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About Mango1998

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  1. @Dragallur Oh yes they were amazing
  2. Habit 1, Day 9 I packed my bag today, walked for 2.3 hours in the park and finally made it to do some exercises. It was a 7-minute training and still better than nothing Habit 1, Day 10 I had to organize some things at the morning and during the time in the bus I finished the book "Radical Honesty". Habit 1, day 11& 12 I visited a lot of lectures t the University Habit 1, Day 13 I went to school and had to listen to some really "interesting" info stuff and got my results.
  3. My trip to Berlin As I already mentioned, I went to Berlin for the open campus day at the University there. The journey started on Tuesday and I had to finish some last things before I could go to the bus station. For example, I had to buy some special chocolate (that my host wished), shampoo (because I gave up on the water-only-method), prepaid for to call home.... Finally, I got to my bus and it started at around 12 o´clock. there was no pair of seats free, so I sat next to a brown girl. she seemed to me like she was from Asia and somehow I like her. After one hour, I started a conversation with her and we talked for about 2.5 hours. It was so amazing. we have so many similarities and I was right: she was from Asia, Sri Lanka, to be more specific. And she was a Buddhist. this is soooo cool man I finally met someone with this wonderful religion But unfortunately, she wasn´t heading to Berlin. she gave me her e-Mail address so we can keep in touch I wrote her today a mail, hopefully, she will receive it... Then in the evening, I got to Berlin at the bus main station (after 9 hours ). I didn´t know where I could get a bus to Spandau, where m host lives, so I asked some guys with uniforms and they showed me the way. Next, to them, there was a guy with long hair and a beard sitting and smoking weed. When i passed him, he asked me if I want to have his bus ticket. I was surprised and unsure and I said no. but then I turned back and asked him, what he wants for that and he answered: Nothing. I´m leaving Berlin, o there is no use of the ticket for me. I was really shocked but accepted the ticket. I regretted later that I couldn´t give anything back, not even a hug but hey, that was a really cool welcome to Berlin I liked the people already well, then I got to my host and she lived in a house with many apartments and from the outside, it looked quite fine. but when I got into her apartment, it was like a very dirty and old antiquarian shop and it didn´t smell really nicely. But that was okay because her personality was heart warming and she didn´t stink we hugged eachother and she showed me the room of her son, where I would sleep. The first thing she said, was, that I should stay longer. and I had to explain her my situation that I have school on Friday and for that go back. Then she made me some tea and with talked about things. Also, she told me her plans for the evening. she wanted to take me for iftar (fast-breaking) to a Turkish mosque, where she knew some women. To make her happy, I agreed and we went there by bus. it was really strange for me because I wasn't fasting, I wasn´t even wearing a headscarf and I had the feeling that we´re heading there just for food. Well, bad luck. none of the women she knew were there and I felt like a stranger or a parasit eating food that didn´t belong to me. I was so happy when we finally got home and I could g to sleep. It took me long to find the peaceful sleep. The next day, I got up at around 7:30 am nd we had some tea together.She liked me and she also told me, that if there were still arranged marriages she would take me as her daughter-in-law. My ego was pleased Then I went to the University. it was a really long way. I needed about an hour to get there by bus and tram. with the car, it would have been even longer because the traffic in Berlin is horrible. The first day was more about basic information and the scientific subjects. during the day I met some very nice people. For example, there was a girl in the bistro of the campus and I sat next to her because there was no other free chair left. I started a conversation with her and found out that she was studying Psychology (in which I'm also interested in) and I asked her many questions. later she had to move to another table because there was electricity for her laptop. but she came back (although she had hurt her foot) and asked me if she can have my contact data, so I could mail her if I had some questions about psychology. I was stunned by her kind way later I met two pupils visiting a Berlin high school. I really appreciate our teachers more because what I heard about their school, was just horrible. I didn´t visit every lecture because I still needed a dress for our prom and also was really hungry. So, I decided to go to a place where some second.hand shops were and there I found a vintage dress nd a cool shirt with watermelons and pineapples printed on it. It´s really cool and I´m wearing it right now I was also in a second-hand bookshop and there were so many nice books but I couldn´t carry them all, so I bought "only" three. then I went back "home" because my host wanted again to visit some people for Iftar. I went there again with her but I had eaten already. this time, the people were from Bangladesh and they were so kind and the children were really chatty and it felt good and comfortable. And I gained some knowledge that Bangladesh and Pakistan were one country until around 1972. I didn´t know that. I will visit them again and this time I won´t go there with empty hands They kind of invited me Then my final day came and it was they day about the social studies. I won´t end as a taxi driver if I study history there are 25 domains where I could work. and in Berlin, very many sources are in English and French. Soo I can continue using my Englis and will finally learn Frech!!!! Yipiiiiiii!!! There is also a big organization who offers many language courses at a very low price. Besides that, I will use the Birkenbihl method and maybe visit in my holidays to France and take there a part at a language course. I almost forgot the most important part!!!! the campus for the social studies is another than for science. It is so much more beautiful. when I was standing in front of it, I really felt butterflies in my tummy and my heartbeat fastened. that´s a sign, isn´t it? But I feel such strong emotions really fast. it was the same in Heidelberg. I love old, big and modern cities. Only modern cities are boring because the cultural and historical part is missing. that´s why I like Berlin and Heidelberg. and btw I haven´t seen much of Berlin. Yeah, we´ll see where my destiny will take me At the late evening, I said bye to my host and headed home. we got our results today. mine were as expected and I´m okay with them. It could have been better but they are still good and I don´t have to do any exams anymore my mom is also satisfied and now I'll concentrate on my future and what exactly to do there
  4. Habit 1, Day 8 I felt very low energized, so I tried to learn for history and watched the movie "Into the Wild". It was amazing.
  5. Emotional Collapse The last days have been really hard for me. I had to get up very early and could go to bed very late. From tomorrow 7 o´clöock to 9 pm I had to take care of my siblings. I had a kind of contract with my mom, that she will give me the money for my dress for the last school ball. and the conditions were only that I had to take care of my siblings, give them food, have fun etc. But when my mom came home and the apartment didn´t look that good and there were too many dirty dishes she would start shouting at me and list everything I didn´t do. I would just let her talk and remember her that this is not my job. Then she would shout at my younger sister (who is 16) but she doesn´t give a shit. She comes home, does not even say a "Hello", goes straight to her room and is the whole day on her phone until she feels hungry. And if I tell her to help me, she wouldnß´t. She takes the kids in her room and continues playing on her phone and doesn´t care what they are doing. Or she shouts at them to be quiet and they are terrified and do so. Two days ago my mom came home and I hadn´t cook what she has told me because we had enough food from the day before. She argued and argued and wouldn´t stop and then I gave in and cooked at 10 pm in the night. It took me one hour to cook that shit. And what was she doing?? Coloring her hair and taking a bath. Isn´t it normal to have gray hairs with 42? Then yesterday I came home from a birthday party a 1 am and I had to use the bell because unfortunately, I forgot the keys at home. She opened the door and started telling at fucking 1 am in the night what I hadn´t done and how much she hates me. Who does that?? Well, still I was nice enough to get up at 9 am today, so she could sleep. I made my grandpa his breakfast and we spent some nice chilled moments until she came. She gave me two days earlier her bank card so I could some money somewhere. after that, I had to give the card to my sister because my mom needed a photo of it. And today she couldn't find it and she blamed me for that. We searched but she just can´t shut up. She argues and argues and tortures and she drives me crazy. And told her to shut up, so I can concentrate. we finally found the card but still, she continued. She is never happy with what we do. And I just collapsed, expressed by suppressed anger and cried a lot. Does she think she listened? no, she went to her room and started crying and shouting what a bad daughter I am. I went to her and forced her to listen and I told her many things I'm not happy. I don´t know if she understands me, I doubt it, but it feels really good to express the feelings. I decided to not help her anymore. she doesn´t deserve it. She is so arrogant and ignorant and takes everything for normal like this should be like that. she has still the Pakistani way of thinking where girls marry at 16 and do the whole household at 12. But we don´t live there. and the girls don´t have to learn for A-levels or go to a University. Well, I should concentrate on my own development. I want to use my time more useful but how should I do that? under this circumstances it is almost impossible. I´m so happy when I finally go to the University and live far away from this woman.
  6. Habit 1, Day 7 I wasn´t very productive. I mostly did some household stuff, read the pages of Universities I´m interested in and later went to a birthday party.
  7. This sounds like a forced relationship
  8. are you a teacher?? I´m just curious
  9. Habit 1, Day 6 Today was another day full of organization stuff. I started planning my two day trip to Berlin. OI will go there to an open campus day at the University. Actually, I hoped to have some time to see the city, but I haven´t. I´ll be all day at the University listening to people about how to apply, which future perspectives I have if I study scientific or social studies, where to live and so on... The rest of the day I was busy with my siblings and the household
  10. Bad consciousness My day started very healthily with a lot of fruits but then a strange hunger for Baklava (it´s a Turkish very unhealthy sweet) awoke and I bought a half kilo of that. That´s pretty much and also quite expensive but still unhealthy. And un-vegan, too. That´s the worst part of that. After eating so much, I felt really bad but in the evening I continued eating that. And my sister bought some small cakes for her and ate 1.5 of that too. Not just that, I also spent today a lot of money on a jumpsuit (for an upcoming event) and some organic hair shampoo because I´m not feeling really comfortable with my hair right now.
  11. Habit 1, Day 5 I read on the bus a little in my book but I couldn´t concentrate because an awfully stinking person was sitting right in front of me and I had to focus on breathing. It was strange to breathe trough my mouth. But I got a lot of other stuff done. We finally spoke with the flower lady for our "Zeugnisverleihung" (where we will get our result cards for our A-Levels), also where to put the flowers, how much most things will cost, music, church stuff....
  12. Habit 1, Day 4 I had again to fo to school because of a special event and a meeting. I´m tired of this meetings and tomorrow is another one Well, I wasn´t very productive. I only learned today something about American History and Segregation because I helped out a friend with her presentation. I hope to be more productive tomorrow...
  13. I tried to fast on food today until 7 pm. But I broke four hours earlier I think I´m addicted to food and I decided to fast more often or eat more raw food, like yesterday. I felt so exhausted and my energy level was very low. I had some meetings today and that even made me even limper although it was not really something physical. I think my most energy goes on thinking rather than physical stuff. So after I came home, I literally ran to the grocerie store, bought me some vegetables and made me food. I like preparing food for myself I should do that more often...
  14. Habit 1, Day 3 I used the bus to go to school today, so I had a plenty of time and I actually used it to continue reading my book It felt great. But later at home I was just exhausted and did nothing "productive".
  15. I think she doesn´t know what to do with that time. And that she wants to be a good mother for you It´s her way to express her love toward you. What about Biology? Don´t you need that to understand how the human brain works, so you can build an artificial one? You mostly speak about the "need" to do something. Maybe you should think more about what you actually want