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Halaw said that, but it's deeply dual , that is, closed, or if you prefer, limited. Nothingness is just an appearance that is opposite to something or everything. The ultimate nature of reality is limitlessness and can't be said, thought or represented in any way. It includes nothingness, something, conciousness, unconsciousness . When I read that paragraph of halaw I perceive absolutely clear that he didn't opened that door . when hallaw he said that Buddha recognize his own emptiness, groundless, he's equating emptiness with groundless, which is not equivalent at all. Empty is the opposite of full; groundless is the absence of boundaries. Great that you don't think that the reality is conciousness, the reality is conciouss. Conciousness It's not the act of nothingness, is the act of the tao, if you prefer the tradition. If you define the tao as nothingness, you are defining what can't be defined. Here I catched you eh 😉. About you said about the pointers, they must be clean and direct as an arrow, transparent and perfect as a diamond. Any imperfection must be destroyed by the fire of the unthinkable without mercy. That's the only way to talk about this topic without being a joke

When you say that absolute being/consciousness is dreaming reality, you are operating from a limited perspective. You perceive the reality of form as a hologram, a mirage, that "consciousness" dreams. something without substance. For you, enlightenment is the perception that this consciousness is permanent. This undoubtedly implies that you haven't opened yourself to the essence of reality. Form is not a dream; it is the inevitable expression of totality, and any form contains totality in the same way that it is contained within it. Truly, any form is totality. Conciousness is just an expression, a possibility that happens , the reality is beyond conciousness and unconsciousness. Absolute reality is a bottomless, boundaryless abyss that is conscious because consciousness arises within it, since its potential has no limitation. But what is is not consciousness. The reality of form is not a tranquil dream of consciousness at play, but the inevitable expression of total depth, a manifest potential that contains totality in its absolute plenitude. The Buddhist perception of form as illusion is a closed perception. It is purely mental, but without the essential openness, which is that of the "heart" in quotation marks, signifying the real substance of reality, its unlimited vitality, its total power. Look, everything that exists as form unfolds in infinite forms; this is absolute life, total glory. Nothing is illusory; everything is real, because the depth of everything is absolute. The depth of a thought encompasses all of reality. Illusion or mirage implies flatness, and that implies limitation. The unlimited lives, and its life is total, because it has no limits. Well, poor chap Selling Water by the River. Writes a disclaimer... So that means all pointers are.... limited! Because a pointer/word/statement is by definition... dualistic and limited. ... and then gets a Pleads guilty as charged I guess. Maybe you like Halaw, especially the statement marked in red: ... and "even consciousness itself". and https://www.actualized.org/forum/search/?&q=Halaw&author=Water%20by%20the%20River and https://www.actualized.org/forum/search/?&q=sentience&author=Water%20by%20the%20River and https://www.actualized.org/forum/search/?&q=Neti%20Neti&author=Water%20by%20the%20River If you allow, before we turn in circles and many replies are requested, instead of continuing discussing about pointers which are by definition insufficient and limited (see the disclaimer), lets do a shortcut. You can consider the quote below as a general answer in case I can't always give feedback on your points and questions: Besides: It is very good that you don't equate (self)-consciousness (which is an appearance) nor anything else that is merely temporarily arising with Absolute Reality. Neti neti. Chanting who is stating all these points again by the River PS: “That which is not present in deep dreamless sleep is not real.” -Ramana Maharshi PS PS: Complaints and unclarities about this statement please directly to its author. Preferably in the form of a Koan. Because the essence of Ramana is also right here, right now.

Short and to the point. Very hard not to breakthrough if you be committed, persistent, and have a natural inclination for this type of meditation. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/19183043

Yes, I'd rate Andre Halaw's books as some of the most important for understanding classical enlightenment and Nothingness, and neti-neti is an effective method for realizing Nothingness as your true nature. I recently returned to his book No-Mind and a particular representation struck: "Consciousness is only a portion of what you are. You are not limited to your awareness, experiences, or consciousness. Below is a visual representation of your total self, where consciousness is depicted in white: As you can see, the white comma-shape expressing awareness accounts for only a fraction of the total image. Just as most of the photo is black, the vast majority of what we are consists of Non-awareness. Consciousness apprehends 'things' such as sounds, odors, etc., while Non-awareness is a type of knowing that does not rely upon forms, sounds, odors, flavors, objects, or thoughts. It is the darkness of Not-knowing. For this reason, I also call it Non-being, Non-existence, or even Nothingness, all of which point to the same reality—the formless, unconditioned Absolute at the base of consciousness and the root of all reality."

Today, there are a lot more. Just some examples: Harri Aalto, Jac O'Keeffee, Andrew Halaw, Ralston, Wilber, Wolinski, Daniel Brown (passed away), Adyashanti, Jürgen Ziewe, and many others. The ones mentioned are just some of those I like (enlightened, not explicitely concering Supermind-stage) and who have interesting books/media published.

according to my current understanding, which is recent and surely must be quite nuanced, reality is not a mind, it is the total infinity that it is. total infinity gives rise to a mind that has attributes such as intelligence and will, which limits and creates forms getting blind to the infinity and creating the finite. this mind is also limited in some way because if it were not, it would not create limitation. Ultimately, the absolute is undifferentiated, infinite, and total, without creation or activity. First, I am in full alignment with everything Moksha said. That description is precise, beautiful, and doesn't have the problem that many other pointers have. That said: I would have probably never gotten it from the usual very concise pointers. Maybe I would have, but much much later. Of that I am convinced. Looking back after got it, its totally clear what is meant with these pointers. What is written below would have helped me quite a lot back in the day. So excuse the length please. Topic 1: Why does Huang Po use Universal Mind? Why is Infinite or Absolute a better pointer, althoug Universal Mind/Infinite Consciousness is still correct? Better Pointer is: Infinite Reality. Absolute. Because no object/appearance = No Awareness. Infinite. Empty. Nothingness. Similiar to Deep Sleep. Not exactly the same, but by definition "one" is still existing then, else one wouldn't come back in the morning. And one can't say what Infinite Reality is, because it is infinite. Infinite Reality IS. So best pointer is: Infinite Reality. Nothingness. Not yet awareness or mind. But: Infinite Reality has the potential/capacity for sentience/awareness. As soon as something shows up, then its no longer Infinite. Massaros water pistol example of a waterpistol just appearing in Infinite Vastness (which was "the case" before the water pistol/anything showed up. The potential for awareness just showed up as awareness, because an object and duality appeared. So because of this potential for sentience/Awareness, one can describe IT as Universal Mind, Infinite Consciousness/Awareness. But even more precise is Infinite Reality/Nothingness. Because without anything appearing, it isn't really a mind. It is IT. Infinite. But also not different from Impersonal Infinite Consciousness/Awareness. It all depends on the meaning of the concepts/pointers. Wolinsky goes the hardcore-path: The Absolute/Infinity Reality/True You is NOT Awarnesness nor Consciousness. He described Awareness/Consciousness as Awareness OF, Consciousness OF. And rejects Awareness/Consciousness as Absolute. Because for him its always Awareness OF, Consciousness OF. Which is not incorrect, see the Water Pistol example. That is also correct. Same does Andrew Halaw, and his pointer Nothingness. So the problem with Awareness is: There is always (!) an Awareness OF, even if its a subtle formless object, like certain causal states. An infinite darkness suffused with light. Ok, what is the light? Ah,... . Without the OF (or the object appearing), Awareness is still there, but more as potential. Infinite. Or Nothing/empty. These Dualities collapse then. And that is the most important meaning of all of it. At the Absolute and Infinite Reality, any duality or any pointer just collapses. Infinite. Empty/Nothing specific. Potential for Awareness. And all of that not different things, but ONE without a second, Infinite. Real Nondual Infinite. Topic 2: And then, the separate-self, the self-reflective mind: Looking AT something thinking it is one self, or looking over its shoulds trying to see itself, and generating an EXPERIENCE of emptiness/Nothingness/Awareness/blank/whatever. JUST AN EXPIRIENCE, not real you/Infinite/Absolute. And next challenge is: The separate-self is a self-reflexive movement in Infinite Reality: Consciousness turning its head back to see itself, doesn't see itself of course, has an EXPERIENCE of Nothingness/emptiness/Infinity. And this LOOKING over its shoulder IS the Illusion of the separate self, of the self-reflective mind. And that movement of looking over its shoulds happens IN Infinite Reality/IN Infinite Consciousness. And all doubting/searching/reflecting/thinking that is it/what is it/that is not/do I have it/do I understand it.... ALL of that is "movement" within Infinite Consciousness, OBJECTS appearing, staying, disappearing. Moving within oneself. And even the understanding/realization/Enlightenment happens within it, within Pure Impersonal Infinite Consciousness/Infinite Reality that can be unaware of itself. One never can get "out" of this Infinite. And Infinite Reality is NEVER and object. It is not the experience of "oneself" or anything within it TRYING to see itself (the eye can't see itself). Jac O'Keffe: Primary Consciousness (her term for Infinite Reality and Infinite Consciousness) IS SUCH A FUNDAMENTAL that it CANT TURN AROUND AND SEE ITSELF. Cant look back over its shoulder to see itself. That would be a movement within it. Please watch this video a few times: "Primary Consciousness (Infinite Consciousness) is such a fundamental it CANT SEE ITSELF." Ok, I am rambling on. Please go through the links & video a few times. There are enough pointers in there to really get it. And sorry guys if it is so long. I can't make it shorter and still get the meaning across with any reasonable chance. If anybody can make it shorter, and still get the complexity of it across, please let me know. You get a few free beers from me while you explain me how to do it shorter. I also can do the frog pond plop, or Infinite Mind, or whatever in a one liner. Just probably nobody will get it.,, The way above, probably also nearly nobody will get it. Takes awakened states. But maybe some who are on the edge will, and others will have a better map up the mountain, and will spot and get what to do/where to go at certain stages. Bon voyage! Selling Water by the River

Hi Fellow Lighter Already very nice and pretty empty. And if you no throw out each and ANY positive description in Nothingness (in case you want to use it as pointer for Absolute Reality), like undistorted (undisturbed) light pure flow of energy Light then you are getting really close to your True Nature. You can only say what it is NOT. Because it is Infinite. not finite a) b) c) ...) . But you never say with a "positive" concept what it IS. Maybe you will find the book of God is Nothingness - Andrew Halaw interesting: "There is only the not-‘that’ That— the Great, Magnificent Void, the womb of all existence. NOTHINGNESS. Bound by neither space nor time, Nothingness is dimension-less, time-less, and form-less. The Void is unborn, unoriginated, unconditioned, and deathless, neither coming nor going, ‘creating’ nor destroying, rewarding nor punishing. It has never set anything in motion nor caused anything to happen. ... Do not look for it with your senses or mind, for the Void is beyond color, sound, smell, taste, touch, form, and thought." all the best & Bon Voyage! Selling Water by the River

And Wilbers description of the Causal Stages in One Taste: Entering the High Causal: Exactly how long I was Light, I cannot say. How long Form existed, I cannot say. How long I have been neither, I cannot say. On the other side of Light, the Abyss. On the other side of Love, the Abyss. How long, I cannot say. ... And then, the Abyss beyond all beyonds. Some would call it radical Freedom, infinite Release, ultimate Liberation, the great Redemption, boundless Being. I wouldn’t know, for there is no I to know, in any form, sacred or profane, and so there is only this radical Formlessness, which remains its own remark. It is not bliss, it is not God, it is not love. It is not holistic, it is not Goddess, it is not interwoven anything. It is not infinite, it is not eternal, it is not any conception or object or state whatsoever. I-I am not light, am not love, am not spirit, am not bliss. II am not bound, am not free, am not ignorant, am not liberated. But this much can be said: where there is not this Emptiness, there is only suffering. All this I remember, in the school of myself. All this I have seen, in the history of my own discovery. All this I sing of now, to the audience of myself. All this I promise to others, who are the forms of my own slumbering. All this others will also see, as they awaken from their otherness and return their slumbering selves to the Wakefulness that has always existed, undiminished and untorn, in the heart of what they are. Exactly how long I was Light, I cannot say. How long Form existed, I cannot say. How long I have been neither, I cannot say. On the other side of Light, the Abyss. On the other side of Love, the Abyss. How long, I cannot say. But I know I will empty even this Emptiness, and therefore create a Kosmos, and therefore incarnate as the world of Form, and enter with Wakefulness the children of my own Awareness. Exiting High Causal: Around the sea of Emptiness, a faint edge of bliss. From the sea of Emptiness, a flicker of compassion. Subtle illuminations fill the space of awareness, As radiant forms coalesce in consciousness. A world is taking shape, A universe is being born. I-I breathe out the subtlest patterns, Which crystallize into the densest forms, With physical colors, things, objects, processes, That rush upon awareness in the darkness of its night, To arise as glorious sun, radiant reminder of its source, And slumbering earth, abode of the offspring of Spirit. So the bold markings are from me. Breakingthewall, in the descriptions of Frank Yang and Ingram, there is NO Awareness in Cessation. "The Universe just switches off, and reboots". And the "reboot" is interesting, because there all subtle forms come online, the separate-self building blocks, space, change and time, and so on. Like Nothingness, and then yada yada yada. Compare that to Wilber, see bold above. And that is what makes this experience so valueable, because the Infinite Absolute Reality is exactly that: Beyond it all. And the High Causal does exactly that: Kills every last subtle filter/form. Moksha also differentiates between the void/formless state and the Unmanifested Reality, what I and Andrew Halaw would call Nothingness. "But beyond this formless state there is another, unmanifested reality, which is eternal and is not dissolved when the cosmos is destroyed." Selling Water by the River

For the topic of Salvijus and Breakingthewall: Causal States vs. states of void/formlessness and totality of manifestation (Whiteout,Infinity) at any time (low causal). Yours truly is a bit an "Integration aficionado" of different systems, just to get to the deep structures of the different paths up the mountain. Wilbers High Causal is the Abyss of Absolute Nothingness, Cessation, Nirvikalpa. The passing of that often enough opens the door for getting empty enough to maintain constant Nondual Realization in daily life. Or to directly intuit the essence of any manifestation, Nothingness, Infinite Reality. Wilbers Low Causal: The Totality of manifestation (Whiteout,Infinity) at any time (low causal). @Breakingthewall, what the void-state that you describe is I can't tell based just based on your description. It doesn't sound like a black-out like Cessation, doesn't have its effects, and doesn't fit the ladder described above. But the pool of causal states is wide... Descriptions of cessation one can find at Ingram, Thisdell and Frank Yang. Wilber also describes the Whiteout somewhere else, but I don't have that in my files/notes. Here are some quotes and perspectives from Ken Wilbers system on the topic. Wilber normally provides a very good Ontology. Maybe you find that interesting. My personal perspective is on one of my last posts on causal states, which I don't want to repeat here. Excerpt 1: And from Wilber - Sex,Ecology, Spirituality: And what is also very useful: Wilber, Waves, streams, states, and self: An outline of an integral psychology. And Wilber, Religion of the Future. And what both of you probably will really like is Halaw, God is Nothingness, and Wolinsky, "The End of the Game - Deconstructing the Portals to the Absolute". On both books I have written something in this thread: The High Causal States are always easy to spot in descriptions. Passing through these fully empty and impersonal states is in many systems the opening gate to entering the stages Nondual Realization, because states are known where the separate self and any form of Duality just is not. The Nondual Realization/Full Enlightenment (NOT only the Unity with the Visual Field), but also the Impersonal Emptiness of the High Causal States integrated are also easy to spot in any description/system We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all. Kalu Rinpoche Anything from subtle states to low causal states can be quite a Jungle in systems/descriptions which is to be expected, because here the infinite manifestation begins. not only the dimensions/realties experienced can vary, but the interpretation varies with the conceptual system the subject travels... And: Hic sunt dracones Aliens Maybe that is interesting & useful for you. Wilbers ontological system worked very well for me to orient myself in often very differing systems/descriptions. See for example Lex Hixon, Coming Home. The Experience of Enlightenment in Sacred Traditions. The variety of the description of paths and states is vast, and the universal deep structures often hard to spot. Selling Water by the River

Neti-Neti (Vedantic) is a technique used to disidentfy any subject in ones mindstream. I am not this, I am not that. Making it from "being it/subject" to "seeing it/making it an object" moving within onself. Any I-thought and I-feeling can be watched as arisings/objects moving within Oneself. Differentiate, transcend, integrate. Why? Because ones Real Self is TOTALLY empty. Anything one thinks one is has to be made something moving in onself, an object. Or even better: I am not only this. Neti-Neti is the basis/core of all meditation, Buddhist and Vedantic alike. Maybe you like the check Daniel Browns Dissertation on the central meditation system of Yoga (Patanjali), Mahamudra (Tibetan Buddhism), and Theravada. They all have the same "deep structure" of the path, but take views from Emptiness (Buddhism) and Infinite Conciousness (Yoga, Vedantic, Hindu-style). These concepts colour the experiences, but Reality and the outcome of Enlightenment has the same deep structures. But better read directly Pointing Out the Great Way, the Mahamudra system is the most efficient and highest developed system of all of them, according to Daniel Brown. Yours truly can confirm its efficiency from own experience. Madhyamaka ("4 negations" above), the central tenet of Buddhist Philosophy since the Mahayana, basically says: The Absolute is truly Infinite. Or neither existent, nor nonexistent, / Nor both existent and nonexistent, nor neither. One can not describe it in any way, since it transcends and contains all limits. Any "positive" description would limit it. So one can not say it exists. Ex-isting literally means "standing out from reality"[as something specific, discernable]. But the Absolute is Infinite Reality itself, so it can't stand out from itself [as Reality] as something specific. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existence from Latin existere, to come forth, be manifest, ex + sistere, to stand. One can not say it doesn't exist, because there clearly are at least perceptions perceiving themselves. There is some kind of show. One can not say its both existing and not existing at the same time. Because that doesn't make sense. And to rule out the last option: one can not say it neither exists nor doesn't exist. That also doesn't make sense. And Buddhism does this Madhyamaka-thing pretty much ever since to avoid any funny idea/concept being put on the Absolute, like Consciousness, God, Love, whatever, n+1. Sure, God is so to say the first manifestation, and love is also the essence of it all. But its too easy to project that on the Absolute, and make it not fully empty or infinite. Which then prevents its full realization. To say the essence of everything is God or Love is fully ok, because that refers already to something manifested, something, something no longer infinite. Emptiness/Shunyata wants to make sure that one doesn't identify anything positive with either ones True Self, nor the Absolute. Empty it out. Or make it fully infinite. Of course, Emptiness again can be made to something "self-existing". Like a state of void/emptiness, or cessation, or Nirvikalpha Samadhi. Then, it is said one has to empty out emptiness: The void is also just a state, something self-existing. It all appears in the Infinite. Emptiness as concept or theory has been used in Buddhism "to death", in many different, often incorrect usages. A good meaning of emptiness/Shunyata is (in the opinion of yours truly, in the meaning of "a good meaning/concept brings one closer to realization, not away from it) all is just a construct of mind (emptiness of concepts), and the passing nature of everything (of even empty/void states/cessation/Nirvikalpha) basically, that everything (apperance, state, self-thought/concept-arising, anything at all) is just an imagined arising in the Absolute. Just an apperance, a process, a verb, not a noun, a self-existing substance or thing. It all happens in True Infinite You, nothing is permanent, all changing and in flux. a verb, not a noun. every and each appearance "thing"/arising is finite, temporary, passing. Not the Infinite/Absolute. Now comes the funny part: Since the Absolute is also NOT Emptiness, the Hindus use the term Infinite Consciousness. Which is also correct, once its fully empty and impersonal. One can more easily project unncessary properties on Infinite Consciousness than on Emptiness/Shunyata. But Shunyata sounds like Nihilism, which also isn't IT. Basically IT/Absolute is Infinite Reality or Infinite Consciousness itself, with potential for sentience if something manifests (perceptions perceiving themselves, that is why it is not Nothing, and has infinite Potential), but at the same time it is not something, because if it would be something, it couldn't be everything. It would not be infinite, but finite and limited. If you are so inclined to read a long post of yours truly, Nothingness is in my humble opinion the best pointer (a term coined by Andrew Halaw): Sounds complicated and paradoxical, but after having passed certain awakening states, only these views makes sense (in that they are able to translate ones new awakening experiences in ways that make sense, or facilitate further growth/transcendence). Then, its no more paradoxical at all. So, if you are so inclined get some nondual experiences, sobre or not, get pretty empty yourself, and see for yourself what you truly really are.... Selling Water by the River

Yes, understand & agree. " the absence of limitation is absolute life, absolute freedom, absolute love, because it includes everything . whoever realizes the absolute is the only one that exists, but his infinity excludes any solitude. there is no other, but as in a game of mirrors, there are infinite perspectives. you cannot understand it in a linear or superficial way". That is beautiful. And the "one" who realizes the Absolute is gone... replaced by the Infinite Totality that was always already the case. The previous separate self is seen through/transcended/emptied out/dead. A functional character remaining, but the separate self gone. Because how could IT be the Infinite Totality when "anything" separate or individual/individuality still arise&moves in it.... That is why some say no one realizes the Absolute, and that there can not be an enlightened person. I use Nothingness in the definition of Andrew Halaw, to contrast it with Nothing. Nothing has a opposite: Something. Nothingness is neither existence nor non-existence. Madhyamaka-style. Neither existing nor non-existing, nor both, nor neither. Infinite. Infinite Consciousness, or the One without a second. But that already says too much "positive" about "It". Andrew Halaw in "God is Nothingness": "This book is about Nothingness, the great Void of the holy sages, not to be confused with the nothing of the ordinary person. Silence. A blank page or space in a book. A shout. Slapping the table or thumping the floor. These are all expressions of the ineffable truth that is theuniversal nature of reality. Since there is no way to directly capture the highest truth with language, all we can do is point to it. And “Nothingness” is the best verbal pointer that I have found." In the beginning, there was only Nothing. Now there is only Nothing. In the end, there will be only Nothing. There always was, is, and only ever will be Nothing. God is Nothingness Christ is Nothingness Buddha is Nothingness The Tao is Nothingness Brahman is Nothingness The Absolute is Nothingness Nothingness is neither something nor the common nothing; it is the Great Nothing, the eternal, magnificent, all-encompassing Nothingness that transcends being, yet is the ground from which existence itself arises. In truth, there is only Nothingness, for nothing else ever was. Beings suffer because they do not understand Nothing. Intoxicated by their senses and minds, they chase mirages, construct temples, conduct empty rituals, pursue wealth and status, believing that there is something —meaning, purpose, salvation— to attain. Fools are slaves to their senses and thoughts, caught in the snare of form and desire, unaware that all things arise from Nothingness, abide as Nothingness, and return to Nothingness. For nothing has ever happened. Existence and appearance are flashes of Nothingness superimposed upon Nothingness. There are no beings, no worlds, no minds, no consciousness, no souls, no events, no time, no space, no Buddha, no Christ, no Self, no God. There is only the not-‘that’ That— the Great, Magnificent Void, the womb of all existence. NOTHINGNESS. Bound by neither space nor time, Nothingness is dimension-less, time-less, and form-less. The Void is unborn, unoriginated, unconditioned, and deathless, neither coming nor going, ‘creating’ nor destroying, rewarding nor punishing. It has never set anything in motion nor caused anything to happen. Ultimately, there is only Nothing, which is the final and only truth. Nothingness cannot be seen with eyes, nor heard with ears, tasted with the tongue, smelt with the nose, felt by the body, or known by the mind. Do not look for it with your senses or mind, for the Void is beyond color, sound, smell, taste, touch, form, and thought. Transcend them and realize that you are truly Nothing, that in reality there is only Nothing. Then you are free to dance and play on the waves of Nothingness. " and " Nothingness is not sheer blankness, yet neither is it being-ness the way that we ordinarily understand existence; it is the source and true nature of all beings. This is the “vast emptiness, nothing holy” of Bodhidharma, the legendary founder of Ch’an, Sǒn, and Zen Buddhism. Consciousness is neither present nor absent in Nothingness, for Nothingness is actually the root of consciousness. In truth, there is no such thing as consciousness; there is only Nothingness. Consciousness is instantiated Nothingness, as is all of existence. Frightened dullards, clinging to notions of existence, call Nothingness “nihilism,” unaware that Nothing is the exact opposite of deathly sterility; Non-being is the great womb from which everything arises, abides, and eventually returns. From a Buddhist perspective, “Emptiness is not a negative idea, nor does it mean mere privation, but as it is not in the realm of names and forms, it is called emptiness, or nothingness, or the Void” (Suzuki 60). Sunyata, as Nothingness can be called in Buddhism, or Tao in Taoism, sustains everything, including consciousness. It is the vast, empty void of Non-existence that the Buddha calls Nirvana, meaning “extinction” of all ‘being.’ It is what Nisargadatta Maharaj points to when he speaks of ‘Universal Consciousness’ or what Huang Po calls ‘Mind.’ Nothingness is prior to consciousness, as it is is with all phenomena. This is why Huang Po says, “Mind in itself is not mind” (Blofeld 34), meaning that the mind is truly understood only when its own emptiness is realized. For mind is Nothingness occurring as consciousness. When this is properly realized, mind become Mind with a capital “M,” not in the sense that some latent quality has been discovered that it is somehow beyond all conditioning, like some eternal super Consciousness or Witness at the base of our mind; but in the sense that when we realize our own universality as Nothingness, we awaken to our own unlimited nature. This is what sages mean when they talk about “primordial consciousness”; it is the realization that our minds transcend beingness alone, by extending into the core nor Non-being, into Nothingness itself. The mind, in effect, is simultaneously limitless (transcendent) and viscerally present (immanent). Hence, Nisargadatta calls it “Universal Consciousness” to express the insight into the universal Nothingness of our minds. Nothingness creates, supports, animates, and eventually recalls everything, yet is not bound to any single thing. It is the stars, but not limited to them. It is the earth and all of its inhabitants, but is not confined to them. Nothingness is the true nature of all existence. The Buddha, the Awakened One, is also called Tathata, meaning, “One who has arrived at suchness,” suchness being another term for the ineffable, mysterious reality of Nonbeing, sunyata, or Nothingness. We have risen from Nothingness, and to Nothingness we shall return. Therefore, ultimately there is no movement or nothing that ever happens, for everything is in fact Nothingness. “That which is before you is it, in all its fullness, utterly complete” (37). And yet the world continues to change and transform; the seasons come and go; people are born, grow old and die. Nothing changes and yet everything happens. Divinity expresses itself as an acorn, a mustard seed, a lump of coal. Humans, including their toils and vices, are all manifestations of the wondrous Nothingness. “Nothing[ness] is the inexhaustible, suprasensible power underlying all finite beings,” “the emptiness from which all beings are forged” (Chen 90, 92). Nothingness sings as birds, sighs as the wind, breathes as humans, and knows as mind. Once this is realized, there is nothing to worry about, for everything is an expression of Nothing. As the seminal Buddhist scripture, the Heart Sutra, says, “Form is Emptiness; Emptiness is Form.” Your truest nature is Nothingness. Mind and consciousness are in fact Nothingness. This is why Ch’an Master Linji called the Enlightened being a “person of no rank,” someone who can come and go freely. “No rank” means no fixed limitation, free and vast as the sky, bound by neither ‘being’ nor even Non-being. This is the infinite Nothingness of the sages. " and, maybe most important, Appendex I: Nothingness (Infinite Consciousness) has the potential for sentience/awareness, to have awareness arise if an "object"-arising happens. Or perceptions perceiving themselves, with our without separate-self arisings. So it is not Nothing, like in nothing at all. But infinite potential + potential for sentience of "that". See also Benthinos Water-Pistol emerging/manifested in an infinite empty vastness. " Appendix I Some readers may be wondering why I say that awareness is not the Absolute, despite the fact that so many ancient scriptures and eminent teachers say that they are identical. For instance, Nisargadatta taught that consciousness is rooted in (and therefore limited to) the physical human form, while awareness transcended the individual body and was actually the Absolute—that everything is Universal Consciousness. This is more of an instructive approach than a philosophical commitment. If pressed as to whether the Absolute is awareness or not, I would say, like Huang Po did, that, “Mind is not mind, yet neither is it no-mind.” In Nothingness, there is some degree of awareness present—it is not how most people imagine brain death—albeit unconditioned, object- and subjectless. The Consciousness (for lack of a better word) of Non-being is so subtle that the moment we try to reflect upon it to check if we are conscious, we are jarred back into ‘being’ and into our ordinary dualistic consciousness. I hesitate even to call this experience “pure subjectivity,” for that invites a metaphysical position that I am not willing to support. In the end, to paraphrase Socrates, all that I know is Nothing. This Consciousness has shed all of the characteristics that people normally identify with awareness, such as perspective, spatial and temporal contexts, objects, ownership, etc. Yet, if there were no awareness, then it would be impossible to differentiate the numinous Nothingness from how people conventionally conceive of blankness or being comatose. Personally, I think that differentiating between Nothingness and consciousness is helpful, and that is my ultimate goal—to help people realize Non-being or Absolute Consciousness. At that point, I can care less whether people call it Nothingness, God, Brahman, Buddha Nature, One Mind, Universal Consciousness, or a kangaroo. Names at that point, after the Absolute has been realized, are insignificant. " Since this is the first thread I started myself, I allow myself the liberty to blow it up with a waaaay to long ramling like the one above. Hope nobody minds... Selling Water by the River

Yes, very good point you write. And very important. Steven Wolinsky has once said and written: An experience of the Absolute is just that: An experience of the Absolute. It is not the Absolute itself, which is the True You/Reality. But an experience that the True You/Reality is having. In Itself, in the Infinite Groundless Totality of Infinite Consciousness/Reality. In Nothingness, as Halaw (God is Nothingness) calls it, to avoid any "positive" property being attached to the Absolute. Which is infinite, which is another word for "no positive quality at all besides being Reality itself", or: Nothingness. IT contains all possible infinite qualities. If the True You is Nothingness/Absolute/Reality, then when "Infinite Consciousness" tries "to look back over its shoulder" so to say (which it really can't, because IT is everything/the Totality), and experience OF NOTHING/NOTHINGNESS arises. And paradoxically that experience arises IN the infinite Reality that one is. But that "experience of the Absolute/True You" that can be induced by looking into the Absolute Empty Abyss/Nothingness that one really is IS not true You. Because its an experience of the Emptiness/Nothingness/Absolute that one truly is. But doing that often enough "drives the point" home, making One understand that One is really totally empty, Nothing or Nothingness at all, and with that including everything. Reality. Facilitating the Deep Identity Level Shift towards Nothingness/Reality itself, making ones mindstream conform more to the enlightened mindstream. Here, it gets quite paradoxical (but its totally logical once experienced/understood), and couldn't be different. Nice metaphor of Massaro: The Water-Pistol imagined in Infinite Nothingness. Imagine an infinite vast nothingness, nothing there at all. Infinite. Boundaryless. No change happening, so no time. Nothingness initially not aware of itself, but with the potential for sentience/being aware of arisings manifested/imagined in itself. Then, a Water-Pistol is imagined: One suddenly has object, subject, limitations, imagined appearances, a you looking at the water pistol. And if that water-pistol moves: time and change. And if it disappears, Nothingness again. Like in Deep Sleep, unaware of itself, but with the potential for sentience and subject-object, if the water-pistol reappears again. If the water-pistol is not there: Infinite Consciousness again in its totally empty version (which is always here anyway, Infinite Reality itself), like before your parents were born. Buddhist systems somtimes uses that example/metaphor in a variation: The dreamer and the dream. The dream also happens/appears in True You. Similiar to the dream happening in the dreamer, being made of the "sustance" of the dreamer, or being imagined by it. Both examples (looking back over its should, and Water pistol) are not the "real thing", but nice approximations that helped me a lot to silence the mindstream, make it rest in its true nature.... And having the right view (like described above and the previous post) boosts the cycle of (or prevents it getting stuck) meditation experience/ (and/or) psychedelic experience, ->realization/understanding (of the own self being more and more empty/Nothingness/the nondual reality, -> meditation experience/ (and/or) psychedelic experience, ->realization/understanding (of the own self being more and more empty/Nothingness/the nondual reality and so .... ... until at some point the mindstream conforms to the real state of Reality, and Basis Enlightenment/Great Enlightenment can happen, which is a sudden, clear, deep final shift of Ones Identity towards ever having been Infinite Reality itself, never possibly could be anything different, throwing out any and all mistaken separate self-identity-arisings/I-thoughts/I-feelings (or understanding their illusory nature when they arise in oneself in real-time, and transcending/seeing them as objects moving in oneself, and watching them elaborate/arise, or just cutting them off). Nice thing is: It is un-gaslight-able. Why? Because the gaslighting would occur in what? Yes, in the True You, Real Onself, Infinite Reality itself.... Also, there are not stages to go further. Because where would they occur? Yes, in the True You, Real Onself, Infinite Reality itself.... Some interesting and beautiful stuff/manifestation/its mechanisms of Infinite Reality, or rather its manifested side, the wonderful Multiverse can still be explored and celebrated, but: why allow any negative "grasping stress" arising in oneself for the experience (temporary by definition!) of more understanding/awakening to the next n+1 experience of understanding or experiencing more of the infinite possible worlds/experiences of this wonderful show? Hint: God/Reality "itself" will continue to explore the infinity of infinities of the manifested "side" of Reality forever and ever and ever.... That (Basis Enlightenment/Great Enlightenment) can happen when all world-appearances is seen as mere imagined appearance happening/"floating" in the groundless Nothingness/True You/Reality, and all "subjective" separate-self arisings are seen as mistaken identity arisings in oneself, getting replaced by the True Deep Identity of Infinite, Groundless, Totally Empty and mere appearance Absolute Reality itself). And then, welcome home to a home you never really left. Concluding the journey that never really happened. Only appeared to do so. that includes at that stage ending trying to force it (because it has to be automized without a separate-self-I "doing" them, because who/what could try to force it? Well, the separate self. Which would re-enforce it again). Tricky until the end... with best regards from Maya The paradoxes of that advanged stage are described by the way very nicely in Nonmeditation Yoga of the Mahamudra system, preferably descibed in "Pointing out the Great Way, Brown". Please excuse my long musings... Hope nobody feels lectured too much. Selling Water by the River

I agree that large parts of Buddhism/"Hinduism" and any other Spiritual Tradition had major impacts from psychedelics, and genetically/"karma-developed" realizers. Yet, most of them did some kind of meditation, often for very long times. And I don't believe (personal opinion, based on what I have seen) that only tripping will get you really to a deep identity with your True Identity, Absolute Reality itself. Especially its essence, which Hawal for example calls Nothingness (because the essence of the Always Here Reality is totally empty, Nothing(ness) at all. Only this way (totally empty), It/True You can be totally infinite and manifest anything. For sure, ignoring or not using, or advising against psychedelics, or the "hurricane" to blow away 95%+ of the separate self arisings/clouds covering the sun(True Nature, see some of my last posts) is in my opinion not the most efficient and integral method. Why not use these tools as a preview to the fulltime thing of stabilized Awakening, enabling to perceive the visual field as lucid hologram-like mere appearances hovering in infinite timeless Nothingness and disabling/transcending the separate self arisings from a level of separate self bodymind mindstrem to being a mostly empty witness but still some kinds of very very subtle layers of Individuality/separateness still going on, like an empy-nothing-consciousness watching (or even being) some kind of mere appearance-infinity. But still with some very very subtle levels of the separate self arisings still active. and these very fine last layers/filters/clouds of the remaining separate self arisings/individuality/being not the Totality at the deepest Identity Level fully, prevent the full realization, which would make IT stable after coming out of the trip. To become fully Everything/Totality on a stable basis, one has to be totally Nothing(-ness). At least for me, this seems totally logical in theory, and is also demonstrated in practice time and time again of what kills the solidity of the visual field (and makes the visual field mere empty groundless appearance hovering in Nothingness) and its "externalness/not nonduality", making "It" one seamless infinite nondual Totality/whole: Being the Nothingness fully,and stabilizing in that. Short form: "We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all." Kalu Rinpoche So, why did the actively psychedelic using traditions either disappear (Vajrayana in medieval India), or go underground in secrecy? My theory is: When you got a monastery with meditation technique (that is maybe not the most efficient one), bringing less than a few percent of the people to Enlightenment, and supplying that with the goooood psychedelic stuff ... (which was not so gooood in the past, nearly nobody had 5-MeO for example, mainly Mushrooms and LSD/Ergot/... and some DMT. Well, you can imagine the show of the ladies and gentlemen inside which are by definition confusing in the beginning phases of their Psychonaut/tripping-journey parts of their separte self arisings/Ego with the Infinite Field of Totality hovering as mere appearance in groundless eternal Nothingness when they take the psychedelics. that probably has led to an Ego-show of the highest degree of only partly transcended Egos/separate selfs.... Imagine who would not like to join the club/monastery if rumours of tripping occur? the support from the community to such an institution would have been shut down after quite fast after a few scandals of "not-so-enlightened-living" But most importantly (and at least my experience): To stabilize Awakening in daily life, which brings the bliss and freedom from psychological suffering) that everybody (wants independend of outer circumstances), one needs a deep identity shift towards ones True Nature, which is Nothingness as "Subject"/or better Deep-Identity with the nondual Totality and Nothingness (Halaw) as its essence, which means no remaining separate self arising not spotted and "not believed"/"not hypnotized by"/not transcended/not cut-off fast enough. and that takes time, hundreds if not thousands of hours resting in empty Suchness (which can then already be done in daily life, but the beginning phase without some (or a lot) sitting/meditation is probably difficult. and one doesn't get enough time in the psychedelic state to do that, and even more important if you meditate, you get direct feedback on if you transcend your character/separate self arisings/Ego or not: If you don't, then the visual field doesn't get shimmering mere apperance, but stays rock-solid and "out-there/external/dual. If you just drop psychedelic, it is probably impossible to not project certain remaining aspects of the separate self on the Totality, leaving it not totally empty of separate self/subject, but a mix of the Truth and remaining separate-self-illusion-arisings. and Everything Else (the infinite Totality of the visual field/"external" world hovering as mere groundless imagined appearance in the always here Nothingness. again, the very nice summary of Kalu Rinpoche: We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all. All of that means that I believe that one has to and should do both, psychdelics AND meditation, preferably an efficient meditation-system (broken record of mine: I recommend for example Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown, and in general Mahamudra/Dzochen), I have written in my past posts about this topic): get Awakenings and previews of the real state of things via psychedelics, and hopefully don't get the separate self/ego blown up by that to epic proportions by projecting the properties of the epic/awe-inspring Absolute Reality on the separate self individuality arisings (that is Maya giving you a hugely seductive kiss) and get deeply established in ones True Identity (Nothingness), so that one never forgets ones True Nature in daily life never loosing the Deep Identity of being the Totality, the visual field staying nondual and as lucid empty mere appearances. I have written about the Endohuasca-System, which is (I believe, and also my experience) triggered by stabilizing these empty states of transcending the separate self: https://dmtquest.org/endohuasca-magic/ never loosing the bliss of ones own True Identity One of the largest experiments (both in scope of people doing it, and psychonauts having gone as fare as ever before, and further) is being conducted right here in this community/forum, and in general with the ongoing psychedelic revival. We are sitting in the prime seats to see if those belittling meditation (and emphasizing only psychedelics or also only meditation, one or the other) or those that recommend both methods to be integrated and used together) end up living a beautiful, satisfying and blissful life, stabilizing their True Deep Identity in daily life, and explore more of the depths of the Kosmos. My personal belief is that the Totality gives one a lot of insight into the structure of the manifested/relative side of Absolute Reality by doing mainly (or only) psychedelics, but so far, as I see it, Absolute Reality doesn't give the full bliss and stable Awakening in daily life to those only or mostly or only doing psychedelics. Opposite examples welcome, I have not seen one so far that fully stabilized ones True Nature as Deep Identity (and the ensuing Liberation), neither historical nor contemporary. Even if it exists/existed/or will happen, think about what that says about the success rates of the paths psychedelic only and meditation. I also assume, since Absolute Reality is all there is, infinitely intelligent, all powerful, certain areas of exploration of the Multiverse are blocked for part-time-separate-selves only doing tripping, but falling from grace/loosing Awakening after the trip. As this worlds contains many many traps that stabilized the illusion of Maya/Duality/Separate Self, from what I see this minefield doesn't end when doing psychedelics, but actually starts there at the highest level: Blowing up ones Ego to epic proportions via projecting the separate self arisings/identity onto the properties of the Infinity Absolute Reality is a hugely seductive trap, but blocks the stabilizing of ones True Identiy (fully empty Nothingness -in Halaws definition- Core Identity), and being nondually Everything in daily life. So, ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts, and watch one of the most interesting shows of the Multiverse developing right here in this forum, and in the psychedelic revival at large... Bon voyage! Selling Water by the River >PS: Can you imagine driving a car then your mind just randomly goes into a Salvia trip? Sometimes I have the feeling that exactly something like that happens with fellow drivers .Luckily, not too often... ( :

I think we are already aligned here: The separate self is an arising appearance, appearing/moving temporarily in You/Reality/Infinite Totality, like any other appearance. Every night in deep sleep its gone. The bullet will also work That is why I mostly write "Separate Self Arisings". "Arisings", to emphasize it is not a really existing "thing", more like a process clouding ones recongition of ones True Identity, but the clouding itself creates an illusion, and is an illusion, not a thing. Technically defined by some as ignorance, or illusion, Maya... All arisings in ones mindstream that make one feel/think that one is not the Totality, but something separate (ranging from Ego/Body-Mind to a Transparent Witness with some last remnants of feeling separate/Individuality or feeling like watching/experiencing the totality). At the end, its all of the same/one essence, like the beautiful example of gold or origami/paper. Same essence, different forms/expressions. I belong not to those demonizing the whole character/body-mind. The more functional it is (health, relationships, financials, the whole Maslow-Pyramid), the easier it is to transcend the separate-self-arisings-part of it. Wilber for example says a strong&healthy ego is easiert to transcend than an ego that hurts in many areas. That is also my experience. The character can also operate without separate-self-arisings. The separate-self-arisings are only an optional part of the character/body-mind. Actually, at least in my experience, once the separate-self-arisings are no longer disturbing ones intuition, one acts much more efficiently/smoothly/successful, much closer aligned to Ones True Core. Once "one" gets out of the way, things run much smoother. Actually, "the" separate self is more a process/structure/Gestalt, "separate-selfing", a verb more than a noun/thing.... Like a process, that can happen, but that can also stop. Then, the True You/Reality, by definition has still to be there, and is of course, as always. The clouds between the sun, that can also evaporate or no longer happen.... and then, welcome home to a home you never left in the first place. It only appeared so. Coming back from a trip that never really happened, only appeared to do so. Thanks for your message, I want to learn to optimize communicating all of that, and I should emphasize this point sometimes more. Water by the River PS: "The dream is absolute truth, the character is not separate from the dream. Therefore the character is also absolute truth." Many (including me) would probalby prefer writing that the essence of the dream or character is Absolute Truth, but not Absolute Truth in itself (which is the Infinite Totality, the One without a second, of which nothing can be finally said) but this depends on the context it is used, and is a question of preference. One can only use pointers to the Absolute Reality of which nothing positive can be said at the end since that would limit it, make it no longer infinite. IT can only be pointed to (the pointers appearing in IT/Absolute Reality), and realized as Ones True Identity. That is why the pointer Nothingness of Halaw (God is Nothingness) is actually in my opinion a beautiful tool. The essence of every appearance is already Nothingness. The essence of every thought, of every "separate self arising" is already Nothingness. The "behind ones head" is it already floating in Nothingness. The visual field is floating in Nothingness already. Once the referent (Enlightenment, realizing ones True Identity as Absolute Reality/Absolute) is in place, one can use signifiers (pointers) to point to it. Before that, all pointers can only show in the direction of that Realization of Ones True Essence. When the referent is in place, something like Bashô "The old pond, A frog jumps in: Plop!" can work very precise when said from one person knowing the referent and the corresponding/accompanying states, to another. Much more precise than some pointers like Absolute/Nothingness/Infinite Reality,.... At the "edges of Duality" approaching "that" which can never be made to an object of any kind is challenging business I assume that you mean that, and that its only a preference of writing/pointing.

Beautiful description. We agree here. Some "technical" musings: At some points, all the pointers (necessarily including duality) collapse. The Reality manifesting them contains them all. What a good pointer can do is shut up the thinking mind and make it rest in suchness, so that the Absolute can reveal itself. To get the clouds away from the sun. I personally like the pointer "Nothingness initially unaware of itself when no imagined arising is showing up" where the Nothingness is described in such a way points to a specific state (like Nirvikalpa, Deep Sleep, or Cessation). The Absolute is (by definition) still present there. As Nothingness. And I like it because "Nothingness initially unaware of itself when no imagined arising are showing up" clarifies what is more fundamental: Not the the full illusion-clear-light-show of imagined arisings ("the world"), but the Nothingness "beneath" it. The Absolute essence of manifestation, nondual, Nothingness. The show can disappear, the Nothingness/Absolute not. this "Nothingness initially unaware of itself when no imagined arisings are showing up" which can also be called the Void or Infinite Potential, (as you do), is a state on the extreme end of the dream, a duality compared to the full show going on, as you write. The nice thing how Halaw (God is Nothingness) uses Nothingness as Absolute is: He describes the Nothingness as present throughout, also while the Dream-Show is active, as the essence of all appearance. Or the Absolute. Halaw uses Nothingness as synonym for the Absolute. Absolute sounds a bit like a thing, although its philosophical definition and the way you use the pointer/signifier pointing to its referent (Absolute Infinite Reality itself , the One without a second) is absolutely correct. The advantage of Nothingness when used for the Absolute is: you can not mistake it with some kind of object, some kind of "thing". But as you correctly write, the Absolute it is neither existence nor non-existence, and because of that neither an Absolute that can be confused with an existing thing, nor Nothingness which can be confused with non-existence, capture Absolute Reality fully. And the Absolute (or Nothingness in the usage of Halaw) is, as you write, "incomprehensible, indescribable, and nameless and it is the absolute essence of it all" [bold markings by me]. Nondual, Oneness, Infinite, One without a second. And Nothingness/Absolute as "its" essence. "The absolute is beyond the dream. It is beyond existence/nonexistence, beyond form/formless, and beyond imagination/emptiness." Madhyamaka-style, the Middle Path. And how to conclude all the musings above? With a pointer that is maybe even better than Absolute or Nothingness? A pointer which at the same time makes the most sense after having passed the Gateless Gates? So with a nice Koan, "technically" the most precise pointer, but a pointer that can be pretty useless before the Gateless Gate. before the Gateless Gate, a Koan is mainly a concentration object, after the Gateless Gate a Koan is the technically most precise pointer to the Reality that contains all pointers/signifiers pointing towards "It". Here it comes: “An ancient pond/ a frog jumps in/ the sound of water.” Water by the River PS: Maybe in the next life, I am done writing about pointers, and only stutter little Koans and smile

What the "bottom" or Absolute is, is pretty clearly defined. Absolute Reality itself, with the potential to switch off the show, and still be there. That you and everbody can potentially realize, because you are it. Then you can have for sure many many understandings on how the whole show works, how Reality/God works, how this and any other dimension works, on what God/Reality can do, ... , n+1. Which you can go on exploring when you are either a) fully resting in your True Being also in daily life, having no filters/lenses/not transcended separate self elements not already seen though, and having cut off suffering and getting bliss directly from the Source. The last "filter/separate self-element" by the way is "a" fully empty nothing (not Nothingness), "watching" the Infinity, "being aware" of it, but not fully being it at the core: A transparent feeling of Individuality (which already has no form, is empty, you are already nothing you can point to at this stage), the last remnants of it, already nondual and the visual field fully mere appearance. But that last filter-elements is precicly what prevents getting the "thing" stable in daily life. And I bet an experience of the nondual field, or even of the Infinite Godhead, is "coloured" and experienced through that last very subtle filter. b) go on exploring having had experiences of the Absolute, and still some filters/lenses/not transcended separate self elements intact (in these experiences) and of course also in daily life, where exactly these filters/lenses/not transcended separate self element prevent: 1) realizing the Absolute without a bias (that is when the Absolute gets more properties than it really has. Because any property would limit it. Nothingness Halaw-style) 2) more important: not being able to be the nondual/groundless/mere appearing reality in everday life, and of course not getting the flow of bliss from "there" which then replaces the suffering of the separate self elements. These last filters/building blocks of the separate self are very subtle, very tricks, extremely fast occuring. You need to be very fast in spotting them, and letting them flow through you and not watching through these filteres/lenses, and you need to be very familiar with them. I am convinced, that most people need hundreds of hours (at that phase already off the pillow in daily life) to get familiar and fast enough to let these lenses/filters of the last separate self building blocks flow through them (similiar to any other object) , and not look through them as lense/filter. If you look through them, it kills the state of nonduality and the world being a dreamlike mere appearance mirage, floating in groundless Nothingness (These states by the way is what you also can get with Psychedelics). If you transcend these separate-self-building blocks/filters/lenses/contractions(!), probably the endogenous DMT-System of the body starts producing some kind of Endo-Huasca cocktail, see the fascinating research of https://dmtquest.org/questions-for-the-lion-tamer-1/ , especially chapter Chapter 24 – Endohuasca Magic. Your own illegal psychedelics factory in your body . Shortform of the above: a) Fully realize your True Nature (indicator: no more suffering-cycles in daily life) and then go exploring/understanding the manifestation and manifestation mechanism of reality and Reality or b) go exploring before the bliss of a) is in place. Both paths are valid, path b) can lead to path a) and non-suffering in daily life if done correctly (maybe with a bit meditation of the efficient variety added). Of course, the path a)-variety of ~98%+ of the Spiritual Marketplace doesn't work. I can fully understand Leos dislike of selling the weak soup of just No-Ego/No-Person or an "Enlightened Person (cringe) having Nonduality and perceiving themselves to be that", but that is another topic.... I have never questioned path b). I just question giving path b) a higher value and meaning than path a). For me, that is a bit like voluntarily hitting your knee with a hammer, and calling that superior than hitting the nail, and repeating it. Sorry, love ya all.... ( : I only wonder why anybody would call path b) with suffering "higher", and all paths a) "crap" and inferior. The state-highs and wonderful experiences delivered by understanding reality/God in my opinion only ease the pain of the remaining separate self suffering cycles. Yet, these Insights/Understanding-experiences are for sure truly wonderful and marvelous, probably the most beautiful experiences one can have, savored by highly developed souls which are attracted by such sublime experiences/understandings. But still: Caveat Emptor. But hey, what do I know? NOTHING . On good days a bit of NOTHINGNESS . And "I" love it, and IT loves me. . And I am fully open on the understanding and exploring of path b). Fully. Let's see what kind of alien stuff the brave and ingenious psychonauts drag home. I really look forward and am very curious. Selling Water by the River PS: Please don't beat me with the Broomstick . But I would be really curious on a substantial feedback from Leo. Thanks!

Hi Lilia, maybe you like these two quotes. They highlight how a large majority of the spiritual marketplace is still selling Nonduality, not the realization of Ultimate Reality/Absolute. Some even only sell No Ego/No Person, which comes before Nonduality/mere groundless nondual Appearance.... And some even call the "No Ego/No Person" No-Self. . Well, caveat emptor.... ( : Nisargadatta, in Consciousness and the Absolute: The Final Talks of Sri NisargadattaMaharaj edited by Jean Dunn "The world is your direct experience, your own observation. All that is happening is happening at this level, but I am not at this level. I have dissociated myself from Sattva Guna, beingness. The Ultimate state in spirituality is that state where no needs are felt at any time, where nothing is useful for anything. That state is called Nirvana, Nirguna, that which is the Eternal and Ultimate Truth. The essence and sum total of this whole talk is called Satguru Parabrahman, that state in which there are no requirements. After the dissolution of the universe, when no further vestige of creation was apparent, what remained is my perfect state. All through the creation and dissolution of the universe, I remain ever untouched. I have not expounded this part: my state never felt the creation and dissolution of the universe. I am the principle which survives all the creations, all the dissolutions. This is my state, and yours, too, but you don't realize it because you are embracing your beingness. " That quote of Nisargadatta is given in Halaw, God is Nothingness Halaw writes: "A major shortcoming with much of the nonduality pervading the modern spiritual marketplace is that it seldom acknowledges the Nothingness which permits ‘being’ in the first place. Awareness, Being, Presence—or some variation or combination of the three—and interconnectedness, seem to represent the extent of what modern nonduality is interested in. Nothingness, however, transcends even nonduality; for while the nondual whole encompasses everything—all of ‘being’, in fact—it does not include Non-being, which precedes and acts as the very basis of ‘being’ itself. Imagine: if nonduality, the interconnected matrix of all ‘being’, including mind or consciousness, were represented by an oil painting, then Nothingness is the canvas upon which the picture resides. Nothingness pervades the entire nondual universe; it is the principle that permeates everything. In other words, Nothingness allows nonduality to occur in the first place, just as it does ‘being.’ The reason that the human body, mind, consciousness/awareness, interpenetrate is because Nothingness allows them to exist—or rather, they exist as manifest Nothingness. This must be realized. Experiencing nonduality is not yet Enlightenment. We must penetrate deeper, past all sense of ‘being’, to the canvas below the paint to realize our and all beings’ true nature as boundless Nothingness. When that happens, ordinary mind becomes the Mind of the sages. Buddha Mind, then, is the mind’s recognition of its own empty, groundlessness, not as some eternal supreme principle called Awareness, but as the very living, conscious embodiment of Nothingness in this world, at this very moment. It is not an exaggeration to say that consciousness is the act of Nothingness being aware. To know ultimate Nothingness, jettison everything. That means the world, your body, mind, ideas, beliefs, saviors, prophets, Buddhas, and even consciousness itself. Everything in the manifest realm must go." But don't throw the raft away in the river before you crossed it.... A not so smart move, quite often seen and read. Maya has got some funny tricks up her sleeve... ( : Selling Water by the River PS: If all of this sounds bleak and like nothing-at-all: That Nothingness can create a new Creation "instantly". As it does every moment. It is not a no-thing-at-all (but Nothingness), but unlimited infinite Potential also. And the source of all sentience/awareness, initially unware of itself when no appearance is arising. IT "is" already everything, nondual. "IT" already makes every appearance groundless/mere appearance, the essence of every appearance is already Nothingness. Suchness. You, with a big Y. The Buddha-Nature at the core of every sentient being. At the same, it is the Absolute Abyss that can NEVER be seen as any object/arising, even by the highest Divinity. "The eye can't see itself"-style. Or God remains an eternal mystery to itself. Not on the arising/appearance side, and their mechanism. But with the Nothingness-aspect, the core of awareness/sentience, that can never be seen. And after dabbling with writing about the neither existing nor non-existing Absolute/Totality/Reality, let's conclude with somthing much more precise after all these impossible endevours. ( : Basho's Haiku: Into the ancient pond / a frog jumps / waters sound

In this book from Andre Doshim Halaw, he teache method that seems very effective to mee. But I don't really get what he says. I am not able to get what he means, for example wit "the base-object". Is there some more details about his method somewhere?

@The Mystical Man I agree with that. Ralston talks about that in the beginning of The Book of Not Knowing. You can balance between more spiritual and more grounded teachers. To be honest, I like the teachings of: Peter Ralston, Brendan Lea, David R. Hawkins, Rupert Spira, Andre Doshim Halaw, Frederick Dodson, Vadim Zeland, Tom Campbell, Leo Gura, Brad Blanton, Nathaniel Branden, Owen Cook, Tom Torero, L. Michael Hall. Each of them has it's place, POV's and ways of seeing reality. But, you need to know what you want out of life, who you are, what you like and use their tools for finding that, playing games, getting results, transforming oneself, awakening in the dream. Getting emotional about who's better or not will not help (just what I think). What matters is reading, results, integration, insight, contemplation, embodiment.

Hi I really want opinions on that... I'm reading/practicing Neti Neti Meditation by Andre Doshim Halaw and that's really awesome. Did you use the technique and get an enlightenment experience? What's your thoughts on that? What's your results with Neti Neti? Love you all ♥

If you like this theme of nothingness I can suggest a book that goes right up your alley so to speak. God is nothingness- andre Halaw

Neti-Neti Meditation is and old, simple and commonly powerful meditation technique and it suits meditators of any skill level. I would check that out! It's also more of self-inquiry type meditation so it can work as a great side-technique for your main meditation practice/(s) There is a nice little book about it by Andrew Doshim Halaw.

@SuicidalBug Whenever I have a new awakening I watch leo's video about the facettes of awakening/enlightenment, to be able to communicate it. From what you say, I can take a guess and ask: Is there a fluidity in awareness when it changes from see to feel, or from thought to see etc. Do you feel the expansion and contraction within objects of perception? Do you feel like everything you do happens effortlessly, and are you "anchored" in the present, that you feel like you might have bad memory of how you got there (even though you don't, don't worry). First thing is: Are you located in your head? Is what you see in front of you? Are sensations in the Body located under "you". Are the things you are hearing happening somewhere in the room. Are you hearing with your ears, seeing with your eyes? If not, that's good, that means you are emptying out the concepts and objects. I recommend the book neti neti meditation by andre halaw. If everything happens effortlessly, congratulations you have become "the witness", now that's a big liberation aspect of enlightenment. Just watch leos video if you want to communicate your experience.

They say that you're the average of the five people you surround yourself with. If you could choose any five beings, past or present, who would be your core? They can be anybody that inspires you. Be creative and choose mostly names that others haven't heard about before; it's easy to say Leo or Ken Wilber. Enjoy! My core: 1) Daniel Ingram (arahant/Buddhist teacher, MD, author) 2) Byron Katie (epitome of unconditional love, creator of The Work) 3) Jad T Jones (men's dating coach, keen sense of purpose and integrity, authentic) 4) Susanne Cook-Greuter (linguist, developmental psychologist, scholar) 5) Andre Doshim Halaw (Zen priest, school teacher, author) NOTE: I just realized how hard it is to put people who aren't already in the spotlight somewhat. Maybe after another 10 years of research I can jot down more rare individuals!

This is my first post on this forum. It is also very, very long. But there is a lot of stuff in there. Please don’t skim through it. Either you read it or you don’t. WARNING: This trip report contains a lot of “fucks” and in some parts discusses various demonic and sexual themes. Don’t read if you don’t want that stuff on your mind :-) Also, English is not my native language so please forgive misused words and weird grammar :-D PRELUDE There was so much going on, yet nothing happened at all. This story happened two days ago. It was my 8th time doing acid (first time in march 2016). I was prepared. As usual I did my Kriya routine in the morning. I ate vegan that day and didn’t consume food 6 hours and water 2 hours before the trip started. The two most recent books I had been reading were “God is Nothingness” by Andre Doshim Halaw and “The Adventure of Self-Discovery” by Stanislav Grof (I will refer to this one later). My plan was to take 200µg of LSD at around 10pm, lay down in my dimly lit room all alone and trip the fuck out all night. And so I did. I am quite sensitive to LSD and I had only taken 200µg once before with a friend. It was the second time I did acid without anyone else around. My intention was to be without any intentions. I wanted to merge with the groundless ground of being, reach enlightenment if you will. I have had a handful of trips like that in the past with LSD and other substances. So I was quite confident about my plan. And, well, … it did turn out like that, however, the way it all unfolded… I had never experienced anything like it. But let’s not jump ahead of ourselves… 22.20pm I carefully unwrapped the tab and sat there cross-legged for a few minutes, emptying my mind. That did not really work. I was nervous, for no reason in particular. I was breathing through the belly, but it did not calm me down. I felt my heart beating in every part of my body. I thought, “fuck it” and placed the tab on the tip of my lounge. No taste. I sat there for a few more minutes, taking deep and conscious breaths trough the belly and playing around with the tab in my mouth. Then I went downstairs to my cat and dog, sat down on the couch and waited for them to fall asleep. (These two ladies were part of the reason I wanted to trip at night. Especially my dog: She is very old and requires a lot of attention and care throughout the day. On a previous acid trip the encounter with my pets had been demonically terrifying, so I wanted to avoid it this time, at least during the come-up and peak.) 22.45pm The pets had fallen asleep, so I went back upstairs. I laid down on a mattress on the floor and wrapped myself in a blanket. The room around me was quite cold. While preparing for the trip I had taken various psychedelic/spiritual books from my little library and placed them next to the mattress, in case I would want to get some inspiration while tripping. Bhagavad Gita, The Psychedelic Experience, The Bible, I-Ging, Be Here Now, No-Mind, Nature Man and Woman, The End of Your World, Daodejing, … you name it. I did not feel like opening any of them, In fact they are still laying there untouched right now :-D I just laid there and waited for the effects of the drug to settle in. I was staring at the wooden ceiling. Looking up there would always be my reference point for how far I was into trip. You can tell by the intensity and quality of the visuals ;-) Nothing was happening yet. Only my mind became more quite. I closed my eyes. My entire perception was filled with the rising and falling of my breath and the beating of my heart. ~23.15pm The effects started to become clearly noticeable. My head felt more spacious. I recognized the knotholes of the wooden ceiling to be arranged in weird geometric patterns, slowly morphing across the surface. My breath became deeper. I was feeling my stomach and intestines. A thought popped up in my head. “I should do Kechari Mudra!” (Use google if you don’t know what that is.) So I pushed my tongue up the nasopharynx. As I did that I had a flash of understanding / information spontaneously pop up about why it is called Kechari Mudra. I do not speak Sanskrit, but from what I read the translations of “Kechari” all circle around air / space / flying. And this made perfect sense. It felt like my awareness had shifted into my tongue, which was the body of an eagle. And my body was gracefully gliding through the inner spaces of my own mind. I had visions of eagles pop up and got a strong intuitive sense of what they feel like in their bodies. The sensation of flying was physically reinforced by the way your nasopharynx feels. I wish I could explain this better, you just have to feel it for yourself ;-) (If you are into Kriya and still struggling with Kechari Mudra; Don’t give up! Keep practicing, it is worth it. Especially when combined with psychedelics^^) With the raising of the tongue my mind got clearer, the sense of self becoming more pinpointed somewhere in the head. I was starting to get closed eye visuals, colors and lights swirling around in the distance. Boundaries were dissolving. There was some sort of fractal vortex, which was simultaneously a feeling in my chest, a thought in my head and part of the visuals. “It is all one”, I thought with a smile. But I was still thinking that thought. INSERTION: The Perinatal Matrices of Stanislav Grof You should really do your own deep research on this, but let me quickly summarize what they are all about. The perinatal matrices refer to patterns of experience that you pass through during pregnancy in your mother’s womb and childbirth. An encounter with death and rebirth. These biological stages are not the final thing that is being pointed to, but they contain the archetypical seed of the pattern of experience. I : The Amniotic Universe (Union with your mother. Ambrosia through the umbilical cord. Bliss in Heaven. Oceanic ecstasy) II : Cosmic Engulfment and no Exit (Onset of labor. You have grown too big for your mother’s womb. Chemical changes. Pressure, stress and loneliness.) III : The Death – Rebirth Struggle (Moving of the fetus through the birth channel. Struggle for survival. Extreme pressure. Strong aggression. Lack of oxygen. Contact with blood, urine and excrements. Volcanic ecstasy) IV : The Death – Rebirth Experience (Childbirth. All the tension and pressure is suddenly released. Enlightening ecstasy. Ego Death.) (The transition of III to IV is often accompanied by total annihilation.) ???pm/am Deeper. Clearer. Surrender, on and on and on. I release my tongue from Kechari Mudra, just to find myself in a confused and disoriented state. I stare at the ceiling. Luminous organic vines are floating through the room. Lights, fractals. Nothing to hold on to. I wave my hand in front of my face. I cannot even make out its shape. The tracers are ridiculously strong and moving in perfect sync with the totality of my experience. They are not just occurring as a trail behind my hand, indicating where it just was; They are also occurring in front of my hand, indicating where it will be! This doesn’t make any sense! I close the eyes, focus onto Bhrumadhya, breathe in deeply through the belly and push the tongue back up into the nasopharynx. Visions of lights related to the flower of life motif. The cosmic matrix of creation. A glimpse of the blueprint of all of existence. A tingling sensation at the base of the spine. I relax into it. ???am I have no idea what is going on. There is no one who is experiencing this. There is just some stuff going on. Ecstatic feelings of space and light in the abdomen. It feels like out-of-this-world hardcore sex between the devil and the universe. FUCK ME UP! With each thrust beams of ecstasy are being released. YES! YES! DEEPER! INTO THE RHYTHM! Who am I in this act of madness bursting with pleasure? A piece of advice is floating by: “Don’t think, don’t answer!”. So I return to the obscene orgy. ???am A level of being where madness, sex, beauty and death have merged into ecstatic consciousness like the components of a Nordic knot. ???am Shiva dances the rudra tandava Ragnarök Pure destructive forces are being unleashed from the depths of the unconscious. Cosmic snakes riding into battle. The universe is my lover But she is one hell of a nasty beast. She will fuck you up. A sexy, irresistible devil. She is into the really kinky stuff. She bangs your head against the floor and shoves her tentacle arm down your throat. Chokes you to death. If you are lucky you might get a glimpse of her eating her own tail. It moves violently through the entire body. It is not dependent on physical anatomy, it moves through secret pathways. No chance of understanding. It won’t stop until you and it are one. Surrender. ???am I cannot handle it. My head slipped off the mattress, leaving my neck tilted towards the floor. Bursts of raw, divine energy. My system cannot handle or interpret them. Violent spasms at the back of the head, the energy cannot move through. I remember this very vividly. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds. It reminds me of a scene I recently witnessed, where a friend of mine was having an epileptic seizure. Demonic visions. Rape and murder. Snuff porn. I am staring back at myself with eyes wide open but inverted into the skull and satanic runes glowing on my forehead. Sprinkle in some more NSFL stuff to fuel your imagination. I am drowning and burning myself in this untamed and raw stream of divinity. Like pushing and demolishing your head against a never-ending stream of rapidly rotating electric blades. I am Lucifer. I am Death. Something interesting happens. A shift. The violent bursts of energy at the back of my head can be reevaluated, seen from a different perspective. They are no longer something YOU are feeling, but rather a certain, specific vibratory state. A chunk of information only recognized for what it is when placed against the background of absolute Nothingness. There is no way of communicating it. This is the answer to everything. All that can ever possibly exist or be experienced is Spirit. Ones and zeros, electromagnetic waves creating reality through self-interference. There is a secret code, the structure of the mind itself. But you will never grasp it, for you are it. ???am “That which has no karma but chooses to act anyways.” Ram Dass once said this in a lecture. I don’t remember which one. But now I understand. Did I even take a breath since I last closed my eyes? Was my tongue really in Kechari Mudra the entire time? My breath had sunk down as deep into my belly as never before and slowed down a lot. Where I would usually stop the inhalation in meditation, my belly now just kept on expanding, defying what I had thought to be physically possible, sucking all that sweet air into my lungs. I don’t know how much time has passed, for it doesn’t exist. I am back. I AM! A mighty roar. I AM! I don’t really exist, but I have thought myself into existence. A funny little trick. I am thinking myself into being something other than that which I am experiencing. WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT AM I?! A vision of what this “I – Thing” really is unfolds. It was nonverbal, but I will try to explain it anyways. It is… A point in empty space. A black hole. It distorts reality (aka Nothingness / Nirvana / Sunyata / Brahman / Dao / … ) into whatever you want it to be, turns everything inside – out. I could go on using words to describe that which lies at root of this very moment. But it is pointless. Like a computer program, you could explain it going through its code line by line. But that doesn’t really reveal the true nature of the process. Just play around with the program. Learning by doing. You are it, so you cannot know it by studying something external. Here is what it sort of looks and feels like (Imagine a mixture of the following ideas): * + the way your nasopharynx feels during Keachri Mudra *This is in fact the album cover for “Citadel” by the Australian extreme progressive metal band “Ne Obliviscaris”. Besides mind-shattering drums and riffs they feature growls, clean singing and a violin. I have never seen anyone as skilled as these guys in transporting and embodying the destructive yet beautiful aspect of nature. If you are into metal music, give their song “Devour Me, Colossus (Part I): Blackholes” a listen. If you do not like metal music, listen to it anyways ;-D At a later point of the trip a name for this “I-Thing” spontaneously popped into my head: “The tantalunian lizard!” (Coming from the Greek mythological figure Tantalus. I still chuckle at that name right now :-D The funniest thing about this is that I never studied Greek mythology. Maybe I heard that name at some point, but after conceiving “The tantalunian lizard” I first had to google whether the word “tantalunian” even exists. Well, it turns out it doesn’t, but it is obviously coming from “Tantalus”, and this just fits so perfectly :-) ) “ I am” is the first thought. It is a level of consciousness where everything is one. The One God. The last universal common ancestor. From there on time is born and the universe fractally expands through infinite possibilities and variations of what exactly “I am”. All life is connected. The tree of life is very literal. And you are not just that one fruit hanging somewhere in the branches, you are the entire fucking tree. All life is one, you are all life, and at the root of yourself there lays this demonic principle, waiting to be realized. Eternally Self-devouring. But before I could realize it the “I AM” took a dark turn for me. I became some sort of arch-demon, horns sprouting from my head / center of distortion, diabolic laughter. I am all the evil. I rise through never ending scenes of fire, torment and hell. The space and light I had previously felt in my abdomen turned into rot and decay. Thank god I had re-read the “Psychedelic Experience” before the trip. “Don’t identify, relax your mind, let it pass, float downstream” a voiceless voice gently whispers. I surrender. Now I can’t even properly explain this part to myself. There were visions of some sort of enlightened, super conductive Tai-Chi beings that assumed poses that corresponded to hexagrams from the I-Ching. Whenever they did this my state of awareness changed in synchronicity with what they were doing. They were guiding me out of the hell I had just been in, restoring my energetic balance (god that sounds so stupid :-D ) The world is whatever you say it is, you just have to know how to say it. But these beings were talking/manifesting in a language I could not speak or understand. How do you arrive at these statements? You would already have to know them before conceiving them! What the fuck?! It just happens spontaneously! ???am It is moving up the spine, once again. I am lying there, moaning and sprawling on the mattress. Thank God no one is seeing this. In synchronicity with the energy my arms rise above my head and touch the ground in a pose of surrender. But… ccould.. how can this possibly be true? I can feel my hands touching the ground, but I also feel the ground touching my hands! IT IS ALL MEEEEE!!! WUUUUUAAAH§HFZ&VI%R§§VI”?BDIS-- AHAHAAHAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Visions of something closely related to an eye opening and closing. An eternal pulse. Ecstasy. I am caught in an archetypical loop. I cannot handle this energy. I surrender. Nothingness. I am back. I cannot handle this energy. I surrender. Nothingness. I am back. I cannot handle this energy. I surrender. Nothingness. I am back. I am caught in an archetypical loop. I sit up. I sit in meditation posture. I am caught in an archetypical loop. I attempt some Pranayama, but it is completely absurd, the energy is already rising anyways, me trying to make it rise is just distorting the process. Visions of volcanic ecstasy as >something< is simultaneously giving birth to, playing with, fucking and devouring itself. I lay back down and go for some more rounds on the strange loop of (non)existence. 3.30am Holy shit. I just looked at the clock for the first time since lying down. The feeling in my abdomen is now neither that of light nor decay, but telling me to go to the bathroom to take a piss. “This was the peak”, I think to myself. But I am still tripping balls. The visuals are still three-dimensional and I am so confused I don’t even know I am confused. I get up slowly and awkwardly, not used to my limbs. Like after a long session of meditation but a million times more weird. As I am walking to the bathroom I think to myself something along the lines of: “So, kids, you want something that really kicks in? Try the ultimate drug; DEATH! That shit will fuck you up!” I remember Leo saying something like “This shit will destroy your life!” in a blog video. I laugh internally, because he is right. I sit down on the toilet and sink my head into my hands. I just sit there. After some time I am finally able to pee. What a relief. I get up and stand in front of the mirror. I have done this before on acid, so I knew the key (as always) was to stay calm and not attach to anything you might see. Then it can get really interesting. And oh boy it did. Unfortunately there is not the slightest chance that I can express what I saw in that mirror. Let me put it like this. On the one hand, there is absolute Nothingness. Nirvikalpa Samadhi. No self, no reflections, just void. Then on the other hand there is Savikalpa Samadhi. It is essentially still the same nothingness, but it is “interpreted”. It gets interpreted as absolutely everything. All possibilities of all that could possibly exist and happen. An infinite cloud of quantum potential, not yet manifested. And I was standing there, my reflection morphing and shifting through all these different possibilities. I saw nothing and everything at the same time. Angles, demons, animals, indefinable shapes and objects… The stuff I saw was so utterly terrifying but also incredibly beautiful. Beyond human. Consciousness itself, available to only those who pass through the portal of death. I saw myself skimming through the billions of years of evolution. One appearance stuck with me in particular. (I also think it was the one that pulled me out of the trance, because I identified with it.) I saw my reflection calmly looking back at me with the features and elegance of a wolf, waiting patiently. The eyes, oh the eyes… I went back to my room and laid down on the mattress. What else was I supposed to do? The destructive forces I was describing earlier were no longer present. They had done their job. I was fucking gone. I remember laying there with nothing left but the taste of LSD. One eye closed, the other open. Completely relaxed, it feels natural. This is consciousness, beyond life, beyond death. ???am And once more I was thankful for having read “The Psychedelic Experience”. There was this entity, some sort of androgynous mother – father being of enormous light, power and attraction. (I don’t’ know which one though.) It first manifested as a point before my minds eye. Then lines formed around it and it started spinning. Out of this spin it grew in size, playfully jumping across my field of perception. It formed two antipodes that were conscious manifestations of the male and female principle. These two antipodes were entangled and making love to each other. The appearance was constantly shifting, but at times it actually resembled gorgeous body shapes of man and woman. It wanted me to join. “Come on, baby” it whispered with the most seductive bedroom eyes. But having had read the manual, I just laid there and watched… The entity became disappointed with me not wanting to participate, spun back into itself and disappeared. ~5.00am I got up from the mattress. I wanted to go outside to watch the sunset on a nearby hill. I went over to my laptop and googled when the sun would rise. (I usually sleep a lot longer than sunrise.) 7.19am . Still a bit of time to go. Using the laptop felt fucking weird and I had to laugh at myself struggling with the keyboard. I was able to recreate the “vibratory feeling” at will at the back of the head (more gentle, not violent this time), which again led to the realization that all is Spirit and sent me into a transcendent state. So I just sat there. After a while I took up a pen and paper. (I read / listen to most spiritual stuff in english. Therefore it felt natural to me to write this down in english.) Transcript: So, ah It seens [seems] like You are the devil A reality distorting fuck It fkkin vibrates feel it (beyond) Spirit (beyond) You are all that ever existed you Smiling at what I had just written, I decided to listen to some music. I played the album “Spira Mirabilis” by Ajja. Oh man. I already liked that album before the trip, but now, being in that state, I felt how the music was really expressing the inexpressible! The rhythmic movement of the cosmic snake… Go listen to that album! (You can also listen to music during to come-up to calm you down. During the peak it is pretty much pointless I think. You can just tune into that which the artist was tuned into and got his inspiration from ;-) Since the peak was over for me I was very grateful for this beautiful manifestation of soundwaves.) So there I was, still wrapped in a blanket, dancing and stomping through the room to these rhythms that reflected the structure of mind back to me. ~6.00am I was getting tired of dancing and the album was getting close to its end. I decided to roll a joint, which I would smoke while watching the sunrise. I had already noticed this on other trips and it was exactly the same this time: The more you try to roll the joint, the more you fuck up. Your hands get wet and shaky, your sense of touch is just really awkward. Don’t even try. Let your muscle memory take over. The joint basically rolls itself :-D Having finished the task, I just sat there some more. ~6.30am I put on warm clothes (it was the first night after this summer where the temperature dropped below 0°C) and stepped outside. The first rays of light were already crawling across the sky. The cold morning air was very refreshing. So I just walked. I was still tripping quite hard, going in and out of my mind, laughing at nothing at all while staring into oblivion. I just hoped I wouldn’t come across anyone I knew. The luminous visual patterns had disappeared by now, but trees still looked incredible. That fractal skeleton, so freaking gorgeous. I recognized the same “I am” thought that my experience was based on to also create the trees and other stuff I was looking at. No matter where you look, you always encounter your own consciousness. After about 20 minutes I arrived at the top of the hill. The sun had not yet risen but everything was bright already. It was so beautiful. The trees, the birds, fog crawling through the valleys and villages… All enlightened from within. In perfect order. I just sat there, soaking in the scenery and emptying my mind. Then I lit the joint. Cannabis and LSD synergize extremely well. (This can go into both directions, however, so be careful!) The weed “reenergized” the trip a little bit, the visuals became stronger again and my mind started to go in circles. As I was sitting there, smoking, I thought to myself: “Man, there is so much more profound stuff you could be doing with your breath instead of inhaling smoke for a little high…” But I won’t complain. The high was very pleasant. Just what I wanted. ;-) I sat there for probably almost two hours, motionless. In that period I had some interesting thoughts and I realized I should dive deeper into Hinduism and its pantheon. The deities represent archetypical forces that make up both cosmic and individual mind. I took an extra long way home. I just wanted to walk, feel my body and soak in some more of that spirit-made-manifest. I gave my best not to take on the role of the unconscious forces I had unleashed this night. I often caught myself romanticizing over thoughts of how I am this cosmic lover, destroyer of the universe. But as always… don’t attach, watch it, let it pass… ~9.00am I arrived back home. My pets were already waiting for me to feed them, and I was happy to see them. I fondled their heads, looked them deep into the eyes and smiled as I saw myself looking back at me. I fed them, let them go outside into the garden, sat down on the couch, closed my eyes and drifted through my mind. I don’t really remember anything specific from this period. 12.00am After 13 hours of intense tripping, I finally felt like I was ready to sleep. I laid down on the mattress, and fell asleep… I woke up only a few hours later at around 4.00pm but still felt quite refreshed. I ate some pumpkin soup, thought about all the crazy stuff that had happened last night and drew this picture: APPENDIX So, what did I learn from that experience? I wouldn’t consider this a life-changing trip, for I had already grasped (intellectually) the concepts I was confronted with. It wasn’t my first ride. But probably the most intense one. It taught me, that if I want to reach those higher levels of consciousness naturally, I will have to stop doing psychedelics at some point. Psychedelics are like plugging in your 5V USB directly into a nuclear power station. Brute force, anything that stands in its way shall be annihilated. It works, hell yeah, it works… But you are supposed to consciously evolve your ego to these levels like a flower growing day by day towards the light until it blossoms. Sacrificing your unevolved self in some sort of chemically induced satanic ritual to the Absolute isn’t going to cut it in the end. It is the difference between Syd Barret and Ramana Maharshi. I feel like most of the trip was in the light of the third perinatal matrix. As a non-labor Caesarian born this was something quite new and “interesting” for me. I had arrived at Nothingness before in other trips, but the demonic and destructive component had never really been revealed that clearly. The "love component" was largely missing this time. Also the fact that “all is Spirit” was really brought to mind once again. Day and night, love and hate, demons and angles, it is all just consciousness playfully taking on various vibratory states. There is no reason to fear anything. It is everything. You are it. You are everything. APPENDIX II For all you lovers of wisdom you can never grasp, for it eats you alive… There is this archetypical sequence of vibratory states, the order in which the deities appear. When we first stumbled across this phenomena with a group of friends (all on acid, of course) we called it TAKT (german for beat/rhythm. But not (just) the musical one…) And it gets fucking weird… By completely emptying yourself you can become superconductive and let IT move using YOUR body. Then you dance the way Shiva does, and everything is in harmony. People will stare at you in horror and delight. What is this secret code, the rhythm of the universe through which everything unfolds? It is encoded by the symbols on the inside of the Inca Ouroboros I borrowed for my painting. It is the array of trigrams / hexagrams in the I-Ching. It is the ever-repeating process manifested in the perinatal matrices. It is the way that cosmic eye opens and closes. It is the cycle of Samsara. It is the “I am” thought popping in and out of existence. It is a deeper level of consciousness that makes up your existence in this very moment. It is a part of you. Therefore you cannot grasp it or make a model of it. And if you can make a model of it that model will not be satisfying. The model would only be an abstraction, a shadow. What you want is the direct experience, and to get there you have to let go of all concepts. So if you are going to model it and talk about it anyways make sure you do not confuse the model for the actual thing. Don’t walk around and show it to people, claiming you found the answers to life. The only way to really know is to embody!