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  1. For the stalkers of my profile page
    Observing Myself
    Links to my other entries that I didn't get to write here:

  2. Being and Transforming
    Observing Myself
    In any observation, it is impossible for the observer to avoid making any logical jumps, assumptions or projections, be it in what they are observing, or in the process of observing itself. The most fundamental assumption that has to be made, is to assume that you are the observer. If this happens to be wrong, everything else proceeding that observation will be as wrong as well, including all the layers of assumptions that we would inevitably stack on top of each other, creating what we ultimately think we observe in reality. While this could be problematic, our ability to speculate or imagine the 'what if' and explore them bravely and faithfully, have aided greatly in the endless process of creation. Indeed, the process of 'fantasizing' what is possible, creates those possibilities by itself, and gradually realizes all of them to the point that it is easy to forget how they were all fabricated. They become a self-propagating ‘truths’ which are compellingly difficult to deny as mere hypothetical ideas.
    In my own impure observations of myself, which are greatly influenced by concepts and paradigms, I was able to intellectually discover that same self-propagating property of what I (falsely) identified myself as throughout my life. ‘Intellectually’ being the key word. During a hybrid mix of mindfulness and self-inquiry, while I was labelling my physical sensations and tracing where they lead to, which I assumed to be me, I came to the realization that ‘the body is feeling itself’. Just to reiterate, everything I write here is intellectual discovery or mental masturbation, and that I haven’t reached that level of embodiment that Leo often hinted in his videos. Regardless, I was able to mentally grasp it to the point that I no longer label it as ‘my body’, but ‘the body’. The reason that I was focusing on physical sensations particularly, was because I thought that I already detached my sense of self from ‘the visions’, ‘the thoughts’, ‘the sounds’, etc. Or so I thought. I tried applying the same logic of ‘the body is feeling itself’ into those other fields, but it was slightly trickier. So, like any other human throughout history, I took a leap of faith through making intelectual jumps by using more ideas to deconstruct… more ideas, which sounded like a terribly idea, but sorta worked because I was aware that I’m making those assumptions.

    The mind, which I originally labelled as the brain but decided against it because that is still part of the body ‘feeling itself’, is a concept that I, and pretty much most humans alive today, conjured out of thin air to understand the more ‘invisible’ mechanisms in the process that orchestrates our every experience. Specifically, it is the cognitive processes that plays a key role, at least in this model. The mind processes or filters raw informations and projects it into itself, the same way the body feels itself. The mind is infamously known for confabulating or filling the gaps. Comparatively, when our limbs or parts of the body are separated from each other, which I’ve never experienced other than my teeth, nails and maybe a tiny bit of my skin,
    I assume that the body would no longer be able to feel those separated parts, which is consistent with the logic of the body feeling itself, assuming sensations can only arise from its interconnectedness. Yet, we may develop a phantom limb syndrome, where we feel like we still have what we no longer do. In terms of vision, there is also what is called a Bonnet Syndrome, where in the case that we develop a blind spot in our vision, due to a trauma or accident, the mind will fill that gaping hole with something else, most of the time with something completely ‘ridiculous’ or ‘jarring’, relative to what is normally seen. I don’t want to get too distracted with this point, but this made me think about the possibilities of what might be happening in people with ‘normal’ eyesight. Firstly, they might have a very small and unnoticeable blindspot in their vision and are unaware that a small part of what they see is a confabulation by the mind. Secondly, the blindspot might be mobile, or there might be multiple blindspots at once, and the mind has to literally render reality instantaneously as it receives the raw informations and fill the gaps with something ‘appropriate’ on the spot. Thirdly, the entire peripheral vision could possibly be one huge blindspot and we could never tell. And fourthly, this is not limited to sight only, but to all mediums of observations. Fittingly, confabulation is what allows me to describe and ‘understand’ this because honestly, I’m just using ideas upon ideas to fill the gaps.
    And as I kept filling the gaps, both in the mind and in the body, I realized that there is no empty spot for ‘me’ anywhere. Everything within the mind and the body, had always been self-propagating entities that has no actual ‘person’, ‘spirit’, or ‘soul’ controlling them. The propagation, through the tangible experiences it created, encapsulated an illusory sense of self that we call ‘I’. But I realised, at least intellectually/conceptually, that ‘I’ never existed. I never existed. At least not in the mind, or the body. Both the mind and the body, had always been able to take care of themselves, and that the fundamental problem, at least from my point of view which I can’t locate anymore, is that they might have conflict of interests despite having their fates intertwined with each other, and that my role is to be the mediator between the two. I attempt to make it easier for myself to do that by labelling their basic needs. The body requires nourishments while the mind requires stimulations. Those two things are very similar in the way they are consumed, managed and transformed by the mind and the body. Beyond just mediating these processes, I want to control what I’m able to absorb and create, existentially. I want to be able to absorb everything that is bad, and turn them into something good. And if everything around me is good, I want to be able to make them even better. Intellectually, I now identify myself as this ‘cosmic forger’. I’m not able to embody it yet, but I think it is enough that I realised it as a vision that could guide me to transform this world.
    While I haven’t transcend the duality of good and bad, at the back of ‘my mind’, I try to remind myself constantly that there is no such distinction. I try to realise what Leo meant by, when nothing is good or bad, everything is good. But just as easily, everything could be perceived as bad too, and that is also good, and that is also bad, and so on and so on. The point is that it is so easy to switch sides and that I don’t have to be afraid of everything good turning bad permanently, because it could be turned back easily, regardless of what I end up creating. Additionally, I take comfort in the infinite supply of positivity that I could tap into, simply by making observations, or to be even more general, simply by absorbing everything within my vicinity, in the hopes that I’m able to repeat the cycle of inputs and outputs, improving its quality infinitely. In this case, I currently only have access to the mind and the body, and they are more than enough to create amazing things, even just from the oxygen I breathe (I mean if you take that literally, I only created carbon dioxide out of it, which doesn’t sound that amazing, but CO2 has its own potential too). I hope from reading this post, you are able to get the materials you need to create whatever it is that you want to create. Hopefully, those creations could inspire even more creations, expanding the feedback loop exponentially.
    PS, I wanna shamelessly promote my Patreon. I’m an aspiring writer looking to become financially self-reliant from my work. If you are interested in them, please support me right here: https://www.patreon.com/frikashena Thank you for taking your time to read this!

    If you want to contact me, my email is marcobarnas@gmail.com. Have a nice day! (Sorry that I turn this into a self-promotion in the end. As you can tell, I’m really desperate. Sorry if this goes against Leo’s guidelines, which I only read at a glance. I’ll regretfully remove it, if Leo does not approve of it. Once again, I apologise for any offense that I might have caused, both in the self-promotion and in the content of my post) p(^-^)q

  3. The fluency of learning alongside each other
    Guiding Myself
    @Okaythen...I think your doing great. You see the difficulty in expressing the inexpressible and you are investigating different ways to communicate and share that insight. Your verbal communication is clear.  And you seem to see the significance in the power of self knowing.  
    I wouldn’t be to self critical. Keep it simple. Keep learning yourself and the action of teaching another will manifest naturally. Remeber though if you become to involved the center and all its implications will bring about conflict in you. 
    Honestly just be the light...which has no center and doesn’t let subjectivity distort and restrict the action of communication ....and try not to project an image of what you think you should be. That image in which you establish for yourself is the very movment into conflict. When it comes down to it communication is more than clear verbal expression. Communication is also expressed with your whole being.
     If we approach this teacher/student relationship in a student/student relationship this seems to be a generally non authoritarian approach that moves fluently. Besides both parties should always be learning together. 
    Anyway I appreciate reading your posts. Look forward to hearing another??