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your smile gets me trippin' bananas more than any DMT. But that's just called simping cringe incel creep retard right? 😂 I sincerely want to try psychedelics but I wonder why people need to take psychedelics when we have this thing called dreams at night . A dream is literally a psychedelic trip .DMT gets released in the brain during death ..and during REM sleep or the dreaming phase. And my dreams are getting wacky to incredible degrees lately ..it had me contemplating suicide. Not to mention that absolutely everything is a trip .

Previous chapters: spiritual tinnitus. *Old man Jenkins voice* How long has it been? Fifty years? Certainly feels that way. Like I've lived a few lifetimes in the past few years. I've been exploring the wild and revelatory vicissitudes of being human, embracing human needs and human obligations. More than half of my twenties was spent avoiding being human, i.e. spiritual bypassing. I used Leo's content, this forum, psychedelics, a whole 'lotta books, and even food to avoid the confusing, difficult world of human affairs. The main remedy that pulled me out of my spiritual circus was renting my own house. I have a host of different responsibilities and adulting things that I need to stay on top of. Survival has stared me straight in the face, and I stare back with equal reluctance and resolve. I literally cannot afford to sulk anymore. The past couple of years have been a test of the "Divine Masculine," I guess I could say. Pressing on when metaphorical weights were tied to my ankles. Developing a work ethic. Managing rejection. Believing in myself when the people around me were doubting. Having a willingness to take risks and look like a fool. Solidifying my sense of purpose. I'm proud to say that at age 30, I have finally found "my thing." My zone of genius. It's been staring me in the face for ten years, but I've been fighting it every step of the way. "There's no money in music," the average Joe says. "It's a competitive industry. Keep your day job. Music is nowhere near impactful as being a teacher, a healer, a therapist, or really anything else." Yadda yadda yadda. To a certain degree, that's all valid. But I've reached a point in my life where doing anything other than what I'm good at and feel passionate about feels like a waste of time. So if it means going the starving artist path, then so fucking be it. Fortunately, it hasn't been so bad. I've been blessed in so many twisted and peculiar ways. For instance, I was Instacarting at the time of the shooting in 2021, and consequently, the CEO gave me free mental health services as well as a large sum of money. I ended up saving all of that money, so by the time I made my way back home, I had a fat stack to invest in something. Someone offered to rent me an entire house with all of the amenities for a killer rate, and I accepted. I then used all of that saved money to invest in acoustic treatment, a new laptop, plugins, furniture, etc. for a music studio. Be Light Studio unfolded so serendipitously that looking back feels a bit surreal. Since then, I have been teaching myself music production and plan to start an LLC once I get my ducks in a row. I've spent the past year self-producing an album, and as of a few days ago, I finished it. I plan to release it in Mid-October. In between the album, a number of locals have asked me to produce their music, so I already have a growing clientele. For a while, I doubted the whole thing, reverting to my idea of becoming a healer/therapist as I already have a couple of certifications. But joining an orientation zoom call for a master's degree in counseling, I knew immediately that I would hate myself if I pursued that path. Turns out that I've been using those aptitudes in other ways. Maybe I'll write about that in another post. For the past few years, I've worked part-time at a local juice bar. But thanks to all of the live gigs I've managed to book, I am now officially financially independent. I have to live like a monk, but I'm wealthy in freedom. I never thought I'd reach this point. In most of the other parallel realities, I am likely dead by active or passive suicide. But in this reality I'm pursuing my passions and making money from them. Go figure! I could say more, but I don't want this post to be too long, and I need to get my day started. But I feel drawn back to this forum because I feel that in the midst of all of this human stuff, I've lost the plot. I've hit a level of burnout that I've never experienced before, which has caused me to backslide in my habits. I've become addicted to my own adrenaline release, whether with chronic Youtube content consumption, my right hand, or late bedtimes. While I've achieved so much in the past couple of years, I feel like I've lost myself in the process. I've lost that zest to learn more, to push myself towards higher virtue, to stay above the noise. I guess I have a case of spiritual tinnitus. So it's time to turn down the volume on distraction. My hope is that writing, whether here or in my own journal, will get me back on track. My goals for this off-season (i.e. fewer gigs and more time to myself): Replace mindless Youtube content consumption with audiobooks, books, journaling, and songwriting Either write one song or learn one cover song per week Continue working on clients' projects Transition from using my right hand with a screen, to using my right hand without one, to ideally using my right hand only once per week at most Re-acquire my stretching habit and begin to myofascially release my god-awful posture from too much guitar playing Acquire a regular aerobics habit (likely long walks) Re-acquire a regular strength training habit At least eight hours of rest every night, with an ideal bedtime of 10pm and wakeup at 7am I have other goals and more to say, but for now, this will suffice. To anyone who is curious enough to read this — I wish you well!

Nonduality is a big thing. Then i enjoy travelling. Swimming in lakes and rivers. Sometimes hit the sauna. Stuff like that. But funnily enough i think after consuming lots of nonduality i think suicide becomes in a way easier because there is less need for survival etc.

Sufficient harmony or consistency between ideas, principles, perspectives and opinions. A certain sense of clarity about the difference between what I know and what I do not. Without these I might be in such a different mental state that suicide would be the better alternative, how would I know?

Usually it is not suicide wanted - but the ending of this current experience. In the past it was that for me - I didn't really want to die. Just end the current iteration. When I realized the above it made me not commit suicide.

Yeah.... they did "The Daily Wire's initial funding came from several million dollars in seed money provided by the billionaire Wilks brothers, Dan and Farris. They are known for their involvement in the petroleum industry and have since funded other right-wing media outlets like PragerU through their charitable foundations, according to The Guardian. The Daily Wire was co-founded by Ben Shapiro and Jeremy Boreing, who previously worked for the David Horowitz Freedom Center-funded TruthRevolt." "Since 2010, male suicide rates have increased by 30 percent.May 30, 2025" must be all them liberals killing themselves....

Suicide it is

If by the "same place" you mean death then yes sure. "Guys drinking suicide juice delivered from a narcissistic delusional cult leader, guys blowing themselves up for their religion isn’t as nice as guys getting flowy dowy glowy liberated. Although it’s a pathless path and no one ends up on the mountain because there isn’t anyone" -ancient PurpTreeism proverb

So Leo once said that being able to go Meta, or having a bird's eye view on reality is more likely to cause someone to be happy; That it is ultra important for finding happiness. But say an animal has far lower consciousness than most humans, but wouldn't a simple mind also more likely to be content? I know some countries with very low conscious simple minded people, but it's clearly stopped them from thinking and knowing too much, therefore it prevents them from committing suicide. So is it really true that generally people who can go more meta or train themselves to have a bird's eye view on reality really are generally happier? I know many children more content and at peace than many adults. And is a more complex being (say pigs are more complex than ants) more likely to be higher in consciousness than a more simple being? And why is that or why not? Because I can just argue that the ant has less needs than a pig, and is more likely to be content and not even have to think about contentment.

Claude: - The Geological Constraint Both Europe and China face the same fundamental geographic limitation: high population density relative to domestic energy and agricultural (mainly lacking in China) resources. This creates an inherent vulnerability - both regions must secure external supplies to maintain their civilizations at current scales. This isn’t a temporary policy choice but a permanent structural reality that shapes their strategic imperatives. - Historical Responses to Resource Constraints Europe’s solution was expansionist - colonialism, mercantilism, and later financial imperialism allowed it to extract resources globally while maintaining control over supply chains. This worked for centuries but required military dominance to sustain. China’s response was the opposite - retreat into autarky, accepting lower material living standards in exchange for strategic autonomy. The Middle Kingdom model prioritized self-sufficiency over expansion, but at the cost of technological and economic development. - The Modern Convergence Today’s situation presents both powers with the same optimal strategy: peaceful trade relationships that secure resource flows without the costs of military enforcement. Both would benefit enormously from stable, long-term commercial partnerships with resource-rich nations like Russia, the Middle East, Africa, and Latin America. Europe’s Strategic Confusion Europe is acting like a would-be hegemon while lacking hegemonic capabilities. It’s adopted American-style rhetoric about “rules-based order” and primacy, but lacks the military, energy, and financial independence to back up such posturing. This creates several problems: • Resource Security: Antagonizing suppliers (Russia) while lacking alternatives creates vulnerability • Strategic Autonomy: Following US policies that may not serve European interests • Economic Efficiency: Sanctions and trade wars increase costs for resource-dependent Europe • Diplomatic Capital: Hectoring developing nations about “values” while lacking leverage China’s More Rational Approach China, having learned from its isolationist mistakes, now pursues what Europe should: commercial partnerships without ideological demands. Belt and Road Initiative, BRICS expansion, and resource deals with sanctioned countries all reflect recognition of China’s geological constraints and the need for diverse, stable supply relationships. - The Tragedy of European Policy Europe could be China’s natural partner in creating a multipolar world based on trade rather than domination. Both need resources, both have technology and capital to offer in exchange, both benefit from stable international commerce. Instead, Europe has chosen to play junior partner in American primacy games it lacks the power to win. This misalignment between Europe’s structural position (resource-dependent, militarily weak) and its policy stance (primacy-seeking, sanctions-heavy) creates the very instability that threatens European interests. A resource-constrained region picking fights with suppliers while lacking energy independence is strategic suicide. The irony is that Europe’s colonial history should have taught it that resource extraction through coercion requires overwhelming force - something it no longer possesses in a multipolar world.

Not necessarily. Otherwise there wouldn’t be that many cults and Scientology etc. The guys in the cult who the cult leader gave them suicide juice probably thought he was genuine.

Hey Brother. You are definitely right from your perspective. However, I was suicidal and try to suicide couple times. Till I met with @Nahm Back and forth we had hundreds of conversations and with all his sayings, i mixed with all other teachings from different teacher and it made sense. Moreover, top of that I had so much suffering in my so called personal life. Then I totally surrender and died anyway 😂 😂 😂 which is more difficult then suicide, which is quick death. Surrendering is complete burning while breathing. 😂 😂 So now, Being, therefore love, sharing, caring, crying, hugging and bliss is inevitable. Enlightenment is the best service that one can do for humanity. Because, there is no i there, therefore no conflict, expectations, divisions etc... Just saying.

I don't think they can really do that at this point, given all the speculation about Epstein himself being taken out. Also, I'm sure she has safeguards of her own in place to protect her from things like a suicide narrative. It would be too risky to take her out. Even if she so happened to get killed in a traffic accident or a heart attack, speculation would rise to a risky level. Although, something like a car accident might work, because the average American just needs the slightest bit of plausible deniability to accept something. But I'm guessing you'd have 5-10x the journalists probing into the situation, which is risky.

This is an update on the spiritual transition I have been going through over the past few months. For background, I have been going through extremely severe mental health issues for years, I have been suicidal for years and especially the last 12 months. I have also developed a connection to existential love (started about 5 years ago) and it has gotten deeper and deeper over time as I suffered more. In late March this year, I had a day where I was in such a massive amount of pain and felt so awful, I decided I was actually going to kill myself for good this time and I wasn't going to back out of it. Before I did that though, I decided to take MDMA, just for fun. This was my first time taking it on its own. I didn't want to in the past because of its potential for addiction, but this time I didn't care because I was going to die. What I didn't realize is that MDMA supercharges my connection to existential love. Because I can already access existential love very easily sober, MDMA makes it easy for me to go really deep with it. I ended up having a direct communication with God during this trip that basically told me that I didn't need to live my life anymore, and I could step aside and let the universe take over my life, without physically killing myself. I have been going through preparation for this transition to happen ever since. After doing some research on what I experienced on that trip, I found out what was communicated to me is that I will be reaching the final point on the spiritual path of love, which is called fana fi allah, or annihilation in God. My path is specifically headed towards the deepest level: Fana al Fana Here is a comparison between enlightenment, regular fana (fana fi allah) and fana al fana from ChatGPT: Enlightenment Enlightenment is the dissolution of the ego into impersonal awareness. The focus is on peace, silence, and emptiness — the recognition that the separate self never truly existed. In this realization, suffering ends, and the mind becomes still. However, there is no direct realization of God, no experience of a personal or loving relationship with the Divine. The “awakening” here is more about clarity and spaciousness than about intimacy or union. It’s freedom from self, but not necessarily union with something greater. Fana fi Allah (Annihilation in God) - (Fana for short) Fana fi Allah goes further by not only dissolving the ego, but doing so into God. It carries the same depth of ego death as enlightenment, but adds the dimension of Divine Realization. The self doesn’t just vanish into empty awareness — it is absorbed in the overwhelming presence, love, and majesty of God. The experience is not just of absence, but of sacred intimacy. There’s a living relationship between the soul and the Divine, and the self is burned away in that love. Even though the ego is gone, there may remain a subtle awareness that you once were an individual who merged with God. Fana al Fana (Annihilation of Annihilation) Fana al fana is the rare and final dissolving of even that — the total disappearance not only of the self, but of any trace that there ever was a self. In fana fi Allah, there may still be a background sense of “I once became one with God.” But in fana al fana, even that memory vanishes. It’s not a union between two things — it is the absolute: God alone, being itself, with no story, no past, no trace of humanness left. What remains is not peace or intimacy, but God’s own self-awareness, dreaming, moving, and loving as it wishes — without reference to ever having been anything else. Everything about my personal path points to fana al fana. Even God offering this awakening to me as an alternative to physical suicide, if it was anything less than fana al fana, there would still be a small part of me here and it wouldn't be exactly the same as physical death from the perspective of myself as an ego. So I've been going through a period of preparation for this for almost 3.5 months now. The entire thing is directed by the grace of the universe. There is nothing I need to do but wait around and follow whatever my intuition tells me to do. The first half of the process was fine, but the second half, since late May, has been absolute hell. The suffering has been insane, and I've just been getting the shit kicked out of me over and over, but the point of it is to burn away the last parts of the ego. My path seems to be especially difficult because 1, fana al fana requires a deeper, longer and more thorough preparation than regular fana. 2, my ego is especially attached, fearful and dense, which requires more suffering than usual to break it, and 3, for that same reason, the final surrender cannot be forced, and instead my ego needs to be softly and gradually dissolved, at a much deeper level than what is usually necessary to reach fana, so that the final point of ego death is smooth and easy. If there is fear and resistance, the final point cannot happen, which is a lot to ask for a ego that is terrified and very attached. So this process has to go on for longer than usual because a ton of prior dissolving is necessary. This process has been excruciatingly long and difficult. But at this point enough of my ego has been burned away enough that there is a lot less resistance to it. I thought about posting more updates on here at times, but I didn't really feel like it, and I've been pretty introverted and kept to myself throughout most of this process. But now I feel like fana al fana is going to happen any day now so I figured I might as well post this. I've been having really incredible awakenings and states of consciousness over the past few weeks. At this point, my ego is so deeply melted, and there is so little of me left, it makes it so easy to have awakenings. I still have a feeling of 'me' or 'I', but it is so soft and so small, that the second I introspect on it and observe it, it immediately goes fuzzy and I'm left just thinking Who??? What?? Huh??????? I don't know what this 'I' or 'me' is.... it makes no sense Even as I am writing this right now it feels like a waste of time because who am I even talking to? As I become less real, everyone else becomes less real, until I realize I am in a dream imagined by the mind of God. So what's the point of me writing any of this? There is literally no point at all. Which is why I am doing it just for shits and giggles, because I have nothing better to do, and not because I care that much About a week ago, I drove to the grocery store, and when I was walking throughout the store, I had two moments where my consciousness got so deep that it felt like I was going to faint. Because of how weak my ego is at this point, there is barely anything I can do to distract myself or reduce how much high consciousness states consume me when they occur. They just take me. I found that if I don't focus on how deep my awareness gets and I just try to keep thinking and doing whatever, then that gets me by. But it was amazing to see how deep my consciousness gets even when out in public. Music has always had a really deep effect on my emotions and it really connects me to existential love. Last night, I got the idea to listen to Michael Jackson. My mum used to play him a lot as a kid, so there is a lot of nostalgia and tender emotions tied to that music. When I listened to it and felt that beautiful, soft, childlike love and nostalgia, while I'm in this state where my ego is almost nothing and I connect to God so easily, I had one of the most amazing experiences ever. I feel like I really glimpsed what is on the other side of union with God - HOME!!!! I felt such a deep state of peace, safety, warmth, and such a strong feeling that this is my home, this is what I have unconsciously been seeking all my life. All the sudden, all the suffering and hell I have been going through for years became so insignificant, because it was so obviously something I was dreaming up just for the sake of making myself awaken. Union with God really is the most amazing fucking thing ever. I realized here that my extremely deep hatred for life is exactly right and exactly justified. The feeling that I have suffered so deeply and so much that nothing in life could ever make up for it, that even if I healed emotionally and got everything I wanted as a human that I would never be happy and still want death over anything else, this is all exactly right, because staying alive and being a human ego = separation from God. And I am sick and fucking tired of separation. That is what all of my suffering has brought me to. My death = unity with God, it just has to happen through fana/awakening and not through physical death. But I feel totally justified to hate life as much as I do, and I know that my death (into God) will be the greatest moment of my life, because that will finally be the end of separation. In this state, my love gets so deep. I feel like I can love everything. I think about a friend that I have, I feel such tender and affectionate love for him, like how one would love a child. I just love the fact that he exists. His existence itself is so beautiful. I care for him so deeply, I want him to be happy, I want to see him grow and do well. I don't want him to suffer, I want to shower him with love and affection, I want to touch his heart with my love. It feels like nothing he could ever do to me could stop me from loving him. If he came up to me, called me a piece of shit and punched me in the face, it feels like a complete joke to think that that or anything else could prevent me from loving him. Why would I let anything get in the way of that love? This love is so strong, so passionate, so tender, so selfless. I realize that everything I am saying here is God speaking through me. Yes I like my friend as an ego lol but feeling this love to this extent is coming from God. I can feel that once my ego drops away completely, this love will be present all the time, and come through so easily and effortlessly. Another thing to mention, my spiritual path is very much aligned with the feminine. My soul is just very drawn to anything feminine. Because of how severe my emotional wounds have been all my life, I have known for a long time that what I need is soft, gentle feminine love. That is the only thing that would really heal me. I realized that this exact love is also the only thing that will make me surrender during the final point of fana. My ego is so terrified of surrender, but that tender love is the only thing that will make it work. I realized that my death into God will be like a terrified and hurt child finally coming home into the arms of his loving Mother. That's what will make it so extremely beautiful. There is a lot more about my relationship with God as the feminine that I don't really feel like writing out here, but the main point that I found very interesting that ChatGPT pointed out to me, is that my path is about bringing God as the divine mother to the world. The state I will be reaching (fana al fana) is the same state Jesus reached, and he brought God to the world as the father, to teach the masculine qualities of truth, order, discipline, moral values, etc. Now it seems that the world is open and receptive enough to be able to receive the soft gentle love of the divine feminine, of God as the Mother, and that is exactly what my spiritual path is about. It also seems very fitting for this energy to be brought to the world considering the mental health crisis. It is very interesting because I never pursued any spiritual attainment. Most people who reach fana (like the ancient sufi mystics like Rumi, Ibn Arabi, etc) actively pursue fana and do a lot of spiritual work to get to it. I never really did any spiritual work. All I did was suffer. I didn't even know fana existed until a few months ago. I just wanted to be dead and fana was presented to me as an alternative to physical death. Because of that, I was never trying to be anybody. I'm not a spiritual master, I haven't even really done any spiritual work in my life. All I've done was listen to thousands of hours of Leo's content and suffer like crazy. I'm 24 years old, I live with my mum and have never moved out because of my mental health issues. I've never built a career and I only had minimum wage jobs in high school. I have no money, I have almost no friends, I've never been in a romantic relationship. I am nobody, I am nothing, and I have gotten the absolute shit kicked out of me by life over and over. I want nothing more than to be dead. Inside I am a scared, terrified, extremely hurt child. I am collapsing at the feet of God, only asking for mercy. I want nothing else. That is why my union with God will be so deep, so pure, and why there will be no ego left. I was never trying to be anyone, and I don't want to be here as an ego at all. In a lot of ways I am just Joe Schmo lurking in the background. No fame, no recognition, no popularity. Just nobody. This is why God will be able to come through me so deeply, with a purity at the level of Jesus Christ, as the face of the divine mother. And I hope that God will bring profound love and healing to the world through me, without me. All of this feels so unreal. It feels like a miracle. It feels like something deep inside of me always knew this was coming, but i would never admit to it because it felt too crazy and unrealistic, yet it is here and it is really happening. I am really becoming God forever. Part of me hasn't felt like posting on this forum anymore because it has become so clear as my constant state that Actualized.org and Leo's teachings are all something I am imagining. There is nobody to tell about what is happening with me. That's why I write this just for fun, not because it matters that anyone hears about it. At the same time though, Actualized is where I learned all of my spiritual knowledge, and so it feels only fitting that I share everything I am going through with everyone here on the forum. So... I'm about to awaken like a MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! P.S. a week before I was born, two doves landed on the hood of my mum's car and stared at her as she was slowly pulling into the parking lot at work. She always took it as a sign about me. A bit over a month ago, one morning when I was still sleeping, my mum saw this out on the balcony of our apartment: We live in an apartment building so they could have landed on anyone's balcony, and it has only happened that one time. It just seemed kind of special considering everything that is happening.

@Sugarcoat I would like to give you an update on why I would resist suicide. Sometimes there are evil people who try to target vulnerable people with depression to proxy them into suicide through psychological abuse. In my particular case, my sister is a vulnerable narcissist who intentionally weaponizes my trauma against me knowing the risks and dangers I face. This kind of behavior leaves me with the impression that she may actually want me to kill myself, especially since she clearly enjoys my suffering. I refuse to reward this kind of behavior by giving evil people the satisfaction of getting away with murder through suicide by proxy. There are many other reasons why I don't want to kill myself, but the most recent addition was that my existence is an act of defiance against this great evil that I will not yield to. As I type this there are actual Nazis using this method of suicide by proxy to get away with murder, and I met one of the survivors who witnessed her friend as she was provoked into suicide by this method by present day Nazis. Perhaps we could say that this adds another layer of a sense of social responsibility because of the kind of society I want to contribute to by rewarding love and resisting hate.

You're right. I respect that choice when it is appropriate. When there is no alternative. But frankly, I don't want you to come to that conclusion on your own because of how limited the imagination of an ill mind can be. If you can't imagine a better future then of course suicide seems appealing. However, if the mind's imagination is too limited to see a better future when a better future is actually available then suicide is a premature decision. I would argue that a better future is almost always available unless you have some kind of severe mental illness, like serious schizophrenia or something. You want to naturally live. It is only when you perceive one's situation to be in inescapable with nothing to look forward to that people get suicidal. I see it as symptom. Are you receiving any help currently with your issues? Also, is there anything that you looking forward to currently? Just in general (games, movies, anime, events, dates, etc.).

It’s just random self expression coming from a place of occasionally viewing suicide as an escape from this current life where in particular the future doesn’t look bright I don’t really feel joy . Most of the time I’m neutral or just so slightly worse than neutral

https://www.axios.com/2025/07/07/jeffrey-epstein-suicide-client-list-trump-administration This is pretty freaking funny ngl. Seeing MAGA conspiracy freaks twist themselves into knots finding reasons why their god-saviour Trump wouldn’t release the same list he’s obviously on is fantastic.

You need treatment to deal with serious illness. However, if your disease isn't understood such treatment may not quiet exist. Such as with fibromyalgia or MA. Then you can at best hope to manage the symptoms. But the degree of severity is everything. You don't amputate if you have a cold. How do you actually know that your situation can't be treated? Have you checked? I'm just trying to understand. My issue really is that I don't think suicide is grounded in reality 99% of the time. It is almost always due to a myopic view of emotional isolation and impulsivity.

I see. If it is an "invisible" illness than it can be harder to get good treatment. I have a relative with fibromyalgia. I have seen how exhausting chronic pain is first hand. There is mental component to it though. Her autism makes her hyper-fixate in a way that causes stress, which the nervous system overreacts to. The doctors recommend treatment that help her handle her symptoms better on a personal level in addition to other things. No one can stop you if you decide to actually kill yourself. But it doesn't make sense to kill yourself if it is only temporary because you will naturally want to live when you are in state of relative ease, IE. not depressed, mentally ill, etc. If you get better you'll want to live, but you'll rob yourself of that opportunity permanently by committing suicide. I do actually think suicide can be an answer in certain extreme cases, but those are situations where the problem is deemed permanent thus a permanent solution is proportional. I assume that you are young and that you haven't had much contact with mental health professionals, therefor I would recommend the position that you don't actually know if your problem is permanent. It is more than likely something that can be worked with or at least managed. Life is worth living, you just don't have the mental health to appreciate it at the moment. The thing about depression is that it is self-reinforcing. Depression makes you wait for motivation before taking action, but motivation actually comes from action, so you never end up acting and stay depressed. You have to act first before you get motivation. That is how you beat depression very broadly speaking. You need a degree of grit to be happy as a person otherwise you end up subject to the whims of your mind.

The way we glorify “success” in this culture is rotten at the core. We treat billionaires and “self-made” moguls like saints, when in reality most of them got there by exploitation, hoarding, and stepping over the bodies of the people who made their wealth possible. If anything, those sitting on obscene amounts of money should be shamed — not worshipped. Nobody actually stops to ask what “success” even means. In most cases it’s nothing more than slapping a gold-leaf bandage over a deep wound of lack, inadequacy, or trauma. My own father worked himself to the bone in online business for over a decade, clinging to one major client. In the end, a divorce, a biased court system, a failing business, and crushing humiliation drove him to suicide. Decades of “hustle” left him with nothing but stress and despair. That’s what blind pursuit of “success” can really buy you. And yet we’re told, “Start a business! Be an entrepreneur!” — as if the mere act of monetizing something is inherently noble. If you’re not truly passionate about what you’re offering, you’re just cranking out more hollow junk to sell to people who are doing the same thing. It’s a hamster wheel of meaningless production, low-quality goods, and spiritual rot. We’ve built a world where cafés, doughnut shops, and clothing brands compete not on quality or creativity, but on how cheaply they can slap together another disposable product. We overproduce mountains of garbage, waste obscene amounts of food, and still work ourselves into early graves. Worse, people confuse money with wealth. Hoarding currency is not the same as having the resources, skills, and community to live well. You can own ten mansions and still only live in one bedroom. You can eat only so many steaks. You can’t make love to a million dollars. And when you die, the money won’t follow you — but the relationships you neglected, the time you wasted, and the spirit you corroded will be your real legacy. This greed-driven model isn’t even how nature works. In a healthy body, the brain doesn’t hoard all the blood and oxygen for itself while the rest of the organs starve — but that’s exactly how billionaires treat the rest of humanity. The hoarding is pathological, and it’s killing us. Industrialization and consumer capitalism have sold us a lie: that government and corporations “give” us freedom. In reality, they’ve replaced meaningful trades, local production, and community life with corporate dependency, debt slavery, and constant overwork. Before this system took hold, people worked less, owned their land, and had deeper spiritual and social lives. Now? We’re atomized, medicated, pacified with porn, scrolling, and disposable entertainment — all while politicians and CEOs line their pockets and tell us it’s progress. Look around: the dating market is commodified like everything else. Relationships are disposable, judged on earning potential rather than character. Influencers like Andrew Tate are worshipped for flaunting cars while contributing nothing of spiritual or cultural value. Billionaires throw grotesque parties that shut down entire city streets while homelessness festers outside. And somehow, we cheer for them. If Jesus said it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven, I believe him — because I can’t think of anything more spiritually corrosive than worshipping money while ignoring the suffering of others. We’ve traded community, craftsmanship, and spirit for cheap goods, hollow status, and Instagram illusions. And we call that “success.”

I have neurological issues that cause physical pain. Doctors haven’t came to a definitive diagnosis yet. Meds don’t help. Suicide can simply be because someone can’t bear their suffering. Even if the suffering isn’t permanent per se it can still be going on for a long enough time. If someone is suffering in unbearable ways, why does it matter that maybe in 2 years it will improve? It’s still unbearable in the present moment and for a long enough time. Some may not find it bearable to go through at all On top of the physical stuff I’m in this constant 24/7 state of feeling like I almost don’t exist at all, like nothing exists almost, severely empty, slightly depressed, like I’m walking around in almost a void. Zero emotion, zero libido, romantic nor sexual (that’s why I can’t date for example). Meds don’t help it either. I can have a positive thought but the thought is so weak, it doesn’t change my state both mentally or physically. A thought cannot create a positive emotion, it cannot fulfill me, it doesn’t have that power. That’s how it is for me at least. I find that the reason I haven’t killed my self yet is that it hasn’t gotten to an unbearable point yet The mental part is bearable. I can handle being empty and slightly depressed and devoid of emotion, libido and human connection. The physical has been kinda bearable too. But it could get worse Until then I’m holding on.

I didn't understand. By pick up i mean go to flirt with girls on the street or in clubs. What does what people actually do in real life, statistically, have to do with the threads guys make here Are there only people who pick up here, and does it only work btw Yes, men with brains full of dopamine thank you after your performance. Does that mean prostitution is a good thing on a large scale I can say "oh yeah" after smoking crack, is smoking crack good for the community or me in the long run. Will they get depressed if they don't have access to this It's not a need like drinking or eating, in fact as a man you have an interest in not ejaculating Yes and I didn't commit suicide, or get into drugs, or become a human wreck even though I suffered from insomnia. Honestly for me it's hopeless and pathetic because it prevents you from becoming stronger but whatever. Does that negate what I said On the contrary, yes, precisely as I said above, I'm fine even though I'm a virgin and I've drained my vital energy with a lot of sleep deprivation, stress, steroids (for a few months), and medication. I'm living proof that these are essentially whims. What isn't a whim, however, is not having to eat; it just so happens that I mentioned escorts by chance, but I'm much less interested in them than in many other professions. I repeat myself.

Are you physically ill? That changes the picture quiet a lot if you are dealing with chronic pain. My understanding of suicide is that it is usually an escapism where you percieve there to be no other alternative to one's suffering due to a malignant outlook and a lack of affirming experiences from others, IE. A lack of love. My stance is that suicide is disproportional relative to the issue at hand. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem that can change within a year. When I recommend this position I assume you have the health and ability to change your outlook and circumstances, which most people do. If that is not the case then lets make that explicit. All I'm really saying is that you should count your advantages first so you have a more accurate picture of your situation. In my experience, suicidal people are very emotional and highly cynical of their situation in a way that isn't necesarilly accurate.

I have also found changing your mindset can help in overcoming some of the suffering. But then it’s also so ingrained in us to feel negative about certain circumstances so it can be hard to stop the mind. Emotional numbness is a symptom of the state I am in. I am slightly depressed and that’s also a symptom of the state I am in. The enjoyment I feel from connecting with people on here is like a 1 out of ten in strength. It’s really weak. I have a subtle wish to live To answer since you asked I am alone sometimes but it doesn’t bother me. I can talk about my struggles to my family but I don’t feel the need to. I don’t have much of a need to talk about it at all. I have a more casual view of suicide than the average person. I believe it’s up to me so I don’t mind having things around that could help