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Rage Quitting I feel like I'm depressed with work but in a high functioning way. I'm still able to keep up my responsibilities and seem like a normal person socially but I feel this persistent heaviness. I think it's a combination of the state of the world, my current work environment, and my social life (or lack there of). I feel like I'm harboring more animosity towards my job than usual. I remember when the snowstorm came in through Texas, part of me wished that we were snowed in with no electricity so that I won't have to work for a few days. And I remember clocking myself and mentally thinking *it's kind of fucked up that you hate your job / want a break so bad that you would want to deal with a natural disaster.* Around the same time, I remember also REALLY beating myself up for being exhausted with work and life in general. And while I was in a bad place mentally and I felt consumed in that, I also had a voice in the back of my mind saying *Hey, this isn't how you normally react and it isn't a reflection of your actual values. This is a conditioned response you have been getting from your job in an environment that keeps demanding more and more in terms of productivity.* The other day, I was in the dentist office and it was taking longer than expected. I took time off from my regular work day for this. And lowkey, while I was in that dentist chair, I was kind of hoping that there was something fucked up that happened to my teeth to justify taking the whole day off. I also have been having recurring fantasies to rage quit with no back up plan because the thought of hopping to another job also feels enraging. The fantasy involves me being unemployed for 3-4 months, travelling, prioritizing other areas of my life, reconnecting back to myself, and then coming back to the work force. Or better yet, start grad school and stay in school for a couple of years (debt free of course), then go back to work. Basically, I want a summer vacation lol. I want a few months where my daily schedule doesn't revolve around increasing shareholder value and then time to decompress from increasing shareholder value. I want to use these few months travelling, educating myself, working on personal habits, bed rotting a couple days without feeling a scarcity around my free time, introspecting, enjoying my hobbies, spending time with loved ones, and just in general slowing tf down. But here are my problems: I don't want to quit my job because I don't want to lose out on the tenure I do have in this economy (which can protect me financially) or my opportunities for relocation. I have a stable job that I'm performing well at in a stable company which if shit hits the fan in this country, I can easily jump ship. That's not to be treated flippantly in today's world especially considering that my job is mostly just mildly toxic and kinda annoying as opposed to straight up abusive. I feel like I don't have a good enough reason to take leave. I know a lot of people take leave because of physical health issues, to take care of loved ones, maternity reasons, dire mental health situations etc. And I'm just here with high functioning depression and an existential crisis. I also don't want a permanent exit. Like I don't fantasize about being a stay at home wife nor do I want a life where I don't have a job at all. Then I came across this video and I thought I'd go through each section here: "Suddenly, the corner office looks less like an achievement and more like a slow motion suicide." The video above talks about it in the context of a health scare or a parent dying. But for me, I'm seeing in the way that my thoughts have been slowly rewired over the last couple of years and how I feel a sense of dread at the thought of a promotion or doing better work. "According to research from the Journal of Positive Psychology published in 2020, the people who successfully exit the race often share a specific cognitive trait. They score higher on what psychologists call 'temporal discounting flexibility.' Basically, their brains are better at valuing future well being over immediate status gains. Most human brains heavily discount the future. A reward today is worth way more than the same reward tomorrow. It's why we eat the cookie, skip the gym, take the promotion that'll wreck our health in five years. But some brains, either through genetics, experience, or conscious rewiring, can actually feel future you as vividly as present you. When they imagine themselves at 65, exhausted and wealthy, it feels real enough to compete with the dopamine hit of today's achievement. That's not weakness, that's a different kind of intelligence. Let's talk about what goes into the decision to exit. Becuase it's not simple. It's not just work less, stress less. There is a complex psychological equation happening." Like, I feel my brain constantly scream at me to take a break even though I'm functioning okay on a day to day basis. I think this is why. Then the video goes into the following concepts: Identity Dissolution: You stop defining yourself according to your job. I never defined myself according to my job. Social Pressure of what the tribe thinks: People will ask if you're okay, having a crisis, got fired etc. You're making an unconventional life choice. I think what I said about feeling like I don't have a good enough reason to take a break is a symptom of the social pressure of what situations are acceptable to take a break from and what you're expected to power through. Financial Fear: earning / saving less / retirement issues. You can have higher anxiety around money even if you do this responsibly and you are financially secure when you remove the upward trajectory. I relate to this. I feel like I have a good amount of money saved up to where if end up unemployed, I'm not going to be freaking out about bills rather I'm going to be freaking out about a gap in my resume. I also feel like this fear comes up when I think about changing careers or moving to a place that has a higher cost of living. Loss of the game itself: Some people miss stress, the clear metrics, the competition, the adrenaline of high stakes performance. They get addicted to the rewards and the challenge itself. Yup... I cannot relate to this. Then the video goes to explain that the "quiet exiters aren't escaping to a blissful, stress free paradise. They are trading one set of problems for a completely different set." Yes, studies show that people are happier because of less stress, more time, more autonomy because people who prioritize time over money report higher satisfaction. At the same time, other studes show that people have more existential anxiety reagarding how they had to figure out what actually mattered to them outside of external structure of achievement. Many people don't ask these questions because they use career achievement to distract themselves from deeper questions about meaning and purpose. They don't know what they want from life so as a result, when they exit, they don't find peace, they find themselves face to face from questions they've been running from. Other people notice that once they aren't chasing the dopamine hits of achievement, they have to learn to be okay with less. This is difficult because it's hedonic adaptation in reverse. I think for me, prior to my corporate job, I already went through the phase of figuring out what matters to me in life and my own personal definition of success. So I don't feel like I have been using my job to distract myself from deeper questions. As a result, I don't think I have an issue with the highs of dopamine hits of achievements or other life style factors since I generally have a pretty modest life. I think what this job has done is that it has caused me to "lose the plot" on some level due to the day ins and day outs. On a mental and emotional level, I do care about travel, self development, my relationships, and my well being waaay more than my job. But in action, I dedicate a very large portion of my day to my job. And I don't think it's a bad thing, my job can be a source of self development and structure that also helps fund the other important things I have listed above. However, I think the way that my life has been structured has been feeling like it's causing me to stray from what's important rather than to fuel it. And I have been observing this attitude shift in the way that I feel like my free time is scarce, how I beat myself up for needing rest even though I didn't do that before, and how I have been putting more and more pressure on myself to be functioning on an individual level better than the system I'm functioning in. Basically, I expect myself to have my shit together on an individual level despite the world crumbling around me on a collective level. And I don't think that's a very realistic set of standards to hold myself to. I think in addition to wanting to pour my energy into different areas of life, more than anything, I crave slowing down and being present. "But here's what people who successfully exit the race often discover, a completely different kind of freedom. They're no longer making decisions based on what looks impressive to other people. They're making decisions based on what actually feels good to them. And that shift, according to research on self determination theory from the University of Rochester, is associated with higher intrinsic motivation and sustained well being." I think in general I have a pretty high degree of instrinsic motivation but I still do care about what other people think in order to maintain my employment and basic sense of security. I think I can improve upon the sustained well being bit. "Research from the Journal of Happiness Studies shows that people who work fewer hours report experiencing time as moving more slowly. Not in a boring way, in a present way. They notice seasons changing. They remember their weeks. They feel less like they're skimming across the surface of their own lives." I think this pretty much summarizes how I want to feel after my break and further emphasized the bolded part above. Finally, the last five minutes of the video was talking about how people can train themselves to think this way by deliberate practice, exposure to different values, through enough pain so that the old equations stopped making sense. With sustained effort, people can reshape their reward pathways, and as a result, change what they are motivated, what they are inspired by, as well as what they crave/ find pleasure in. "You can literally rewire what feels rewarding. But it's not easy. It's not a decision you make once. It's a decision you make everyday, every time you chose time over money, every time you disappoint someone's expectations, every time you resist the urge to compare yourself to the people still racing. You're fighting against 300,000 years of evolution that says 'climb higher' and that takes a very specific kind of courage." Basically, my takeaway is that you can rewire your brain for more fulfillment. And I'm pretty sure that can be the same for less fulfillment as well. I think my job has been rewiring my brain apart from how it was when I first started this job and I want to get back to my own sense of authenticity. I think if I were to take a break, it's not going to be as existential crisis inducing as this video suggests since I have already ldone like 80% of the work prior to being in my corporate job. Wiring your brain for fulfillment is like working a muscle. For me. it's more like getting back into the gym after not going for a while, having to struggle for 2 weeks, and then your muscle memory kicks in and you're back to your previous performance levels. That is waaay different than someone who never worked out who is trying to establish the habit of working out for the first time.

Iran are playing 500 IQ chess while America is playing pin the tail on the donkey. It’s not even in the same ballpark. Iran knows the West is war-weary. Iran knows their country is unconquerable and that any attempt to use more force against them is basically a suicide mission. All the cards are in their favour. But instead of going all out and causing maximum damage to US assets / Israel / foreign shipping etc which would sour the world against them, they’re instead playing it relatively safe, using pressure (but not open destruction) to block the Straight of Hormuz, and making America / Israel trip over themselves as those two countries continue to flip flop on their stated goals and lose more and more troops in a war they’re not really sure why they’re fighting. All Iran has to do is wait this one out. The longer it goes on the worse it looks for Trump, and the more other nations will be willing to negotiate. Say what you will about their government but from a strategic POV they know what they’re doing.

This one is interesting, a girl from spain went through a lot, demanded to end her life as a merciful act and the government accepted after 2 years. here's her story: So Noelia Castillo Ramos was a 25-year-old girl from Spain. Her life got completely messed up after severe trauma and a suicide attempt that left her paralyzed and in constant pain. She grew up in a broken family with addicted and psychologically unstable parents, so the state took her to a child protection center. In 2022, she was subjected to a gang assault by a group. She jumped from the fifth floor in an attempt to end her life, but she survived and became paralyzed, suffering from chronic pain and severe psychological issues. On top of that, she was dealing with heavy psychological struggles since she was a teenager. At some point, she decided she couldn't keep living like that and asked for euthanasia under the law. It wasn't something quick though. She spent like 2 years going through doctors, evaluations, and courts, while her dad was trying to stop it the whole time. In the end, the courts said she was fully aware and made the decision on her own, so they allowed it. Here's where the discussion gets heated: Pros / why people support her choice: She suffered intensely and for years, physical and psychological pain. She was fully aware of her decision and repeatedly asked for it. Traditional treatments and therapies couldn't relieve her suffering enough. Autonomy matters: it's her life, her choice. Cons / why some worry: Could be normalized, more people might see euthanasia as an "easy solution" to suffering. Vulnerable populations might feel pressure, consciously or unconsciously. Psychological suffering sometimes improves with therapy or support, so critics worry euthanasia could happen too early. Legal/moral lines are blurred when it's not a terminal illness. People claim she could've been saved and the system let her go/failed her her family deserves a saying (her dad and sister refused) Of course religious and cultural reasons. My take? Honestly, for her specifically, she wanted it, she was suffering, she repeatedly asked for it for 2 years, so it's her right. The broader society concerns can be dealt with another way. My question though is, if she was enlightened, would she do the same? if she was conscious of infinite love and God, would that make a difference?

I'm recovering from it now. Got covid in 2023. Haven't worked since 2024. Was in bed most of 2025. Trying to build up my exercise and getting sad that I've become too deconditioned to do serious exercise, but having faith in rehab with physios. My advice - 1) Limit technology, stay conscious with your body 2) Gradually increase 3) Look into Raelan Agle - Brain retraining and polyvagal theory. It has helped me You gotta convince your brain it is safe to engage in activity. It may take a bit of time before your body lets you recover. I'm 2.5 years in and can do 10k steps with difficulty. I am able to walk 10k steps right now after being bed bound up until january, but the after effect of the activity is sometimes concerning. Try to see it as a an opportunity to get to know yourself. I was fit and active before, but now I'll probably use this as a push towards weight training and conditioning my body more carefully, as opposed to just doing carido. Maybe this expereince will lead us to developing better body conditioning to avoid pain later in our lives. My MH issues taught me things that saved me from suicide during the year I was unable to leaev my bed.

Technical: Bodyweight: 140lbs, 6ft Dosage: 150-200ug Setting: Apartment Room/Alone Time: 5:30pm Mindset: Nervous. Excited. Recently had emotional fallout with an ex lover. Trouble at work as well. Financial/medical bill troubles as well. Intention: Hoping for change, no matter its form Summary: 5:30pm 2 tabs sublingual 6:00pm universe destroyed 5:00am sleep 9:00am next day woken up Part 1 (Ingestion/Onset) Sat on my chair in my living room and stared out of the window at the trees. Placed 2 paper tabs under tongue. 30 minutes of quiet waiting. Sudden uncontrollable laughter/crying. Window, ceiling, and carpet start melting. Room is collapsing. Heavy, powerful hallucinations. I cannot sit anymore. I fall from chair, legs spread wide open. Fucked and raped by the universe until I die. Eternity spent in the moment of death. Eternity in each piece of the carpet as I open my eyes slowly. Legs twitch in orgasm. Crawl toward fireplace. Fireplace is both an eternal distance away and somehow right in front of me. It is also conscious? Room is teal colored and alive. The universe is alive! Stand, but shakily... full motor control is lost. Clothing somehow off. Go inside bedroom to get under blanket covers. Starting to get cold. Turn on my blue wall lights--too bright. Just the yellow ones please. Few minutes under covers. Body starts burning. Body is scaling now. Part 2 (Peak) Run to bathroom to vomit. GREEN VOMIT? How? So much of it in sink. Rinse and spit with warm water. Look in mirror. Wow... Beauty. Scream. Stand tall. Bathroom is a green teal color. Universe takes snapshots of 'me' in bathroom from various angles, creating existence in real time. Sit on toilet. Think about life. Hallucinate infinity. Heavy fractals, beautiful patterns of various vibrant colors stretch on forever. They are real. Universe takes snapshots of 'me' on the toilet from infinite angles. I ask questions... WHY EXISTENCE? Silly question. PLAY. DANCE. FUCK. LIVE. GOODNESS, IF THATS YOUR THING. OR NONE OF IT. DOESN'T MATTER. WHO AM I? Another silly question. GOD/NOTHING/ETERNAL AWARENESS I go back to living room. I play some somber piano music on my phone. Sounds amazing! Music is so beautiful. Go back to my room under blanket covers. Yellow lights are so beautiful. I play the song "I Lied To You" from the film, "Sinners". I don't know why. I turned me on. A lot. I masturbate to a porn video. It's amazing but sort of fake. Ejaculation felt good, but nothing feels as good or is as beautiful as the MOMENT right now. Also, The true language of GOD is SILENCE. Some somber music is fine, but silence is BEST. Somber music is fine, nothing loud! Also, you don't need any fancy items like lotus, sand gardens, posters, incense, galaxy projectors or anything else. RIGHT NOW IS BLISS ENOUGH. BE SIMPLE. GOD IS SIMPLE (YET INFINITY IS COMPLEX) All that is to say, the experienced now is = ejaculation I look at the ceiling. Funny face mouthing at me. I ask myself the question, was I living properly? Not to my fullest potential, I am distracting myself constantly. Be bored, be present, go out, genuine connect with others, and LIVE. Many more questions... Addiction? Fleeting. Doesn't matter. GOD. RIGHT NOW Let her go? Doesn't matter. Protect the organism if you must. But also, GOD RIGHT NOW. Forgiveness? Doesn't matter. Protect the organism if you must. But also, GOD RIGHT NOW. God has no answers, because God cannot know anything outside its direct/current experience. God is simultaneously all knowing, yet knows nothing (paradox yet true) (deal with it). The only thing for certain that is true is the RIGHT NOW and BREATH. With each breath--creation happening through I. This RIGHT NOW IS ETERNAL, NOTHING CAME BEFORE THIS AND NOTHING AFTER. All memories are pure fantasy, do not exist. Only thing that exists is NOW. Even time did not exist before the NOW. Time is being created by 'I' second to second. A sense of becoming what I am. I AM. I AM. I AM. THE ETERNAL NOW IS ALSO playful/sexual in nature. It is childlike but also an elderly person. THE ETERNAL NOW IS ALSO good/seeking to perpetuate GOOD. Evil doesn't exist. All of "evil" is God. Doing someone wrong is God. Murder is God. RAPE IS GOD. RAPE IS AN ACT OF LOVE. Eternal now also has a forgiving nature unto itself. It's too busy playfully fucking itself to create itself to be anything else or hold any grudge. THE ETERNAL NOW IS ALSO lacking in emotions such as shame, guilt, anger. EMOTIONS ARE FLEETING. ONLY TRUE EMOTION IS LOVE. THE ETERNAL NOW IS IMAGINED INTO CREATION. Part 3 (Comedown) I went back to the toilet. Sat down to pee. Pee is God. Toilet water is God. Protect the organism, it is weak. Drank water. Water is the best thing ever. 10/10 would recommend. Chopped and ate some watermelon. It looked funny! ONE OF THE BEST MEALS OF MY LIFE. I looked deeply at the dried sunflowers in my room and the hair on my hand. So intricate and beautiful. Like a painting. My breath/core/torso/abdomen/anus is where the universe originates from in each moment second to second. Went outside very slowly to greet the moon. It was glorious! Came back inside, sat on couch for a while (thinking about life again). I realized that anything bad can be sat with and breathed away (let it go). What to do in life? Anything or nothing, doesn't matter. Suicide is not the answer though. Breath is given and Life is meant to be LIVED. SO LIVE and SPREAD GOOD, however you see goodness to spread. Maybe play some piano, make someone laugh, connect with people. Around 5:00am, I finally went to sleep in bed. Other messages as I awoke the next day: God said cleanliness is next to Godliness (so clean your room!) and pick up trash

Usually you don’t want to war if your on the receiving end of the pain though, unless your literally occupied or invaded hence Ukraine fought back with determination. The threat of Iran has been amplified to such a degree even though they negotiated the JCPOA which Trump tore up. They were negotiating and conceding even more on nukes this year before they got attacked again. They only retaliated after being hit first by Israel - the first time they staged a retaliatory strike with coordination and warning simply to establish deterrance and no lives lost. Even though they’ve had constant decapitation hits on scientists or general soleimani for example.They’ve been under crippling sanctions as well. Considering all that they’ve been restrained up till now - and now don’t want a simple ceasefire without changing the balance of power in the region as to not have constant mowing of the lawn type repeats year after year. Beyond nukes - the other two issues are proxies and missiles. The proxies emerged from Israel’s own occupation of Palestinians - Hamas internal and Hezbollah to the North. Of course Iran would support them to gain an asymmetric advantage through strategic depth around the adversary who wants you destroyed - because that’s all it has as deterrence - totally rational from a survival aspect. Being asked to drop those two would be suicide. The proxy network less so and is probably reasonable to demand - but the missiles is a red line as that’s really all they have as a deterrance - they’d be sitting ducks without it and barely have a airforce of their own. The gulf countries didn’t have a choice but to give up some sovereignty for protection because they have vulnerable geographies and small populations / armies. So they made the bargain - be under US security umbrella and give up autonomy due to lack of hard power. They’ve just tried using financial leverage to influence the US as much as possible - and they still got suckered into their patrons geopolitics and are suffering for it. Iran is different due to its strengths - population size, geography like a fortress, military etc. so they don’t want to submit to the US system on unfavourable terms - they have the aged power to say no and the history of empires suffocating them to want a end to that. There’s actually a divide amongst Muslims and people in general on Iran/GCC. Some view Iran as expansionist and bad, others as heroics. People view GCC as either peaceful pragmatic nation builders or sell outs to the West. But the truth is their postures are downstream from their position - whether they’re inside the system (GCC) or outside it trying to get sucked in as subordinate (Iran). And GCC didn’t have much choice so shouldn’t be judged to that degree. It’s simply real politik and trying to survive based on the cards you got. Much of this stems from Israel’s initial sin of occupying and dominating Palestinians - and wanting to secure itself in maximalist terms by fracturing the region including the last defiant state (Iran). That lead to resistant groups like Hamas and Hezbollah which is literally a militia within Lebanon rivalling its own army. US aligns with Israels ME interests for its own reasons of empire (petro dollar / critical trade corridor). All this cluster fuck is because one traumatised group of people persecuted by Westerners, wanted a safe homeland and went to all lengths to get it, displacing native people on that land - and now needing to dominate them till this day in order to maintain it. That caused a spillover effect onto an angered region. Jews who are already highly sensitive to threats due to past trauma - based their sense of security on domination that only entrenches more insecurity. And because the same empire that enabled Zioland also wants control of the strategic heartland of Eurasia - they both imperially mess up the region.

Trump seems seriously mentally deteriorating; he seems like a 12-year-old. I doubt Trump has made any decisions about this war. They let him make minor decisions and make him believe he's the great president. It's pathetic. And what the Marines will do? Suicide? Nowadays with drones any invasion is a hell, we can see it in Ukraine. J guess that they are going to put some pressure Maybe there is and he doesn't understand it. For Sachs everything is very simple, he's totally one tendency, no nuances Let's see how it ends. Really I don't understand it, but maybe they saw absolutely necessary to get low the military capacity of irán, destroying factories and weaponry. The Iranians will always say that this doesn't make them weaker, while the Americans claim to have destroyed 99.9% of Iran's offensive capabilities, so it's impossible to know. The fact is that Iran is an aggressive country. We'll see how the situation stands after the war; judging it now, as Sachs did, seems premature to me.

WOAH, what! The man is mirin on another level with that. That's a hard no boundary from me. Out of curiosity did he cast it in plaster or... some sort of latex/rubber material? That would be one textured wall... Yeah this was always a worry for me, but the bulk of my modelling was prior to OF. Heaps of negative reels and darkroom prints. Sadly, the artist I worked with the most passed away. I have a lot of my old works. He committed suicide by drinking a bottle of wine and throwing himself off a cruise liner. Left a note, all his works he had done with dancers and models were distributed back to them in his will. So I received all my negatives in the post after his 'funeral'.

Today at impro we had a complete men group. 4 dudes. The first time no girl was part of the group. I immediately felt the change in power dynamics and me more as an outsider. There was basically one alpha and two dude kinda following him and I was acting a bit outside of that dynamic but also like an outsider. We are adults though, why the hell do dynamics like this still come up.. thats a big reason why I prefer girls as friends. Its problematic though as just platonic friendships are hard to get. Anyway at some point they talked about really sensitive stuff. Like personal experience with suicide thoughts and so on. A men group sharing feelings. I shared the least but also a chunk. Pretty wholesome if it wasnt for the feeling that I was left out a little.

Of course take responsibility for your health. But in the end worrying about is a loosing game, your body is slowly disintegrating every day and what is going to happen to your body i at large not under you control. You should spend a day at a nursing home, what happens to the body and mind at 85+ years is horrifying. Its a fact of life. But you are using you mind wrong if you ruminate about it. Are you living healthily right now or working towards being able to afford a healthy lifestyle? Is your health failing right now? Why worry about it? Do your best to live your best live. At 22 you will probably live a long and healthy life as long as you don't get into a car accident, overdose or commit suicide. If you work hard one day you might transcend your fear of death and have a more free mind. And even if you don't its fine everything is equal after death.

Recently a Colonel killed his own wife and on his communications by Whatsapp with her he reveals RedPill language. Make you own search, I will let the summary translated here: Here is the translation: Messages exchanged between Lieutenant Colonel Geraldo Leite Rosa Neto and his wife, police officer Gisele Alves Santana — who was killed on February 18, 2026, in São Paulo — reveal a pattern of control, aggression, and demands for submission. The officer was charged with femicide and procedural fraud. Content and Excerpts from the Messages: Ideology of Submission: The officer referred to himself as an "alpha male" and demanded that his wife be an "obedient female." Behavioral Demands: In his messages, he wrote: "I treat you the way every alpha male treats his wife — with love, affection, respect, and protection, as long as she is an obedient and submissive female to her husband, and not a beta female who wants to set the rules..." Aggression and Threats: The message exchanges, used in the prosecution's indictment, revealed abusive behavior. In one of the records, he describes physically assaulting his wife. Control: The analyzed messages show a pattern of control over his wife's life, including an attempt to stage her death as a suicide after the crime. After the crime, body cameras worn by other police officers recorded the lieutenant colonel saying: "I'm going to take a shower, brother." The case is being treated as femicide, with evidence that the officer attempted to tamper with the crime scene.

Marxists criticize him for arguing that secret societies are the main issue of geopolitics. They say this distracts from the real problem, which is capitalism. Also, antisemitism actually strengthens Zionism since Zionism is to a huge extent based in victim-identity. I have even heard the theory that Jiang is actually funded my the Mossad to increase antisemitism for that reason. It is easier to justify violence against someone who is hateful. This does not seem so far-fetched when you learn that Israel funded terrorist groups and enabled them for that reason. This is actually how Zionism operates. Professor Jiang might be Chinese, but he seems to be a liberal. Liberals can not liberate anyone because it is liberalism that is the problem. If you somehow get rid of the secret societies you will still have liberalism, and therefore you will still have endless wars. But at the end I think there is actually an interplay between esoteric societies and capitalism. It could be argued that this forum is in some way an esoteric group. The term esotericism originally does not mean "believing in bogus or in ideas that are not epistemologically grounded" but it actually just meant something like "advanced teachings that are only accessible to the few". The isolation of these groups simply comes from the fact that just a very small minority of people can grasp truly advanced teachings and the secrecy comes from members trying to protect normies form heavy topics like suicide, nihilism, psychedelic use etc. Sounds familiar right? What separates this forum from an esoteric society with material influence is that Leo and therefore most members of this forum don't believe materialism is significant and therefore don't have the motivation to have massive material influence in the world. But this is not true for people who engage in occultism. The core principle of occultism is "as above, so below" which I interpret as encouragement to engage with and change material reality. If you define a powerful esoteric society as: "A group of people with advanced teachings that use those teachings to influence material reality" then suddenly, Marxists-Leninists with their dialectical materialism fall under that definition. But of course, Marxism-Leninism does not have enough spiritual depth to be a complete esoteric society. The reason why the western esoteric societies have such a disastrous impact on the world (if what Jiang is speculating is true of course) is not because they're evil or sadistic or some shit, it's simply because they are liberal. I once went to a meeting of Freemasons and also a meeting of the Lectorium Rosicrucianum in Germany, and they were great people with spiritual depth and they were pretty harmless. There was indeed not baby on the menu, unfortunately. However, they were hardcore liberals like pretty much all people in the west who are not educated in Marxism, historical materialism, anti-imperialism, etc. and also they are the whitest people I have ever seen. The only upper hand these societies have over Marxism-Leninism is that they have more spiritual depth and a deep historical grounding in western culture. If one would infuse Marxism-Leninism with spiritual depth with imagery that is familiar to the west, communists would take over very quickly. This is exactly what I'm trying to do.

What do you mean by this? My guess is that you are confused about the fact that I'm talking about ADHD without mentioning attention or hyperactivity. This is very intentional. I think ADHD has nothing to do with hyperactivity and problems to focus. It is not respecting the order from authority to sit still and focus on what authority wants. Terms like "respect", "loyalty" and "authority" make no sense when you have ADHD. I remember when I was a child I constantly asked myself what teachers meant when they said shit like "you are not respecting me". If one understands exactly what causes ADHD, they will be able to emphasize way more with them when they babysit them or meet them in general. People with ADHD have super high depression rate because people don't understand them and they don't understand exactly what makes them different since the current popular understanding of ADHD is dogshit. By helping to increase understanding and therefore tolerance, I think my model can help drastically reduce depression and other mental illnesses. I think it is not improbable that I will save someone from committing suicide with my work.

@zazen He didnt mention, If they get these Marines killed, I'll put money on it you'll have suicide snipers in the u.s. taking out the administration. Everybody sees it as a bloodbath if they deploy them. This guy has been out of service for a long time, so, he may be out of the loop. He worked for George W Bush, Iraq Afghanistan (obviously studied Iran). Hard to say how accurate he would be today, a lot has changed. But if he's half right, another thing he left out, that would mean desperation by the u.s. in it's attacks, not as in nuclear, but as in making serious mistakes. The beginning of this video may explain how this happened, Israel, may have overestimated U.S. capabilities.

Since so much of our life is just maintaining our own survival, it’s a surprise for many that people go 180 degrees in the opposite direction and choose to end it on their terms. In a way, it takes a lot of bravery and courage, but in high pressure survival situations, it looks like the better option. What if suicide is just an attempt at survival in another form? Is suicide truthful? Legit i’m ready to die. It is also said that many had flashes of enlightenment when deep in this mire of suicidality. if the answer isn’t physical death then what is the real answer? Wouldn’t physical death lead to death of ego too? my outer circumstances don’t exactly let me pursue the spiritual path to the max the way I want to. I’d rather be dead then to live as this fuck up also in a fucked up deluded environment around deluded people i’m so sick of the BS in me and around me that i’d rather take a leap into the unknown and kill myself. Dissolving all this BS nauseating noise, shit and impurity

this is not a picture, but an insight i just had and shared: The problem with suicide and nihilism is that they have truth to them, but the moment you grasp that, you no longer want to be nihilistic or suicidal

I’m a little confused sometimes about makes people not end their life. It’s like, I’m not the only one who struggles, yet all people who struggle don’t get suicidal thoughts. There are even people going through worse than me who don’t consider suicide. Sometimes when my suicidal thoughts get stronger I can spend hours researching suicide methods. I even bought some things I could use to kill myself but I haven’t used them yet. Sometimes I feel “I could keep living through this” But then other times I feel, I have no will to keep fighting for life. I should just end it. It would be better So I don’t understand how other people don’t feel like this when they struggle. Am I extra weak? I mean I think I’m like the average person when it comes to how much I can tolerate. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I guess I just lack a strong enough reason to live Like some people have let’s say family they are attached to, and it keeps them wanna live. But I don’t have that, I don’t love anyone at all so I have nobody to live for. It’s like all I have is my own mind. Im stuck inside of this brain 24/7. All I have access to is a comforting thought that can give me some strength. But then my mind gives up and wants to end it all. It oscillates like that Edit: I should probably answer my own question. Why don’t I kill myself? Well mostly because my situation is not like absolutely unbearable yet, so I feel I can stand it for some time ahead. Also I am afraid of a failed attempt and the pain it can cause for example you could get permanent injury. Thats it mostly. Regarding the first point. I hear stories about people going through unbearable things, so they go through it even if it’s absolutely unbearable, I don’t know how they do. Suicide must have crossed their mind at some point

Few quotes from Rudolf Steiner on the topic: "Among the various feelings a man can have as part of his ordinary life is the sheer joy of being alive, of living in a physical body. Hence he feels the lack of physical body as one of his worst deprivations. We can thus understand the terrible destiny and the horrible torments which have to be endured by the unfortunates who end their lives through suicide. When death comes naturally, the three bodies separate relatively easily. Even in apoplexy or any other sudden but natural form of death, the separation of these higher members has in fact been prepared for well in advance, and so they separate easily and the sense of loss of the physical body is only slight. But when the separation is as sudden and violent as it is with the suicide, whose whole organism is still healthy and firmly bound together, then immediately after death he feels the loss of the physical body very keenly and this causes terrible pains. This is a ghastly fate: the suicide feels as though he had been plucked out of himself, and he begins a fearful search for the physical body of which he was so suddenly deprived. Nothing else bears comparison with this." https://rsarchive.org/Lectures/GA095/English/RSPAP1986/19060824p01.html "No man would do this if he could see the significance of his deed; and when once Spiritual Science has really been taken into people's feelings and thoughts, there will be no more suicides. " https://rsarchive.org/Lectures/GA175/English/GC1989/19170220p01.html

The question of suicide is very complicated. In some traditions, there is no taboo around suicide; it is even recommended rather than living without dignity, as with the Japanese who practice seppuku. They opened their stomachs because they believed that this was where the soul was located, in order to leave a way out for the soul. So even in their beliefs, they still wanted to put conditions in place for the afterlife. Today, if we lived like the Japanese of that time, given the way we live without much sense of honor and almost constantly lying we would have to commit seppuku three times a day. I don’t know which of the two philosophies is better: « If life is no longer worth living, then it doesn’t matter. This life is only an illusion anyway. You can take it away at any moment, and you’re not going to live in an undignified way when you can die right away. It’s pointless. » Or the other philosophy: « as long as you breathe, fight. As long as there is a spark of life, fight. » A second question arises from the initial issue of whether suicide leads to hell, and whether the universe truly makes a distinction between dying by suicide and dying by other means. Does the universe even recognize such a difference? For example, imagine someone walking down the street and a murderer comes up behind them and shoots them in the head. Would their consciousness then be sent directly to some kind of paradise? But if the exact same thing happens except that the person is the one holding the gun and pulling the trigger would their consciousness instead be sent to a place of horror? In other words, does the universe really make such a moral distinction based solely on who pulled the trigger? Or even if the difference is not as extreme as heaven versus hell, might there still be some subtler distinction in how these two kinds of deaths are treated? I really don’t know Another concept that seems interesting when thinking about this question is karma. And yes, I realize that I am only working with concepts and beliefs that may seem elegant or plausible but that is really all we have to work with when discussing this topic. No one has ever died and come back to tell us what actually happens, or at least no one that we can truly verify. One elegant concept is karma. I don’t know about you, but at least in my own life or in life in general the idea of karma often seems to work surprisingly well. So why not extend that idea beyond life itself? For example, imagine a case where suicide might appear justified: someone whose body is completely broken. They are not dead, but their body has lost any real vitality, and they live in constant pain. Let’s say this person still has ten years left to live in this broken temple that is their body. Perhaps they are meant to go through those ten years. Perhaps if they endure those ten years and then die naturally, their next reincarnation will be completely “clean,” with good genetics and a healthy body. But if they end their life before those ten years are lived, perhaps their next reincarnation will be in a body with something like diabetes because they still have something they needed to experience that they did not live through in the previous life. Of course, these are only hypothetical ideas meant to illustrate a possibility. But even then, would it truly make such a difference? Living ten years in a broken, suffering body or having diabetes in a future life. Is it really worse to have diabetes in a future life? Is it truly worse to spend ten years in a body filled with suffering? In the end, does any of it really make that much of a difference?

Follow the techniques but dont let them indoctrinate you. Before I even tried kriya I learned what Suffering is. Most people have no fucking idea what Suffering is, and if they had my karma they would commit suicide. im not suggesting you make yourself miserable , im just saying that when I talk about how fast and deeply kriya affected me you should know a bit of my background

Jesus Christ doesn't say a single word about suicide. It was established that suicide is a mortal sin after Saint Augustine; it was then that Christianity became an ideology of absolute terror, since it established eternal hell and original sin. This happens when Christianity ceases to be a marginal religion and becomes an instrument of power. Instruments of power want to have power over their puppets; these puppets cannot decide about their own life and death because their lives do not belong to them, they belong to the power structure.

I was suicidal in a serious way in the past and the only thing that stopped me is precisely the "weighing of options". You are not gonna decide the last moment..you gonna rush into it unconsciously. If you gonna stand there at the edge of a cliff and logic with yourself about potential scenarios of afterlife and the fact that this life at least is known and understood to some degree whereas after death is completely and utterly unknown..then you literally can't do it . Unless it's nonstop chronic pain like a serious injury then if the intensity of the suffering is not more powerful than the fear of the unknown then you won't do it . People think they can suicide because of philosophical reasons and reading people like Emil Cioran or Albert Camus..that's a childish fantasy. I think everyone has the right to die peacefully with assistant suicide which is painless. It's their own right. Then again what we do want is to live in peace ..not die in peace. But sometimes death seems more peaceful than life and sometimes the opposite.

Some time after ego submission when Im laughing off physical death...I dont know how to properly explain it...but basically its like "are ya ready to go?" Like I know I can die right there and move into a world of my own creation without a hitch. Towards the end of every big shroom trip I take there are points where my breathing is drastically slowed to a point where I have not taken a breath for a solid two minutes and Ill get some kind of signal that if I want to...erm..leave, just dont take another breath. No pain, no fear, no angst. If I want to stay, just breathe. In every scenario Im called back because it actually feels more exciting to me to finish off and become the hero of this human story. Like the pay off for staying will be just rewarding as anything else I could dream of and this is always accompanied by a sense of everything being perfect and I am already precisely where I want to be, doing exactly what I want and need to do. Then god pats me on the head and salutes my perseverance, courage and strength. I feel its worth noting that in studies of suicide survivors, bridge jumpers in particular, their immediate first thought after leaping is more or less "I made the wrong decision here". They instantly regret trying to kill themselves while in the act. Here's what I would say - if its just going to be a pity party and add to the misery (which there is already enough of) then find a way to keep going because in some way you would be forsaking the gift and you definitely don't to step into the abyss of eternity with a bitch heart and subservient bitch mentality.

Suicide means you are suffering..nothing could be more obvious. We don't actually want to die..that's not the default of humans .but the equation is :unbearable suffering +zero hope or alternative soultion in sight = Suicide. Yes ..most Eastern religions say if you die by killing yourself you will reincarnate in a lesser life form like an animal or insect.. .and Abrahamic religions say if you kill yourself you will go to hell. I feel like there is some truth to it . If not..then why does it not feel right?

why would reality moralise suicide, thats just societies making people feel guilty