. Nobody continues on living the good enlightened life. So it's not for anyone 😔.......I know, it's disappointing. What continues living on, is an empty body until it physically dies. This emptiness or nothingness is simultaneously the fullness or completness longed for by the self illusion. But this emptiness phenomenon is only recognized when the self illusion is also recognized as emptiness. It's just no longer energized, when it's clearly seen to be unreal. But nothing actually dies because it was never real from the start......hence why its referred to as a self illusion. Bottom line: It's very very very rare......so be skeptical of anyone claiming enlightenment......or don't......it doesn't ultimately matter either way......nothing does. ❤️

I can agree on this, I am not saying those things in my post for anyone to believe it or disbelieve, rather ppl have to find out themselves Experientially, so know one can say yes this is truth or no this is not truth, we individually have to find out.. But Yoga has been around for thousands of Years, they say and relate their experiences and methods they used to find out the truth for themselves. This is the problem with talking about Grand Things like Enlightenment, Death, God, and Absolute, and wanting concrete answers, its doesn't work that way at all, what we write here is not IT, concepts are not IT, but we can use methods to first make ourselves Peaceful of our own nature, then from that solid foundation, we can go further and Explore what they have said in the past to find out if it is True or not.. Or one can continue to live they way they are, suffer today, feel good tomorrow, listen to other ppl, search for drama to feel their hearts beat, have kids, work to Your 80 then die, maybe to do it all over again or nothingness,,,

Earlier I wrote about an experience I think was death where I found myself in a black abyss, no time, no space, nothing. At first it felt like absolute emptiness, but then I had the sense that nothing was there because I hadn’t created anything yet (possibilities felt endless). However, there are two things that I've been wrecking my head around. First, if free will exists and is absolute, could we choose what happens after death? Second, if nothing happens after death, can nothingness be aware of itself? Does awareness require a contrast between nothing and something? To illustrate this, is being aware of nothing like a fish being aware of water? Does a fish notice the water itself, or only the variations in it, like currents, temperature, salinity? If there were no variations, would the water disappear for the fish and become an invisible background? Is “nothing” simply the absence of perceivable differences, or could it be an experience in its own right?

Little back story about me and how I even got to Actualized.org. When I was 3 years old, the USA bombarded my city, so I grew up in a post-war era. Because of this, I spent a lot of time in my village that was so far off the civilization (ironically a place called Devil's Town, a place that almost got nominated for the 7 wonders of the world). Not really sure if that's what got me into the spirituality, or the fact that I spent a lot of time in nature in the middle of nowhere (no TV, no technology, no mobile signal, not even street lighting). In such a place, the only thing a 5 years old kid could do is play with wolves, snakes, and think about the nature of existence. The more I reflected on life and death, the more I started to grasp the concept of infinity (see book on Leo's booklist called "Collision with the Infinite"). I kept thinking about the fact that I will die one day, and kept asking one and the same question. What if NOTHING will ever happen again. No more watching beautiful sunrise and sunsets, no more playing with animals, no more playing Yugioh cards, no more playing with other kids, no more listening to music, no more breathing fresh air. Not in one hundred years, not in a billion years, but NEVER AGAIN. There will be nothing, complete darkness and emptiness FOREVER. This was my collision with the infinite, and I didn't even know it yet. Moving fast forward 15 years into the future. I met some random guy on a birthday party who, for the first time, introduced me to the mushrooms, and told me about his experience on 5 grams. Up until this day, this guy has no clue how much he has changed the directory of my life. His story intrigued me so much that I decided to take 5 grams of Golden Preacher. When mushrooms started kicking in, I thought they're poisoned, and I was dying. That was the day when I died and faced my biggest fear, NOTHINGNESS. I ended up in a black abyss of emptiness, and I stayed there for millions of years (despite that trip lasted only 4 hours). That experience was so traumatizing, and it left a huge scar on me. But then something strange happened, something that pretty much brought me to Actualized.org channel. While I was in that black abyss, I got hit by this feeling that this is not the first time I've been here. I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE! As if the dejavu happened to me, that place was suddenly very familiar. And then this thought hit me: "Nothing exists because you haven't created anything yet". Ironically, the Bible's opening line is "in the beginning was the word". And at that moment a light flashed out of nowhere, I felt the sensation of breathing, and the mushroom trip stopped. I finally came back to planet earth, but I thought to myself, these mushrooms are definitely not from this planet, this is some crazy alien shit (and I still believe that). Now, we get to the point where everything goes full circle (there's a good quote on this later on). I told my best friend what happened, and he got intrigued just as I was when I first met that guy at the birthday party. Soon we both started experimenting with mushrooms, until one day my friend took a DMT. None of us knew what DMT was at that time. His trip was so bad, so much that he experienced a complete mental breakdown, and ended up in a psychiatric hospital. It probably took him a year to stabilize. They're feeding him with these pills that literally block the dopamine receptors, and let me tell you, my best friend was like a zombie, a dead body without a will to even get out of the bed in the morning. That's some serious shit. Years went by where I avoided psychedelics because of this. However, I know that I'm on a heroes journey, I want to become a God, I want to know the Truth, and it keeps calling me 24/7. I really want to think that there is no such thing as "destiny", but I keep getting the signals. Every single day when I check the time on my clock, I see a very specific number, a number that happens to be my best friend's date of birth. EVERY SINGLE DAY I SEE THAT NUMBER ON A CLOCK. Everywhere I look I see it, whether it's a graffiti on the wall, or the price tag on the shirt I want to buy. Because of this, I'm planning to take DMT on my best friend's birthday (destiny must be fulfilled I guess). A few weeks ago I took 5 grams of mushrooms because I wanted to ask myself really deeply, is this what I want in life? Do I really want to become God? Do I really want to know the Truth? Is this my purpose? Do I have the courage to go into black abyss again? Will there be light this time, or will I be stuck there permanently (think of the spinning top in Inception that spins indefinitely)? How bad do I really want all of this? Will I loose my mind and end up at the psychiatric hospital? As I was reflecting on these questions, I came to one very important conclusion. It wasn't just a conclusion, but the words that I said out loud for the first time in my life, and I really meant it. I NEED HELP. It really took a lot of courage to say these words, both to myself, and to you. For the past few days, I've visited monasteries, spoke with monarchs, drank holy water... but I still feel that the apocalypse is boiling in me, and that I'm currently a time bomb. This morning I lit some incense and put it in an ashtray (they use them in churches for ceremonies and prayers), and I started thinking about (already watched psychology of conformity video) what would happen if a Christian guy, who truly believes in God, had a direct experience of God, BUT it turns out that the God is not what he believed it to be, or how God was described in the holy scripts. How would that experience change this Christian guy? As if the God heard my thoughts, an ashtray exploded in front of me. I quickly took the remaining's of incense because tit was still burning, and put it in another ashtray, and thought to myself "was this a coincidence?". And as if the God heard my thoughts again, the another ashtray exploded. Okay, definitely not a coincidence... I would really appreciate your advice on this, I really don't know what will happen when I take DMT, whether I will come back or not, whether I will loose my mind and end up in psychiatric hospital, and whether I will be able to function normally in this society afterwards. All I know is that something has to change very quickly, and that I need to make a choice. This time, I cannot reject the calling. It even crossed my mind to do DMT at the very top of the Devil's town (that way it will be in my 7 wonders of the world xD). I truly appreciate your time for reading this and helping me. There are two quotes I want to leave you with: "Through an action, a man becomes a hero. Through death, a hero becomes legend. Through time, a legend becomes myth. Through hearing a myth, a man takes an Action..." -unknown "Sometimes you're not meant to go over, or under, or around it. Sometimes, you're meant to go through it. You just have to get through it." - Elderly client in a lucid state, describing his battle with dementia.

Solipsism is a description nothing is describing. Solipsism is simply nothing being everything. There are myriads of ways to describe the ways of nothingness. And they’re all identical. Same yet different.

Since reality is imaginary (everything is your imagnitive mind's product. I can't really explain this here ..I did it before in previous threads of mine )Then whatever you imagine becomes real for you . So if you imagine and firmly believe that after death you will go to hell ..you will. And if you imagine that after death you go to a paradise..you will. And if you imagine and believe that after death you will reincarnate as a new human being (or an animal)..you will. And if you imagine and believe that after death its just pure nothingness forever..then that's what's gonna happen. So take responsibility for what you are imagining/believing . "Be careful what you wish for " as they say . I can't really explain how I came to this conclusion..if you understand that the entire universe is something you are imagining (just like how you imagine the universe in your dreams ) then you are creating whatever experience you are having . So ..you die every night when you fall asleep and then you imagine a dream world .or sometimes you don't dream at all and it's pitch black . Well..that's the case with physical death as well..you imagine what comes next . This is why it's important to explore your subconscious mind and purfiy it. Because it created reality .you need to align the subconscious mind with the conscious mind to work together in harmony to create the next dream. Now I can't deny it ..this is somewhat speculative perspective of mine. So take it with a grain of salt and validate for yourself in your own direct experience and awakening work.