egoeimai

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Posts posted by egoeimai

  5. Posted

    23 minutes ago, rav said:

    Hi, I'm Matt, 38.

    I've started changing my life about 9 months ago. Started "do nothing, just observe" meditation for at least 90 minutes per day, changed diet and lost like 25 kilograms already, stopped video games and TV and social media and procrastination in general, stopped PMO, installed MindLab Pro and Armodafinil.

    Now I'm stuck. Weight is constant, during meditation I always "reach" the same state of mind (which is like wide, a bit unstable, bubbly, pulsating, calm), same job as before (production, manual construction of heating tubes), always tired, always demotivated, no impulse to socialize. Basically atm I'm only working - meditating - reading - sleeping, rinse and repeat.

    Any advise? I don't know how to proceed.

    Thank you.

    You've already done so much!

    all u need to do now is to appreciate. That's what is lacking only.

  7. Posted

    1 hour ago, Amit said:

    @egoeimai it's not just a thought and not a relative comparison but from an awareness pov. Some of us are more aware to the Truth than the rest of us, don't try to argue about it. 

    You should've already known that you're no different than others. We are all one. Not separate. And the belief that you hold that you're better more aware or awake lol makes it look that you have to reconcile with your lower self. Recognizing it is the first step to freedom.

  13. Posted · Edited by egoeimai

    48 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

     

    I don't quite understand you. I'm not being judgemental here but something is off. 

    Do you really love her? 

    The last sentence is not a good response. You could always say that for every relationship "there must be others out there", you don't date a person because you can't find someone better than them

     You date a person because you have fallen in love with them. And once that happens you don't think constantly that there are better people out there, because there will always be better people out there. I'm not telling you that this relationship is good. But I'm trying to correct your mentality which can be a problem in your future relationships. 

    For example my ex used to always tell me that he could be with someone better. I broke up with him and he regretted it. Because men carry dissonance in them created by porn and social media culture that makes them objectify women without actually realizing that they are really doing it. 

    You said that you don't want to confront her because it will provoke more fights. Can you imagine getting married and your sweet calm partner slowly changing in character and getting angry during fights. So you wouldn't fight? If you thought like that, none of your relationships will ever work, you can't expect a relationship to never have its ups and downs. It will always have its cute moments and tense moments. That's why relationships are not easy. You are calling her immature but you not wanting to confront her is also immaturity. How do you think you are going to have a relationship with a woman who never gets angry? 

    If a person, man or woman never got angry, there must be something wrong with them? 

    Plus given the stress of modern living, a couple constantly fighting is not very hard to imagine. If a woman didn't show anger, she will most likely at least give you a cold treatment. Women have ways to show their anger, some are visible and some are not. But it's kinda stupid to think that your girlfriend shouldn't be mad about something. As if she should be some mute doll in a glass case. 

    You need to understand women a bit deeper. I am a woman so I know other women. Don't expect a woman to always be chill. And even if she is, you might get bored and begin to crave some drama. Some guys like it hot. They laugh when a girl gets mad. They find it cute. Maybe it's a cultural thing I don't know. 

    In my opinion I never saw a woman standing like a Saint and walking like a model all the time. A woman's emotions is what makes her lively and interesting. She is that way for a reason. She can't be a cold fish.. 

    And a hotter girl can come with a hotter temper, not always but sometimes. 

    Take it easy. This is life. It's not a classroom where everyone has to be quiet. 

    And don't whine so much about what you have to do in a relationship and how much. By your logic all women should give up relationships because they do cooking, laundry, shopping, sex, working, and giving birth and raising your children and a lot more. If a woman thought like a man, all relationships would end in a minute. 

    I had to do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, sex, shopping, and almost everything under the roof for my second ex but I never complained about it. He used to come home tired and I had to to be there for him at all times. It is used to be exhausting for me but at the same time I used to love doing the cleaning and the cooking because I was doing it for my future husband or boyfriend. 

    As a person who wants a relationship to eventually turn to marriage and family, work will always be a part of it. Also when you have kids, there will be more work like changing diapers in the middle of the night. 

    These are called sacrifices that are needed in a long term relationship or marriage. That's why people look tired in a marriage because it takes a toll on them

     You need to seriously reconsider your outlook on relationships. Maybe this relationship is not healthy for you, but no relationship is ever perfect to a T. All relationships have some or other problem, it's up to you to decide what you can take and what you can't. 

    But remember that you are in a relationship because you love that person and not because you can't be with someone better. It's not an audition. 

     

     

    Perfectly said. I agree.

    @Chris365Also if it makes you miserable you can go but growing happens in staying sometimes. Loving someone and accepting them for the things you said that are bothering you is the hard part but it's gonna pay off someday you'll feel that you loved and accepted this person and deep down you'll feel good because accepting her is accepting you and everyone. And that's peace and freedom. Not everyone can do this. When you get old you'll remember all the things that you did and how you treated people. I'm not trying to make you feel guilt or something - if it's sounds like this - all I mean is that you'll feel grateful for what you've accomplished in the future. You'll be fine and content with yourself. But the thought that they bothered you, they didn't accept u or something or you couldn't love them is not gonna make u feel good. anyways. If you don't resonate with this, ignore.

  15. Posted

    @Preety_India thank u very much preety. You made me feel better because I was afraid to block. I felt guilt or uncomfortable. Yeah it doesn't mean that I hate them, we just don't vibe. Then again that doesn't mean I have to block them, just let them be. But I see your point. Thank you. It made me feel good.

  16. Posted

    Maybe ask a friend to live with you for sometime, a person that you trust other than your family, and then let them go. See it as a process of reconciliation with your fear. Ask them as a favor. You'll get to know them better if you live together too.You can slowly slowly make yourself feel comfortable with the emotionally hard thing. Then you'll feel comfortable on your own.

  17. Posted

    Facing your fears is hard but will be beneficial to you. Try a relationship or only sex. If both of them is that you fear, try one. Make it easier for you. One step. Find someone to get laid with. Then you'll only have one fear, the intimacy/relationship one which is waaay harder to cope with. Lol yeah at least try one. Sex is easy, you'll see.

  18. Posted · Edited by egoeimai

    7 hours ago, Roy said:

    @Chris365

     

    , and if you try it comes off as insecure which pushes them away and not trust you. Then they'll be able to rationalize cheating or leaving you.

    THIS and.....

     

    7 hours ago, flowboy said:

    I see three paths forward:

    1. Immediately stop caring and become cool with it. Not being cool with your girlfriend seeing other dudes is a good way to make her perceive you as a loser who is threatened by a real man. This is how you drive her into his arms. So buck up and laugh at/ignore every story.
      You do this by lowering your investment into the relationship, and raising your investment into yourself, by getting a new cool hobby, spending more time with new friends or anything else that you'd do "for you".
      Currently, her investment is lower than yours, which is why you're having issues.
      Fix the balance, and the 'seeing red' will go away.

    This

    Best advice I think... Follow it

     

    It's fucked up because if you let her have a reason to cheat you, she will rationalize it as the previous guy said. And that's fucked up. (you being jealous, even though supposedly it's predecided and it's not even your fault at all-we all are responsible for what we feel)

    but if you show her that you're a serious person that values good trusting relationships and it's not in you to cheat or play games, then I guess she'll feel a lot of guilt and trust you even more than before. She'll respect you more 100% maybe she'll be even proud of you showing such maturity and decisiveness in a relationship. Let's see how it goes. It's up to you.

  19. Posted

    It's hard but don't let this destroy you. You can try to not show jealousy if there is any hardcore jealousy  (because it will destroy you and her and what you have) and just try to feel good about yourself. Maybe it would help you do the same, as you may feel like what she's doing is unfair or something. Try to do the same with a colleague or someone else it doesn't matter. Then spend your day off with this person. See how it feels. Do you feel any freedom by doing this?