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Matt23

Serious Aid Please

4 posts in this topic

So, basically, I'm 28, and still have trouble living on my own (emotionally that is), if i'm not living with like my Dad or Mom etc.

I notice I have huge, fundamental reactions and anxieties, along with muscle spasms etc., when going out to live on my own (like not with a parent or something).

I did just do a year of college on my own, and have lived on my own in the past.  But these issues are still so difficult.

Going out on my own I feel very overwhelmed by life, and almost unable to maintain jobs or relationships.

...

I've recently been studying trauma work, but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or resources...?


"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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Maybe ask a friend to live with you for sometime, a person that you trust other than your family, and then let them go. See it as a process of reconciliation with your fear. Ask them as a favor. You'll get to know them better if you live together too.You can slowly slowly make yourself feel comfortable with the emotionally hard thing. Then you'll feel comfortable on your own.

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What @egoeimai said, finding some roommates or friends to help you transition to getting your own apartment would be wise, if it's causing massive anxieties for you. Takes the burden off a bit, financially as well.

Otherwise it's something you'll have to get used to on your own with time and experience @Matt23. I'll recommend something that's helped me a lot, as someone who lacked the skills for independence for most of my youth and young adulthood. You need to gamify your life and come up with some systems that will take care of basic chores and things you have to do in a systematic way, I am analytical/organized kind of person so it's helped build a lot of confidence. Having those little things out of the way will free up a lot of your time and get rid of that background anxiety that will otherwise buzz day to day and overwhelm you.

You'll have to elaborate a bit deeper on where the emotional issues are stemming from, so I'll just post this for now. Here are a few things I recommend you discipline yourself and implement ASAP.

- Buy a dry erase whiteboard with a full months schedule space on it, seriously. Costs $15 at most. Figure out and write out the things you HAVE to do (errands, chores, work schedule) so you know EXACTLY when they are happening and aren't overwhelmed and surprised. If you are crazy do even more months like this!

- Once a week or once a month. Check your finances for 10-20 minutes. What you spent, what you made, etc. Down to the damn dollar! Look up the "Mint" app in the google play store. It's probably the best free one out there, automates everything and very simple to use.

- Join some volunteer org. Doesn't matter for what really, but it helps give you the feeling of contribution and it's a great way to meet people. Or join a sports league for something you like, plenty are available if you're in a decent size town or city.

- Make a dream board! 

 


hrhrhtewgfegege

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@Matt23

How are you thinking about it, when those physical reactions occur?

How do you want to be thinking about it, as in, what is the best feeling perspective you can come up with after taking some time to feel through perspectives?


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