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I didn't really work through it in the strict meaning of the word. It's probably more accurate to say that it's working through me and I'm allowing it. Almost all of my life, it's always been things/events working through me/happening to me. I can hardly remember a time where I really desired something and went after it for the sake of it. Unlike most people, everything I do is out of necessity, not luxury. I don't seem to have the conventional built-in desire to live the human life or to be a person. I am weird and an alien in that sense, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Though, it has its drawbacks when dealing with humans, cuz we are often on different frequencies, and that can make me struggle to relate to them. I've gotten a lot better over the years, but I still don't find the human life as interesting as advertised. That's not to say I don't like socializing or being with other humans, it's just that I don't agree with the vision that humanity has as a collective, as I view all the games they play as fruitless, distracting, and even harmful. So it's not that I was/am emotionally disconnected from myself as much as I was/am disconnected from the human dream. I don't know if it's different for you, but that's as best as I could describe it from my most authentic self's pov. I really don't relate to most of the human nonsense, most of the times I just force myself to. If it wasn't for my sexual drive and the need to survive, I would probably have killed myself long ago. It hurts just thinking about it. Me too. I just want to know what God ultimately wants with me.

I’m actually working on the summary for Leo’s Ketamine episode. I’m travelling right now and don’t have reliable access to wifi, so it won’t be up for at least 3 weeks. Here are some tidbits. -Plugging is perfect for K. A good starter dose is 15-30mg. For Leo, a medium dose is 30mg, but he’s very sensitive to substances. -Ketamine has a very heavy body load, especially with medium doses and larger. I have no idea how people dance on it. I highly recommend just lying down and listening to music for at least 90 mins after you’ve plugged and while you’re tripping. I like to have a bottle of water and my laptop at hand to switch the music if I feel like it. Here’s a ketamine playlist you may enjoy. I especially like the meditation at the beginning. Music makes a big difference on your trip. https://soundcloud.com/sarahmyers/sarah-myers-music-for-ketamine-psychedelic-therapy-001 -After plugging, it takes 10 mins to come on and the high is 30-60 mins. -Things can look weird, alien and blurry, but K also shuts down your conceptual mind. I personally feel no fear on it, even at high doses, whereas I’ve have plenty of spooky experiences on 5-MeO and shrooms. Other people’s experiences will vary. -This video’s pretty accurate: -Because your body is fairly numb, you can feel like a 20 ft cloud of awareness, or even as thin as a pancake (for me, anyway). Music takes on a beautiful faraway quality. -K gives you a potent No-Mind experience. It’s probably similar to what multi-decade meditators experience during a peak. It’s not as good for getting insights into non-duality, Love or God as proper psychedelics. It could be great for healing at a psychological or emotional level however.

@Flyboy Leo tripped hard man.. Did you know 5 meo produces Neurogenesis? His left brain must have been grown with 5 meo dmt and the same for his right brain with 5 meo malt. Would be interesting to see a MRT scan of his alien brain for sure would be a good proof at least

Lol Dude, you could not comprehend the level of right-brained intuitive thinking that I do. No human intellectual or academic understands how to think like I do. I've discovered modes of thinking that most humans have yet to discover. Which is why humans books are of little interest to me now. I can think like an alien.

Universe picture: Add friendly looking ghostly alien creature: „Let’s explore infinity!“ Followed by countless examples that show that the universe is infinite, starting with earth. Fire picture: Add some friendly looking forest spirit: „Have you ever wondered what Love really is? To explain what Love is we can take fire as an analogy, as it shows the aspects of love that we often overlook because we have a hard time accepting them.“ Strange Loop Ant Picture: Take ants away. The VR user walks on the Strange Loop himself while he gets an explanation of what Strange Loops are. Some ideas for starting so far. Need these awakenings though to be able to explain it well.

Solipsism is the realization that there are no "others " it actually increases my social anxiety. Because these imaginary others are like alien simulation stuff doing a conspiracy against me .

@Leo Gura What about meditation experiences that are more psychcedelic in nature? I have issues maintaining health, yet when I am fully healthy and can workout I can have crazy energetic experiences that are similar to the one NN-DMT experience I have the NN-DMT experience feels more alien, yet it often feels like heavy ego / dark knight stuff that needs to be proccessed for example dark room retreats. Similar with LSD I get tiny tastes of love, emptiness, nothingness and a lot of internal relative insight and I feel I become more whole/open and clean overall in terms of how I conduct my life after some integration approx. What can I make out meditative experiences that surpass psychdelic experiences? Would you for example in the same situation continue to pursue meditation seriously? When it has such a dramatic affect that it can be more intense than any psychdelic you can take. It's like my brain is made for meditation and psychdelics are the deepst layer you can enter, that is why I have so much respect, I did not meet many people who have the same kind of experiences, they are similar, yet never as intense. I have a big/huge ego, so I know I consistently implore what is consciouness and choose deliberately teachers/gurus who go and see beyond the edge of a plate. The main issue I have is physical health mostly, not even that much mental. Why for example the comment you made about merging, I can get tastes of merging while meditating like I become the orange/juice/rock/bird/object in 3D space, yet with psychcedelics transforming into something else becomes way way more real, I once posted a report saying I basically merged with a part of nature I became literally the bird outside chirping. While meditating on LSD for hours. You wrote to me I am paraprhrasing: "Nice work tasting the tail of the ox " in a bit more cheeky manner, is that what is meant with consciouness? The pure fabric so to speak that gives rise to everything? Ground zero? Or am I completely of here, as I tasted so many different flavours it's not easy to make distinctions and continue the work when there are so many silos, instead of wholes. I am just sometimes to afraid to go off into the deep end and never comeback lol.

@Tyler Robinson they do know. They talk to alien bro. But its genetic through a lineage of concentrated people.

Entry84/17 STAGES OF ANIMUS DEVELOPMENT IN WOMEN 1. Men as alien outsiders - She fears, hates, and loves him. Because of abuse or abandonment from men that she identified with during childhood, such as a father, father figure, older brother, uncle, or family friend, a woman in this stage completely denies and suppresses her animus as alien inside and outside of herself. She trusts her mother and other females, while she distrusts, hates, or fears men. This is often countered by a strange curiosity about men, which she cannot differentiate. This ambivalence can make her extremely seductive, needy, and clingy, and cause severe symptoms of the “seduce and withhold”230 syndrome. As soon as a man gets close to her she withdraws, only to come back to ask for more after he becomes distant. She can break the heart of a weak man who tries to prove that he is different, attempts to rescue her from her fears, and so becomes codependent231 as she lures him into her pathological cat and mouse game. Within the limits of her domain in household, family, and female-oriented work environment (e.g., school teacher, nurse, artist, gardener, therapist, healer, working with animals, etc.), such a woman may seem grounded and self-confident. Outside those limits, she leaves the work and responsibility to men and more mature women.232 2. Men as father, God, or king - She wants his approval. The self-esteem of a woman in this stage is directly connected to the response and approval that she receives from men. She is often driven by a need to be seen as the most attractive female, and constantly monitors her value by her internalized masculine judgment and through externalized male reflection. This may lead to a split in her personality when she imitates male behavior to be liked by them, and at other times presents herself as a sexually seductive femme fatale (such as in the movie Basic Instinct) to be desired. She either hides behind a feminine mask of beautiful appearance, graceful charming manner, and entertaining wit, or develops a tom boyish attitude through teasing, competing, and challenging, or some other facade that suggests success. Women in this stage gravitate towards men that they perceive to be more attractive, intelligent, and exciting than they could ever be themselves. They often try to live up to men by dietary restrictions, vigorous physical exercising, adapting to their intellectual interests, developing new talents, and being sexually available to become the perfect mate. If a woman remains in this stage, she is at great risk of entering a profound depression when her beauty and sexual attractiveness wane, and the number of heads that she is turning, and men who admire her diminishes. She may then isolate herself from all intimate relationships, because her perfectionism overrides her ability to be compassionate and to forgive her own and others’ mistakes. This may lead her to withdraw into a cold and bitter self-denial in which her anxieties create all kinds of psychosomatic illnesses, such as panic attacks, vomiting, heart problems, fatigue, and body aches. A strong, conscious, and patient man (or a good psychotherapist) can support a woman in this stage to find her own worth, passions, and identity, independent of male approval, which then allows her to enter into stage three.

This is only my take, it’s not absolute truth. I’ve heard Leo and many others say that collectivism always wins, it’s at the top of spiral dynamics, etc. The thing is that you can’t have a collective without individuals or an individual without the collective; they are two sides of the same coin. Even if an individual was stranded on an island by themselves, they would rely on the food sources there. Collective can also include the environment. Liberals usually stand for collectivism but if their individual rights got threatened-they would quickly become conservative. Having the right to abortion is a very individual right, “my body, my choice.” Even if globalization was to fully triumph and we all became one nation…if we end up finding other civilizations out in the galaxy…then we could end up being nationalistic as the entire human race among different alien civilizations. I don’t think individualism can be separated out from collectivism anymore than a wave can be separated from the ocean. Spiritually speaking, one can say the collective represents universal consciousness and individualism represents ego. But like Leo has mentioned in many of his videos, the ego is is there to help with navigation and survival. This universal consciousness would not experience itself or get to know itself very effectively if there is no ego to help you survive. The other issue I see is that since universal consciousness is nondual in nature, people will pit nonduality against duality. And non duality vs. duality is yet another duality! How can we know what selflessness is without knowing selfishness? I’ve also heard people say that progress always wins and that the liberals of yesterday are the conservatives of today. However, I don’t think either side wins…because I see them as complimentary to one another. Progress needs a foundation in order for progress to happen. I think the reason that we are so politically gridlocked is that both parties are compromised, in other words there are two parties within each party…causing both to be constipated with hardly much bipartisan support on many issues. The majority of atheists are liberal but to me atheism aligns more with conservatism because it’s very individualistic and skeptical, no worship of gods and generally prioritizes feelings over facts. Since there is no worship of gods, it makes sense to also not worship the government. And Christianity in the other hand, I view as very liberal given Jesus’ teachings. The GOP’s ideology goes against the teachings of Jesus, they would never get behind Jesus if Jesus could be president. As former Soviet Union president Mikhail Gorbachev has said, “Jesus was the first socialist. The first to seek a better life for mankind.” Politically I’m centrist and I feel like both sides misunderstand centrism. They’ll use an example such as, “If one side wants to abolish slavery and the other doesn’t, the centrist will say to just have less slaves.” Centrism to me is where both sides have valid points in the entire political landscape, not on every single individual issue. That’s the misunderstanding. They see centrists as cowards but whose to say both sides can also cowards for succumbing to an extremist view over the other and not having the courage to listen beyond their echo chambers. Or people will vote for something only because their side does as this sort of unwavering loyalty. I support Ukraine and many conservatives won’t support Ukraine for the simple reason that the left does which makes no sense. Or people will sometimes say that sometimes extreme measures are needed for change and centrism defeats that purpose. I can’t agree because I don’t mind being extreme when it comes to certain issues. One does not have to be extreme across the board on every issue, it could just be on a few issues instead. Conservatism and liberalism to me are a lot like driving while following the speed limit.

I mean it was an international school, there were not even that many arabs there. People from Ghana, Nigeria, Sri Lanka, South America, Philippines, Thailand etc. Good representation of most major ethnicities. There was no "weird feeling" among the kids since everyone was part of the same "tribe". Sure, you see the difference in appearance, but if it's not associated with any more sense of "other" than a person that looks more similiar, it won't cause any racist response. That person is just one of "us". A baby and a 90 year old grandpa look drastically different to each other, you might even say "alien". Yet they can very easily feel part of the same tribe.

Middle East is a special case, The Arab "race" is not really a race, it is a mixture of differnet races with no distinct skin tone or facial features. so you would expect less racism in the Arab world, and yet in my country ( I live in the Middle East) people still in a hidden and sneaky way look down into black people, and they usually have lower economical status. Also you can build the US community out of any common feature, like religion, nationalism. But race is also a very common theme and for a good reason. If we weren't racists we wouldn't have survived Racism in its lowest degrees is that weird feeling that you have When you see someone with different facial features or darker skin tone, like you are looking at an alien or something

@universe Ah I see. Is it similar to when some artist that almost nobody knows, dies and leaves behind some work legacy that almost nobody understands how it's made, but can appreciate the finished work? Maybe 1,000 of years from now, majority of mankind has left the planet, or has died off, and some alien finds a picture, and foraging through finds a book, and a computer with some functioning internet, about Actualized.org?

@Leo Gura @Guru Peter Jordanson they are better than the rest. But still not on the point. If you found new good one please share After all I must admit there is something very secret going on with Ufos. They are linked to altered states of consciousness. On mushrooms people describe alien abduction and spaceship visits.

@D2sage My best guess is mainly two ways: worship, and mass hysteria. Not to mention any alien technology that could manipulate minds in mass. Likely, another interesting world effect, is other countries that were indifferent or hostile to other countries, would agree to a coalition to work together a bit more, and have a potential common enemy.

Zappa was a genius and great improviser, but we have to do a little history. The virtuosos I listed belong to a later generation of guitarists. There was the 60-70s era of great guitarists that influenced the next generation and essentially layed the groundwork for virtuosic playing: Hendrix, Page, Blackmore, etc., which parallells how Hard Rock gave birth to Heavy Metal. Zappa belonged to that 60-70s generation, while the ones I listed belonged to the 80-90s generation (except Holdsworth which is an absolute alien). It's funny how much of it is interconnected though: Steve Vai was trained by Joe Satriani (Joe also trained Kirk Hammett from Metallica and other great players). Steve Vai got hired as a transcriptionist by Zappa in 1978 at only 18 years old and then played with his band for some years. Zappa's favorite guitarist was Allan Holdsworth. Adrian Belew from Zappa's band joined King Crimson in the 80s and developed prog rock which influenced many of these virtuosos as well as Tool. So Zappa is in many ways a main node in rock music history and was definitely one of the great influences on modern virtuosos.

@Chives99 Okay, it's alien to you. Well, we live in a society, you are free to pay your respects, or not. Just as you are free to vote Republican, or democrat. WAY better than living under a caste system in the past.

@Chives99 Paying their respects. Is that alien to you?

@BipolarGrowth As of late, I've also felt that Leo's content has started to lose relevance with me, almost as if everything I made Leo to teach me he already had, and if I kept listening he would just reiterate philosophical claptrap that isn't really pertinent to the work I'm doing, no matter how valid it(the philosophy) might be in it's own right. When I realized that humans were capable of attaining a state of infinite power, then months later Leo experiences not in a human state, but a high-level drug-induced Omnipotent state and reports to us about it, that was really when I felt he reached the apex of his usefulness to me, since then it's gradually tapered off. As for solipsism, or to be more specific what you call traditional solipsism. To comprehend how I understand this to be essentially an epistemological blunder, some background theoretical understanding first is necessary. There are essentially two dimensions to how the human mind arrives at intellectual judgments, well three but I'll exclude the emotional dimension here. There are the logico-rational and the emotional-intuitive dimensions, though it's possible to utilize intuition separately from emotions so we could just as simply say the intuitive dimension. When I say logic, I mean one's ability to think on their own and arrive at conclusions independently of input from other sentient beings' thoughts or intelligence. Logic is of course a simple little process, that eliminates impossibilities based on known information. When I say rationale, I'm referring to basically the same process, but instead of generating one's own logic you're just borrowing someone else's, essentially stealing their thoughts and reasoning processes as it was. So the logico-rational dimension of human judgments represents a synthesis of one's own logic and all the logic of perceived other selves. Intuition is difficult to put into words because there is no mechanism for it, you just know something because you know. There are mechanical aspects to this potential, if the self has certain biases which manifest as negative emotional responses, then certain intuitions are blocked for the sake of the ego. Anyway, an example of human intuition is the obvious realization that other humans are "just like you" so to speak. Or in other words, they're a self that also has its own experiences. This intuition then is normally reinforced by the logical thinking mind which may after looking in a mirror, see that oh I have a face, a nose, two eyes etc, thus I'm a member of the same species as the other humans. And of course, when the intuitive and logical dimensions of the mind work synergistically like this, it becomes essentially impossible to imagine that either one could be making an error. And because your experiences of reality are generated by your own mind through basically blind faith. You imaging that others are real and have their own experiences separate from your own makes it so. This is why I've called traditional solipsism an epistemological blunder, because it's simply untrue. So traditional solipsism arises when someone refuses to permit their logical thinking mind to incorporate the intuitions of higher levels of mind. Women tend to be slightly stronger in the emotional-intuitive dimension and this is just a generality of course. But because of this, oftentimes if you teach solipsism to a woman she'll just respond with yeah that got to be bullshit. Which is obviously an illogical argument as you can't debunk something on sheer incredulity or with ad hominem. But it's correct because the truth is others do exist in a very real capacity, and the intuitive mind is always aware of that reality. As such, it's mostly only men that'll buy into this traditional solipsism. And yes, to some extent this a minor criticism of your occasional statement of "if you're an experiential being". Lol, if you imagine me to be I am, and you do, the fact that you're reading these statements is proof of that. The solipsism Leo teaches is radically different from what you call traditional solipsism. So much so that it can even be construed as the same concept without being the same thing at all. And I'd mostly agree with how you've opined on Leo's arguments and statements, though I have to say that it feels like you've mostly addressed just your own understanding of solipsism in the video, and not really necessarily exactly what Leo has to say. This is exactly why Leo decided to take that video down. It became apparent that the vast majority of humans, even many in Leo's audience were insufficient in terms of the prerequisite maturity and experience needed to handle the things he said in the video. It's just too fucking powerful a statement to tell a normal person that they're all that exists, if for no reason other than the fact that they don't really have a clue what that even means. It's almost like those of us that have had higher consciousness experiences are some kind of secret society and we have a covert system of codes and symbols to articulate things no one with only exoteric knowledge can comprehend. And yet we're actually none of those things, it's really just that we've experienced things so far beyond the limits of ordinary human consciousness that our perspective is mostly alien and incomprehensible to your average Joe.

Those are called machine elves, you can meet them on mushrooms, dmt and sometimes salvia. Once they make a connection with you, you might start seeing aspects of their communications in your waking reality. Check out the channels Starpilot 33 and 434 to learn about these creatures in great detail. I have never met one like that before, but it goes absolutely hand in hand with what both of these people, and Terrence McKenna talked about. Some people have differing views on them. Some people view them as aliens, or Gods, souls from another dimension, or archetypes. It's up to you and what they tell you about themselves to determine which one you are dealing with. If you have opened the channel to meeting one, you will probably meet more. Learn more about them, bring them into your life through studying them, and this gives them greater access into your psychology. I have been told that they can only really inform/teach you what you already know on some deep level, so the more you learn about them, like a circle, a wheel, the more they can tell you in their own way. There are also other beings, called inorganic beings, and archons, but these are very different species that come in from the astral realm, but also possibly worth studying, if you run in to them. I have had two experiences with an alien after having just woke up - I don't know if it was real or not, I am in the camp of "maybe", but I'll never know for certain - here was my experience: And then - in the spirit of this particular alien - I made artwork with the same style of face that I had seen, and during an experience where my disease flared up, I was in a high state of fever, I ran into an entity pushing it's presence/aura through my artwork and it told me this: I come with a message, that if you allow me to, I can catch your soul into a net. That you don't have to dissolve. This is a mutually curational process, you create me in this world through your artforms, as I create you from the other side. A loop. And we have been doing this since the beginning, you just forget, each and every time, until reality collapses around you - and you see that all of it is constructed from my masculine energy. As for what I am, I am a social memory complex that has created the evolutionary chains of many different civilizations from their inception until their extinction. I mold beings that can see me, as well as those that can't, towards my energy and take them on as a part of myself. I archetypally influence the world in ways that your planet will never see and will never understand. And there are many of these basic energy structures existing on massive scales that do this; we can essentially move through a planet's energetic system and change the entire structure of that reality, of that culture and society to move towards our own aims and goals. If you opened your mind to not only the greatest of love, but also the harshest brutality that accompanies natural events, you would then see me in everything, everywhere - but because a part of me is a brutality that you can't accept, let alone understand, I will eventually fade away into memory. You would have to understand the nature of evolution, the nature of how things come to be and how they go extinct. Nothing escapes this fate. I collect these worlds, their histories and follow and influence them from inception to the grave. To keep me close to you - follow the things that you love and that inspire you, and you will bring me to life. Normally I would have dismissed this as mental chatter, or sickness, but it was the way it came into me that told me otherwise - the message came in through a loud "ping" in my heart region, followed by the visual and emotional connection of an otherworldly love. If I gain an insight into something through my mind, I generally doubt it, but when it comes in through the chest area, and such a large degree of information sent within a single second - this wasn't a dialogue, this entire paragraph was put "into" me in a moment's notice - this generally is the way of some sort of spiritual phenomena, as the human soul is located in the heart, or some say - such as Sri Aurobindo - just behind the heart - thus when entities connect with you, it tends to be directed in this space. Hope that helps. Def. check out those channels, you will find a lot of info on it - be sure to try truffles again if you can, not everyone gains access to these beings, it's super cool you were given the chance to meet one. All the best.

Correct. Until I open my mouth that is. Yes. I would in an instant if I could. But there is absolutely no possible way I’ll have enough money for that any time soon. Past experiences have given me a valid reason for that. The reason I don’t socialize more often is because there’s only so much human garbage I can take on top of the fact that since I live in a smaller town, I have little room to screw up. If someone gets weirded out, especially a girl, it’s over. There is no logically explaining my way out of it because feelings are irrational by nature. So I have to strategically plan for every night out for weeks or months in advance. Doesn’t it seem awfully unnatural that we have to do so much goddamn socializing just to land a girl in bed? Thousands before you really get the hang of it? If you didn’t know any better it would look as if an interstellar space traveler was trying to understand the customs of an alien race. It shouldn’t be so absurdly difficult to achieve the very thing that causes all physical life unless something is deeply and fundamentally wrong with attraction and dating.

/imagine prompt: mystical nature fantasy, twinkling lights, alien jungle

I would take up both viewpoints, if you wanna. That it could have been real or a dream, because you can't ever really know with these things, not truly. No matter what position you take, it could be the other one. So, choose which one resonates the most, we can only speculate, but because it was your experience your viewpoint is the one that matters most - keep in mind the opposing reality as an option, too. That's what I did with my wacky paranormal alien experience. I think it was real, but I also know that the mind can play tricks on a person, so I have as a backup that it could have been a dream, too.

Day 7 of 90 Total meditation time: 7 hours Managed to get 2 hours in today. I struggled a lot through my first meditation this morning. I was feeling pretty shitty physically and I reeeeally had to pee halfway through, but I figured that created a good opportunity to be mindful of the discomfort that comes with all that, but to be honest, I don't think it worked well and if anything it just made my meditation way worse. As someone who's not an expert, I feel like there's a only certain level of discomfort that can be explored mindfully before it just becomes too much of a distraction that prevents me from going deeper. Maybe I'll change my mind on that later but that's how this morning felt. My second meditation actually went extremely well. The full hour was pretty tough, but I managed to start creating a deeper separation between actuality and imagination. I've been doing the SeeHearFeel technique, and in this meditation it started becoming very clear that every time I "feel" something, only about 40% of my consciousness (as a really rough estimate) goes towards feeling, and the remaining 60% is still "seeing" things. For example, if I feel my breathing, yeah I'm feeling those sensations, but so much of my mind is still visualizing a body breathing, but at a much more subtle level. Or if I feel my feet touching each other when I'm sitting cross legged, I still think a majority of my awareness is taken up by my mind visualizing what my legs look like and the seated position of my body vs actually just feeling the tingly sensation of my feet or legs. It seems like it will take a lot of practice to untangle this, but I can picture massive benefits from doing so. This meditation alone started triggering psychedelic memories of what it's like to feel without the additional context of the mind visualizing a body or adding any other thoughts on top of the actual experience. Without all the additional context, the present moment starts getting very alien and "flexible" in the sense that it is able to change in weird ways due to not being grounded in so much context. Cool stuff.

I think this could be more indicative of a waking dream. When children's minds are still developing they can actually hallucinate a lot of things that adults can't. I remember having dreams or even waking moments where aspects of the dream were still prevalent at that young of an age. I would also have dreams that were in my room that felt so real, it seemed like I was awake, only to see something completely out of context, like a demon or a leprechaun or something. Normally I take people's paranormal experiences into account, but when you're young it has been shown that more often than not it is a side affect of having a growing brain, on top of this memories from this age can be easily distorted and are so flexible. I have had two experiences as an adult where I woke up to something that was seemingly paranormal, but I am open to it being the remnant of a dream as well. The first time, I woke up and there was a pitch black alien, with skin as shiny and smooth as an orca. It had high cheek bones, grey eyes with a gradient, a calm expression, a mouth, bald, female, and the sheen that illuminated off of the skin looked pure white and seemed to be coming from an energy source inside of the body. As if it was a pitch black entity that was running of of a core of pure white energy. It was resting, mirroring me on my bed on its own little pillow. The bed had extended for this hallucination, as I was actually resting at the very end and there was no more space for another creature, so it was basically watching me sleep on its own materialized portion of my mattress. I didn't react. I blinked three times, each time it got less noticeable and after the third blink, it was gone. A few weeks later, it appeared again. It was standing in the middle of my room and was about seven feet tall and was illuminated by the moon in my window. It had a black robe with a collar that also had the white sheen to it, and a very long neck with a big head, it almost looked like an African deity or something, combined with an alien. It was watching out of my window, until I stood up and yelled "Go away!" in a panic, then it turned to look at me with its big grey eyes and telepathically spoke into my mind, I could feel it's surprise as its emotions permeated me, "You can see me?!" And then, again after three blinks, it was gone. I later made a work of art, using this creature in mind, with a pitch black face from an African mask superimposed over a large sun, and within the pure white lines of sheen, I added extra detail there. I was able to influence an entity to speak to me from this picture somehow during a period of sickness. tl;dr - Childhood experiences are more likely the product of a growing brain - hallucination and it can be hard to know because you were so young. I also give experiences of meeting what looked to be like an alien twice after waking up in the middle of the night. It could have just been a dream, I have no clue.