Florian

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Posts posted by Florian

  4. Posted

    I think the spider triggered some deep emotions inside me that I was half aware of at that moment because I just "looked" at them a few minutes ago. 

    What I mean by I created the spider: I think that I had a small glimpse on the nature of reality or an awakening. Like I noticed that I literally send myself the spider so that it can trigger this emotion in me so that I can be aware of it and let it go.

    And after that I think I had an Ego backlash and got super scared and wanted to go back. That's why I wrote this so I could feel safer. 

     

    This is my interpretation, but I will consider the possibility that I am actually going insane. I am already going to a psychotherapist (for another reason though), but should I really tell her about that? Because if that has infact nothing to do with Schizophrenia she might still interprete it as such because that is nondual stuff and I don't think is aware of this.

  8. Posted

    So I lately did alot of emotional work. A few months ago I read the book the Sedona Method. I didnt read the whole book, but only until the direct method was explained, after that I got too lazy but I had that. Now I started using this method A LOT. It wasnt even very intentionally, I dont really know why I did it, it was basically like a game for me just like Leo said it his latest video about letting stuff go, but I basically was at the point where I used it very very often, basically every time I felt something and was aware of it and over time I got more and more aware of my emotions and I really used the method basically every single time. I would say it felt very natural to me to do it so maybe that is why I did it. But anyway I did get I think very great results and sometimes I even felt like this could be used as a method for enlightement, since I had these moments where I felt like I let a layer of "myself" go and then got a better view on my "real self". 

    But the point of all of this is that today I woke up and actually directly noticed that I am more free internally than yesterday. Then I got in the shower and I remembered a moment where I felt a lot of shame and I noticed that I could really feel what this emotion really was better than ever before. I used the method and I let a little bit of it go and got kinda closer to the root of this emotion. Then I went on with my day.

    Now the really freaky shit slowly starts. I hear someone ring the doorbell. I go downstairs open the door and receive a package. Then I turn around and see a big fucking black spider on the wall hiding in the half shadow of a picture that hangs next to it. I think I rarely saw such a big spider in my country (Germany). Now I am scared and dont know what to do. I want to get the spider out and actually feel like I'm capable of doing that. I am not as scared as I was all the times before I had to deal with spiders, but I also still have a deep fear inside me. I go closer to the spider and look at it. Now I go to get a glas and a broomstick to somehow get the problem solved but I havent figured out how to get the job done and whether I should take the spider out alive or kill it. I go to the kitchen to get the stuff but I get stuck internally and dont get it done after I put the broomstick and the glas next to the spider. Then I go to the kitchen again open the door to the garden and sit down in the sun.

    NOW the freaky shit really starts. I don't know if this was an enlightment experience or a breakthrough or whatever and I am also not sure if this is true (maybe my mind is not open enough but I also kinda tell myself I'm going insane). So... I think about the spider and remember that I had 2 times where I encountered such a spider lately (but a lot smaller). Before both these times I actually had a moment where I felt shame and tried to let it go. I remember this because at these times I felt like I was literally looking at my shame when I was looking at the spider but I did not go any further with that thought. But now something inside me makes click and I realise it is true. I don't realise it on a thinking level but on a being level I think (haha now I THINK that this happened because it is over now). I go to the spider and see a deep emotion inside myself which was I think shame or hate or pain (a deep wound I think). I realise that I am everything that is accured right now and that I am creating this spider  and then I get fucking scared and regret that I went so far and go to my room (Ego backlash?) and now I sit here writing this shit down because I was scared that I would go insane if I keep this to myself. Right now where I am writing this sentence I am not in this state anymore but I still feel a deep fear inside me just not as direct as before and I feel a bit safer and the spider is still down there I think. (maybe if what I wrote above is true, the spider actually went into the basement because it is my direct fear or hate or something as I wrote above that I now successfully supressed a bit hahaha I dont know if this is true but I really remember it being literally an emotion of myself)

    Maybe this is bullshit I can't say anymore because I'm not in that 'state' anymore and I also am scared that you say that this is bullshit and I am insane or something. But if this is true, which I think it is, this might give you people in this forum some value. I dont know if the title is still fitting but I am just gonna leave it that way.

  11. Posted

    @SoonHei what I mean by spontaneous is, I was watching garbage videos on YouTube and all of the sudden this shit comes to my mind and suddenly I believe I have found a way to drasticly improve western society. I had a vision in my mind how I could implement this shit in our world myself, like it's my life purpose to become some political leader and bring balance and health to the society and give consciousness to the society in the way a person that has a shitty life and gets on selfdevelopment would become more conscious.

  12. Posted

    I didn't look into it so I have no facts to back this statement up: Jobs concerning social areas in society generally earn less money than jobs that concern areas that are about planning (maybe competing?) and more masculine attributes. So living out your female energy is generally harder than living out your masculine energy (so women in todays age tend to be more masculine). If you compare a whole society to one individual human that is 50% feminin and 50% masculin (I have the idea that humans are partly masculine and partly feminin from the book the way of the superiour man and since there is 50/50 man and women in society it could be compared to one human that is also 50/50) that would mean that this human has some issues on its feminin side like for example not being able to accept itself. A solution could be dividing Jobs into 2 categories (feminin/masculine, social/creative(?)) and then paying them according to their true value to society by acknowlegding that a society needs 50/50 feminin and masculine. 

    Your thoughts? 

  15. Posted

    I just had this idea spontaneously so I couldnt research anything about it but I heard that you can practise sport while dreaming lucidly and at least get results in terms of technique (I dont know about muscle growth). So if you could master lucid dreaming you would have a lot more time for mastering anything that is important for your life purpose while sleeping. Any experts? Is this realistic?

  17. Posted

    I want to fix my sleeping schedule because I currently go to bed at around 5am and wake up anywhere from 2-4pm. My goal is to go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 8:30am. I have already tried not sleeping an entire night so I can go to bed the next day at the time I want and that worked for 3-5 days but then I always went to bed a bit later until I finally was at around 5am again. Now I wonder if it is better to take it slow and wake up a little earlier every day and go to bed a little earlier as well or if I should try the "hardcore" method again and just dont sleep for a night, go to bed early the next day and wake up early and just focus more on that until it becomes a solid habit. 

    Advice is appreciated :D

  21. Posted

    @Viking I am in the same spot as you, but two days ago I managed to talk to a girl.When  I said that she is beatiful, she answered with a smile and then I instantly asked if I could have her number and she stopped smiling and said no, XD. I don't if that was because I asked too fast for her number or because I was too insecure. I guess it was because I wasn't confident enough though. But I didn't manage to do that completely alone, I was with a friend who pushed me to do it and I drank like a sip of beer before so I was a bit more relaxed. Don't want to relay on the alcohol though, so next time I'm going to do it sober. 

  22. Posted

    I once had a discussion with someone about  what the purpose of life is and I said that it is to produce children and she said that your life purpose is to create your own life purpose. And now I had the thought that you "only" create your life purpose to have sex anyways because finding your life purpose is also finding your identity and women (or feminine people in general) are only attracted to something or someone with an identity (which is masucline). So in the end the purpose of life is still having sex and shit, isn't it? 

  23. Posted

    I'm coming from your video The Grande Model Of Psychological Evolution and I had this thought while watching it since you compared it with a pendulum: If every stage is like the side of a pendulum which ist swinging (your stage develops), then doesnt the pendulum stop swinging at some point which would maybe be enlightement? Because the more you go up the stages the more they come closer to each other (yourself and others) and in the end it would be in the middle.